Princes For Paupers
by The Age of Consent
Summary: Rinoa has been searching for her story book romance for more years than she's willing to count. And just as innocence is about to slip from her life, so walks in the war torn knight of her dreams. Garden, it seems, may be a fairytale yet unread...SqxRi
1. Jack Broke His Crown

Summary: Rinoa has been searching for her story book romance for more years than she's willing to count. And just as innocence is about to slip from her life, so walks in the war torn knight of her dreams. Garden, it seems, may be a fairytale yet unread... SqxRixSe

Princes for Paupers

Chapter One: Jack Broke His Crown

I wonder... Did Cinderella _really_ have glass slippers? Was Snow White _really_ stupid enough to eat unpackaged food from a total stranger? Especially a cackling hag with a freakishly huge nose. That seems to be the downfall of all these maidens. They may be sweet and kind and beautiful and have a voice the angels are envy of, but they seem to be lacking in the brain cell department. Were they really supposed to be like that back then? Stupid? Beautiful, but stupid. Did men like them better that way? Maybe, the stupider they were, the uglier the man they married. The smart ones would marry the cream of the crop, The Knights in Shining Armor. The dumb-ass lucky ones that were too good for their own good got the Prince Charmings.

But as far as I'm concerned those dumb blonde bitches could take their princes. I figured a Knight could kick a Prince's ass any day of the week. The spoiled Princes with their fancy hair cuts and smooth, beautiful skin would be loafing around the castle and be pampered. They'd get fat at age 25 and die a miserable death at 47 from a heatstroke with it being 74 degrees outside because he was so damn fat! A shame. But my Knight would be muscular, ready to do battle. He'd defend me with a mighty swipe of his steal blade. He'd eat only his meals and never anyone else's. His hair would be ragged and matted from the helmet he wore. His skin would be coarse from the battle but he would come home and I would be there, there to touch him and make him feel like he had never even known what the word 'battle' meant.

My knight would stand atop hills in shining armor, sword in hand waiting for his next adventure to call him to a destiny. He'd be scared of little. And he'd love me unconditionally...

That was my Knight. A creature I figured must have mimicked God's original design plans. I grew up on such a fantasy man. When I was little I'd make up fantastical stories with my dolls about the common girl being saved by the heroic knight from the evil prince and his men. I wrote out entire adventures in my head and then relayed them to my mother who, as I've realized now, only partially ever listened. As I grew and an ugly thing called puberty smacked me across the face with acne, I began to notice actual boys. Not just the ones in my head. I was sorely disappointed. This vision of man I created in my head was quite literally demolished by an awful reality. These boys were rude and utterly obnoxious. My friends got boyfriends and it seems as if they had never been happier, though I always questioned their true feelings. In the back of my mind I understood that _maybe_ if I hadn't concentrated the past 8 years of my life on crafting the perfect man, I could have possibly found a boy I could have truly liked. I never truly accepted this hidden fact though. I insisted upon myself that there were men of a high caliber in this world. Somewhere. Somewhere out there was my Knight, gathering roses from a nearby field and riding to me on his stallion, ready to sweep me off my feet and marry me.

As my teen years proceeded I left my fantasy man to story books and_ finally_ began to notice real people. I realized that not all men were bad, I had just juxtaposed them with the highest possible trophy. So I set my standards a little lower and decided to compare them with the type of men I read in romance novels... this was not the best idea either. As men in romance novels tend to be fuck robots, who kiss by shoving their tongues deep down the girl's throat and all mysteriously look like Fabio (who I happen to find particularly smarmy). Thus, for the rest of my teen life, the seemingly normal concoction of boys and dating mystified me and confused me.

When my family decided I needed a change of scenery from my hometown of Deling City, they sent me to Balamb Garden. A military academy of sorts. But a very prestigious one at that. Of course I wasn't thrilled to move, but I didn't exactly resent it either. I got the chance to do what every rebellious teenager wants: live by yourself, with no parental supervision. I left home with few to little tears on my cheeks and happily moved myself into Balamb Garden. And on this small resort island I began my 'new life' as a headstrong teenager ready for love.

Being 16, I prepared myself for that awkward feeling of alienation the students were bound to give me but I thankfully received none whatsoever. The people were nice, the atmosphere was comfortable and everything was generally fantastic. I had assimilated well into my new environment. Then again there wasn't too much 'assimilating' to do I suppose. Everything was pretty much like it was back home except less of it. It wasn't necessarily a dumbed down version of home, it was just a slimmer copy of home. It was awesome.

However, I found something unexpected while I was at Garden. Well, I suppose _I_ didn't find it. It actually found me in a way.

I had gone to the training center with Selphie, who was one of my better friends at Garden, as she had told me there was going to be a big fight today. I became excited over the idea of a real fight. Fists slamming into other people and curse words being volleyed back and forth between the two as a ring of people around them booed and hollered and what not. This is the one thing I missed about my old life, and here I was going to experience it all over again!

"Between who?" I asked, quite excited as I picked up our pace. Naturally, I doubted if I would know any of them but the curiosity I was harboring needed to be satisfied.

"Psh, I have no idea." Selphie said with a little laugh. "I think I overheard someone say that one of their name's was Slipper or something like that." Slipper?

"Selphie, I don't think that's their name." I said as I turned to her.

"Don't blame the messenger." She said as she shrugged. "I just repeated what I heard." She reminded me with a waving finger in the general direction of my face.

"Think there will be blood?" I asked, getting myself pumped up for this fight.

"Eiu!" Selphie cried as she shivered with disgust. "I hope not!" She cried as she clamped her eyes shut at the mere thought of it.

"Well, if there's no blood then I wonder if someone will get taken to the Infirmary. And the Doctor would be all like 'You've got a serious fracture in your face!' and the kid would be all like 'Damn you insert name here! I'm gonna exact my revenge on you!' and then it'd be this rivalry and it'd be all like 'ooohh... mysterious.'" I said as I let my mind (and mouth) wander around blindly in it's own darkness for a bit.

"How do you have a fracture in your face?" Selphie commented, more to herself than to me.

"Maybe if you get punched really hard... in the face." I suggested as we rounded the corner to the training center. We peered down the hallway and found no one. Just the cold steal walls reflecting the light from the fixtures above.

"I don't think there's a fight today." I commented as I turned around swiftly on the linoleum causing it to squeak painfully.

"Maybe it's just deep in the training center." Selphie added as she stepped further into the hallway.

"The fight?" Someone called from the circular hallway in front of me, obviously presuming we were just two interested students. He seemed to be in quite the hurry as he appeared to be somewhat out of breath.

"Yeah!" I called back, expecting to get the information I needed. "Where is it?" I called once more.

"On the fields!" He said, readying himself to jog off once more for his desired location which I could only assume was the fight. "Outside the Garden. Follow me!" He instructed between faint breaths as he jogged off.

"C'mon Selph!" I cried over my shoulder as I ran to catch up with this helpful mystery kid. Selphie didn't even need instructions though as she was already catching up with me.

"Gonna see a fight. Gonna see a fight!" She said under her breath in a little sing song voice as our paces began to sync up. I couldn't help but laugh at her little song even though it caused me to stumble a bit. We kept sight of the kid for the most part as we followed him through the circular hallway that enclosed the elevator and out the Garden through the security exit. We had to stop our runs to get through those needless and utterly ridiculous security exits that I can only label as 'small swinging door thingies.' We got through with quite the amount of difficulty as Selphie's skirt ended up getting stuck on the end of one of the accursed door watchamacallems. We managed to pull her free, quite desperate to see this fight now. I mean, the kid was running after all. This had to be big!

"I hate clothes!" Selphie cried as we finally pushed off from the security exits and ran down the long outdoor entrance way that lead to the road.

"Hey! You kids shouldn't be runnin' around!" An older voice yelled from behind us. I tossed a glance back and it was that random old man who just sat there in that equally random box near the security entrances and exits. I gave him no mind at all and just turned back around and focused on getting to that damn fight.

We finally managed to get to the road but I realized that even if we got to the field we wouldn't know where the hell it was! I looked around for that kid but he was nowhere to be found. We ran past the large, open iron gates and down the steps and our feet flapped against the pavement as we came to a sudden halt. I breathed in a very ragged fashion and bent myself over so my arms were resting on the tops of my knees.

"I'm exhausted!" Selphie cried, quite winded herself as she bent her back backwards and made her head arch skyward.

"Where the hell did that guy go?" I asked, more to myself than to Selphie. I was a bit frustrated in the fact that he had just disappeared on us. I made a mental note to find him and kick him in the nuts.

"Who cares about that kid! Where's the damn fight?" Selphie yelled in just as much frustration as I was currently harboring. We lazily walked on very wobbly legs on to the other side of the street where the unkempt grass of the plains began. We looked around with listless heads and found nothing of even seminal interest.

"Damn." I cursed still feeling fatigued from our previous run. Selphie was just about to speak when a sharp clang of metal sounded through the green island. Our ears and bodies perked up the second we heard this. The fight? Our minds screamed please.

"Follow the sound!" Selphie said quite triumphantly even through her current state. We jogged off towards the sound's origin and found our way into a huge green forest. Light wasn't sparse at all as it trickled it's way through branches and leaves above us. This forest seemed somehow different than other forests in the area. Other forests had a sense of foreboding about them and were dank and dark and filled with the howls of creatures which we would rather not encounter. This forest... this forest was quiet save for the occasional splinter of metal and occasional cheer of a person or two.

We continued our trail on the sound's which lead us to a ring of Garden students in all their uniformed glory. It was quite a big ring, which seemed to make everyone twice as restless. People were jumping all over each other and some were crawling between the legs of others to get even the smallest glimpse of, what we presumed to be, this astronomical fight. More crashes of metal rang through the trees and the crowd's excitement was heightened all the more.

"C'mon! C'mon!" Selphie cried with excitement as she grabbed my wrist and brought us into the ring of students which I happened to be marginally scared of. Mainly because getting trampled by hordes of students was not my idea of a good Thursday afternoon. Selphie collided with the outer ring of students with a light bump as if she had just hit a matted wall. I managed to pull away from her grip as I saw her slowly get sucked in to the sea of bodies. First her arm was caught. She tried to wriggle it loose from the packed circle but to no avail. A sudden jerk brought her in further and up to her shoulder. I went to grab on to her but it was too late as she had just been sucked in to the great moving mass blob of students.

I decided to take my chances on this whole 'vacuum into the circle' idea Selphie accidentally invented. I pushed my arm into the outer rim of the circle and I was quite literally stuck in a vice grip between about four people. Then someone shoved one of the four and I was brought in up to my shoulder. I found it oddly fun that such a thing could happen but at the same time, a little frightened because I honestly could not move my arm even the slightest. If I wanted to get out now, I'd have to cut off my arm. Another shove from another person deep within the confines of this mass and I was sucked in completely.

Everyone above me felt like giant trees, all vying for the sun's attentions for their own greedy needs. And here I was, a meek little girl hardly able to move. My face was smashed against some random guy's oddly muscular back and the armpit of another student. There were some odd wave like motions that floated through the mass suddenly and then another violent shove from armpit person. The shove sent me in a slight spin past muscular back boy and into some other random student who I cared not to meet.

More clangs of metal and I mentally cursed as I knew the crowd would only get more riled up. I decided to try my own hand at pushing through and I ended up being quite successful. My arms were free in just that particular way so I could pull myself along. And neither were my legs completely stuck so I managed to step on several people's feet and make my way towards the foreground of this little circle. I thought myself so crafty and my mind cackled at my deviousness.

I finally managed to clear out of the ring and I could breathe the now crisp forest air that surrounded me instead of the horrendous BO stench that infested the smoldering pit of students. But before I could have much of any peace I felt a hard body slam into me, pushing me back against the people behind me like a rubber band net. The person's back covered my face and thankfully the stench of BO didn't suffocate me. Instead he crashed into me then pushed off of me in an instant as if it had never occurred. Even though he had left, I fell to the ground nonetheless as if I had slid off the people behind me like an odd waterslide.

"Rin, are you okay?" Selphie exclaimed, wanting to be worried but distracted with the current fight.

"Yah yah..." I answered vaguely as I brushed myself off and stood and FINALLY viewed this damn fight. This fight that I had been wanting to view for the longest time ended up quite upsetting me. This... This fight business was much different than what I had remembered. At my old school people brawled in this same atmosphere, but definitely not with these rules. At my old school we fought hand to hand... here, however, the two men were wielding odd sword shaped weapons. And these weren't like, knives, or something. These were big-no-_huge_ hulking weapons that shined in all their metallic strength against the sun's rays. This wasn't just some dumb fight. This wasn't amusing. This was a serious brawl to the death, and it frightened me a bit. Here were two people _so_ pissed off at each other that they'd be willing to duel to the death.

The brunette haired boy who had earlier slammed into me dashed forward, sword-watcha-ma-jig ready to pierce his blonde opponent's skin and tear one gaping hole in his chest. He neared him and I could feel the tension in my chest rise as I suddenly stopped breathing and my eyes bugged out in pure horrific fascination. When the boy was no more than two inches away from hitting his target right in the projected area, the blonde defended the incoming stab with a quick deflective blow to the boy's sword with his own. I gasped loudly and instinctively placed my hands to my mouth in utter shock. But my short gasp was drowned out by the hordes of student cheers that echoed around me and through the otherwise abandoned forest.

Sparks exploded from the sudden contact and that piercing metallic clash sounded, deafening me momentarily. The blonde saw the advantage he had over the brunette and quickly brought his sword up above his own head. I saw the brunette's head turn toward the high guillotine in the azure and I could practically feel him bracing for impact. No matter how fast he may have been he could never have evaded the incoming swipe at this point now.

I felt a cold feeling pulsate through my body... a feeling I had never felt until just now. It was that feeling of a terrible absolution. That feeling of being cornered in the tiniest of spots. The feeling where you know every option your given is the worst possible. I know he felt it too. My mind went into a frenzy of outcome calculations. Would he die? Would the blonde only injure him? Would the blonde even do it? What should I do if he's injured? We're a long way from Garden... but before I could have anymore time to contemplate the end, the blonde finished it all for me.

His blade cut the air in two and the sun's reflections rebounded violently in all directions as the sword hurled towards the boy. The crowd became silent and I felt time pause as if every animal, every tree, every plant, the sun, the clouds and even God himself just stopped to watch this brutal finale. Time didn't pause though and I saw the blade cross across the brunette's face in the flash of a second. Silence filled the void where hollering once was. I stared with horrified shock. The brunette just kneeled there for the tiniest of seconds. Then I saw the blood pour down his body.

"Oh my God." I said in utter disgust, trying to keep my voice quiet. This break in the silence brought me back to reality and realized everyone was still just standing there, in a hypnotic state doing absolutely nothing. I was the first to do much of anything. I hesitantly put my left foot into their dueling ring. I brought my right foot out and I walked out a little bit until I sped up into a bit of a jog. I kneeled down to the brunette and I put my hands on his shoulders, making sure he wouldn't fall. I saw the injury across his face. A deep slash that started above his right eyebrow that crossed over his nose and ended under his left eye. The blood poured down his face and he looked dazed and half dead. Seeing the amount of blood that was spilling all over the place I instinctively panicked. I threw one of his arms around my neck and I lifted him as best as I could. He was at least 60 pounds heavier than me and supporting him all the way to Garden would be an extremely difficult, if not impossible, task. I began to walk with him, wanting to get out of this obstructing circle and to Garden as fast as possible. The entire ring of students continued to just watch in a horrified gaze.

"Someone..." I yelled to the students, quite irritated at their lack of doing, well, _anything. _"Someone run to Garden and tell the Doctor!" I screamed at them feeling his weight finally pushing down on me. I heard the shuffling of grass and twigs and the occasional front row observing students run off in the direction of Garden. I felt a spark of relief inside me as I knew some people cared. I felt that cold blood trickle down my hand and I realized that it was probably all over me at the moment but I couldn't have cared less. I saw someone push through the crowd and run towards the two of us. It was that running boy Selphie and I had found in Garden. He came up to the other side of the brunette and wrapped the boy's other arm around his neck and he began to walk. I followed suit, the weight now much lighter and far more manageable than before.

Even through my panicked state I found a certain amount of stability. Maybe in the fact that I was helping this poor cut up boy or the fact I had acted first. I was first in the line of duty and offered my services much too willingly. A trait I wondered if I had always possessed, or was simply a one time event. But in any case, it had arisen at Garden.

I couldn't think much on my own actions as I felt the brunette move ever so slightly. I looked up and saw his eyes clenched closed as if he was having a nightmare. His breathing was ragged, but not pained.

"God fucking dammit, Seifer." I heard him whisper in the clearest of voices as he spit out some blood that had dripped into his mouth. This boy...

He must have been resilient.

WE WATCHED HIM FROM A FOOT OR TWO AWAY, EYEING HIM CLOSELY. The blood, for the most part, had clotted and his face had been gently cleaned by the Doctor, who introduced herself as Dr. Kadowaki. Though he may have been cleaned, there were still huge blood stains on his face where the Doctor was afraid to wash. He seemed to have passed out by the time we placed him on the sterile white bed the infirmary offered for the injured. Unfortunately, the white virginity of the bed was tainted by the stains of crimson. I made a mental note to come back and offer to help clean the sheets for them.

He stirred infrequently, but time seemed fairly cheap at the moment. I was alone with his body now as the running boy had left in an awkward flurry as soon as the brunette's face had been cleaned. But I didn't question it. Now alone with him, a weird feeling instilled itself in me. That feeling of knowing you want to engage in conversation, but realizing that he will never respond to you, no matter what you do. But still, my mind urged me to make conversation with this comatose mystery person.

"I'm sorry." I said in the tiniest of whispers. This was even more awkward now, as my senses grasped me tightly and made me consider that I was talking to a person who was _passed out._ But I beat on, regardless. "It looks like a bad cut. I hope you'll get better." This time, I honestly expected him to answer. I received none and continued. "Do you think you'll have to get stitches? Stitches freak me out..." I continued in that same shy, mumbling fashion. "The fact that they sew in your skin is just nauseating to me, you know?" To this he stirred slightly. I thought of this slight movement as a sign of him being irritated in my talk and I shut myself up.

I pursed my lips delicately and my fingers unconsciously played with the end of my uniform's skirt. My eyes flitted about the room, eyeing each and every item the room had to offer, but taking nothing in. Outside, I saw the doctor pass by briskly and pick up a phone and punch numbers in. A silence. Then her lips began to move in a charmed fashion and then to a look of understanding. She hung the phone up and walked to the door and I straightened my posture ever so slightly and pretended like I was eyeing him with an important gaze.

She looked at me with a smile and she made a few steps toward me and let the door close softly behind her.

"His Homeroom Instructor will be here momentarily." She informed me as my attention quickly switched direction. I nodded and stood, taking the obvious hint that she wanted me out. "I was hoping you could help me bandage him up." She said, hopeful as she moved to a cabinet.

"Oh, of course." I said, quite eager to stay a little longer with this mystery man. I honestly wasn't interested in this man in the slightest, but I felt something captivating about the fact that I had brought him here. As if he was my project and I just wanted to see it in motion. But projects also need names I figured...

"What's his name?" I asked as she handed me some gauze wrapping from the cabinet she was sifting through.

"Squall Leonhart." She answered as if she knew all too well. She pulled back from the cabinet and closed it gently. She moved to him and stood above his face as if calculating where to begin. "I don't know him personally." She began, which actually crossed off a question I was ready to throw at her. "But he's quite famous around Garden." She said with a certain tone of finality in her voice, as if her statement explained it all.

"Famous?" I questioned, quite curious as she reached into the cradle of my arms and grabbed a roll of gauze.

"Oh definitely. He's only one of two in all of Balamb Garden that mastered the art of the Gunblade." She said as if that would impress me. What the hell is a Gunblade?

"... Wow." I said, obviously feigning my excitement.

"He is also very popular with the female population of this school." She said with a snicker, obviously trying to imply something on my half. "I'm sure when the girls hear of you being his rescuer, they'll be jealous beyond compare." She continued with a laugh. Oh, how fantastic. That was definitely the last thing I wanted to happen.

"Well..." I began, trying to find the right way out of such a situation. "I just won't tell anyone." I declared.

"That won't stop Instructor Trepe from telling everyone in ear shot..." She said with the tiniest of mumbles. She might not have thought it was audible, but I could hear it loud and clear.

"Who is she?" All these things and people I didn't know! Garden was a continent yet unexplored to me. The things I thought I had known seemed to be only the tip of this mammoth iceberg. Now I was diving into deeper waters (even if it was against my will), and the structure of Garden, which I thought was clear to begin with, became all the more vibrant and lush in my eyes.

"His Homeroom Instructor. And she is the nicest and prettiest girl you will ever lay eyes on, but she is still a teenager at heart... she can rattle off gossip with the best of them." She informed me delicately, as if she were treading on thin ice at that very moment for speaking so harshly of her comrades. Well now I had to get out of here. I didn't want the entire female student body glaring daggers at me in the hallways, I didn't want an Instructor gossiping about me and I honestly didn't care much for this poor boy anymore. I had done my part in his recovery and I was going to leave it at that.

I put the gauze down at the corner of his bed and turned to the doctor. "I think I should really go." I suggested quite formally, but my eyes were pleading for her consent. She nodded with a sigh, realizing that she had inadvertently scared me away. "Thank you." I said with a little nod of my head as I walked briskly for the exit, quite ready to escape all potential negative outcomes.

"Wait!" She called out just as I opened the door with a swing. I looked back at her, quite anxious to get the hell out of there. "We could use all the help we can get here. I was wondering if you'd be interested in working in the Infirmary sometime..." She suggested as her voice trailed off a little bit, obviously embarrassed at this situation.

I thought a moment. My head turned back towards the hallway outside and I looked at the small office. It was a sterilizing white that almost blinded me. It looked so desolate... I almost felt bad for the poor room, and it's Doctor. I turned back to her.

"Of course!" I answered with pleasantry. I had agreed mainly for pity's sake. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she could use some help that very moment, but I decided to use my first break on the job... "I can't help out right now though, I'm sorry. I've got a class worth of studies to catch up on." I said with a sad smile, a little guilty about leaving her here by herself with a patient to tend to. Of course my explanation was no lie, I had cut a class in sitting with my injured buddy. Figured that class happened to be the most difficult one I had. Tech class was always such a bitch. I didn't understand computers beyond the simple writing programs, painting programs and the Internet. But, can't be good at everything I suppose... though, I wasn't good at a whole lot actually.

"I'm sorry." I apologized once again as I walked briskly out of the infirmary, prepping my excuse in my mind for the upcoming visit with my teacher. I needed to present myself as a sophisticated young woman in front of my teacher, or he would never believe me and my excuses. 'Bringing an injured student to the infirmary?' He'd mock me, 'No one gets injured at Garden!' He pissed me off like no other.

As I passed out the door and into the stretch of walk that connected the Infirmary to the main circular hall of Garden, I saw out of the corner of my eye a blonde flash of hair pass me. Blonde was a fairly normal color on an island such as this but something about it made it feel like the shine of God. An inescapable holiness trailed and hovered around it, as if the locks had captured the sun's rays deep in their strands. There was a certain aura about it that captivated me. I turned just as this blonde vision past me. The golden hair was tied up in the back and by the skirt, this golden child was definitely a girl. She looked just as old as me and yet she wore the official Garden teacher's uniform. This piqued my interest. The administration would become infuriated at this blatant lack of respect against the faculty. How intriguing...

I lost any thoughts of catching up on lost work and decided to follow her (nonchalantly of course) back into the Infirmary. Just in case anyone had noticed me, I made a face of scorn as if to act the idea that I've forgotten something in the Infirmary. I have no idea if it worked, but I was a pretty horrid actress, so the probable answer is a no. I most likely ended up looking like someone who had just crapped their pants.

When I entered she was looking through the window at my fallen friend as he stirred ever so slightly again. Her hand was gently placed against the cool pane of glass that televised her reflection unto us. Her face held a somber tone as that little hint of frown was apparent on the corners of her red lips. Her eyes were azure, but beautifully sad as if she had always looked so melancholy. Her skin looked beautifully soft and light as if she had been painted with the softest brush and color. I envied her beauty.

She remained a moment, as if absorbing his presence through the protective clarity the window offered. She wasn't studying him or scrutinizing or judging him even. It's as if she was having a silent conversation with him at that very moment. Silent words that passed through the particles of the air that surrounded us. From one heart to another. It looked meaningful and heartfelt but, on the receiving end he was still nowhere. In a world of his own. Her silent calls to him would be left unanswered and tossed into oblivion.

Her solemn observance was curtly cut short by the voice of the good doctor. It was one of those moments where you just have to be annoyed with the polite intrusion.

"Instructor Trepe," Dr. Kadowaki began as she slowly approached the blonde student. Wait... what? Instructor? "Your students are becoming more reckless by the day." She commented with the tiniest chuckle as she eyed the patient knowingly. Instructor? You must be joking. The blonde's mood instantly lightened, almost too quickly.

"No, just stubborn." She corrected with a sweet smile that could melt any man. "Squall's just too stubborn for his own good." She said in the quietist of voices as she moved around the doctor and entered our injured friend's room. As the blonde entered the room and the door quietly shut close behind her, the doctor sighed lightly and turned back to her desk. I coughed in a tiny voice just so that Dr. Kadowaki might take notice to me.

"Oh, hello again!" She said with a combination of shock and happiness. "Back so soon?" She questioned with a laugh as she sat down behind her desk.

"Yeah..." I said with a sheepish grin as I lowered my eyes. An excuse... "I figured I couldn't just leave you here with an injured man and what I had to do... wasn't _that_ important." I explained with a pleasant smile. It was looking as if my previous curiosity over this blonde haired beauty had killed my Tech grade. But no backing out now.

"Oh why thank you..." She paused and giggled nervously for a moment. She didn't know my name. Then I realized I had never actually introduced myself in all my time here.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I apologized quickly for not having introduced myself earlier, though I knew the apology was pointless. "I'm Rinoa Heartilly, from class 1-B." I greeted in the customary Garden standard.

"Class 1-B?" She questioned, skipping right over my name entirely. "You're a freshmen then?" She said with an amount of disbelief coating her words. What was so hard to believe about that?

"Yes.." I said a little hesitantly, questioning her reaction, but with still a sweet giggle as to not make this situation too awkward for anyone.

"Goodness, you look..." She hesitated and I could tell she was searching her mind's library for the appropriate word. "You look so... Developed for a freshmen. How old are you?" She asked, quite curious. The 'developed' comment still had me a bit stumped and puzzled but I ignored it and just decided to focus on the easier to understand question.

"16." I answered a little bashfully, mainly because I felt so young at that moment in time.

"Kids do grow up fast these days..." She said more to herself than to anyone else. She turned to a paper lying before her and examined it which signaled the end of this conversation.

I was just about to strike up the topic of just what the hell am I supposed to do around here, when the blonde haired girl exited the patient's room. She acknowledged Kadowaki with a pleasant smile and the Doctor smiled right back, possibly beaming a little too much.

"Were you able to speak with him?" The Doctor asked, looking expectantly to the blonde

"A little," She began as she leaned back on the door she had just exited from. "I got a few mumbles out of him. It doesn't seem like his unconscious anymore. It looks like he's just sleeping now." She commented with a small smile that echoed sorrow. There was a small silence between the two and the blonde pushed herself off from the door and strode gracefully for the exit. She placed her hand on the handle of the Infirmary's exit firmly, but stopped her walk. She turned to me as if she knew who I were. We locked eyes and I stared for a moment trapped in the bewildering azure. Before much of anything else could happen though the good doctor sprang into action once more.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid you two haven't been introduced!" She exclaimed as she stood from her business and walked around her desk to us. She looked to me. "Rinoa Heartilly," She motioned to the blonde. "Instructor Trepe." She reversed our names and reapplied for the Instructor.

There was a silence.

"Well," Trepe began looking quite prepared to leave the situation, "I've got a class to teach. Doctor, I'm sure that when Squall finally revives himself you'll return him to his dorm." She said as she opened the exit's door. She gave one last look to her fallen student, then to the Doctor and me and left in what seemed like quite an indifference.

She was mysterious to a point. Her actions yielded little discussion but the expressions she held and her shimmering azure eyes captured the fascination of many. Though what had drawn people originally was probably her beauty. Her unmatchable beauty. Girls were fascinated in a jealous way while boys were fascinated in a lustful manner.

FOR THE NEXT hour or so Kadowaki instructed me in the ways of proper medical help. I learned where such things as 'Band-Aids' were and Neosporin. It was generally boring. I found the most exciting to be filing papers. I got the chance to scope through each student's medical records which were all quite fascinating in their own right. For example, Mira Dorabe had broken her leg twice, both cases were claimed to have been caused by a fall down the stairs. She also had unusually painful cramps during menstruation.

During the hour, any chance I got to break away from my task at hand, I'd check on the fallen soldier. He'd stir ever so often which was much more frequently than when we had first brought him in here. He was definitely not unconscious anymore. It's like he was just sleeping there. As if in that very room all his worldly problems simply melted into an easily passable puddle on the linoleum. He'd continue to sleep there for the next 3 hours, according to Kadowaki who had informed me later that day with a laugh.

"I don't think he was even in pain." She laughed as we sat on the ledge of the fountain in the circular hallway. She had stopped me on my walk to the cafeteria to inform of me of his condition, figuring I would be interested in his well being which I actually was.

"None at all?" I questioned, a bit of disbelief hinting through my words.

"Doubt it. When he finally woke up, he went to the bathroom, cleaned the rest of the blood off his face and walked straight out. Without a word. As if nothing had ever even happened." She recalled as she shook her head in a bit of her own disbelief. "I told him to come to the Infirmary tomorrow afternoon for just a quick checkup. Which also happens to be the time I scheduled for your assistance." She said with a sly, knowing smile. She figured that I wanted to meet him. Which, in a way, I did... but only in the sense that I'd get to know just who I had 'rescued.' She obviously had other thoughts on her mind.

I sighed with a laugh, stood and began to leave in the direction for the cafeteria. I swiveled my head back around to her with a smile and said. "I'll be there." And turned back around and continued my stride.

The hall seemed to be more lively than usual. Girls were giggling and laughing out loud while some stood in corners and whispered gossip back and forth. Actually... alot of them were doing that. And there were no men. Absolutely none. I looked around, now scouting for any sign of testosterone among the hoards of feminine chat. There were literally none. Bizarre to say the least.

I continued into the cafeteria to meet with Selphie at 12:45, as we usually planned. And there she was, sitting at our usual table at the set time but this time two other girls shared her company at the table. They were whispering excitedly and listened intently to one another. Now I would know just what this buzz was about. I wasn't all to curious to be honest but I figured that if someone I know knew, I might as well ask.

"Did she really?" One of the random girls said with disbelief.

"Yes!" Selphie exclaimed. "I saw her with my own eyes!" She continued very firmly as if trying to pound the information into this girl's gray matter.

"You're lying Selphie." Random Girl number two accused with a sly smirk. Suddenly, Selphie took notice of me and she looked as if she was a deer caught in head lights at that moment. But then her face lit up and she pointed to me, hope suddenly filling her.

"Here she is! Ask her yourself!" Selphie proclaimed to the two girls. The Random girls turned their heads to look back at me and I gave them a puzzled look. They looked as if they were in a state of shock and disbelief.

"Did you really?" Random Girl One questioned quite excitedly as she slowly stood from her chair as if to greet me.

"Did I really what?" I asked, becoming a little frightened at this whole situation.

"Save Squall Leonhart?" Random Girl Two proclaimed as she stood to follow suit with her counterpart.

"Uuumm... well, I didn't really save him." I answered sheepishly, but the girls took my humbleness to the extreme and turned upon Selphie.

"Selphie, I _told_ you she didn't save him. Everyone knows Instructor Trepe did." Random Girl One answered quite smugly. What the fuck? Instructor Trepe? Who would tell you that...

"No she didn't! My Rinoa saved him!" Selphie quickly denied such a false statement in my defense but I couldn't have possibly have cared less about this. The only thing that puzzled me was why they jumped to the immediate conclusion of Trepe and him.

"Selphie, it doesn't matter." I said with a listless shrug as I took a seat next to her.

"But Rinoa!" She began as if she were to scold me.

"I don't know who saved him and neither does she." I told the Random Girls in the most blatant way I could muster. The two girls stood in a great huff, bring their trays with them.

"Thank God that rumor isn't true. It would have totally killed the romanticism of it all." Said Random girl one to the other as they turned away from us. Romanticism…?

"Can you believe the nerve of this Instructor Trepe bitch!" Selphie cried throwing her plastic spoon onto her tray in a little huff of irritation. "I mean, why would they even make up such crap? No teacher was there! Are they stupid? If a teacher was there, then the fight would have never even had happened!" She yelled, all the while picking up the thrown spoon and then flinging it down repeatedly into her soup, sandwich and eventually drink.

"Yeah. I am actually curious as to why they assumed Instructor Trepe saved him." I pondered under my breath as Selphie continued to rant and rave whilst throwing every utensil she had access to around.

"And what was all that 'romanticism' bull shit about, huh? I mean seriously. Some farty old instructor and some... some incredibly hot super model hooking up? Ha! Don't think so!" Selphie was on a roll now, so infuriated about nothing at all. She took a short break to gulp down her drink and slam it back onto the table. She continued her gabbing.

"Do you think they're dating?" I asked, curiously not placing the possibility in the 'hell no' category just yet.

"What? No way!" Selphie exclaimed, sounding a little irritated she was broken from her rant, but still pleased it was about the same subject. "A teacher and a student. No fucking way. No way in hell." She shook her head furiously as she spoke.

"I… I don't know." Now I was honestly considering the possibility of this. I mean, she was young and beyond gorgeous and he was probably roughly the same age and just as beautiful. It seemed entirely possible.

Selphie just gave me the most bewildered look I had ever received. Like I had said I was actually a man or something.

"You're kidding. C'mon Rinoa it's a teach-" I didn't let Selphie finish her complaint explosion as I jumped in momentarily.

"I know she's a teacher and he's a student but have you ever seen Instructor Trepe?" I questioned looking her square in the eye leaning slightly closer to her. She paused momentarily, as if checking the data banks of her mind for any picture of her she might have. She slowly shook her head. "Instructor Trepe could totally pass for being a student. She's probably no older than twenty. Plus she's drop dead gorgeous."

"Wait… does she have blonde hair?" Selphie questioned as if an epiphany was about to suddenly punch her in the face. I nodded knowingly. "Oh my God!" She squealed as she suddenly shot back into her seat, covering her mouth with her hands. "I thought that she was a student dressing like an instructor this whole time!" She exclaimed, laughing a little in this sudden realization.

"That's what I thought she was too. But nope, she's an instructor." I said, merely pushing that fact further into her reality as I leaned back in my seat.

"Wow…" Selphie still couldn't seem to get over it. "Then, I guess, it's not totally out of the question that those two might be dating…." She thought outloud.

"Gosh." I mumbled as I laughed a bit under my breath. "That is sort of romantic." Selphie had to chuckle with me on this sudden idea.

"Yeah, it kind of is, isn't it?" She said a little dreamily as she placed an elbow on the table and let her mind wander a bit…..

A/N: Okay, so chapter uno is all done and I promise you this will NOT BE A QUISTIS X SQUALL! I repeat, **THIS IS NOT A QUALL**. So don't even think that it is...


	2. Limb from Limb and Ashes to Ashes

Princes for Paupers

Chapter Two: Limb From Limb.Ashes to Ashes

For the rest of the day and the next morning since my brief, yet striking, meet with Instructor Trepe I couldn't seem to stop thinking about the possibility of a romance between her and my injured friend, Squall. There was something so alluring and oddly sexy about a relationship like that. Master and pupil. Sitting in my classes I frequently flew out of my books and into my own little world and dreamt about their personal lives. I imagined him sitting in her class as she might occasionally give him looks that looked like mere glances to others but meant volumes to the two lovebirds. And with these random daydreams I began to embellish reality as well. I began to read heavily into Instructor Trepe's visit with Squall in the infirmary. Her morose yet powerful gaze at him through the pane of glass felt like so much more than anything I could have fathomed before. I wondered if Dr. Kadowaki had heard of any of this before. I wanted to ask but was afraid of any possible repercussions because I knew all of them would be negative. I didn't want to get the Instructor in trouble, just in case Kadowaki told the headmaster or any such thing. I was excited to see Squall again today at the Infirmary. I was expecting, for some reason or another, some great confession of sorts. An outburst along the lines of 'I love her and she loves me and no one will ever tear us apart!' That would be incredibly romantic, however random it might be and for some unknown reason, I really expected him to do just that. So as you might imagine when he came in to get a check up, I was incredibly disappointed. I kept throwing glances at him the whole time he was there, checking to see if he was about ready to belt out of his love for his teacher. But nothing of the sort even happened. I don't think he even opened his mouth save for the occasional 'yes' 'no' or 'I'm okay.'

I was filing papers half-heartedly, still keeping a close watch on the boy through the pane of glass he perpetually seemed to remain behind when Dr. Kadowaki walked from the room and looked at me, about to say something.

"Rinoa." She began as she looked at me expectantly.

"Yes." I answered, pretending like I was just so suddenly pulled from the world of my work and back into reality.

"Do you think you could keep Mr. Leonhart here company? I have to run to the Headmaster's office for just a moment." She asked as she began to move towards the exit. I became really excited for some reason.

"Oh, of course." I replied with so much poise and composure I thought I was having tea with the Queen.

"Good. I'm off then. I'll be back in a few minutes, tops." She said and hastened out the door. I nodded as she exited and pretended to carefully place the folder and papers I was filing back into the desk though I really wanted to just light them on fire and be done with it. Once I had successfully shoved them into the drawer, I smoothed out my uniform and entered the room with him.

His posture was sunken a bit as he played listlessly with a ring on his left hand. His relatively long hair covered most of his face, saving the chin and a little piece of his lips for my eyes. There was a cloud of intimidation that swelled around him like a storm, waiting to tear through anything in its path. I found myself feeling nervous. My hands found each other and I began to tug at my fingers, one of my many nervous habits. I took a slow step into the room, hoping he would notice me so I wouldn't have to make myself blatantly obvious to him and make things more awkward than they were already feeling. He didn't notice and just kept right on fiddling with his ring. I decided to take the initiative and say something.

"Um," I began stupidly in a mumbled and meek fashion. He looked up and pierced my eyes with his own. I found myself locked and frightened in the intensity of his eyes. He looked at ease while I'm sure I must have looked like a deer in the headlights, so afraid of being crushed by the car that was to come screaming at me. I couldn't focus on much of anything else about him except the way he stared into me. I could tell he wasn't digging for my soul, it was as if he was just reading the cover of the book. Though the scrutiny he had circulating in his eyes made me feel like running out of the room. But, was it scrutiny at all? There was something that felt like so much more than that. It felt mysterious and slightly dangerous to me. And when danger looms, instinct take matters into its own hands and I averted my eyes ever so slightly from his to end the uncomfortable feelings that were beating me up. "I was just wondering if you needed anything." I wondered how long the silence between my first mumble and that last structured sentence had been. Probably a millennia.

He shook his head, turned back to his ring and replied with a curt, "No."

I nodded and stood there for a moment, not knowing what to do. The realistic thing to have done would be to leave and probably never come back, but the gravity that my curiosity had kept me in the room with him. I pulled my hands away from one another and let them rest at my sides.

"Does it hurt still?" I asked, finding an ounce of brevity within the pit of my stomach. He looked at me and we locked eyes once more. I was pulled in again, but this time no longer shocked. Like jumping into ice water, the shock is harsh but brief and the adjustment is quick to take place.

"No." His answer was just as quick as it was last time. Straight to the point. Was he shy? No. He held too much presence to just be simply labeled a shy kid.

I moved to a chair in the corner of the room, the same one I had sat in last time I was here with him, but I didn't sit this time. I was facing his back now. He had stopped looking at me awhile ago and was back again to playing with his ring. I wanted to ask something. To say anything really. But my mind kept fumbling over ridiculous questions, my mouth waiting in frustration as it hung open more than ready to throw out whatever didn't sound dumb as hell. But all normal questions were looking as stupid as shit. 'How long have you been at Garden for?' No. 'How old are you?' No. 'What class are you in?' No. All simple introductory questions felt so useless and awkward. It's like he needed to be treated and talked with differently than the rest of Garden's population.

A long silence.

"Don't you have a class to be at?" He questioned, swiveling his head back towards me so he saw me with his peripheral vision. He didn't make his question rude but instead of curiousity. Though I'm pretty sure he was just masking his irritation with false interest. At least he had the decency not to be outwardly callous and completely unfriendly. He probably figured I'd inject him with a few too many horse tranquilizers if he were to snap at me. I do work at the infirmary and infirmaries are pretty scary places to some people.

"Well. No, not really." To be honest I was a little surprised he had begun the conversation. I had never even thought that that option might take place. There was a momentary pause. He was expecting more explanation. "I sort-of work here actually."

"Hmm," He acknowledged the fact with an interested grunt and turned right back around and away from me. With his turn away I took a slow seat into the chair directly behind me. With the silence I couldn't help but let my eyes wander around his body, or the portion I could see anyways. He was skinny, no doubt about that. The white, standard Garden Uniform shirt allowed his frame to be silhouetted against the darkness that were the walls around us. His arms were muscular though slender as was his back. It seemed like he ate little and trained for hours every day. As my eyes continued to scour what little body I could view, I couldn't help myself from noticing the bare skin that was visible on the small of his back. His shirt was small enough to be pulled up just the right degree to expose the skin as well as the waistband of his boxers and a little extra material of the briefs. I stared for what felt like far too long and when I finally noticed what I was doing I snapped my head away and blushed furiously. How awkward… Thank God he didn't see me looking.

"Hey," He began as he turned his head back to me in the same fashion as he did before. I quickly brought myself to his attention and looked him square in the eye, ninety-percent sure I was still blushing "Do you think I could go get a glass of water?" He asked as he stood. I stood as well but mine wasn't nearly as cool as his as it was more of a jump.

"Yeah, of course!" I answered probably too excitedly. I just wanted to get the hell out of the room that practically smelled of awkward. I walked toward the door as did he and we nearly collided. I giggled politely at the awkward situation we had created but he didn't share the same humor. He only looked at me expectantly.

"What are you doing?" He questioned in wonder and a slight amount of irritation.

"… Getting your water?" I explained with a definite hint of questioning. Didn't he want water? What are _you_ doing is the real question.

"Okay…" He mumbled with a roll of his eyes, hardly trying to be secretive about it at all. "I was going to go get it but you can do it I guess." He said walking back to his seat with a light shrug.

I stood there for a moment in silence, wondering what to say in response but I couldn't think of anything. The obvious roll of his eyes seemed to have confused me momentarily. So I just turned and left the room. I went for the mini-fridge that the doctor kept below her desk and pulled a cold water bottle from it.

I returned to the room and closed the door softly behind me. I moved closer to him and he in return did the same. I handed him the water bottle at an arms length away, almost afraid to touch him. He took the water with a quick snatch and turned right around. The sound of the plastic snapping open could be heard and I walked to the chair I was originally at, but didn't take a seat. I turned back around to him and found him chugging the last remnants of the water in the bottle. Christ… he must have been thirsty.

He looked at the empty bottle, looked up to me and waved the bottle around a bit.

"Oh! I'll get rid of it." I insisted as I hastily walked to him, gently took the bottle from him and walked out the door to place it in the garbage. I turned back around to enter the room but stopped myself momentarily. Did I really want to go back into that room? He wasn't exactly the most charming man I had ever met and the indescribably painful uncomfortable feeling the room gave off wasn't necessarily alluring at all. But my question was answered for me as the Doctor followed by the Headmaster walked into the room at that moment.

Dr. Kadowaki caught sight of me and brought the Headmaster by her side, ready to introduce me.

"This is my lovely assistant, Rinoa Heartily, Cid." She introduced me with a smile. I had to smile at her fun, though exaggerated, description.

"A pleasure to meet you, Rinoa. I'm Cid, the Headmaster of Balamb Garden." Cid greeted with a smile as he extended his hand. I took it and he did most of the shaking.

"Nice to meet you Headmaster." That sounded really awkward, but I didn't know what else to call him.

"Please, call me Cid, m'dear." He insisted as he let my hand go from his own. I smiled and nodded in acknowledgement.

"Well, Cid, let me show you to Squall." Kadowaki said with a certain amount of knowingness with a spice of her usual good humor.

"Oh goodness, what has he gotten himself into this time…" Cid mumbled with a small chuckle at the end. The doctor only shook her head with a small smile. Kadowaki opened the door and motioned for Cid to enter first. She let the door close to ajar, her hand still on the handle of the door and turned to me.

"Thank you for everything today. I'm going to let you off a little early today. We need to discuss a few things with Squall in private." She explained as apologetically as she could.

"Okay, sure." I said with a nod of my head. To be honest I was a little disappointed I couldn't listen to what they were all about to chat about. I mean, I had stayed with this kid, alone need I remind them, for several minutes. They could offer me some kind of token of their appreciation. But I realized if I couldn't listen, I might as well leave. As much super duper awesome fun filing medical papers is, leaving was miles above appealing than that could ever be.

………………………………………..

I entered the class hoping for a quick explanation and then an even quicker exit. I had missed Homeroom and History for the check up that the Doctor made mandatory. I can't say I was at all depressed about leaving homeroom and history out of my day but Goddamn… what a bitch it is to check up on all that you've missed. Well, I suppose it isn't that difficult. I'm overreacting. The only real issue was that I had to deal with Quistis, or Instructor Trepe as the rest of Garden called her. It was bad enough that Garden currently happened to be poisoned with rumors of her and I doing fuck knows what, but to make matters worse Quistis only seemed to be fueling the fire. She would constantly pick on me for answers, even when there were so many others raising their hands. She would refer to me strictly by first name and not by last name like all of her other students. And I'm nearly positive she pushed her own sort of rumor on the school by saying that she had brought me back to the Infirmary after my injury the other day. I knew it was a student, I don't know who exactly, but I knew it was a student.

I pushed the door open and found her sitting at her desk, grading papers or something else that teachers do. She took quick notice of me and she smiled slyly. She stood slowly and sat herself on her desk, right where she was just grading her papers. She crossed her arms and looked me over. What the fuck was she doing? She pissed me off.

"What?" I asked curtly and as rude as possible. I didn't have time for this crap. I was irritated enough as it was already. I just wanted to get my assignments and leave.

"I still can't believe you're in one piece after yesterday." She said with a smile and a dry laugh.

I didn't share in her amusement of my misfortune.

"I still can't believe you're teaching." I quipped. It slipped, but it felt good to shut her up. Maybe a little too good. She gave me a playful glare then smiled. She thought I was playing around with her. What an idiot.

"Did Cid and Kadowaki have a little chat with you?" She asked as she slid off her desk and walked around it, gathering a few papers which I hoped were my missed assignments.

"Yeah, how did you know?" I asked, a little suspiciously.

"Well, you refuse to tell any Administrator who you were fighting with. I can only assume they would interrogate you sooner rather than later." She explained as if she had it all figured out. "So… did you tattle?"

Don't treat me like a child. But she did always love talking down to people. "No."

"I don't understand why you just can't tell them. I'm sure they already know it was Seifer." She said with a certain amount of smugness that seemed to accompany her whole conversation.

"What makes you think it was Seifer?" She was right, of course. Seifer's the only asshole in the whole school who I'd actually even attempt to kick the shit out of and everyone knew it.

"Who else would Squall Leonhart try and kick the shit out of here?" She stole the words right from me.

You. "I don't know." Was my only reply. There was a moment of silence as she continued to gather some more papers, but I could tell her mind was elsewhere. It almost seemed like she was stalling. She picked papers up, then put them down. Put more papers down, spread them around then picked them all up again. She figured I wouldn't notice. I'm not that dumb.

"I'm still wondering who ended up bringing me back to Garden after I got injured." I decided to call her out on this rumor. I wanted to see if she had really stooped to the level prepubescent drama queen and honestly started rumor about us.

She hesitated. "Oh, well…" I could already tell this was going to be a lie. "I did actually." As she finished the sentence she looked me straight in the eye. Her eyes held such honesty and were so unflinching I nearly believed her. With that simple, dumb stare of hers I was nearly tricked.

"I knew it." I said, more to myself than to her. She made me sick.

She smiled, relishing in the idea that I had believed her and her stupid lie. "Well, you know I'll always be there for you and when I –" I cut her off.

"Shut up." I uttered under my breath with great finality. She stared at me, dumbfounded that I would actually say such a thing to her. "Don't lie to me." I demanded as I moved closer to her desk as if I was about ready to pounce on my prey, more than eager to tear her limb from limb. "I know for a fact a student brought me back." I placed my hands on her desk and bent over it in the most antagonizing way I could muster. She seemed momentarily scared, but quickly composed herself. She followed my example and leaned over the desk right back at me. We locked eyes, almost as if we were fighting for the superiority over our conversation.

"Well, you obviously don't know because I know for a fact I brought you back." She insisted. She could have convinced anyone else with her tone, but not me. She had played with me to many times to be crafty. I had adapted to her game and could easily compete and match her.

"Why do you insist on making bullshit rumors up about me and you?" I asked, the anger within me heating to the point of explosion but I tried to maintain a calm exterior.

"I'm not making anything up Squall. I've never started a rumor about us."

"Oh my God. You're such a liar."

"Squall! I am not lying. I brought you back to the infirmary myself."

Such horse shit.

I stared at her for a moment, mapping out where I could pull this argument.

"Squall." She began calmly, beating me to the punch, as she pulled away from the desk and walked around it and toward me. She was acting the part of the 'bigger man.' I wouldn't let her have the satisfaction. "I don't understand why you can't believe me." She was coming too close for comfort. I pushed away from her desk and walked down a row of student desks.

"I can't believe you because I know you're lying." I said, reinstating my point for what felt like the millionth time. As I slowly passed each desk I let my hand extend out and lightly pat each chair that it came across. It was calming in a room which felt so volatile at that moment.

"Squall, we're just going around in circles now. We could never walk straight though, could we?" She commented with a hint of laugh. Her words felt like mocking. But who she was mocking, me, her or us was unclear, probably even to her. There was a silence as I finished passing a row of desks and was now at the back end of the classroom. I turned and faced her. She stood there, arms folded across her chest standing comfortably cocked on a hip, as if waiting for my next words.

I couldn't think of anything to say so I simply stared back, trying to look as hostile as possible. We stood and glared for what felt like hours. But she suddenly broke it with a suddenly pained and hurt touch to her eyes. I was momentarily stunned by this sudden sign of weakness she had just exhibited in front of me, especially after the unfiltered amount of smugness she had spewed from her mouth. I could feel my features form to a look of utter confusion.

"Why do you insist on hating me?" The question caught me off guard and the last sudden emotional burst on her part didn't help my surprise much either. "Is my affection wrong? Is favoring a student of mine a horrible thing to do? Just tell me what. What makes you hate me?" She asked with more curiosity than irritation, mocking or even anger. My mouth flew open ready to spew a few 'because you annoy the hell out of me's, but none came. I was just left there, my brain pulling on my tongue in restraint as my mouth was left agape. I stood momentarily, wondering why I couldn't let these words, which had been so easy to say before, flow freely from my mouth. And I thought maybe I didn't hate her… as much as I thought anyway. I began to think about the idea of truly hating her. Even though I pounded this fact into my head on a near daily basis, I truly doubted it now. I had told myself 'I hate this stupid bitch' and 'she's an evil whore who I would gladly kill.' I really, truly, honestly began to wonder. It might have been pity, especially from her last emotional reaction. Thinking about it logically, I'm sure it was pity. But I was too blinded by what felt like guilt to be concerned about what instigated the sudden thoughts. My mouth slowly closed from its gaping position and felt my senses regain their composure. I let my hand form into a delicate fist, then relaxed the fingers again. I began to feel the weight of the world around me at that very moment. The weight of my necklace on my chest felt indescribably heavy. The ring felt like it no longer rested on my ring finger but instead was clamping on it. The shoes I always wore started to feel too tight to be comfortable. I felt my breathing becoming deeper as if our altitude was changing. The intense amount of guilt I had suddenly been dumped with was suffocating me. Did I honestly cause her this much torment? Was she honestly hurt over the idea I didn't like her?

She looked up at me once more, that same hurt that had stabbed my gut before remained in her eyes. And the knife that was lodged within me twisted.

"Quistis…" I began, not knowing how to say whatever it was I wanted to say exactly. "I…" Was all I could manage to mumble out. I didn't sound guilty at all, the words just sounded like something I would say everyday in passing. The emotion wouldn't come through my voice. It was on blockade.

She shook her head.

"Whatever." She mumbled. It was always the perfect way to brush someone off. It was the word that consolidated the phrases 'I really don't care' and 'go away' into one perfect masterpiece.

She turned around, gathered some papers, turned back around to me and extended them to me. As simple as that. I hastily moved to her and grabbed the papers. But I wouldn't let them go. I simply locked eyes with her, to see if anything new would arise but that same pained look remained. She let her hand drop from the papers and walked away behind her desk and sat once more. She picked up right where she left off when I had entered previously and began to grade her papers again. I exited without a word.

And with my silent exit and her use of that infamous word I was thrown from the conversation battle ring and the ball was now lying safely on her side of the court.

As I walked away from the class and down the halls I realized what I had been trapped into. My guilt quickly mutated itself into frustration. She used my emotions to fuck with my head. That sneaky little bitch….

………………………………………………………………………………..

The sunset always looked so much better from here. I think that's what people who don't like sunsets are missing. They're missing the right vantage point. My ex-boyfriend lived in an apartment complex in the city and he always hated the sunset because it 'gave a bad glare on the TV.' Psh, so shallow. The sunset was definitely something I missed about home and finding it here at Garden felt like a dream come true. To be honest I thought it might cure the little bit of homesickness that I was feeling in the pit of stomach, but I think it might have actually worsened it. I guess I thought the sunset would cover those memories but I'm pretty sure it only reinforced them. So every early evening when I came out here, I'd think about nothing but home. It was nostalgic and always managed to make me feel better but as a pay off, I found myself also becoming slightly depressed. Does that make any sense at all? Feeling better but worse at the same time? I don't know. But there it was, that hurt-and-heal mind-fuck. But only ever out here on the secret balcony so well hidden by foliage in the training center.

Even if I wanted to think about things other than home, I just couldn't. It was strange because home wasn't exactly my favorite place to be. I had left with such little remorse that I wondered where these nostalgic feelings were springing from. I figured, in the end, no matter how much you hate a place you're always going to leave a small piece of yourself with it. And maybe you don't miss the place, but you miss that piece of you, the piece that you dropped on your way out. I just wish I had picked that piece up. I didn't want to think about home anymore. I was in a new land, a whole new world. I didn't want to have time to think about things like this. I wanted to be completely submerged in the waters of Garden. Smothered by my new life and surroundings to just make me forget about the rest of it all, even if for a moment.

I sighed, exhausted from the day and my own thoughts. I leaned against the railing and let the breeze rock me and toss me like a ship on ocean waves. I didn't really care if my hair got a little tangled or my skirt flew up a bit too high for comfort. No one ever came out here anyways. This place was so high up it always felt like such a rush to lean over and look down. And as I looked over I couldn't help but get dizzy and smile a bit to myself at this self-inflicted state. I pulled myself back, leaned against the railing once more and continued my stare out to the orange and pink sky that happened to currently be painting the sky.

There was a sudden rustling behind me and I swiftly spun myself around, startled by the sound. No one had ever come out here before so the first conclusion I jumped to was monster on the prowl. But instead what immerged was my injured friend from yesterday. I sighed in relief and let my body relax from the tension it was holding just a second ago.

"Oh my Gosh…" I breathed out as I saw the whole of him appear to me. He looked irritated. "You scared the crap out of me." I said with a chuckle, all too relieved that it wasn't some beast ready to tear me limb from limb. He nodded, already not wanting to deal with me, and approached the other side of the balcony, completely ignoring me. Probably for the best. He looked like he might have snapped at me... I mean, after today's encounter he didn't seem like the friendliest person in the entire world.

We stood there in silence, attempting to ignore each other for what seemed like hours. I tried to ignore his presence but it just wouldn't leave my mind. I kept reminding myself that he was just a few feet away from me for some reason. I could feel the awkward tension resonate from the space between us. I wanted to break it so badly but at the same time I wanted to keep it intact because I had a strong feeling that breaking it would cause more troubles than my irritation over some dumb feeling ever could. But, I decided to just grow a pair and blurt something out.

"Do you come out here a lot?" Oh Christ that was dumb. That was a pick up line! Not some casual phrase you just throw out there. I felt the awkward tension heighten.

"What?" He seemed caught off guard by the bizarre ice breaker I had just vomited out of my trap.

"I-I mean…" So embarrassing. Now I was blushing. "I just meant to ask if you knew about this place or did you just sort of happen upon it." I corrected but by the expression he was giving me I could tell it didn't matter one way or another if I had cleared up my first comment or not.

"I've known about this place." He said as he turned away from me, I'm sure hoping that to be the last of our dialogue. I was glad to oblige. More minutes of silence passed us by as the hue of the sky's color began to deteriorate into the darkness of night.

I heard the shuffle of his feet and I glanced to him and found he was looking at me. I turned my full attention to him. I was slightly curious as to what he had to say to me. For some unexpected reason I thought it was going to be something deep and profound. I figured a man of so few words must speak only when necessary.

"Do you mind if I smoke?" Okay, not as deep as I was planning on it to be.

"No. Not at all." I answered with a small shake of my head. I turned my attention back to the fading sky as I heard the click of the lighter sound again and again. It finally stopped and heard him exhale in such relaxation I found myself almost jealous.

More silence and all I could think about was him so close to me. And thinking about it made me feel uncomfortable. I had to leave.

I turned from the railing and walked for the exit, expecting him to not notice or care that I was leaving. But the sudden ring of his voice left me immobile.

"Do you hate anyone?" He called out to me. I turned back around to him, quite shocked that he had initiated a conversation… and a conversation about a topic like that no less. He still had his back turned to me and he was leaning against the railing staring deep into the horizon line like I was doing just before.

"Why?" I questioned, slowly making my way back up to original position. He swiveled his head around and we locked eyes. I could feel a certain amount of understanding bouncing between us at that moment and I began to feel oddly comfortable.

"I dunno. Just wondering." He answered as he took another drag, then repositioned his eyes back to the world outside of this balcony. I took a moment to answer, hesitant on whether he was kidding or not but when no other sign came from him, I began.

"Well. There was this guy back at home I really hated. He pretended he liked me for months and months and I ended up thinking we were really good friends, yah know? But then I learned he was talking crap about me behind my back and he convinced one of my best guy friends that I had a crush on him and then he stopped talking to me and it was all just so fucking stupid." I complained and I could feel that same hate I thought I had repressed from so long ago begin to bubble up all over again. "I must have egged his house like, thirty times that summer." He gave a small chuckle to this. "How about you. Do you hate anyone?" I looked over to him and he began to ponder the question as he twitched the cigarette around delicately between his fingers. He sighed and looked at me with a face that just screamed 'yah know, I really don't know.'

"I don't know." Then he turned back to the horizon line.

"I don't think you should know about hate." I said after a moment of pondering. "It's such a strong and powerful feeling that I think you should either not feel it at all, or reserve it for some serious asshole who really deserves it. I mean, hate starts wars and stuff." I commented as I pulled myself onto the top of the railing and threw my legs over the edge so I was sitting on top of it. I began to kick my legs listlessly. I saw him out of the corner of my eye watch me get into the position.

"Love starts wars to." He replied. He took another drag and exhaled.

"True. Well, one of my friends back home was always like 'love is hate and hate is love because love and hate are the two deepest emotions you can feel.'…. or something like that. I dunno." Thinking about it, it didn't really make any sense. I guess it sounded cooler coming from her.

"Ah fuck…" He mumbled under his breath as he let his head fall onto the railing without any restraint.

"What?" I asked, quietly concerned after a brief pause.

"I really don't want to love the people I hate." He said as he took a huge drag from his cigarette.

"Well, do you really want to hate the people you love?" I replied back not to sure why I had said what I said.

"Rather do that than love that dumb bitch." He commented as the smoke filtered from his lips like a water color painting. With an irritated frown he flicked the rest of the cigarette over the edge of the balcony and we watched it twist and turn on its decent into the fathoms below us.

"I don't mean to impose or anything, but can I ask who, exactly?" I asked, feeling my body become tense, scared of his reaction. He looked at me with little feeling in his face and I could tell he didn't want to say. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. But of course I wouldn't tell any-" I couldn't finish my apology.

"Quistis." He blurted out, still looking at me.

"Erm… I haven't been here long so I don't really know the student body and-" I was cut off again.

"She's not a student. She's a teacher. Instructor Trepe. Do you know her?" He asked. Just saying the name seemed to send a jolt of irritation spiraling through him.

Oh my God… a lover's quarrel? I felt my heart beat pick up it's pace.

"Really? You hate her?" It was more of an exclamation than a general question and he seemed confused by my reaction.

"Yeah. She…" He paused momentarily as if trying to pick his words carefully. "She… I dunno. She's just… she's just such a bitch!" He finally exclaimed, forming it to a near yell. I was taken aback by the amount of anger and irriation he packed into the last of his words. Wasn't expecting that from him of all people. Maybe they weren't dating at all. Maybe it really was all just a rumor.

"How so?" I asked, curious on the insight into their relationship whether it be positive or negative.

"I can't even describe it." He said it like he couldn't even believe himself. "Just stay far away from her. She'll mess with you." He said as he turned to me. I nodded. He pulled another cigarette from his pocket and brought up the lighter close to it. He clicked it again and again.

"What does it feel like to smoke?" I asked curiously. I had never tried and none of my friends ever did it but something must be alluring about it if so many people did it. "Does it feel good?"

"Hmmm…" He stopped his clicking momentarily and examined the unlit cigarette as if studying it long enough would yield him the answers we wanted. "I don't know if it feels good. It just feels… nice." He said as he replaced it back in his mouth and finally lit it. He took a drag and exhaled. "Imagine an incredibly cold day and you're freezing your ass off and then you walk into this room and it's got to be at least ninety degrees in there. Just this feeling of utter bliss." The more he talked the more relaxed he seemed to become.

"So you can find bliss in a cigarette?" I questioned, more jokingly than anything.

"Wanna try?" He offered as he pulled his pack out and extended it to me. God… it was so tempting.

"Can I get addicted from just one?" I was scared, I'm not gonna lie.

"No. I hated my first time actually." He confessed.

"Then why'd you do it again?" I asked a little confused on his logic.

"Fuck if I know." He mumbled as he took another drag.

"Nah, no thanks." I finally said with a slight frown on my face. God did I ever want to try it though… thinking about it almost made my mouth water.

As I saw him retract the carton into his pocket my mind turned three hundred and sixty degrees. Oh grow some balls Rinoa!

"Wait." I meekly called out, as if I was scared my conscience would hear me and scold me. The meek yelp managed catch his attention though. "I'll try one." I gulped. Here we go…

I pulled the cigarette out from beside its brethren with my thumb and index finger. I held it gently and examined it closely, as if checking to make sure this little tube of nothing was the real deal. He pulled out the lighter from his pocket and turned his whole body towards me.

"Okay, now." He began. Why was I so nervous? It was just a cigarette! "See the little orange part?" I nodded. "Stick most of that, like about ninety percent of it, into your mouth." I did as instructed. It tasted like paper. I didn't get it and was already confused about the obsession over these things. "Okay, now when I light it take a deep breath, but not too deep and then exhale. Just make sure your feeling the air in your lungs, got it?" I nodded and he brought the lighter to the end of the cigarette dangling from my mouth. It clicked once, twice, three times. I felt all this suspense for something that I knew wasn't exciting at all but I just couldn't stop feeling anxious and nervous about this whole cigarette idea. The lighter finally caught a flame and the cigarette lit. "Now inhale." He commanded. I did as I was told, afraid doing anything else would result in my head exploding. "Now exhale." I exhaled and that same water color grey blotchiness that I had seem him leak from his nostrils and mouth so many times before now clouded my own vision before me. I followed the art into the air until it dispersed into the air around us.

I pulled the cigarette from my mouth like any old pro, with my index and middle fingers. I giggled a bit at the idea of me being nervous over something so simple. And maybe I laughed because it was just so new to me. Smoking? I had never even thought about it before. People on TV did it and people in movies too. But… me? Definitely unexpected. Coming out here tonight I was expecting some big inner search fest with my soul about life and home and things I'd rather save for later. So this cigarette was a welcome surprise. And in the closing moments of sunset I took another drag and exhaled beautifully.

"How do you like it?" He asked. I could tell he was expecting a negative answer.

"I like it. I mean it's-" But I couldn't finish. A coughing fit had suddenly seized me.

"Yeah…" He mumbled through my coughing fit. "That usually happens on your first time too."

……………………………………………………

A/N: Thank you for reading another chapter! Please review! The reviews mean SOOO MUCH TO ME! So thank you everyone who reviewed last time! They actually really inspired me to write more. Which is why I'm finishing this up at 5 AM. Haha. I find this story so much fun to write and I hope it's just as entertaining to read as well. So thank you again!


	3. Mountains Form

What? A new chapter? Yes, yes it is.

Chapter 3: Mountains Form

The whole next day I had guilt written all over my conscience. It felt like every step I took the further that guilt spread throughout my being, to the point where people could see it on me. I mean, it was just a cigarette but it felt dirtier than that. It felt like shame had blackened my lungs and my coughs were expelling pieces of nasty phlegm that screamed 'OH MY GOD! I SMOKED! I HAVE BEEN SHAMED!' Over dramatic, sure, but at the time I was so on edge for some reason. Maybe the idea of just doing something so exciting and new put me on edge just a little bit. Whatever. I was just overreacting. But it did feel sickeningly glamorous to have smoked my first cigarette. I felt like a bad ass. And I smoked my bad ass cigarette with a guy who had a bad ass reputation. It sort of began to sound like the start of a porno or something.

"Rinny!" Selphie cried out to me as I sat there aimlessly jabbing my food. "Earth to Rinoa." I mumbled indiscriminately in acknowledgment and began to poke the food harder. I just couldn't stop thinking about my meeting with Squall. And in such a weird place too... and then I smoked! I just couldn't get over that fact for some reason. "Okay Rinoa... stop stabbing the food. I think it's dead now."

"Oh," I finally snapped out of it when I saw the amount of stab wounds my poor potato had received. "Sorry Selphie. I've just been so spacey today."

"One of those days?" She asked casually as she took a bite out of her sandwhich.

"Yeah, I guess..." my voice faded away as I concluded my brief statement.

We decided to eat our lunches out on the Balamb plains that day. Mainly just for shits and giggles and plus it was such a beautiful day. One of those days that's a shame to pass up, and you feel guilty if you just stay in doors all day. The fresh air was also a nice change from the stuffy halls of Garden. Invigorating really.

"I have something to tell you." I began very dramatically.

"You're a dude. I know."

"Shut up." I put down my fork and looked at her. "I smoked a cigarette last night." I declared, expecting to defend myself against the onslaughts of 'OH MY GOD! CANCER!'

"... and you're a dude." was her only response.

"Selphie! I smoked last night! For the first time."

"... 'kay." She cocked an eyebrow at me curiously

"That's it?" I was slightly relieved.

"What do you want from me Rinoa?" She asked with a small smile. "Would you like a metal? I can make one out of paper mache for you."

"You don't think it's weird at all that I smoked?"

"Well, I mean... kind of. It's not a very you thing to do I guess. But seriously, people smoke all the time. People younger than you no less." She said as she continued eating.

"Yeah... I guess. But, it just feels weird to say that 'I've smoked before' you know?" I commented as I continued stabbing my food again.

"Oh, did your food come alive again? Quick! Stab it harder before it bites back!" She yelled at my food as if trying to scare it off.

"The food's not alive dammit, and I can stab it as much as I want!" I raised my plate away from her face, defending the defenseless potato.

"Are you trying to stab away your shame for smoking that stupid cigarette or something?" Selphie questioned jokingly.

"Probably. Something like that." I took a bite of my potato. It was cold now, all those holes I had stabbed in it had cooled it considerably.

"Did you go out and buy a pack or something?" She asked, moving back to my cigarette issue.

"No. Someone gave me one."

"Who? Who is the bastard who turned you into a lecherous wench?" She asked shaking her fist in mock anger.

"Squall." I turned to her with a smug smile, knowing her interest would be piqued with such a twist in my story.

"Shut up." She was aghast. "Was it sexy and dangerous?"

"Oh God yes." I played along with her. "No... it was just..." I couldn't find the words. "Pleasant I guess."

"Wait... is this about the cigarette or is it about Squall?" She narrowed her eyes to me. I didn't really think about it until she asked.

"Umm, both I guess. I mean, the cigarette was dangerous in a the way that cigarettes are and Squall was..." words once again alluded me. "he was interesting."

"You mean sexy." She corrected me quickly.

"Well..." I thought about it for a moment and I had to agree. "Yeah... He was sexy. But not in that conventional way, like mysteriously sexy, yah know?"

"Oh, totally." I could tell I had her full attention, even if she wouldn't admit it. "So, what did you two talk about?"

I wanted to divulge everything about Quistis, but it felt too personal to share with someone he didn't even know. Plus I knew that if Selphie had that kind of information it would just become another rumor and things would end up more wrong than right.

"Not much." was my only response which displeased her considerably.

"Not much? C'mon Rinny! That's a lie. I know that's a lie." Why must she keep on prying?

"We just talked about the sunset and how we both liked that time of the day and stuff. It was nothing super serious or important." I brushed the question off, but this seemed to satisfy her curiosity enough for her to stop pestering me.

"Hmm." She grunted delicately and went back to her sandwhich.

The rest of the lunch went on in silence. I could practically see her mind reeling with possibilities of a possible future meeting with me and him. Sex? Eloping? Scandal! She was dramatic in the most endearing way possible.

After I was done with classes for the day I had to pay my dues over at the infirmary. The little side job had sadly already lost its luster. I realized in the midst of the dreary repetitiveness of filing the same shit over and over that I only accepted this position because I was so enamored with Squall and his mysterious ways. But now that he was gone the rest of the people who twisted their ankles or had headaches just seemed so lame and tiresome. I'd hate to have Kadowaki's job.

"I have a headache." a girl complained to the doctor. She was whiny and I wanted to punch her. Hard... very hard. But it wasn't her fault. It was all me. I was sick of being in this stupid office for hours at a time hearing the same crap over and over. Punching her seemed like the right thing to do at the time as if it was totally justifiable.

Just when I thought I would have stabbed a pen through my face, interest personified walked into the room. The cool swish of the automatic door caught my ears and strained them. My head spun to see who was to enter. A crybaby student? A worried instructor? No... none of the above. A familiar face appeared and a familiar feeling crept over me.

This man was gorgeous. His slick blonde hair and hardened face made me blush instantly. His low v-cut shirt made my eyes widen. His strut made my mouth gape. And the sweat that was light on his brow made my heart beat faster. Why was he so familiar... and why did it feel so familiar to see him?

He saw that the doctor was busy and turned his gaze upon me. As if his eyes repelled me I felt myself push my weight into my seat, as if trying to back away. His eyes were small but intensely expressive in a dark way. His blue-green eyes wrapped me up like a snake does with prey and lulled me into the darkness between the brilliant blue-green color surrounding it. I smiled softly, so enamoured with this beautiful creature that stood before me. Like an angel from heaven, silhoutted by the inset lights above him... or a swim suit model. He was gorgeous. Just fucking gorgeous.

"Do you have any advil?" He asked bluntly.

This snapped me from my daze instantly and I became flustered.

"Oh, ummm..." I darted my eyes away from his and pretended to scour the desk for it. It wasn't on the desk, I knew that. I just couldn't collect myself enough to actually stand or do much of anything. "The cupboard." I thought out loud... maybe a little too loud. He looked at me funny. And I smiled stupidly then moved clumsily toward the cabinet behind me. Turned away from him I calmed down, took a breath, grabbed the bottle and turned to him once again. I tapped out two pills for him and filled a paper cup up with water. He popped both in his mouth, sipped some water and took a moment to swallow them. He turned slightly to the side and locked his eyes onto something as if just to have something to stare at besides myself who still happened to be gaping at him. We both stood there in a weird sort of silence, as if each of us wanted the other to leave.

"Umm," I began softly, "do you need anything else?" I gave him a curious look.

"Oh, uh." he must have zoned off for a second, "No. Just have a headache." He looked back to me and I felt my brain seizure and my insides twist as his eyes stabbed me once more. This guy was so sexy it was exhilarating. "I got knocked on the head from one of those fucking T-Rex things in the training center. Hurt like a bitch. Still hurts like a bitch." He rubbed his head tenderly.

"I don't think just advil will do much." I commented. "Would you like to see the doctor when she's done?" I asked, finding my composure.

"Yeah. Sure." He sounded relatively indifferent.

"All right, just take a seat over there and she'll be with you in a second." I motioned towards a row of seats against the wall and he nodded and sat. I sat back down too and pretended to file papers as I kept stealing glances at him. Oh my God... he was so hot. So very hot.

He kept looking in on the doctor, impatient.

"Psh, I bet that bitch doesn't have any problem at all. She's just cutting class." He mumbled loud enough so it was audible only for me.

I chuckled softly. "They never do. It's the same thing every time. 'My foot hurts' or 'I have a headache.' They bitch and moan for a while then once thirty minutes has passed they're all better and they just leave." I commented back to him, completely dropping the fake filing idea and just concentrating on him... and his sexiness.

But before much of his awesome hotness could be properly absorbed the girl with the 'head ache' came out of the room from which her and the doctor were in.

"Wow. My headache just, like, disappeared!" She said so pleased with herself that she had successfully waisted so much time.

"Yes..." the doctor mumbled, following her out. "Truly a miracle." the lack of emotion in her mocking words couldn't be ignored by anyone of real intelligence, so it escaped the girl.

"I know! Wow! You have some great drugs in there." She commented as she turned back to the doctor.

"Yeah, well don't go around telling other students that. I'll get fired." Kadowaki commented as she flipped through her clipboard a bit.

"Thanks so much! Bye!" with her goodbye the girl promptly bounded out of the infirmary as if she had just started a brand new life and the world was at her finger tips.

"Yeah, you must have some really awesome drugs in your magic cabinet, Doctor. She looks crazy doped up." I commented. The doctor chuckled a bit, but tried to keep most of her composure when in front of students.

The boy stood, ready to go into the room with the doctor. He looked a tad impatient, as if he just wanted to get into that room as fast as possible.

"Oh! You have another student here." I said gesturing toward the standing boy. Kadowaki looked up and smirked knowingly.

"Seifer..." she mumbled. "I had a feeling you'd show up today." He looked slightly embarassed and shot me a side glance, as if to make sure I didn't think less of him. But how could I? Especially with his name being Seifer.

Seifer... his name was Seifer. Such a sexy name. This kid just screamed sexy. I realized what I could do to make work more exciting, at least for an hour. I could find his file and memorize every fact and tidbit about him! Well... maybe not memorize but at least glance over it a few times. Sure, it was creepy as hell but I couldn't help myself.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, a little irritated at such a comment.

"I just hadn't seen you in awhile. It was going to be sooner rather than later you would come around again." She explained with a shrug. She was being in no way apologetic to her earlier comment, but merely explaining it as if he would understand. He rolled his eyes but made no more protests. "So... what is the issue today?"

"Some fucking dinosaur bashed me on the head a while ago." He said quite crudely, giving no mind to the fact that she was a superior.

"Don't swear around me, Mr. Almasy." She commanded sternly to which he seemed to comply with. Almasy, huh? Seifer Almasy... "And they're called T-Rexaurs. Have you learned nothing in your years here?" She questioned quite exacerbated with this apparent wild child. "Rinoa, could you pull Seifer Almasy's file out for me?"

I nodded and quickly dove into the cabinets that housed the medical records. I thumbed through the S's faster than I had thumbed through anything ever before and quickly snatched it out. I walked out from the reception desk to hand it to her directly which was a completely unnecessary move, but any excuse to get closer to Seifer was a good enough reason to do just about anything. I handed her the portfolio and she gave me a curious once over, silently asking just what the hell I was doing. I gave Seifer a look and smiled, he smiled in return. I hadn't felt this juvenile about my flirting tactics since middle school, but it seemed to be working and I couldn't argue much less complain about how I got his attention.

Kadowaki took notice of our sheepish and ridiculous flirting antics.

"Umm," She broke the silence and the eye contact. "This is Rinoa, Seifer." She greeted us and I stuck a hand out for a shake.

"Nice to meet you." I said with a pleasant smile. He smiled back and nodded.

Kadowaki groaned and rolled her eyes at this very public flirtation which she probably thought was a little more than grotesque. And she was right, it was a little gross to be perfectly honest. But I just couldn't help myself. He was adorable and I just felt like a little school girl who was head over heels when I was around him. It was endearing and for the rest of the day I couldn't stop smiling.

I hadn't felt this way in so long and it was exciting. I didn't care if anything manifested itself from our little encounter, it was just nice experiencing those feelings again. It gave me a reason to start doing my hair, actually caring whether I put on make up or not and paying attention to how I moved, how I sat, my posture, everything. I loved it.

--

I couldn't sleep that night for some reason. I didn't know why. One of those nights I just assumed. I tossed and turned in my bed, removed clothes, put more clothes on, took the sheets off, put them back on, cracked a window... I did everything I could to try and get comfortable but it just wasn't happening.

"Fuck!" I said, my anger seething through clenched teeth. "This fucking sucks." I normally wouldn't have cared to stay up all night just thinking but I had shit to do tomorrow. Not just class, but real important shit to do. I had to take practice exams for the SeeD written exam and I knew that with my mind so hungry for sleep and rest there'd be no way I could even come close to even mediocracy. Maybe I was just nervous about the test? I didn't know nor did I care. I just wanted sleep. Where were pills when you needed them?

"Fuck this cocking shit!" I yelled and smashed a pillow into my face. But the soft touch pillows often provide stung me on the brow just then. Damn that fucking scar. It was still tender and not even close to be fully healed. I wanted to bash Seifer's skull in with a bat just thinking about how this horrendous scar would heal. It would end up looking like a mountainous region right in the center of my face. They'd name it, claim it in the name of their country and snow would top the peaks.

"God dammit Seifer... just make me a fucking hunch back why don't you." I dropped kick the pillow off my bed. It hit my desk and sent shit flying, probably shit I needed. I didn't even care anymore. I was too tired to care. I sat up and threw my legs over the edge of the bed. I tapped my feet and put my chin in my hands. What to do... what to do. If I wasn't sleeping then I couldn't be here. It just made me all the more aggravated and anxious.

I decided on going to the training center balcony. I pulled a sweater over, slipped some slippers on, grabbed two packs of cigarettes, a lighter and made my way out.

The campus was desolate. Sort of eery really. For as long as I've been here, I don't think I've been out at this time. It was early morning, probably around 5 or so and that new day air was finding comfort in my lungs. I had never really noticed until just now, but I really loved the open aired connecting hallway from the dorms to the main building. It was so refreshing to get a few minutes of real air rather than terribly stuffy garden air that smelled of sweat and crappy cafeteria food. I took a little longer than usual in the hallway, sucking up as much fresh air as possible before heading into the oppressive larger, closed building.

I made my way to the secret balcony, avoiding any fights by staying on the perimeter of the training ground. I kicked some foliage out of my way and cursed at it as it swung back and hit me in the face and ass and pretty much everywhere.

"Gah," I exclaimed as I swatted more foliage away as I made my way through the hole in the wall to the secret area. "Go fuck yourself training center!" I yelled as I finally stumbled through to the other side as the last of the accursed shrubbery untangled itself from my body. I looked up glad to be free and was shocked at what my eyes caught. I could feel my face drop from the anger and frustration it had harbored and morph into curiosity and shock. That girl. Again.

She laughed. "Yeah! Fuck that foliage!" She mocked me as she threw a lame fist in the air. She too was dressed in her pajamas with a baggy sweater atop it all.

"The hell are you doing here?" Was all I could ask as I brushed some excess leaves off my sweater. Seriously... what the hell was she doing here.

"Oh psh, as if I'm the only one who's acting weird right now. What are YOU doing here?" She reminded me, slightly irritated. You could tell she was tired too and that irritation was stemming solely from her lack of sleep. I glanced at her, and moved to the opposite corner of the balcony.

I answered her question with a shrug as I pulled out my cigarettes. I pulled one out and put it between my lips and let it hang there, in severe danger of falling from the light grasp I had on it. She watched me, waiting for me to answer her question with something of real substance rather than some vague gesture.

"Couldn't sleep." I finally answered after a peculiar pause. I lit my cigarette and inhaled the sweet toxin that lay hidden in that tiny role of white paper. I hung my jaw loose and exhaled gently. The smoke plumed from my lungs and out through my mouth. It was like a summer fire had caught in my lungs and had no wind to stir it, just gently billowed up to the sky and dissipated in the air.

"Neither could I." she said as she turned away from me and back to the sky now turning a strange dark purple color. Her lack of any emotive expression in her voice was an easy indicator that something was on her mind. She leaned against the railing and just continued to stare out blankly.

The morning was calm. No wind, hardly any noise save for the occasional squawk of an early rising seagull or the screech of a late to bed bat. It was just our light breathing, my occasional strong exhales and the rustle of our clothes at the little movements we made that filled our morning.

"I have this important test tomorrow." I said, shattering the silence into thousands of pieces. I did this last time too. Broke the silence I mean. She felt like a nice person to me. Maybe that's why I did it. I don't know. I didn't feel comfortable with her or anything but she had a nice air about her that made me feel relaxed. Such a quality is so often missed and all the more important at a place like Garden. This place is so oppressive and suffocating so to find light in the darkness or warmth in the cold is always a bit of a rarity, one that should be held on to. I didn't care to hold on to her by any means, but it was a nice comfort while it was there.

"It's a practice test for the SeeD written exam." I said as I took another drag. I moved towards the railing and leaned against it, just as she was doing at the other end.

"Nervous?" She asked. The question was infused with that same emotionless tone as before.

I paused. "Yeah."

"Why?" She turned her body toward me. "It's just practice." she reminded me. As if I hadn't tried reminding myself that over and over.

I took another drag, shut my eyes for a moment, and really savored the flavor. "It's just stressful." I answered. The smoke filtered out with every word I spoke as if I was making intangible smoke signals to someone far away.

"It's like..." she paused for a moment and she moved closer to me. She turned back to the sky that was lightening its colors and changing its hues with every passing second we wasted. She found her words. "... It's like, you're practicing your future."

I... I guess she was right. I didn't really no why I was stressed out at all really. It was just practice, and practice is there so you can make a mistake and learn from it. But... this was so important to me. I figured if I failed once, there was no point of even trying again. I would have failed myself. I would have stomped on my own dreams. The battles I've fought, the enemies I've killed and all the dangerous training I had endured didn't crush my future... but a fucking test did. And even if it didn't crush me, it would be just another scar on my body. One that I see everyday that laughs at me and mocks me.

I instinctively touched the scar that ran between my eyes and it stung terribly. I cringed slightly, and swiftly moved my hand away.

She took notice of this and turned again to me. "It hurts?" She sounded generally concerned.

"Yeah." I quickly realized what I had just done so publicly. I thought it had been a little more discreet but apparently not. She continued to stare at me... and kept staring. "What?" I finally asked as I looked back at her. We locked eyes and she held my gaze powerfully. It was not like those other times where she meekly protested my stares with a swift turn of her head, this time she held my eyes.

"It was Seifer... wasn't it."

This caught me off guard. The fuck does she know about it.

"What's it to you?" This pissed me off. Not only was I exhausted, stressed out but now more of this interrogating? I got enough of it from Kadowaki, Cid and Quistis. I didn't want some goddamn stranger yapping about my shit.

"I know it's Seifer. You don't have to say anything." She said apologetically. She could tell I was irate about the subject. Her tone put me at ease though. She looked back to the sky becoming morning. The sky was bleeding its water color paints all across itself, not really thinking of color matching or tones at this point as if it was too tired to care.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I smashed my cigarette against the cement of the railing and watched the embers break into chaos as they flew every which way. I flicked the cigarette over and we both watched it twirl its way into the oblivion below.

She sighed. "He's the only other gunblade user in this whole Garden." She said with finality.

"Who said I was cut with a gunblade?" I questioned curiously as I turned toward her. Had she been at the fight? And she hadn't said anything yet?

"... huh?" She turned to me aghast and bewildered. "You're kidding right?" Kidding? Kidding about what? The hell...

"What am I kidding about? What are you talking about?" This was freaking me out in a way. It's like we weren't speaking the same language anymore. The scene must have been funny to an outsider though. We were both gawking at each other with utterly confused and perplexed faces, stupefied on what the fucking was going on here.

"Of course I know he cut you with a gunblade. I just never got a clear look at who you were fighting..." She explained, as if trying to recall some kind of memory in me.

"So... you were at the fight then?" I tried to coax the answer out of her. Jesus, it was like pulling teeth with this girl.

"'At the fight!?' What!?" She was pissed. What? What happened? What did I do to offend her? Had I not acknowledged her at the fight or something? Like I would even have a reason to give her a second glance, especially at a time like that.

"Why are you so pissed!?" I was practically yelling. This was escalating way too fast for my pace. "What happened?"

"You don't remember me!? I was the one who brought you to the infirmary, shit for brains!" She yelled.

Oh my god... it was her? I seriously hadn't recognized her? Good christ, I really must have been out of it. I felt intense guilt swell over me. How could I have been so retarded? I've seen this girl three times and... Oh! Of course! That's why she was at the infirmary with me during the check up! I knew she didn't work there, unless she was just hired or something. She was there to check on me. I thought she was weird... but she was just being nice.

I dropped my gaze away from her, my jaw hanging open as I zoned out in absolute disbelief at this whole situation.

"You know what." She raised a finger at me. "I let it slide when all those fucking bitches called me a liar for me being the one to take you back instead of that Trepe whore." Oh Quistis, that fucking sleazy bitch. "But I at least thought the person I had helped would acknowledge me." Her voice cracked as she echoed the last words of her tirade to me. "I thought it was oh so romantic at the thought of an illicit love between student and teacher," Wait. What was she talking about? "and I thought well, 'I let her have this victory because it's just so cute-'" I cut her blasphemous babble off curtly.

"In LOVE!? Me and Quistis!?" Just hearing that pissed me off beyond all belief. I've heard so many of those goddamn rumors I was so sick of it. Especially at a time like this. I had been up for twenty-four hours, and was completely exhausted. This was so not the time. "I'll never be in love with that slimy shit. She's the worse thing to crawl this earth. I HATE her!" I put so much emphasis on the word 'hate' it hurt my throat.

She was taken aback by this. "... Really?" This scream of a declaration on my personal life silenced her anger quite quickly.

"Yeah..." I took a breath, realizing I had greatly overreacted. "Really." I exhaled. I wanted to get off that fucking Quistis topic as soon as possible. Talking about my masturbation habits would be less painful than that. "Umm..." I began stupidly. "And I wasn't purposely ignoring you or anything." I apologized sheepishly. I didn't want to say that really, it just came out. And as childish as it sounds, I hated apologizing. It was so embarrassing, especially to a person I didn't really know. "I was so out of it. I could barely see with all the blood and gunk all over my face and in my eyes and my mouth. I would have said thank you. Had I known." She remained silent and I heard her move toward me a little bit. I looked up and she was smiling a little smile.

"I'm sorry I yelled."

I paused. She said her apology so forthrightly and with no reluctance. It was sort of refreshing not having to deal with such a stubborn person.

"Me too." I took a hint from her and just said what needed to be said.

She laughed a little. "I bet you don't even know my name."

Shit. She was right. I had no idea.

"It's Rinoa." She held out a hand and I took it in my own. I squeezed it gently and shook it lightly.

"Sq-" she cut me off.

"Squall. I know." She said as she squeezed my grasp a little tighter and shook a little harder.

I don't even know why I bothered telling her my name. I knew that she already knew it.

We let each others hands go and I pulled the box of cigarettes out and she looked at them with just as much curiosity as she had done the night prior. I pulled one out for myself and gestured the box toward her.

"Join me?" I said as I shook the box a little. The remaining cigarettes jiggled and tossed around as if they were a rattle snake's rattle, telling her to stay away from them. But she snatched one anyway.

"I won't cough this time. Watch." She said with a half smile as she put the cigarette between her lips, took the lighter from me and lit it. She exhaled strongly, forcing the smoke to immediately wash itself out in the morning air. The new born sun suddenly peeked an eye and I didn't care at this point. It was past the point of no return in regards to sleep. Just fuck it. Fuck it all. Fuck the test, fuck Quistis and fuck the future.

She started coughing after her second drag. That probably wouldn't go away for a while, but I didn't want to tell her...

--

Authors Note: Thank you so much for the supportive reviews, even though I haven't updated in years (literally). I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as you did the previous ones. Oh, I swear this is a SQUINOA by the way and NOT, I repeat NOT, a seinoa. I'll have the next chapter up in a more timely fashion next time. Promise.


	4. NonFiction

Chapter Four: Non-Fiction

I woke up slightly delirious and completely confused. Where was I... Huh! Oh my God! I passed out in the secret area! I only sat down for just a moment, I didn't expect to-SHIT! What time is it? Holy crap... the sun is so high. It's gotta be at least noon. Oh no. My classes!! And I'm sun burned! Dammit!!

And Squall? I swung my head over, still frantic and found he was fast asleep across the way from me. Oh no. His SeeD test! I tried to stand up but ended up falling on my ass again. My nerves definitely were not ready to respond to my brain's commands. My whole body was pissed off it had to be woken up. I finally managed to stand and moved over to Squall's peaceful body. He was snoring softly and his mouth hung loosely open. It was kind of endearing, at least on him. He seemed so calm, collected and dignified when awake that seeing him halfway human made me smile a little.

I nudged him gently to which he responded with only a slight grunt. I nudged harder and he lazily swatted my hand away. I shoved him and to this he woke up with a start.

"What the fuck?" He sounded aggrivated. Probably wasn't the best way to wake a person up, especially someone I didn't know too well, but I didn't care much. He sat up a little and took a look around. "What the fuck?" He sounded generally confused.

"We passed out." I told him, though I'm sure the explanation wasn't needed.

"Oh... fuck." He stumbled to his feet, turned and ran out, back into the training center pushing me away in the process.

I heard something drop to the ground as he wrestled his way through the foliage, back into the training center. I looked down to find his pack of cigarettes. I picked them up, pinching them between my thumb and forefinger, as if touching them would cause another fit of coughing.

"Hey!" I called after the sounds of the rustling and occasional curse words, but no response came. "You're cigarettes!" I yelled again, this time a little louder but the noise had stopped and he was gone, out of ear shot. I pocketed them, making a mental note to return them the next time I saw him. I knew it would be soon, if he comes out here as often as I had been doing lately, then we had to run into each other sooner rather than later.

"Hope he doesn't need these today..." Was all I could say as I began to push myself through the mess of greenery blocking me from the training center.

I made my way back to my dorm, still feeling groggy and totally confused. Once I got into the main hallway I realized what I was wearing and just how much I stood out. A baggy sweater and pajama pants wasn't exactly a norm to see in the middle of the day, especially during class hours. I hurried back to my room, avoiding all eye contact as much as possible. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was being surveyed. It was a purely psychosomatic issue I'm sure but I couldn't help but feel as if all eyes were on me. And the more I felt the eyes boring into me the more I felt disheveled, smelly and just generally crappy looking.

"Hey!" I heard a male voice cry out in front of me. I looked up cautiously and some blonde haired kid was staring at me with the stupidest smile I had ever seen. I stared blankly back at him. Maybe if I was dressed like a normal day dwelling human being and didn't feel like I hadn't brushed my teeth in 8 years I might have furthered this conversation. But I felt like I was in no position to meet someone new. I felt like a hunch back, destined to be shunned away to my towers where I toll bells... or whatever hunchbacks do nowadays.

I nodded curtly and made my irritated eye roll as noticeable as possible. He took the hint and as I was about to move past him, he blocked my path. Apparently he took the hint and ran with it in the opposite direction of my intention. I gave him my best 'what-the-fuck-is-this-shit' face but he held fast.

"You don't remember me?" He asked with a pleasant smile and an equally friendly giggle.

"No." my reply was solid and direct.

"C'mon..." he coaxed me on but I was too tired and grungy to go along with this extra painful session of teeth pulling. "Not even the slightest?"

"No."

"I helped you bring Squall back, dude!" Huh? Oh yeeeaaaah... someone did help me bring him back to the infirmary that day. I didn't even think to look at his face, or thank him, or remember him. My focus was on the injured man in my arms, not befriending the good natured denizens of Garden.

"Oh, really?" Was my only response. I nodded my head in acknowledgment. "Well... Thank you." I was sincere... I just would have been more sincere if he had caught me at a better time.

"Yeah. No problem." He gave me that dumb smile again. I stared at him for a moment and, filtering through my frustration and anxiousness, I forced out a smile that was painfully fake. And we smiled some more... and some more.

"I have to go now." I said with a nod. I tried to move around him again but his body blocked my path once more. Dude, not today. Why today? Why now?

"I know you're in a hurry but, my name's Zell. Zell Dincht." He stuck his hand out and I shook it.

"Rinoa Heartilly." I said, mustering another smile up, which happened to feel like vomit.

"Well, I'll see you later then, Rinoa?" He said with another smile as I moved past him.

"Yeah! Bye Zell!" I said with a wave. A breath of fresh air washed over my previously tense body and I breathed a sigh of relief that felt nearly orgasmic.

After taking a shower, brushing my teeth and becoming presentable to society I realized I should've been a little nicer to Zell. I began to feel stupid. Just because I looked like crap wasn't a real excuse to be a little brat to someone who helped an injured man. The more I thought about it the more I felt like shit about it. I would need to apologize next time I saw him... whenever that may be.

I hurried to my next, and last, class. I had missed all my classes that day and I figured I'd feel like a real pile of smoldering dung if I didn't go to at least one class. That wasn't true. I'd still feel like a big piece of shit, but at least I wouldn't feel so guilty about avoiding all my responsibilities.

I wasn't prepared at all for the coming class. I hadn't done any of the assignments for the class, or the reading so I prayed that the instructor just wouldn't notice me. But with the wish I had made I knew I had just jinxed myself.

I took a seat at the back of the class, pulled out the books for class and already bent my head a little lower than usual, hiding my face behind the computer. At the time, I figured this hiding tactic would throw the instructor off, but in reality it probably drew him more to me. But when you're in such a situation it's difficult to act naturally and nonchalant.

As I pretended to be really interested in the book before me, I heard the loud thump of someone sitting next to me.

"Well hello stranger." The voice was filled with exuberance and it startled me slightly. I looked up to find Zell. How perfect is this? I could get all that worry off my chest in less than an hour!

"Zell!" I was relieved. I could finally explain myself. "Zell?" I asked. He was in this class?? I hadn't even noticed. He looked saddened by my reaction.

"You didn't notice me in this class, did you? Can't get noticed when I do a good deed for your friend and-"

"He's not really my friend but, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being rude to you earlier." I rushed the first part of my statement, being very careful to make sure he didn't think otherwise. Not to sure why I cared though or why it would matter.

"No problem." He didn't seem to care all too much, as if my apologizing was already too much. "But you're not friends?" He seemed a little surprised.

"Well, ummm..." I didn't really understand it myself. I mean, if he were any normal person I'd probably say yes... but Squall was a different breed of personality. Someone I had yet to confront in my lifetime. "I guess we could be considered acquaintances." I paused. Was that even a correct description? "Let's just say that if he saw me in the hall I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't say 'hi' to me." That summed it up nicely.

"Really? That sucks." He seemed fascinated by it for some reason. Why did that suck? Squall wasn't the easiest person to get close to... why would you bother befriending someone so defensive to every word that comes out of your mouth?

"Why does that suck? Is he a cool guy to hang out with or something?" I didn't believe it, but I felt I should ask. Maybe he hated women, or just me.

"I don't know... I just thought you guys would be, or should be, friends. You did kinda help him out when he was in a bind. I guess he doesn't really have friends though... does he?" It was a question to which I responded with only a little shrug.

Squall seemed enigmatic to Zell. I wanted to question him further but the instructor walked in just as I was about to formulate another question. Come to think of it... Squall seemed enigmatic to everyone. From what I gathered, the whole student body just knew of him as Quistis' 'boyfriend' of sorts. Dr. Kadowaki didn't even know him personally, she just knew he was 'famous.' Who was this kid? The curiosity burned me. Throughout the whole class I could focus on nothing but Squall and the mystery that seemed to surround him.

After class Zell and I decided to get something to eat at the cafeteria. I wanted to keep interrogating him about Squall. Any information would be good at that point. I felt like I needed to be more prepared next time I met up with Squall. I'd know what to talk about, what to avoid, what to be interested in, what to look out for. He felt like an invading army. I needed to know everything about every little nuance in order to secure a victory. But Squall was a well fortified enemy... I don't think anyone knew much of anything.

"You don't see him a lot on campus or anything?" I asked as Zell crammed a fifth hot dog into his mouth. It was kind of gross to watch him eat, disturbing really. It was like his mouth was a shredder, it didn't matter what went in because it all had the same fate anyway.

He mumbled something that sounded like a 'no' through all of that dismembered hot dog still waiting to be swallowed. He swallowed hard and I could practically feel the tension that was currently sliding down his throat. It looked painful but he looked satiated.

"No." He said clearly as he looked up at me. "Well, I see him every once in a while." He shrugged, giving me the signal he could be no further help. "I don't really see him with anyone. He's generally alone. That's kind of his thing I think."

"What is?"

"Being alone."

Depressing. "What makes you think that?" I asked. He must have some insight to make judgements like that.

"I just never see him with anybody. The only time I've ever seen him really interacting with people was at that fight. And I wouldn't really call that interacting..."

"Huh..." The more I thought about him the more curious I became. The less progress I saw, the more I wanted to see some.

I lazily stirred my drink around with my straw as I began to slowly zone out of the conversation I was holding. But a voice snatched my attention away.

"Hey." A calm, collected, self assured voice said. I looked up. A smile spread across my face. It was Seifer.

"Oh..." I smoothed out my uniform as inconspicuously as possible. "Hey Seifer." I tried to act nonchalant but I'm pretty sure it wasn't working. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Zell make a small scowl. "How are you feeling since the other day?" I was trying to be as flirtatious as possible... but bringing up medical issues probably wasn't very sexy.

"Better." He said still holding the same slightly smug smile. He darted eyes toward Zell and his face fell. He nodded his head. "Chicken wuss." He greeted as if it was all too casual. Zell turned away and bit his lip so hard that I was ready to see blood poor out. Seifer turned back to me and smiled. I was confused, and a little irritated that that had to happen in front of me, but my irritation subsided for the moment when I looked into his beautiful face. God... he was so hot.

He threw me a nod. "See you around. I'll stop by the infirmary."

"Please do. It gets boring."

"I can imagine." He shot another look at Zell, and then back to me. "Catch you later." He walked away and my eyes followed briefly but as soon as he was out of a ten foot radius from me... I remembered yesterday very clearly.

As soon as Seifer had left the infirmary the other day and I had some time on my hands, I, being the creeper I was, decided to go nosing about in Seifer's medical information. Weird? Yeah. Illegal? Probably. But I didn't care. Who was going to know except me? I pulled his file out and read it with enthusiasm, well, with as much enthusiasm one can have when looking at someone else's medical papers. I read his height, eye color, allergies... then I got to 'official selected weapon.' Disappointment filled me from my toes up to the very crown of my skull. He was a gunblade user... the only other one in Garden... the only other person that could have been fighting Squall that day. Flashes of red sliding off stainless steel and a bloody Squall crossed my mind and made me ill. Seifer's sex appeal was instantly lost and my insignificant crush that had just begun to burn was suffocated by the reality of the situation.

But then why was I still attracted to him? I had completely forgotten about the entire realization I had uncovered yesterday when he came around just then. He was attractive... but why? It wasn't his actions or his deeds... it was his physical appearance and personality that made me smile and blush. He was like the boys back at home, something I dearly missed. Where boys were easy to understand, handsome, charming and out going.

"You know him?" Zell asked, irate. I, too, had become irritated with Seifer and at myself for flirting back just then.

"Yeah." I sounded defeated which I hadn't intended at all.

"You seemed quite buddy buddy with him." Zell sounded almost mad at me.

I shook my head. I didn't want to get into it but something deeply upset me about the whole situation. It was beyond the point of simple irritation about the small world I was occupying and the inconvenient irritations it was causing me... it felt more disturbing than that. This situation that I had accidently put myself right in the middle of really perturbed me.

"Good!" Zell said with a smile. I had redeemed his faith in me. "Why don't you like him?" He sounded like he wanted to commiserate with me.

"He..." It was practically impossible to explain what I was feeling just then, as I wasn't even to sure myself. I just threw something at him. "He hurt Squall. Not just hurt... but injured him. It's one thing to get in a fight, but it's a whole other issue when you start trying to kill each other." That sounded naive and ridiculous, but it was halfway true.

He paused. "You really like Squall, don't you?" He took that the wrong way. And I completely see why. My last statement sounded as if Seifer had ended up hurting someone else besides Squall, I wouldn't have given a shit.

"It's not that. It just pisses me off to see people get hurt so unnecessarily. I just happen to be sympathizing with Squall about it." I explained. He nodded curiously. He probably didn't understand where I was coming from and neither did I, but what I said was true for the most part .

I wondered if Squall had actually been the one to inflict the injury, putting Seifer in his position. Would I being feeling so sympathetic to Seifer? Would I be angry at Squall? Would I have walked out on him when I saw him at the secret area those two times? I didn't know, and I didn't really want to think about it., but that wouldn't stop me. That idea pestered me the whole day. In truth, I probably would have become best friends with Seifer by now, hanging out and always attacking Squall for what he might have done... but would he deserve it? Does Seifer deserve my hatred now? I couldn't get a clear answer. I just kept going round in circles about the whole situation.

Time went by without one sighting from Squall. Not in the hallways, not in the infirmary nor out on the secret area. I had gone out to the secret area many times, always expecting to see him there, sitting and smoking but no one was ever there. Just me, the setting sun and the seagulls. I eventually stopped having reasons to keep going out there, save for the fact that it became more of a habit than anything. I always kept his dropped pack of cigarettes with me at all times, just in case I might stumble into him again and I could say 'Oh my! You dropped these a while ago!' and voila! A conversation would thus begin and it wouldn't be painfully awkward like our last few encounters and I'd learn all about his life. Well, I'm sure it wouldn't have actually occurred that way, but the more I fantasized about our eventual reunion the more grandiose and elaborate it became in my mind.

And the more time I spent without seeing him the more Squall became a weird kind of fiction to me. He was enigmatic before... but now he felt almost legendary to me. Like an old wives-tale or a ghost story handed down through the ages. The more the story was told lacking any kind of hard evidence of its existence the sillier and stranger it began to sound, 'till it was past the point of reality. It was beginning to feel like Squall never existed and I had dreamed it all up. He had almost literally vanished off the face of the planet.

Seifer was the same too. He couldn't be found anywhere either. Though, to be fair I was actually making attempts to not run into him. I avoided the lunch hour where I had seen him with Zell that day and I thanked the lord above that he never came to visit me in the infirmary. I didn't want to deal with him anymore. He gave me an unsettling feeling, still the same as I had a few weeks ago when I found out about him and Squall. And I most certainly didn't want to compromise my relative hatred for him with my lustful desires whenever he came to me in the flesh.

But the more fiction it all became, the more I seemed to forget about the situation entirely. My trips to the secret area became purposeful again, walking in hallways didn't involve me scouring the hordes of people for brunette or blonde haired men, the cigarettes I had held onto for Squall found a home at the very back of my desk drawer and my job at the infirmary became tedious again. In the back of my mind I always knew that Squall and Seifer were both very real, of course, and I remembered the way I had felt about it all, but I just stopped reminding myself about it. Life was no better or worse without them. Maybe their incidents were just passing ships through the ocean of life, slowing down briefly and waving at my lighthouse. Maybe. I don't know. I just knew that I had better things to think about.

Months had gone by and Zell, Selphie and I had become a very close knit trio. I was pretty surprised to see things develop the way that they had. I wasn't expecting for Zell to get along so well with Selphie, though I really should have anticipated it. They were practically the same person after all, the only thing really differentiating them was their gender.

"This is pissing me off." Selphie fumed as she shoved another dress back into its rack. "Everything is so damn fugly!" We were out shopping for dresses for the SeeD Inauguration Ball that was coming up at the end of the week. Apparently, it happened every year and all students at Garden, even alumni, were encouraged to attend to see the new SeeDs. It was a very lavish kind of gathering, something that didn't seem quite customary for a military school but it got most of the student body really excited.

"Then another store?" Zell suggested lazily. He wasn't going to find anything here so he couldn't care less if we left.

"Yeah..." Selphie sounded defeated. This was the second store we had ventured into and not even the smallest glimpse of anything that seemed acceptable to wear adorned any of the racks.

"You don't have anything in your closet?" I asked.

"No! Well, yes. But I need something new." She explained. Zell scoffed and rolled his eyes. "It's a chick thing, Zell." I nodded in confirmation of this statement. I had tons of dresses in my wardrobe that I would never wear again, but I needed a new dress. There was something special about revealing yourself to a public audience wearing something that even you can be proud of and say 'I just bought it.' Or maybe it was just me. Yeah, it was probably just me.

"So... do you ask people to go with you to this dance-thing?" I asked as we strolled down the shopping corridors in Balamb. I really didn't want to find some random guy to ask then pretend to be interested in him the whole night. I'd much rather go stag. Formal affairs were always so much more fun that way.

"No. Well, you can bring someone but it's not customary to make sure you have a date. You just show up dressed to impress, clap for the new SeeDs and those that passed the written exam, drink, eat and dance." Zell explained as he finished off a can of soda he bought no more than a minute ago.

"Psh, then why am I getting dressed up at all if I won't have a date?" I questioned. I was serious too. If I had no one to impress then what was the point? I might as well not waist the money. Sure stag was better but it always felt great to impress your date with how fucking hot you're looking. Having them be insanely proud of the fact that they came with you, rather than someone else, was always a huge confidence booster.

"Rinoa," Selphie turned to me, "are you listening to yourself? Not having a date is the perfect time to buy a new dress! You may attract that magic someone from across the room if you're looking just that damn gorgeous. What's sexier than a fine looking stranger suddenly attracted to you and asking 'excuse me madame, might I have this dance?'" She acted out how the scenario might unfold giving the proper wrist flicks and low bows in my general direction. "And then you dance the night away and make sweet love all night long."

She had a point. That did sound appealing, however unlikely it might have been. Plus I hadn't really gotten dressed up in a long time. I might as well go all out for the occasion.

"Okay. But don't let me get snatched up by some skeeze." I reminded as I looked between Zell and Selphie. They nodded and we went into the next store.

The store we had just entered proved to be fruitful. Selphie ended up buying a terribly expensive yellow dress that flattered her like nothing else could. I, after much delibiration, ended up choosing a cream colored dress. It wasn't too tight and had the right amount of fabric for what Selphie called the 'skirt whirl.'

"Excuse me?" I gave her an incredulous smirk. Skirt whirl? She had no idea what she was talking about and she knew it.

"It's important! Seriously. Just spin around and you'll fan out like a fucking parachute." Selphie twirled her finger, motioning for me to do the same. I gave a lame little whirl in the fitting room and the dress instantly came to life. The material lifted and with it the dress' true wonder began to shine through. Looking down, the surface of the material was like the ocean on an given sunny day. Sparkling, tantalizing and filled with a quiet kind of magic. The material rippled methodically and the barely noticable sequins winked in and out, reminding us that they had been there all along. I was mesmerized.

I stopped and was briefly stunned that such a relatively plain looking dress could produce such an enchanting effect. Selphie read my expression loud and clear.

"I told you." She crossed her arms smuggly. "If _you're_ stunned by it then imagine the look on a boy's face."

"That _was_ pretty cool looking." Zell chimed in as he peered over Selphie's shoulder, nodding in acknowledgement.

I looked at myself in the mirror and it felt like I was wearing a completely different dress than I was just a minute ago. I smiled and smoothed out the fabric. If this didn't get me at least to first base I didn't want to know what would.

Kadowaki let me off early the day of the dance. She could probably smell my impatience.

"Have fun tonight." She said with a grin as she picked up the papers I had just been working on. She gave me a glance and a knowing smile. "Pick up a cute boy for me too." She laughed.

"We'll see. But first I need to score one." I said as I went to grab my jacket from the coat rack.

"Trust me, that won't be hard. With a bomb shell like you attending, what kind of man would pass you up?"

"You flatter me."

"Well, plus the ratio of men to women at Garden isn't exactly proportionate. I think it's every two men for every one girl." She noted.

"So I'm really going to feel like an ugly witch if I don't get a boy. Is that what you're getting at?" I was only half kidding.

"Well, I mean, who knows how many of those guys are gay?" She said as she walked me out of the clinic.

"If I don't leave without at least one man asking me for a dance I'm denouncing the male sex. This is my declaration and you are my witness to it." I cried as I mockingly tensed my face.

"Good to know." She said flipintly. I moved ahead of her about ready to leave when she began again. "Seriously though, have fun tonight. Even if every boy there is gay."

I nodded and smiled at her good humor. "Thanks. I will."

--

A knocking came from my door. Well, it wasn't knocking more like a fierce pounding. It was Selphie. She had promised to escort me to the dance. We had both agreed that it was always a terribly awkward feeling when you arrive at a party not knowing what to do or who to talk to. So we figured we would arrive with each other, talk to each other and be each other's company for at least part of the night, or at least until a boy pulled one of us away. Or, if there were no boys at all then we'd just get impossibly drunk, make fools of ourselves and dance the night away. The latter seemed slightly more appealing than the former.

Her incessant knocking was giving me a headache.

"God Selphie!" I cried as I headed for the door, hoping she would hear my comment. "If the doors not broken then your hand must be crippled."

I swung the door open and a beaming Selphie stood before me. I examined the door and a small indent was visible. I ran my hand over the miniature crater she had created with her fist of death. I glowered at her.

"You're paying for that."

"Fuck that!" She said with a scoff and a roll of her eyes. She brushed past me and entered my room. "Tell me you're ready."

"Almost." I said as I kicked the door closed behind me. I went straight back to my bathroom to finish the intense make up procedure that was currently going on on my face.

"What shoes are you wearing?" She asked as she bent down in my closet to examine my shoe collection.

"Some kind of heel." I wasn't really listening to her. This make up application was getting serious. I was driven and focused. I had to look hot and I didn't care how much make up I had to cake on... I'd look fucking sexy no matter what, god dammit.

I heard the loud smack and tumble of something hit the tile of the bathroom just next to me. I looked down and found that Selphie had tossed a pair of heels at me. I looked up at her, expecting an explanation as to her choice.

"They looked cute." She shrugged. I shrugged.

"Work for me." I said with little objection. I examined my now painted face in the mirror and turned to Selphie. "Do I look okay? Or do I look like a clown?"

"You look super-duper." She said as she stood. "Let's roll!" She pointed toward the door. I slipped my shoes on and we strode out.

The second we made it out of my room the excitement of the night hit us.

"We're gonna party!" Selphie said as she clamped her hands together. She gave a small jump, just small enough so that her legs wouldn't buckle under from her high heels

I linked my arm with Selphie as we walked down the dorm hallway toward the ballroom. Huge smiles were plastered on our faces as we made the occasional giggle whenever we ended up bumping into one another. The night was clear, beautiful and warm. It was perfect which only elated our excitement to astronomical proportions.

"Okay so, how about this," Selphie began as we neared the elevator, "if neither of us has been asked to dance in the first thirty minutes we have to choose a dance partner for each other. And we have to go up to them and ask them to dance... no matter who they are." She said with an evil grin.

"What happened to us just getting ridiculously drunk?" I was slightly disappointed.

"That plan isn't nearly as sexy." She reminded me sternly, as if I should have already known.

"Fine." There was no point in arguing with Selphie, it was pointless.

"But you're just gonna fuck me over by choosing some ugly loser, aren't you?" It wasn't a question. I knew Selphie all too well.

"No. Well, unless you mess with me first. Then all bets are off." She said as she pressed the elevator call button.

"Likewise." We shook on it.

The elevator arrived and we boarded it.

When the doors opened on the correct floor a cloud of sweetly scented champagnes, wines and other delicious alcoholic concoctions assaulted our senses. It stung the nose delicately but just enough for it to be pleasantly masochistic. The sounds of eager and happy chatter mixed harmoniously with the polite, cheerful orchestral music from the orchestra that was snuggled into a corner, just to the right of the stage. The mood of the whole event was so positive that it felt hard to even think about not enjoying the event, the company or at the very least ones self. Waitresses floated around the vast ballroom, dodging in and out of people and orbiting around larger groups, steadily holding their trays, being careful not to spill their contents. Everyone was dressed in their nicest and the air of the whole event felt, well, expensive and luxurious.

Being the daughter of a General I had had the luxury of attending such events. They were terrible bores when ever I attended and I mostly just sulked in a corner and got fall-on-my-face drunk. This scene before me knocked on the nostalgia of those parties. But this was much more pleasant. Those other parties were stuffy, filled with people you knew were so far stuck up their own asses that they could see out their own mouths. This felt so much more natural. The people who were in attendance deserved to be here; they had worked hard. Plus, the whole purpose of this party was of a more virtuous nature. We weren't celebrating how awesome someone still was or a politicians half-birthday. No, this was for a real reason, a reason that deserved to be recognized.

Selphie and I walked down the marble steps from the elevator and assimilated instantly with the crowd. Our heels clicked delicately as we strode around the ballroom, looking for someone whom we might know. We snatched champagne glasses from a passing waitress who smiled and nodded.

"Oh, Rinoa! There you are!" A voice from behind called. I turned around and found Kadowaki standing there, an empty glass dangling in her hands, threatening to fall any second. She was dressed for the occasion which, for me, was a sort of weird site.

"Hey! I thought you weren't coming." I mockingly scolded her.

"Me too, but when I got to talking to you about boys I, well, I just couldn't help myself." She giggled a little. Her cheeks were beat red. It was very apparent that she was more than a little past tipsy. A waitress passed and she snatched a champagne flute from her with blazing speed, as if waiting too long would make the waitress alert to her presence and escape.

I felt Selphie's presence pressing from behind me.

"Oh! Selphie, this is Dr. Kadowaki. My boss." I stepped aside to let Selphie shake with Kadowaki. "Dr. Kadowaki, this is Selphie. My best friend and training partner." They shook, Kadowaki maybe a little too vigorously.

"Lovely to meet you." Kadowaki was being genuine, she was really excited to meet her for some reason. Selphie looked a little scared as she pulled her hand away.

"Oh my! What fine lovely ladies you have caught Kadowaki!" Another voice chimed in from behind Kadowaki. I recognized him as Headmaster Cid who also seemed to have had a little too much to drink. The party was only twenty minutes in... they must have started early.

He looked at me briefly. I could see the cogs of his mind spinning, trying to find my name but I could see that the alcohol had slowed the gears considerably.

"Rinoa, right?" He looked at me, pretty positive he was correct, but still holding up a bit of a guard in case of a mistake. I nodded.

"Nice to see you again, Headmaster." I said with a smile. He took my hand into his own and shook it. He beamed a smile at me.

"Now I know I already told you that it's just Cid. That Headmaster nonsense gives me a headache. Especially on such a happy occasion!" He threw his arms out, as if commanding me to look at the festivities going on about me. His exuberance was endearing and I had to smile.

He introduced himself to Selphie before I got the chance to bridge that gap for them. We attempted to talk to the two of them but they seemed far more fascinated with each other than attempting to hold a conversation with us. Eventually, we decided to just leave them in their own little world.

"I think they were flirting." Selphie commented as she finished off her first champagne of the night.

"Weird." Was all I could say as I sank the last drop of champagne down my throat.

A waitress hurried by and we replaced our empty flutes with fresh ones.

Selphie and I clinked the tips of our glasses together as gently as possible.

"To a good night." Selphie declared confidently, lifting her glass a little higher.

"To a good night." I repeated and we sipped on the champagne. With our declaration I could feel that natural, instinctual excitement well up in the pit of my stomach and I knew it really was going to be an awesome night.

The squeal of a microphone finding its frequency interrupted the brief moment we were sharing and the crowd looked to the stage. A young looking girl with shoulder length brunette hair tapped the microphone meekly. She was wearing an official SeeD uniform and looked very professional, which juxtaposed her strangely timid behavior well.

"Hello?" She heard the reverberation of her own voice bounce around the palatial ballroom and she began. "Good evening everyone and welcome to the SeeD Inauguration Ball." People clapped politely. She went on about the formalities or something and what it meant to be a SeeD. Selphie looked interested, but I knew that her mind was miles away. I too began to zone out. My eyes wandered around the room. They crawled up the golden pillars that all connected at the very top, creating a beautiful glass dome above us. The dome's glass was so clean and presented absolutely no reflection that I could have sworn it was just us, four walls and the night sky.

By the time I switched my focus back to the woman, she was already announcing those who had passed the written exam. I began to zone out again but a familiar name caught my ears and made them strain almost painfully.

"... Squall Leonhart and..." the rest of her words dissolved into incomprehensible warbling. So he wasn't just fiction any longer. Maybe he was here... What if he was here? I should have brought the cigarettes! I began to mentally beat myself up. Not just about the cigarettes but about not expecting this.

Selphie gave me a look after she heard the name too. We hadn't heard that name in so long, it felt strange to have it refreshed. The prospect of him being here elated me and made me smile. I didn't miss him or anything... but just a chance to look at him again, prove that he was real made my heart flutter a little. I began to look around the room for a sighting of him but I couldn't find him. Maybe he wasn't here... if I knew anything about Squall then I knew he wouldn't be here. I was hoping a little too hard. But it didn't depress me to find him not here. I didn't care. It would have just been fun to see him again after so long. But just hearing the name was a good enough reminder.

She and a noticeably drunk Cid announced the new SeeDs to us all and the five new SeeDs bowed, waved and looked generally uncomfortable. Cid posed with each one for a photo. He wrapped his arm around them, threw a thumbs up or a peace sign accompanied by a massive smile and rosy red cheeks. They would be pictures he'd be happy to never see again.

"Well, that's all from the administration," the girl said, gathering up some papers from her podium, "and have a great night." She left and the orchestra started up another number. Couples moved to the center of the ballroom and began to dance.

"All right, we have thirty minutes until it's show time." Selphie said to me as we finished our champagne. We promptly replaced our empty glasses with ones that were practically spilling champagne.

"I bet you get picked first." I said as I nudged her playfully.

"Doubt it. I bet neither of us will get asked to dance." She said being quite serious.

"That's a little depressing."

"I'd rather know that both of us are ugly than know that one of us is prettier than the other." She explained.

"That's not what it means at all. Some men just find different qualities attracti-" but before I could finish my rebuttal a boy appeared before us. I halted instantly and we both froze, knowing what he was about to ask. Which one of us would it be? Our stares were so intense that they could have probably blasted a whole through a mountain. He looked slightly taken aback from the intensity of the looks.

"Ummm," he began. He turned to Selphie. Fuck. "You're in my, umm," he was so nervous. "My um, Esther History course. Selphie, right?" She nodded and batted her eyelashes slowly and deliberately. "Would you like to dance?" He offered as he politely extended a hand for her own.

"I would love to! Nida, right?" She asked. He smiled and nodded. He looked overcome with excitement and relief. They began to walk away and Selphie swiveled her head back to me. "I'm hotter than you!" She mouthed with the gestures to match.

"He's ugly!" I mouthed back. She flicked me off but I just waved her goodbye. Dammit, she won. ... now what? Crap. That's something we didn't plan out. What happens when the other is chosen? You can't just leave me out to dry, Selph! ... Son of a bitch.

I sighed and looked at my half empty glass. I downed the rest of it and I snatched a fresh one from a nearby waitress. I'll just get waisted. Fuck it.

I began to wander around aimlessly, watching the dancing couples. But even that was entertaining for only so long. I looked down to my feet, not knowing where to stare any longer and caught sight of my sparkling dress. Such an expensive piece of fabric... what a waist. I've been walking around for God knows how long and not even a turn of a head. What good was a hot outfit if no one was going to even look at you twice? I should have just used some old crummy number instead of shelling out the dough for this. Now I was getting pissed off just being here. Maybe I could just leave? Selphie wouldn't miss me. She had a man to have fun with and didn't need my company tonight.

I looked at my glass hoping it would give me the answer I was looking for, like some kind of magic 8 ball. But no answer came. Stupid booze. What are you good for? I noticed the reflection of the stars above in the small pool of champagne that remained at the bottom of the glass. I looked up and admired them. They were so pretty... It felt like I always took them for granted. I stared at them for what felt like forever. I counted all of the pretty little diamonds and differentiated each one between stars and planets. I was bored.

I was about to give up on this party and go home but just as I was about to look away from the sky a white streak slashed the darkness. I was a little surprised to be honest. I hadn't seen a shooting star in so long. I closed my eyes and made a wish. 'Let me get a dance partner way hotter than Selphie's' I wished. I smiled a little at the silliness of my wish. I looked away from the sky and back to the ballroom and I felt eyes pressing into me from the corner. I looked over with that same silly smile on my face and found Squall staring at me. So he was here after all.

My smile faded as I realized the amount of nostalgia that pounced on me all at once. It wasn't anything sentimental, it just felt strange to see that oddly swept hair, that scar, and those eyes that could pierce steel. I smiled at him and I pointed towards where the shooting star had passed, silently asking if he had seen it too. He cocked his head curiously at me, not quite understanding. I wasn't going to keep chatting from a distance so I walked up to him. As I approached, he seemed a bit bewildered that I would even bother with him.

"I almost didn't recognize you. You're not in the Infirmary _or_ out in the secret area." I teased with a giggle. He remained quiet, gently sipping his champagne. He acted like he didn't even remember me.

I stared at him, scrutinizing his lack of interest.

"Tell me you remember me." I was expecting a 'no.'

He nodded after a moment.

"What's my name?" I challenged. I remembered very vividly his inept ability to completely ignore and forget everything about me.

"Rinoa."

To be honest I was surprised he remembered my name.

A silence. A deep silence.

"Would you wanna dance with me?" It sounded more bashful and shy then I had intended it to. He avoided eye contact with me in an attempt to ease out his refusal. But before he could say anything I jumped in. "C'mon. You're the cutest guy here." Oh, I just said that out loud. That champagne must be running it's course. He looked a little startled at the comment but blushed anyhow. "Let me guess... you'll only dance with someone you like." I ventured a guess. I knew he wasn't going to respond though. "How about you just pretend you like my company?" I offered. "C'mon, it can't be fun just sitting here in this corner looking at the stars all night."

"You were doing it." Touche good sir, touche. "... plus I can't dance." I was surprised I didn't have to pull more teeth for that answer.

"You'll be fine." He gave me a look which read 'you have got to be kidding.' "I promise." He stood fast against the wall. I took a step back from him and crossed my arms.

"Look... I think this night sucks too. But I at least need to dance one dance and I can't be out there alone." I knew he could commiserate with me on that level. Still no budging from him though. Fine, if he wanted to do this the hard way, I was more than happy to comply.

"C'mon," I grabbed his hand in my own. There was shock written all over his face that I would even dare touch him. "It'll be fun." I began to drag him out from his corner. It was like he was glued to the area because he was hardly moving an inch, even when I put all my force into it. He put his glass down and finally stumbled along after me.

I shoved him in front of me and into the dead center of the dancing area, couples whirling around us.

"What the-" He sounded pissed off, but I really didn't care. I grabbed his arms in a vice grip and placed them in the correct dance position. I decided to not respond to any of his complaints, because I knew there would be too many to keep track of.

I tried leading him in the right direction but he looked totally bewildered about what was going on. I had to smile at his clumsiness. He pushed against me, fell back, stepped on the tip of my toes and was a general mess.

By the third time he had stepped on my foot he ripped his hands away from me and began to storm back to his corner.

"I'm done with this." He mumbled angrily.

"Oh c'mon! Just try and have fun." I said with a little laugh as he pulled him back to me. I pushed him into the correct positions again and we started where we left off. I finally got him to do a step in time, and then another and I could see the confidence build in both of our eyes. But before that confidence could really take us anywhere we slammed hard into a couple.

"Watch out, you morons!" The man yelled at us. He was older and looked like a total snob, as did his whore wife. They looked down on us with smug faces.

"Fuck off, oldy." I yelled back. The look on their faces was of utter horror and disgust. I relished in it. I stayed staring a few seconds longer than necessary. I dragged Squall away from them and I turned to him. He seemed slightly amused. My heart melted as I saw the emotion lightly paint his eyes and twitch his lips up. I smiled back at him.

I took his hands again but this time he held onto me. He grabbed me with confidence and positioned himself correctly this time. He began to lead me around the room with the rest of the couples. We were perfectly in time and he was much better than I was or could ever be. I didn't have time to give him a scrutinizing stare, as if asking what that whole charade about 'not being able to dance' stuff was about. But he had me wrapped up in his arms and we were focused so intensely on the dancethat I couldn't think about much else.

I stared at his chest for a majority of the dance and when I finally looked up I found him staring right back at me and directly into my eyes. A small smile creased his lips delicately and I couldn't help but stumble a bit. He caught me with ease and put me right back into the rhythm of it all. As I continued to stare up at him I realized that he was actually really handsome. I wonder why I hadn't noticed it before?

He spun me out and we executed the rest of the dance steps flawlessly, stepping in perfect time with the other couples around us. He spun me in and out until I was dizzy. I giggled a little and my smile only widened. He whirled me back into his chest and held me there briefly.

Our eyes caught and I suddenly felt an energy exchange between us. A silent understanding about something I was clueless to. His eyes looked like they had something to tell me, something important and necessary. I couldn't look away and I don't think he could either.

The lights suddenly dimmed, pulling me away from the trap of his eyes and an explosion boomed overhead. He darted his head up and fireworks cracked and lit up the sky and the room around us. I took my focus off of the show above and looked back to Squall.

His face lit up with each new color that blasted throughout the sky and his eyes danced with the reflections of the explosions. That same small, hidden smile still rested on his lips and I could feel the warmth radiate off of him as he continued to hold onto me. He really was very attractive. I again wondered why I hadn't seen it earlier, because it was so painfully obvious to me now.

I pulled my eyes from his face and as I did I saw a familiar character come stomping in our direction from behind Squall. Her blonde hair couldn't be mistaken. It was too pure, too perfect to be anybody else's. I wanted to get out of this situation immediately. I didn't want to get wrapped up in this weirdness. It was weird enough just knowing Squall, but dealing with Quistis _and_ him was something I didn't even want to think about. But before I had a chance to pull away she was upon us, her eyes piercing mine. I could feel the hate shoot from her and stab me right in the gut. I could only stare back stupidly.

She tapped Squall on the shoulder delicately.

"Squall." She said sweetly, contradicting the hate she was pouring all over me.

His face fell instantly. The small smile evaporated and the fireworks that played in his eyes faded. He tightened his grip on me. He cocked his head slightly so he could see her out of the corner of his eye.

"You'll dance with a complete stranger but won't even talk with me?" There was venom leaking through all of her sweetness.

Squall turned to me, becoming angrier with every passing second.

"I'll see you later, Rinoa." He let go of me and I stepped back from the scene.

"Bye Squall." I said meekly, still a little frightened of Quistis and the intensity she commanded.

I turned away from them and walked for the elevator. The night was over. That scenario killed any further fun that could have developed from this event. While the whole Quistis situation wasn't terribly traumatizing, it was a little disturbing. The issues I had avoided for a good few months had suddenly all come back in full force in the span of less than twenty minutes. It sort of knocked the wind out of me to see not only Squall, but his problems I had obsessed over as well.

At the top of the stairs I turned back to see what the situation had escalated to but no one was there. Just empty space where we had once been. It was like it was fiction all over again. I felt like I had imagined it. Like I had just fantasized something impossible for the fun of it. Maybe the champagne was laced with something... maybe Squall never existed. The further I removed myself from him, the closer I seemed to become. I felt like I was going crazy.

"You little slut!" Selphie yelled with excitement as she ran up to me.

"Huh?"

"You and Squall, sittin' in a tree!" She chanted with a mocking finger in my face.

"You saw it, too!?" I was so elated that someone else had seen the scene that I probably sounded a little crazy.

"... Well, duh. Everyone was watching." She said with a little giggle. "_The_ Squall was not only interacting with someone but _dancing_!? Unheard of!" She laughed.

I turned back to where the scene had occurred, just to make sure that I hadn't imagined they had vanished or something ridiculous like that.

"Where'd they go?" I asked as I continued to search the ballroom.

"Quistis and Squall? They walked off to the balcony. Scandalous, huh?" She jabbed me in the ribs tenderly.

"Very..." I mumbled.

a/n: thank you so much for reading.


	5. Skeleton Keys

a/n: This chapter is excessively lengthy, I admit. If the chapters are too daunting then please let me know, otherwise, I'll probably keep writing them long.

All of your reviews are GREATLY appreciated!! Thank you so much to all the people who favorited this story and put me on their author alert. It's a huge compliment and keeps me writing. If I know that at least one person likes this story, then I'll keep writing it.

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Chapter Five: Skeleton Keys

I hadn't had that much fun in a long time. She honestly didn't give a flying fuck if we knocked into a couple, we messed up in front of everyone or if I was being an impossible douche bag. Rinoa was a weird sort of girl. Someone I had completely underestimated. So many girls at Garden were just morons. They were all completely devoid of any really thought or opinion. But then again, Quistis was really the only girl I interacted with... much to my disliking.

I felt bad I hadn't seen Rinoa in so long... because it was mainly my fault. I had avoided the secret area completely. It's not that she was annoying or anything but when I needed to be alone most of all, she was always there. I had found a different pondering spot for me to go to... but I knew it would only be a matter of time before she found that too.

She was entertaining I guess. Her sick masochistic tendencies about smoking made for a good late night chuckle. But, to me, that's all she really was. I knew nothing about her nor did I care to and I thought she felt the same about me. So when she came up to me and asked me to dance I was taken aback. I was expecting her to smile awkwardly and move on. But she didn't. She was aggressive like Quistis, but in a gentle way. Quistis was like a predator attacking its prey and Rinoa was like a botanist tending to a wilting rose. She carefully touched and sheltered it, watered it and persisted. If that makes any sense. Whatever. I've had a few drinks.

I had forgotten how much I loved fireworks. The beautiful colors, shapes and patterns they formed while booming ominously overhead. I had paused our dance just so I could gaze up at them. I felt her eyes move from the sky and to my face. I felt my face turning a bright red as I pretended not to notice her stare. I was about to turn back to her and continue where I had left off but a small tap upon my shoulder made me tense. I probably squeezed the circulation out of Rinoa's hand as I realized who it was. Quistis. No fun goes unpunished when she's around.

"You'll dance with a complete stranger but won't even talk with me?" I could feel the venom leak from her mouth and burning a hole in my ear. I wanted to turn around and tear her in half. But I couldn't with Rinoa in my arms. I released her and shut my eyes fearing that my hateful glares would kill the wrong person.

"I'll see you later, Rinoa." I tried to be as pleasant as possible through clenched teeth. I doubt I sounded very convincing.

"Bye Squall." It was a meek mumble. She was probably a little perturbed at having to see this little situation begin to unfold. I turned to Quistis, opening my eyes and staring directly into her's, hoping to shoot lasers of pure hatred hrough her head. Nothing happened.

"Can we talk outside?" She asked calmly. Her false sweetness had withered away, left with nothing but simple stoicism. I didn't want to reply, I just walked for the balcony of the ballroom. I felt the whole of Garden watching us make our way towards it. We were hot news... all of which was Quistis' fault.

We got outside and she walked ahead of me to the balcony. I slammed the french doors behind me. They cracked as they connected. They were probably broken but I didn't care to look back and check.

Silence.

"What? What do you want?" I asked making my irritation very apparent.

"You may be young..." She turned her head back towards me. "But you have so much going for you. You know that, right?" The fuck was she getting at?

"I have no idea what you're talking about and I don't think you do either. So let's not waist our time and just get to the point." She always ended up beating around the bush whenever she wanted to talk to me. Even the simplest comments she made to me were always drenched in extra, unnecessary trimmings.

She sighed and turned her whole body to face me.

"You're an excellent student." She was straightforward with this comment. And it also sounded strangely... friendly. It lacked the malice or the evil intention that seemed to back all her other statements.

I didn't want to give her the upper hand by thanking her.

"I have an order for you." She said after a moment. I rolled my eyes.

"What?" Was this bitch for real?

"I have an order for you." She repeated. "Meet me in the secret area at midnight." Again, the statement lacked malice or hate. How did she know about the secret area? Thank god I stopped going there... I might have run into her.

I hesitated. "Why?" I couldn't deny the order without getting written up for disorderly conduct so I decided to just roll with it. I'd bring along a knife just in case she tried to make a move on me again though.

She shook her head, refusing to tell. "Just meet me there." My skepticism remained and she noticed. "That's an order." She said strictly, her teacher's voice coming back to her.

I nodded and left her out there. I punched the doors open on my way out.

I was pissed off. I stormed through the ballroom. What did Quistis have planned? What awful things would she trap me into and what bullshit would she fill me up with? I had managed to avoid her for quite awhile by avoiding the hall ways she would walk through to get to classes and changing my seat every day in class. It managed to trip her up enough so that her inane comments were dropped by at least 50. A small victory in a larger war, but a victory nonetheless.

After a cigarette break at my new secret area I made my way to the secret area in the training center. I pushed the foliage out of the way as my shoes connected with the steel plating of the balcony. I moved the rest of the greenery out of my eyes and saw the mystic blue light emanate from the main hall of garden. Quistis was there, leaning her elbows against the railing and star gazing. I approached cautiously.

She heard my foot steps very clearly and looked back down to garden and straightened her back.

"You know..." She began. "I think I can say with a relative amount of confidence that I've been a good teacher to you Squall." She said as she looked back towards me. A small smile pulled at her lips.

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms across my chest.

"Is that what you called me out here for?" I asked as I walked up to the railing on the other side of the balcony, as far away from her as possible. "So you could tell me about how awesome you are?"

She chuckled. "No. I wanted to compliment you on your beautiful dance." She was seriously going to hound me about that? This chick was ridiculous.

"Cool." I said as I shook my head in disbelief. Was that it? I could have actually enjoyed my night, but no, you had to show your ugly mug and compliment me. "I'm leaving." I was turning to leave when her voice caught me.

"No." She said with finality. That was an order too. "I'm not done."

"What else have you got to say to me, Quistis? What more crap do you want to bother me with?" I asked. I could feel all the irritation and hatred I was harboring for her bubble up and over into my words.

"I wrote your report the other day for the Headmaster." She spoke calmly. I didn't know how to read that remark... I couldn't figure out if it was threatening or not. "I thought it would be a breeze to write. Excellent work in class and out on the field, responsible, trust worthy, etc, etc. You have every quality that it takes to be a SeeD, Squall." Where... was this coming from? Why was she saying this?

"But on the form it asked 'Works well with others?'" She looked me straight in the eyes. I already knew where this was going. "Can you guess what I put?" The edge that I was so familiar with reappeared in the cracks of her voice.

"'Doesn't like people?'" I shrugged.

"... Doesn't know how." She corrected. I wasn't expecting that. I didn't know how to respond. I didn't understand the point she was trying to prove.

"Squall... listen to me." She said as she pushed herself off of the railing and slowly made her way towards me. "I'm telling you this from the pit of my heart. I'm pushing all of my feelings about everything we've ever had aside. I'm thinking about you from an analytical point of view. From the vantage point of a teacher." She was being disturbingly honest and I wanted to run away. I didn't want to deal with the gravity of whatever she was telling me. Where did the bitchy mean spirited Quistis go? What was she trying to do?

"You need to learn how to interact with other people." She said.

"What?" Was all I could say as I turned to her.

"I know it sounds stupid and childish... but I'm serious." I couldn't tell if she was or not. "You're not going to get far in Garden acting alone."

"I've gotten far enough, mom." I said as I shook my head in disbelief. I could not believe I was seriously being lectured on this.

"Psh, no wonder you're a social retard." She laughed at that and threw her arms up in exasperation. She looked away from me and back towards Garden. I could only stare after her in disgust. What a bitch... "You only listen to good advice when it's from your mom?" She chuckled at the thought again. She shot me a glance as if to ask if I had seen the error in my ways yet. I hadn't. I had no idea what she was getting at.

"What the he-" She cut me off.

"Good advice can come from anybody. Remember that." She pointed a finger at me, like I was a chalk board and she was pointing out an important note.

"Well, forgive me if I don't believe your advice. You don't exactly have a great track record in my book." I reminded her.

"That may be true enough... but you need to know good advice when you hear it. I'm your teacher. Someone who is guiding you to be what you are to become. I'm the person you should take advice from." She pointed back to herself.

"Trust me, I'd rather take advice from a two year old." I turned away from her and moved back towards the balcony. I pulled out a cigarette from its pack and lit it in a hurry. I knew that with the first drag this scene would end, she would be gone, I'd be here alone and I could enjoy myself. But I took that drag and everything was still just as shitty as before.

"Even two year olds have good advice sometimes..." Quistis mumbled, sounding a little defeated. She had been turned away from me for a while now.

"I'm sure." I mocked.

"Well then Squall, enlighten me!" She was mad as she turned to me but she remained calm. "Then who's advice will you take?"

"I don't know!" I instinctively shot back aggressively. I didn't mean for that to come out, especially in that tone. "I won't take advice from you or a two year old? Well then there is just _nobody_ I'm going to listen to! I'm just a lost cause!" I started to get even madder. The cigarette currently twitching around in my fingers seemed less appetizing than before.

"No! You won't take advice from _anyone._ I know you Squall Leonha-" I shut her up.

"Fuck that! You don't know me, Quistis Trepe." I spit back right in her face. "Just because you're a fucking superior doesn't give you the right to go trouncing around, pretending like you know people." I couldn't see the fear in her eyes that I was expecting to see. She wasn't backing down. "You can see my grades and my homework... that's it. That's all you can see from your little tiny bubble."

"I see more than you know." She had a little condescending smirk on her smug face. "You think you're so tough. A loner. Acting so rude... I can see right through all that shit like it's not even there." She stepped back from me. She was done arguing and looked done for the day. Then her face dropped. She had regretted that last comment, I read it all over her features. "Squall..." She began, calming herself. "Listen to me. I don't want to argue with you, I want to help you. We fight about nothing enough, so just let me be a teacher right now."

"Oh, so _now_ you want to be an instructor? Just when you-" Her foot slammed against the metal beneath us, shutting me up instantly.

"Listen! You can go back to hating me after I tell you this... but I'm serious right now. So just... just listen." I could see the spike of anger that had stabbed her, and the slow extraction of it that calmed her. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, for at least this one moment. I just wanted to get this conversation over and get her out of my life.

"Open up every once in a while." She said simply, looking directly into my eyes. "You were right, I don't know everything in your life. I don't even know a single percent of it... but is there anyone who does?" She paused. No. There wasn't. There didn't need to be. "There isn't, is there? You can't live life shutting others away." Yeah, I can. "Nobody can. We need that human connection. We need to be able to bounce ideas, thoughts and feelings off of others. If you don't you'll just get swamped by your own emotions. You'll explode." I wanted her to shut up. "I'm trying to be a friend... but I know that that discredits me. So, from a teacher's perspective... you need to do this. Or you won't get anywhere in Garden. You'll never become a SeeD." She finished and she moved a step back.

My cigarette had gone out. I flicked it over the edge and I watched it twirl down, catching stray wind currents as it descended.

"Done?" I asked as I looked at her, my face stoic.

"It would have been more fruitful talking to a wall." She commented sadly. I shrugged and looked to the iridescent light that glowed from Garden.

Giggling and rustling came from the training center. I turned around, not to sure what to expect would come through the foliage.

"Selphie!" A girl cried as she broke down into hysterical laughter.

"I'm not even kidding!" The other girl yelled back. The shrubbery at the entrance to the secret area shook violently as a warning sign at someone's more than obvious approach. The laughter was much clearer now and the girl fell through the greenery and into our view. I should have figured.

It was Rinoa. She was in night clothes, holding a bottle of half drunken wine in one hand and a pack of cigarettes in the other. She caught sight of Quistis first and stopped dead in her tracks. Rinoa's face fell and it began to turn beat red, redder than it already was. She then took a glance over to me and her eyes grew wide with horror. I could only look back bewildered.

The other girl stumbled through "But I mean, can you believe she has-" She spotted me and her exuberance fell." -a penis..." She trailed her sentence off into drunken mumbles as she slowly bounced her eyes over to Quistis. The drunk girl held two bottles of wine, one in each hand, one full and the other half full.

"Oh my god..." Rinoa mumbled, too drunk to have any comprehension on what was going on.

"Oh God." The other girl said. She dropped her bottles quickly and ran to the edge, throwing her head over the side. The painful sounds of retching and vomiting echoed awkwardly between the three of us as we continued to just stare at one another.

Quistis turned to me. "I'm going. Take my advice." She said as she brushed past Rinoa.

With Quistis gone, Rinoa looked slightly more at ease, though still terrified.

"I'm in so much trouble. She totally saw me. She totally knows who I am." She was in her own world. She took a huge gulp from her wine bottle and sloppily pulled a cigarette from her pack. More retching came from the other girl. "Selphie! All your throwing up is making me nauseous."

The other girl pulled herself back from the edge.

"Oh my god... I feel so much better now." She sighed happily as she picked up one of her bottles of wine again.

"Dude. We're so fucked." Rinoa said to her friend who stumbled in Rinoa's general direction. "An instructor totally saw us after curfew and with alcohol in a public area."

"Oh... shit." Was all the girl could say as she snatched a cigarette from Rinoa's pack. The snatching action made Rinoa perk up and she shot a look at me.

"These are yours!" She practically yelled.

"What?" Was all I could say as I continued to stare at the train wreck before me.

"You dropped these like, _months_ ago... I've been meaning to give them back." She extended the cigarette pack to me on a wavering arm.

"They're yours now." I insisted. I pushed her hand away.

"Oh good... 'cause me and Selphie already smoked like half the pack in my room. But then we got caught smoking out the window so we came out here." The last part of her statement was mumbled as she stuck a cigarette in her mouth. She lit it haphazardly but managed to start the flame anyhow. She blew out and by the look on her face I could tell she was instantly refreshed. She took another drag and exhaled. She had obviously been smoking since I had last seen her.

"See? No coughing!" She turned to me as she exhaled once more. "I'm no longer some newbie smoker anymore." She smiled as she inhaled for another drag.

"What are you talking about? This is the first time you _haven't _coughed!" The other girl reminded as she took a drag herself.

"The point is that I didn't cough just then, yah know?" She said as she gave a drunken glare towards her friend. "Oh!" She looked back to me. "Squall, Selphie. Selphie, Squall." I gave a curt nod to Selphie who smiled back and gave a tiny wave.

"I'm sorry if we interrupted anything!" Selphie exclaimed. She emphasized the word anything a little too much. They probably thought Quistis and I had been making out or something.

"You weren't interrupting anything." I said as I looked away from them.

"Really?" She sounded disappointed. "Nothing at all? Not even cuddlin-" I was almost ready to leave with that comment but Rinoa cut her off.

"Selphie!" Rinoa slapped her friend across the shoulder. "Ignorance can kill." She reminded as she snatched Selphie's wine bottle from her hands and took a swig.

"Rin! You have your own!" She yelled as she ripped the bottle from Rinoa's hands. Selphie hid her bottle under her sweater, protecting it from any more abuse that Rinoa may have had in store for it.

"You've had enough." She slowly turned to me and eyed me curiously. "But Squall hasn't had any!" What? She looked back to Selphie who looked depressed at the idea.

"Rin! I want that other bottle!" She exclaimed reaching out for it from across the balcony, but making no real movement to go and retrieve it.

"Think of the less fortunate." She reminded as she walked on shaky legs to the other bottle. She picked it up and turned to me. "Take it." She insisted.

"Um, I'm alright." I had no idea how to react. I didn't know if that Selphie girl had herpes or something... or where that bottle had been. But she persisted.

"Seriously! This bottle of wine is my condolence for having to deal with Quistis... I know you hate her and all." She whispered that last part, afraid that Selphie might catch wind of it. But the drunken whisper was far too loud to be hidden and Selphie's interest was piqued.

"Wait, what?" She asked. Maybe she hadn't heard it, but she could probably smell the secret just as easily.

"Nothing. Squall, drink." She batted Selphie's inquiries quickly out of sight and shoved the bottle in my hands. "The faster you chug it, the more drunk you'll become." She said as she pushed the bottle deeper into me, nearly shoving me backwards.

I looked at the full bottle then back to the plastered girls before me. I so rarely got drunk. I figured I could push the limits tonight. I had nothing to do tomorrow and I knew the only way to salvage this night would be to get so drunk I ended up passing out.

"All right." I agreed with a mumble and a shrug. Rinoa giggled with joy a little bit and bounced on her knees. She cleared her throat and raised her bottle, motioning for a toast.

"To making a mediocre night awesome!" She cheered. Selphie cheered and clanked her bottle against Rinoa's so hard that I was expecting glass and wine to fly everywhere.

"Squall?" She asked turning to me. She looked me in the eyes and I could tell she was serious about this whole cheers thing. This was ridiculous and I had to laugh at the scene unfolding before me. I grunted a small chuckle and clinked my bottle with theirs. That advice may have been from Quistis, but I guess it didn't hurt to try out her suggestion. Though I'd never admit it.

"Okay, on the count of three... we all chug our bottles as fast as we can!" Selphie exclaimed, looking between the two of us.

"Fuck yeah son!" Rinoa yelled, throwing her bottle in the air as if ready for another toast.

"Squall?" The two turned to me. Again, the look in their eyes meant business and I needed to join or there would be repercussions. I pointed the head of the bottle in their direction, reminding them that my cork was still shoved snugly in the opening.

"Oh." Rinoa said with a small smile. She took the bottle from me, pulled out a pocket knife and stabbed the cork like she meant to kill it. I was slightly taken aback by the viciousness of the attack. She drove the blade into the cork like there was no tomorrow.

In a quick fling of her arm, she pulled the knife out and with it the cork.

"Oh man, that was totally bad ass." Selphie said quite stunned.

"Yeah... I didn't think that would work." Rinoa laughed as she handed the bottle back to me.

"Let's drink, god dammit!" Selphie suddenly exclaimed. She pressed the head of the bottle to her bottom lip and braced herself for the intense amount of booze that was about to slide down her throat. "On the count of three..."

"One..." Rinoa put her bottle closer to her face, ready to chug.

"Two..." I couldn't believe I was doing this. Who were these girls? Why hadn't I left yet? How the hell was I going to drink all that wine??

"Three!" Selphie screamed and we all tilted our heads back and let the wine drain from its home and into our gullets.

After what felt like an eternity of chugging, I had to breathe. I moved the bottle away from me and gasped for air. I wiped my mouth and purple stained lips and looked at the two others. They looked at me astonished.

"Duuuuude!" Selphie cried pointing at my bottle. "You drank, like, half of it in one gulp!" She laughed.

"You're gonna be so messed up." Rinoa laughed too. I looked at their bottles. Rinoa's was just barely a quarter less than it once was. Selphie's was much the same. I looked to my bottle... I had consumed waaay more than I had thought humanly possible. I was bound to get alcohol poisoning...

... but instead I got completely smashed. In what felt like no time at all I was wobbling around and slurring with the two. Cigarettes had never tasted so good and peeing had never felt so refreshing.

"You know what..." Rinoa paused as she burped painfully. We were all sitting in a circle, our upper bodies swaying gently, occasionally toppling over and onto our forearms. "... I think?"

I gave her a drunken look through slow moving eye lids. "Hmm?" Was all I could mumble.

"I think Selphie is too pussy to take her top off!" Rinoa exclaimed as she slapped a hand onto Selphie's knee and then collapsing into her lap.

"Dude... you don't even know how, like, not pussy I am." She said with a smirk as she poked Rinoa's forehead resting comfortably between her legs. Rinoa quickly sprang up and moved her face within inches of Selphie's.

"Prove it bitch." Rinoa said, then fell onto the ground.

"No..." I chimed in. What was my point? Oh, yeah. "She's just pressuring you. Peer pressure, yah know." What? What just came out of my mouth?

"Yeah..." was all Selphie could say.

"Pussy!" Rinoa yelled from her spot on the ground.

"Boobies!" Selphie exclaimed as she fell down next to Rinoa. They began to laugh about the comments. It momentarily subsided, then they looked at each other and started cracking up even harder until they were rolling around and crying.

Rinoa finally sat up, still wiping the tears away and looked at me for a while. Her smile faded in and out as she continued to stare blankly.

"Wah?" I finally slurred.

"You're so pretty when you smile." She noted. I was smiling?

"You're pretty when you smile too." Word vomit. Word diarrhea. I felt the little left of me that was sober smack me, punch me, bite me, stab me and maim me for saying that... but it didn't matter. I was so drunk that it felt like a normal thing to just banter about. Not like any of us would remember that comment anyways.

"No! _You're _pretty!" Rinoa laughed as she raised a finger at me.

"Everyone's pretty... We're so good looking." Selphie said as she got up from her lying position.

Rinoa looked between the two of us.

"We really are good looking, aren't we?" She nodded... and nodded. Then finally fell over and onto Selphie's shoulder.

"The world is so blessed to have us." Selphie said with a chuckle. Rinoa chuckled and they both laughed together until they were in tears yet again.

Selphie looked up at me and stopped laughing but smiled even wider.

"Oh my God! Squall's smile is _way_ cute!" She said with a clap. I wiped the smile off my face instantly.

"I know!" Rinoa exclaimed.

"I wish my smile could be cute like that..." Selphie mumbled. Rinoa laughed, but Selphie didn't. She just stared blankly at the floor as her upper body wobbled a little more than it was previously. Rinoa cooled her laughing and looked at Selphie's slightly hunched form. Silence. Rinoa and I waited for Selphie to do something, anything... but nothing.

Selphie suddenly flopped backwards, her arms splayed above her head.

"Oh my god..." I breathed. "She's dead." But the sound of heavy snoring made me retract the comment.

"Bitch just passed out!" Rinoa said with a laugh. She sighed and looked at me. "We better go to bed now..." She stood on loose legs. She stumbled all over the place, stepping on Selphie's unconscious body more than a few times. I stood on far more sturdy legs than hers, but was still in no way stable.

She bent down and tried to lift Selphie, but she couldn't even lift up her friend's hands without heaving and huffing.

"Hey! Wake up! We have to go to bed!" Selphie wasn't moving though. She was out cold.

"I got it." I said as I moved over to her body and lifted her with ease. I mounted her on my back, holding her thighs and throwing her arms over my shoulders. Her snores blared in my ear and I regretted the decision to carry her immediately.

"She owes you big time." Rinoa said as she poked her friend's peaceful face.

"No biggy." I slurred as I began to make my way out of the secret area. With Selphie on my back now being awake, not to mention walking, became a great deal harder. My blinks became far more frequent and longer in duration the further I moved. Rinoa was having the same trouble. She wavered back and forth and each blink she made was like a sick, sadistic reminder of sleep. But we persisted.

We got to the main garden hall and the knowledge of being closer to the dormitories felt sobering. I sped my walk up as did Rinoa, who also looked slightly more awake than before. ... She was going a lot faster actually. She was really far ahead of me now.

Then I heard a voice, the voice that I realized had been calling out for us for quite sometime. The voice of a Garden administrator. We were dead. Not only were we totally fucked up but we were out WAY past curfew. What time was it even? Oh my God... you could probably smell the booze on my breath. I bet my lips were deep purple.

Quick! Sober up!

"... Excuse me! Where do you think you are going!?" The voice was pissed that we had been ignoring it. With that call Rinoa turned around to confront what was about to come at us. I followed her lead and swiveled around to face him.

I nervously bit the inside of my lip as I stared at the now winded and extremely pissed off Garden administrator.

"Do you know what time it is?" He asked as he tried to compose himself.

Silence from us. "No." I said simply, trying to sound as sober as possible. It didn't work. Didn't even come close to working. He eyed me suspiciously. I looked cooly back into his eyes. He turned his attention to Rinoa.

"Have you been drinking tonight?" He asked. It sounded like he was disgusted, as if we would dare do such a thing on Garden grounds.

"No. No sir. Oh God no. We would never." Rinoa reminded him with a pleasant smile and small giggle as she stepped next to me, brushing my shoulder tenderly with hers. She played sober a lot better than I did. I was going to let her do the talking.

"I don't believe you." He said as he looked between the two of us. He looked to Selphie, still sleeping peacefully on my back, then to me. "What happened?"

"Fell asleep." I answered simply.

"No. She passed out from drinking." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. He smelled right through our lie. I'm sure it wasn't hard at all.

"Sir." Rinoa suddenly exclaimed. Her demeanor changed and if I hadn't seen her consume all that wine, I would have assumed she was completely sober. "We really must be going. Our friend is exhausted and she needs proper rest. The three of us have been training all day and I personally can't even believe I'm standing right now, let alone him." She motioned to me and Selphie. "I'm afraid that if we don't get sleep soon, we will become ill." She said very importantly. It was bullshit. It sounded like bullshit. It was probably one of the worst lies I've ever heard. Who would buy that? Look at what you're wearing! You've been fighting monsters in your pajama shorts and sweater from Dollet? But she said it with such conviction it was hard not to believe her.

The Garden administrator looked satiated with the response.

"... Fine. But I'm still writing you up for being out past curfew." Fuck. But at least we weren't caught being totally waisted. Rinoa and I got detention the next day, but Rinoa managed to persuade the man into excusing Selphie, citing that she was not actually 'up after curfew.'

When we were finally in the dormitory halls we finally dropped our sober acts. I had almost forgotten how messed up I really was.

"That was so hard." Rinoa slurred as she pulled out a card key for her room.

"You were incredible." I could only mumble as I began to feel the weight of Selphie punishing me after all this time.

"I've had so much practice." She said with a smile as she unlocked her door and held it open.

"I have to take Selphie back to her room." I reminded as I slumped even lower to the floor.

"Fuck it. She can pass out here." I took the offer and hobbled into her room. I tossed Selphie onto Rinoa's bed a bit rougher than I had intended. She was like a limp rag doll, weak limbs attached only by even weaker threads rattled around as she hit the bed.

An intense need to sit down crept up through me, starting at my feet and finally bashing my brain in. I slumped to the floor and lied down. "I need to sit do..." I mumbled.

The next thing I knew it was the morning.

--

I examined myself in the bathroom mirror. I looked like death. I had no idea how much sleep I had gotten because I had no idea what time we passed out at. I had no idea what happened after I brought the smack down on the Garden Administrator either. I was still half drunk and it felt like my head was about to explode. Deep purple rings rested under my eyes, reminding me and everyone who might see me that it was a good night, but a bad morning.

I dragged my feet out to my room and I took in the train wreck before me. Squall was splayed out on my floor, snoring softly with a minimal amount of saliva creeping out of the corner of his mouth and onto my carpet.

Selphie lay comatose, a hand resting on her eyes, the other on top of my alarm clock and a leg dangling over the edge of my bed. Her mouth was wide open as if she had gotten bored of snoring and decided to just let her jaw hang in that position.

For some mysterious reason I had woken up in my bathtub, completely soaked. I must have tried to take a shower after I had gotten home... but just forgot to take off my clothes? I had no idea. It was all very strange.

I still felt incredibly weak and exhausted and these wet, heavy clothes weren't helping the situation. I changed slowly and painfully. Every movement hurt. I managed to get dry clothes on and I felt a little better, but nothing significant.

I surveyed the situation in my room again and looked at the time. 8 AM. There's no way I could have gotten more than four hours of sleep. And the second I realized that I felt twice as tired. I moved to my bed and tried to push Selphie over to give me some room, but she wasn't budging. I looked to the floor. It was my only other option. I lied down, expecting some kind of awkward pain but it instead felt oddly refreshing. I guess anything somewhat padded was better than my shower floor.

I woke up later and looked about, the two were still there, sleeping soundly. They had only stirred slightly since I had last seen them. I looked at the clock. 1 PM. Oh my God... What a waisted day. But I felt fathoms more refreshed than earlier, even if I was sleeping on my floor.

The two stirred slightly, as if reacting to my own motion. I stood up and peered out my blinds. The blue sky, chirping birds, blinding sun and happy forest creatures mocked us. Little bastards. I lifted the blinds and light poured in, heating the room instantly. The sun layed across Squall's face and it looked like he was made uncomfortable by it. He mumbled groggily and rolled over and away from the light.

I cracked a window and heat rushed in. What? Why was it so hot? Was it a heat wave? Figures. Hangover days were always blisteringly hot. It was the natural law of getting drunk.

"Oh God..." Selphie mumbled. I looked to her and I saw her eyes slowly blinking the sleep away. She wiped at her mouth, now encrusted with spit and sat up. She leaned back on a hand and held her head with the other. "Oh my God... I feel like shit." She said through a harsh, sickly voice. "What happened last night?"

"What do you last remember?" I asked as I sat on my window sill, trying to suck all the liveliness of the day into my being.

"We were heading to the secret area..." She recalled. She didn't say anything more. That was it? That's seriously all she remembered? What a light weight...

She looked around the room and was about to ask a question but then she caught sight of Squall. Her eyes bulged. There was no way she was expecting to see that the morning after. "Oh shit... I must have missed a lot."

"He carried you back after you passed out." I looked to him. He was still sleeping relatively soundly.

"Shut up. No way." Her grogginess instantly subsided.

"Yeah way." I said as I took a seat next to her on my bed.

"Okay... so tell me how this shit went down." Selphie it seemed had instantly recovered from her hangover.

"We went to the secret area, we ran into Quistis and Squall there-" She cut me off. I figured she would.

"WHAT!?" She practically screamed. I shushed her, reminding her of the sleeping Squall only a few feet from us. She smiled sheepishly. "What? No fucking way. Were they making out or something? Did we interrupt something?" She was sounding like she wanted us to have run into them in the middle of something. She was such a gossip queen.

"No. Quistis left, Squall stayed. I gave him your other bottle of wine and we all proceeded to get trashed. You were being loud as usual until you fell on the floor and passed out." It was a quick synopsis, but it was sufficient.

"Oh..." She sounded dissapointed. "Nothing sexy or scandalous happened?" What did she want me to tell her?

"Um, I tried to make you flash us." We laughed. "And then you dared Squall to flash us, and we tried for, like, 20 minutes to get him to do it."

"Did he do it?" She asked, astonished. I nodded with a coy smile. She gasped and cupped a hand to her mouth. "He must have been _so_ drunk."

"I doubt he remembers much of last night."

"Did he do anything else super stupid?" She was just itching to have more dirt on him.

Yeah. He did, but there was no way in hell I was going to subject him to Selphie's teasing. He admitted his complete and total hatred for Quistis, then he dropped Selphie on her head twice, and made a total ass of himself when that administrator confronted us. If Squall remembered any of that, there was no way in hell he was ever going to be in the same room as me. He'd be so embarrassed.

"No." I said as I shook my head. I had to avoid eye contact with her in order to keep the lie going. Just thinking about last night made me crack up.

I looked over to his sleeping body and it felt like I saw him in a different light. I had a new vantage point on Squall. He didn't feel like a fleeting memory or a fictitious character any longer. He was very real and completely tangible. Not only was he real but the person I used to know him as felt backward and obsolete. He used to seem so reserved, cold and estranged. Now it seemed like he had a little depth to his character. He wasn't just some elusive infamous guy. He was, instead, that unfriendly guy who I had gotten drunk with. Okay, so it wasn't a vast improvement on his depth of character but at least it was something. And I knew from experience that being drunk with a stranger could be a fantastic ice breaker. Not to mention dancing with one.

I had almost completely forgotten the dance we had shared. All the craziness that followed it sort of over shadowed that moment. I couldn't believe I had forgotten to complement him last night. Weird. It's like we had just forgotten and disregarded that dance completely. It seemed like everytime we encountered one another, we were strangers to each other all over again. Each time we met wasn't any less peculiar or awkward than the last. At least last night progress was made.

Squall stirred and our eyes flew towards him. Sort of felt like the moment of truth. He would wake up and then the day could really begin. I kind of wished he wouldn't wake up. It was going to be weird going over the events of the night with him, if he remembered them that is. But I just bit my cheek and beared it. I mean, he would have to wake up eventually.

Squall rolled over to face us and his eyes slowly, painfully opened to the world. He looked miserable already. He sat up and hunched forward and put a hand to his forehead.

"How do you feel?" I asked cautiously, afraid he might snap at me.

"Awful." He grumbled. A momentary silence.

"Food will make you feel better." Selphie said hesitantly and quietly.

"Yeah. Do you want to go get something to eat?" I offered. A silence. That was a 'no.' Well I was hungry so he had to get out of my room on the double. I wasn't gonna just leave him in-

"Yeah." He said, his head still in his hands. I was shocked and stunned at the response. Accepting free booze was one thing, but an invitation to lunch? A totally different story.

Selphie perked up at this. She shot me a look that read complete disbelief and astonishment mixed with overwhelming joy.

"Let's go into town! Let's go to that super cheap burger place. What we all need right now is something disgusting and greasy." Selphie said, springing up off from my bed.

"I can't handle public transportation right now." Squall muttered, remaining in that same pained position as before.

"Don't even worry about it. I have a car." She said with a smile. Squall looked up at her.

"All right." He said as he stood. "Let me get changed." He said as he walked towards the door. He was still stumbling a bit. He must have still been drunk.

"No." I said. He stopped and turned to me curiously. "Half the fun of getting drunk is the morning after! Feeling greasy, eating even greasier food, looking like shit." He looked unconvinced and I could see why. There was really nothing appealing about anything I had just said. "Just trust me."

"... 'Kay." Was all he said, but that was more than enough for me. He was definitely still drunk from last night. There was no way he would agree to any of this on any other day.

Selphie and I, for the most part, were already quite energized at the thought of going to our favorite shitty burger joint. We always needed an excuse to go because we'd just feel like fat asses if we were going just because we were hungry. Being hungover, bombing an exam or being stressed were all perfectly good reasons to go.

The two of us walked briskly to the garage and chatted amiably while Squall fought desperately against his hangover to keep up with our pace. I took quick notice of Squall's pain and slowed my pace. I looked over to him and he looked like he was ready to put a bullet through his brain.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him, his head hanging low as his hair masked most of his face.

He mumbled his reply, sounding something like a 'I'm okay.' It was an unconvincing answer.

"Are you feeling sick?" I tried to get a definitive answer out of him.

"I just need to eat." He answered quite stoically, missing that edge of illness his previous grumble had.

"Oh good." I smiled at him. He looked me in the eyes and though his face gave me no indications, I could tell he was smiling. His eyes had softened and gleamed gently. My smile widened in response. He felt a little more human, a little more sensitive. It felt like I could reach out, touch him and he would react like any normal person would. The physical walls I had felt when I was around him and been razed with just one night of drinking. Realistically, little progress had been made but at the very least, it felt like I could connect with him beyond our few, brief and tepid conversations and cigarettes.

At the burger place Selphie and I had ordered extra large side of fries with our usual hamburgers. Squall, not knowing what to do, followed our example.

"Is it sad that this tastes better after a night of drinking?" Selphie asked as she bit off another portion of the hamburger in her hands.

"Yes. Terribly." I answered as I sipped my soda. I turned to Squall who was zoning out as he relentlessly devoured the food in his hands. He looked like a competitive eater. "You like it?"

He snapped out of his trance and paused his chewing briefly. He seemed like he was taken off guard by my question. He nodded and swallowed.

"Yeah. It wouldn't be good on any other occasion." He said as he placed his food back onto its plate. What? Talking? Explanation?? It was a parallel universe.

"Exactly!" Selphie practically screamed, snatching the opportunity to engage Squall in some kind of conversation. He looked startled by her exclamation.

"You could give a baby a heart attack with the amount of grease dripping off of this." I picked up what was left of my hamburger and looked to the plate which was now a small lake of heart clogging juice.

We chuckled a little, and went straight back to our food.

"Well, well, well..." A voice spoke from the head of our table. We all looked up and Zell was standing there, looking just as disheveled as the three of us. "Looked what the cat dragged in." He smiled as he tutted us.

"Cat dragged your grimy ass in too, Zell." Selphie reminded as she pulled at his pajama pants.

"Yeah well, I-" He stopped suddenly as his eyes landed on Squall. I figured he'd make a big show of Squall being here with us. He was the same as Selphie after all. The two stared back at each other. Zell in awe and disbelief, and Squall in curiosity and irritation. I had to defuse the situation immediately.

"Zell, this is Squall. Squall, Zell." I introduced. Zell, realizing what he had just been doing, laughed nervously and produced a hand for a shake. Squall shook his hand lamely.

"Nice to meet yah, man." Zell said with a big smile.

Squall merely nodded. Zell was a bit much to deal with, especially for someone who was as hungover as Squall was.

"How did your night go, sir?" Selphie said, eyeing him suspiciously, lifting an eye brow as she leaned toward him.

Zell had asked some library girl to go with him at the last minute. He didn't want to go with the two of us because he thought it made him look 'gay.' How a girl on each arm would make Zell look like a homosexual was beyond our understanding, probably even to him. But he insisted that if the ratio of men to women was too one sided than it would look like the fewer numbered sex had same sex tendencies. I called him a big dumb ass and Selphie punched him in the arm so hard it gave him a welt. He probably just made up some elaborate story so we wouldn't tease him about asking a girl to the dance.

"Awesome." He said coyly with an impish smile. He tossed his head over to the counter where his date was picking up her food.

"Did you two get down and dirty?" I teased as I leaned in with Selphie.

"Was it passionate? Were you two wrapped in each other's arms screaming with ecstasy as you two went at it?" Selphie asked, being over the top as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Selphie. They didn't just 'go at it.'" I reprimanded mockingly. I turned to Zell. "They made _love_." I said with a smirk.

"Shut up." Zell blushed furiously.

"Sweet, passionate love." Selphie said with a laugh. She turned to me. "It's all just so romantic and ever so sexy."

"God, I know. Zell, you're a sex god." I said.

"This is totally why I didn't go with you two last night." He glared at the two of us being quite severe. But his beat red face cancelled out any seriousness he may have intended.

"Psh, I knew that whole 'gay' story was bullshit." Selphie said with a sad shake of her head.

Zell's library girl walked over to us and smiled.

"These are my friends," He said turning to her, "but right now they're riding the crimson wave so we're going to ignore them." She gave him a confused looked but he dragged her away before she could ask anymore questions.

"He hates us." Selphie said nonchalantly as she picked up her hamburger again.

"He could never." I said as I turned to Squall who looked absolutely bewildered. "Teasing Zell is one of our many recreational activities." I explained. He nodded as if he understood but it was easy enough to tell that he was still a little perplexed.

We were driving back to Garden when I remembered our dance last night. I turned from the passenger seat to the back seat where Squall was zoning out.

"Hey. I completely forgot to compliment you on the dance last night." I said with a smile. "You were really good... when you wanted to be that is." I smirked at that last part.

"You too." He said with a nod. A brief silence. "Um, thank you for stumbling drunkenly into the secret area." That was a little unexpected from him.

"Don't mention it." I said with a wave of my hand. I decided not to pry further.

"Why?" Selphie piped up, looking in her rear view mirror back to him. Of course Selphie would dig deeper if I hadn't.

"Conversations with Quistis are... painful." He said as he looked out the window again. It was said with a certain amount of finality that I knew Selphie wouldn't dare try prying again.

I couldn't believe how much he had agreed to and how much he had said in the past 24 hours. Dancing, socializing, answering questions. I had just started turning Squall's key and I didn't want to stop. I wanted to know everything about him. I wanted to push the lid off and go free falling into whatever was inside. I had had a taste and now I wanted it all. He was such a wonderful mystery. He wasn't like others. With others once you got to a certain point, all of the answers open up to you and you end up knowing everything about them. But with him, it felt like with every step I took, another step lit up before me, drawing me closer to more information. It wasn't incredible information by any means, but that's what made it so interesting. What was he hiding behind all of that excess, frivolous information? It was something amazing. Squall was really something special, I could tell...


	6. In the Deep

Chapter Six: In the Deep

These girls were fun. It was weird having fun with people. Does that sound strange? Yeah, that sounds really weird. I hadn't interacted positively with another human being in such a long time. It felt a little foreign to me. Not a little, that's an understatement. It felt _incredibly_ foreign. I wanted to talk to them more, really I did. Well, sort of. I wanted to remind them that I was in the back seat anyway. They were off in their own little world talking about something I wasn't really paying attention to. I just continued to stare out the window as we made our way back to Garden. Whatever they were talking about obviously didn't involve me, so I didn't feel comfortable butting in.

I rubbed my temples methodically, hoping to quell the headache that was currently raging war against my brain. Fucking hangover. Drinking last night was a dumb idea. Last night was ridiculous. Had I even the slightest bit of hindsight I would have never gotten drunk with them. I said so much bullshit. I prayed they remembered none of it. Plus the hangover today was excruciating. More painful than I ever remembered them being. It was like a drill was slowing cracking through my skull with every passing second. Even after the hamburger, which was probably the most disgusting thing I had ever eaten, the dull pain of last night remained. The girls didn't seem affected at all. Why? Why me?

They finished laughing about something and then a silence grew from the sputtering remnants of their giggles.

"Hey!" Rinoa said as she turned back to me. She looked concerned suddenly, noticing that I was rubbing my temples quite vigorously. "Still feeling crappy?" She asked as she cocked her head slightly. I nodded. I realized how hard I had been pressing my temples and released them from my fingers' pressure. "Sorry to remind you, but..." She shuffled around in her purse for a moment then produced a slip of paper. "We have hard time to do!" She said. I pulled the paper away from her and read it.

It was the disciplinary notice we had received last night. Oh my God... I had completely forgotten. Shit. Fuck. Piss. Damn. We were due to the disciplinary room on monday from 3 to... 8!? Are you shitting me!? 5 hours!?

Rinoa must've seen the astonishment on my face.

"What?" She asked.

"Five hours?" I asked incredulously as I pointed to the time on the paper.

"Well, yeah..." She acted like it was no big deal. It was a _huge_ deal! "No offense, but you didn't make it entirely convincing that we hadn't been drinking last night." She reminded with a small smile.

"... What?" I didn't do anything though. What did I do? I just said a single word and then I shut myself up... right? Right!?

"Um," she looked to Selphie, looking for help. She bit her lip then turned back to me. This was going to be bad... what did I do? "You slurred the most ridiculous explanation ever."

"What!?" I practically screamed. No way. I didn't... There was no way!

"It went something like this," She cleared her throat. "'Well, uh, we were just, and you knowwalkingand then we started trainingandthen we Idon'tknow...'" Her words strung together in the perfect recreation of slurred drunken dialogue. "I had to shut you up before you got us in more trouble. I'm surprised we only got five hours."

I was astonished and horrified. I made such an asshole out of myself. And I didn't even remember it!? Oh my God... What else had I forgotten?

"... Did I do anything else?" I asked. I'm sure the expression on my face pleaded for her to tell me no. But she bit her lip instead, afraid to say anything. She looked to Selphie, then back to me.

"I'll tell you later." Oh my God... I'm never EVER getting drunk again. Fuck that. Fuck booze. I made an asshole out of myself in front of complete strangers. This was awful. I wanted to bash my head against a metal bar. She saw the defeated look on my face and quickly stepped in.

"It wasn't anything awful. Just... out of character." She was trying to comfort me. Pathetic attempts. Just give it to me straight. I made a total asshole out of myself last night and I'll be the laughing stock of your conversations for years to come. Just tell me. Just let me know so I can avoid you at all costs for the rest of my life.

When we got back to Garden it felt like we were taking the walk of shame. The girls had no problem in carrying on in their unwashed sleepwear but I had a huge problem with it. It felt like everyone was staring at me. I looked like shit and the more I tried to hide myself from the crowd of students dressed like normal, day dwelling humans the more they seemed to stare me down. I wanted to dive in the fountain and drown. Ending my humility, my hangover and allowing me to avoid five hours of sitting in a room doing nothing.

But I didn't kill myself. I should have though... I totally should have. I just went back to my room after some quick goodbyes to Selphie and Rinoa. I stripped of my clothes that held my shame in their filth and took a shower. With a little soap, hot water and shampoo the hangover subsided and it felt like my life had begun anew. I stepped out of the shower and breathed a sigh of relief. I had effectively scrubbed last night away. But the slip of paper from the disciplinary committee reminded me that shame can't be washed away, and instead must be worked off. Dammit.

I picked up the paper again.

"Monday from 3 P.M. to 8 P.M. in room 1209." I mumbled as I dropped the paper back onto my desk.

I prayed the faculty didn't catch wind of this... well, I wished that Quistis in particular didn't catch wind of this. She'd have a field day. Word would probably get out though. I had to accept that. Not to toot my horn or anything, but I was one of Garden's top students. Whenever I got anything lower than a 95 on anything word would spread like wild fire. I'd be called into the headmaster's office and they'd ask me if I was depressed or if I needed some medication. Maybe I needed the therapist or the meds... but I always gave them incredulous stares and they'd let me go, reminding me to always do my best. They were like my parents... save for the nurturing and caring part. They just wanted me to succeed, for selfish purposes no doubt. I'd make them big money one day as a SeeD. Being one of the only two gunblade users in all of the Garden system definitely made me stand out. Do I sound conceded? I don't mean to be. It's just the truth.

So I wasn't really surprised when I received a call to my room from the headmaster himself.

"Squall, can I see you in my office?" He didn't really even need to introduce who it was or which office I needed to go to. It was obviously Cid.

"Yes, sir." I answered. He hung up on me first. He sounded mad. He probably was. A top student caught out past curfew being wildly drunk in a public area would cause their heads to explode.

I dressed in proper Garden attire, combed my wet hair into place and made my way out the door. I didn't really know what to expect up at the meeting. Probably something like 'Don't do it again'... except madder, way madder. I prayed it would just be Cid, instead of all my teachers like it usually was. Apparently they thought an army of imposing instructors could make me get better grades. They needed to try a new tactic.

The elevator arrived at the 3rd floor, Cid's office, and I stepped off. The secretary looked up at me and smiled pleasantly. She was trying to flirt with me... again. Every time I came up here that same student would try and hit on me.

So not in the mood right now.

"Hi Squall." She greeted as she quickly forgot about any of the work before her.

I nodded a greeting. She looked unsatisfied and she continued to smile and stare at me. I sighed lightly. "Hi." I finally managed to say.

"What are you in for now?" She asked with a giggle.

"You tell me." I said as I crossed my arms and looked away, avoiding eye contact.

She giggled taking my comment as a fun joke. Shut up. Stop laughing. Just let me in to see the Headmaster.

"I'll tell the Headmaster you're here." She said with a bright smile. I prayed she didn't think I was flirting back with her.

She pressed an intercom and announced my presence.

"Good good. Send him in." Cid's voice spoke through the speaker on her desk.

"Step right on through, Mr. Leonhart." Her smile deepened and her eyelashes batted as I passed her. It's not that she was totally annoying, it was just aggravating. I came here for a reason... not to flirt with someone whose name I didn't even know. I didn't look back at her or say much of anything else as I opened the double doors and stepped into his office.

Cid sat in his chair, looking very serious and grim, eyeing me like he was ready to launch a verbal tirade against me. His usual look when I walked in here. And standing next to him-

Oh fuck.

Considering my luck, I should have expected this.

Standing next to him, leaning against the back window looking much the same as Cid was Quistis. Her arms folded across her chest and a hip cocked lightly to the side told me she was feeling particularly smug at the moment. She loved seeing me squirm in situations like these. There was really no reason for her to be here. She just wanted to see me suffer under the exacting knife of Cid's reprimands.

"Squall," Cid began. "I'm sure you know why you're here." He said as he looked me straight in the eye.

"Yes, sir." I nodded and I straightened my posture into proper Garden formalities.

There was a silence. ... Why?

He turned back to Quistis. "You can leave now, Ms. Trepe." He said as his hand motioned for the door. Thank God. She looked perplexed and a little offended.

"But, Sir-" She began but Cid cut her off with a hand. I imagined him saying 'talk to the hand, bitch.' A sick sort of satisfaction welled up through me when I thought of that scene.

She looked to me, knowing full well how I was relishing this scene before me. She looked embarrassed. She leaned down and whispered something into his ear fervently. Cid pulled his head back and looked at her curiously.

"Like I said before, it's not necessary for you to be here right now." He said with a smile.

"Sir, I think it's quite nec-" She was cut off again.

"Please leave." The smile was dropped and so were the pleasantries. It was very apparent that that was the last thing he was going to say to her. She stepped back and sighed in defeat, she looked to me and then stormed out, attempting to keep her dignity. I tried to repress a victorious smile, but I knew it was coming through.

"Sorry you had to see that Squall." He said as he stood.

I'm not.

"So..." He began as he moved towards the window behind him. "You know why you're here." He was just repeating information.

"Yes, sir."

A bit of silence.

"You understand what you have done and the impact it can and will have on your future here at Garden?" He asked as he glanced back to me. It was more or less a rhetorical question but required my response regardless.

"Yes, sir." I answered.

"You've never, ever had a disciplinary write up before." He commented as he moved back to his desk. He picked up a file folder, presumably mine. He scanned it casually and then tossed it back to his desk. He sighed and moved back to the window.

"I had a bit of fun when I was a student back in my day." He turned to me with a small smile, remembering days gone by. He strode to the other side of his window. "When I first heard of your write up I was so shocked and, well, quite appalled. I thought 'Squall? Really? Of all the people...'" He turned to me. "Then I thought, of all the people in all of Garden this is the one person I wanted to see get written up for something like this." He said with a laugh.

... What? He was on drugs.

"What?" Was all I could say. I was dumbfounded. Was he making fun of me?

"I know, I know." He placed his hands behind his back. "It's a bit of a strange thing to say. I'm sure you were expecting a lecture on how you're such a good student and how you shouldn't have done that et cetera, et cetera. But after getting Quistis' report on you I couldn't stop thinking about that comment she wrote. 'Doesn't know how to work well with others.'" He sighed. "At first I thought, what a rude thing for her to say but then I realized... she's not far off."

Was I really getting another lecture about how I should play nice and share my toys? I was in a military academy! Not a fucking pre-school.

"And then I got this little piece of information." He held up the disciplinary note. He examined it dully. "I was so shocked. But then, I thought... Thank God!" He laughed at that. I could only give him a bewildered stare.

"The boy is finally interacting!" He held up another disciplinary notice. "With a... Ms. Rinoa Heartilly?" He asked me with a smirk. Was he implying that...? "How do you know Ms. Heartilly?"

"I, umm..." I ran into her a few times when I was smoking out on a restricted area. I had to lie. The truth would only get me into more trouble. In my haste to avoid the truth I began to feel flustered. "I met her in the infirmary and, well, she helped me back when I was wounded. But we danced together at the SeeD inauguration ball." I'm sure I sounded like a moron.

He stared at me, a little amused at my flustered rambles.

"Hmm." Was all he said as he nodded. "Then you two decided to get drunk?" He asked, an even wider smirk crossing his face.

"Excuse me?" I was a little offended. What was he implying here?

"Forgive me if you think I'm implying anything. I'm just trying to get the facts straight here."

I hesitated. I really didn't want to drag Rinoa down with me further, or Selphie for that matter.

"Yes, sir. We got drunk. But it was completely my fau-" He cut me off.

"Squall, I'm not here to get anyone into more trouble than they already are. Don't worry." He said as he took his seat again. He looked at my portfolio again and sighed lightly. "It's none of my business, I know..." He trailed off as he opened the documents before him. "But I can't help but feel like I need to be a parent to you." He looked me straight in the eye. I wanted to laugh in his face. Why did everyone who ranked above me thought they knew me? A parent? You must be joking. I don't get orders from my parents and I most certainly wouldn't salute them.

"Well, not a parent obviously." He laughed the comment off a bit, sensing my obvious discomfort with the title he had bestowed upon himself. "But, at least someone who you can trust... Who you can trust to guide you in the right direction." I guess I trusted him. I mean, I had to. If I didn't then what was my point in even being here...

"Quistis had wanted to call you up here to reprimand you about the other night. She wanted me to tell you to focus. She wanted me to remind you that becoming a SeeD is your ultimate goal. She wanted me to tell you to stop hanging around Rinoa, for your own good. She said that Rinoa would distract you, especially in these crucial years at Garden when your full concentration is needed at all times." He finally stopped and looked to me, trying to read my expression on the whole situation.

Quistis was such a fucking twat. She wanted me to socialize, but then wants to go and tell me to cease being around the one person who could actually engage me in conversation. The one person I had found that was even marginally entertaining and interesting and not completely devoid of a brain. The one person I could stand being around for more than five minutes. Goddamn hypocrite.

I was fuming, my eyes burning holes in the floor below me.

"What do you think?" He finally asked.

Quistis is a bitch, that's what I fucking think!

"What should I think?" I asked looking up. "An instructor who tells me to socialize one minute and then reprimands me for it the next. She tells me to follow her advice but how can I do that when it's so obviously idiotic." I was trying to remain presentable but I could tell the anger was edging its way into my words and making my eyes glower. "As a future SeeD I cannot follow her commands, commands I've recently been taking as 'advice.' I've read time and again that the best SeeDs are those that don't just follow commands, but those that think for themselves and for the best interest of the mission and their teammates." Cid was looking at me with a little bemused smile on his face.

"I, as a SeeD in training, can no longer listen to Quistis Trepe in regards to my well being. That's what I think." That was refreshing... really refreshing. I took a deep breath in. It felt like I hadn't tasted the sweet scent of oxygen in days. I swallowed hard, nervous of Cid's reaction to my sudden tirade.

He looked away, that same smile on his face.

"Thank you, Squall. You're free to go." He rustled with some papers on his desk. That was it? Was he mad? Was I in even more trouble now? Should I not have opened my mouth?

"Yes, sir." I saluted and swiftly turned and stormed out the door. I was still running on a bit of adrenaline from that last speech I had made so I walked out the door feeling like I was on cloud nine.

Quistis was sitting on the waiting couch, looking quite impatient but when she saw me walk out with great haste she threw herself from the seat. She tossed a look back into Cid's office who only waved her off. I could only imagine the look on her face. When she was turned away from Cid's office, she followed me instead.

I slammed my finger into the elevator call button and reveled in the feeling of superiority over her and her stupidity.

"Squall." She began sternly. I refused to answer. No more would I talk to this woman. She was just another pesky, flirty, useless shell of a bitch. And I would no longer waste my time on her.

The elevator came and we both entered. A sick satisfaction accompanied every second of my time with her.

"Squall?" She began again, this time a little more sensitive. Still, I refused to answer.

"You can't ignore me forever, you kn-" I cut her off. I turned to her with a sick smile of victory, a smile that I had been waiting to give to her for years.

"Oh yes I can. And I'm starting right after this elevator ride. You've been nothing but a terrible pain in my ass for far too long. I'm removing your thorn now."

"I wouldn't do that if I-" Once more I silenced her.

"Is that advice, Ms. Trepe?" I asked incredulously as I scoffed in her face. "Shall I quote words from you? 'Advice can come from anyone.' It sure can, Ms. Trepe but it's not always good advice now is it. I don't care if you're two or if you're five-hundred and twenty... you have bad advice. We all do. Just as much as we have good advice. So I'm taking some good advice right now. Advice from myself. And what I'm saying right now is to never talk to you ever again. And I like that idea. I like it a lot."

"How is 'Interact with others' bad advice?" She questioned. I could tell she wasn't expecting this conversation at all.

"It's not. But what is bad advice is to avoid those I do interact with."

"I never said anything of the-"

"You have more wicked duplicity in you than you have good natured kindness. That shows in your 'advice.' Last night, you didn't want me to start getting along with others... You wanted me to get along with _you. _And when you found that it wasn't you I had 'interacted' with how quickly you retract your advice." The elevator dinged and stopped at the bottom floor. The doors opened with a swish and a few students stood at the doors, ready to pile in.

"So take some good advice, my advice..." I said. "Leave me alone." I left the elevator in a hurry.

...

...

Victory.

So that's what winning felt like. That's what punching your sworn enemy in the face felt like. That's what winning the jackpot was like. Euphoria picked me up and lifted me off into the heavens. I was stepping on air as I rushed along back to my dorm. Why was I going to my dorm? Oh, who cares! I didn't care about anything at that moment. I was elated. Nothing could drop me from my view from the top. A cigarette! Yes! A cigarette would be the only way to celebrate such a victory.

I didn't care if I had gotten into more trouble. I really didn't give a fuck if I looked like a dumb ass in front of Cid. It all just didn't matter! It just felt so damn good to lay the verbal smack down on Quistis.

I entered my room and let forth the smile that had long been suppressed. I clenched my fists and did a few air jabs, my excitement not knowing how to express itself any other way. I swept my pack of cigarettes off from my desk, pocketed them and made my way out to my secret area.

Fuck it all. Fuck everything. It was one of those days. I was in one of those moods. From there on out for the rest of the day I didn't care what the fuck happened. Garden could have been burnt down and I would have still been smiling on the inside.

"Squall!" I heard a voice call out from behind me. I turned around and saw Rinoa jogging lightly in my direction. She finally caught up with me and saw she was smiling lightly. "I have a present for you." She said her smile growing. I gave her a curious stare. "Let's umm," she looked around, making a reference to the people around us. "Let's go somewhere private." She winked painfully, making it a little too obvious she was trying to be sly.

"Um, sure." Was all I could say as we headed outside.

Once we were out in front of Garden where there was less human traffic than the halls offered she produced a brand new pack of cigarettes.

"Here!" She insisted as she shoved it into my hands.

"I already have a pack." I said as I patted my protruding jacket pocket. I pushed her pack away but she shoved it harder into my hands.

"Seriously. This is the least I can do after smoking your whole pack the other night _and_ getting you in trouble." She continued to press the gift deeper into me. She wouldn't take no for an answer so I just succumbed. I wrapped the pack around my fingers and she looked satisfied.

"No," I said, unwrapping my fingers from the small box. "I can't take these." I insisted. I was about to push the pack back to her but she gently swatted my hands away.

"Just take them. Some dumb schmuck left them out on the secret area. It was destiny that I give them to you." She sounded strangely serious. Arguing with her further about the gift would have been pointless and a complete waste of time. I sighed and accepted my defeat on the issue.

I placed the pack into my other jacket pocket. "Thank you."

"Don't even mention it." She waved it off and smiled at me again. "So," she began again. "Where were you off to in such a hurry?" She asked.

I was going to my secret area. But should I tell her? The whole point of leaving the training center spot was so I could avoid her. Well, not just her... people in general. I needed to be able to be alone every so often, everyone did. But feeling the gift protruding precariously from my jacket pocket reminded me that my room was for my private time. I could share this with someone. I was in too good of a mood to really battle with myself anyways.

"Follow me." Was all I said as I lead the way. My new spot was along the side of the main building. I thought myself pretty ingenious for discovering it actually. It was so out of the way and obscure that there was no way anyone would even think of looking there for a spot to smoke or drink or what have you.

We came to a protruding point on the building and I stopped and turned to her.

"... This?" She asked incredulously as she looked about her surroundings.

"No." I said simply. I pointed up to a small balcony about fourteen feet above us, camouflaged with the azure of the building. It's white railing and the barely noticeable shadow the small jut caused were its only distinguishable features.

"Damn. How'd you find that?" She asked as she craned her head.

I shrugged. I really didn't know. I just sort of happened upon it actually. I had been in want of a new secret spot for some time, especially after my run ins with Rinoa. So I had set out on a mission to find one and I just sort of stumbled upon the balcony.

I began to climb up the side of the building and once I was half way up I looked back down to Rinoa who was staring at me like I was a dumb ass.

"You're kidding." Was all she said as she placed her hands on her hips. I didn't respond. I just kept climbing up to the top. I pulled myself over the railing, throwing one leg over at a time. Once I was situated I looked down to her again. She was still just standing there.

"Um, okay. Bye!" She said as she began to walk away, not wanting to even attempt such a feet.

"Wait!" I yelled. She stopped and turned, ready for me to say something more. Ummm... What else was there to say? Wasn't it obvious I wanted her to come up here?

"I'm not scaling a wall just so I can have a cigarette. Definitely not worth the effort."

"Just come up." Was all I said. I didn't want to have go and scream and yell to get her to come up here. She'd come if she wanted to. It'd be a total waste of energy to try and convince her further. She would do what she wanted regardless of anyone's opinion on the subject.

She continued to stare at me blankly. Fuck it. I pushed myself off from the railing and sat down, my back against the wall. I got a free pack of cigarettes from her, I didn't really need her company. I shouldn't have showed her this spot. My sanctuary was now a public respite in her eyes. I'd have to find a new place of solace.

I pulled a cigarette out and lit it. I took a drag and, like always, it tasted incredibly refreshing. I stared out to the plains that stretched out before me and the glimmering ocean water that laid beyond them. It was such a nice day. The sun was out, not a cloud in the sky, a gentle breeze blew by every so often and it was warm. I closed my eyes and nestled into my spot as I took another drag. Heavenly.

This felt like the perfect day. Quistis had gotten a delicious verbal backhanded smack, I had received a free pack of cigarettes and the weather was amazing. I felt my skin warm and begin to tan as the sun began to bake me under its powerful rays. Another drag. Such a good day!

I heard a huff and the sound of squeaking shoes against the building. I opened my eyes and sat up. I looked over to find a hand clambering up desperately along the side of the building. Then another grabbed for the white railing.

"Fucking hell!" Rinoa yelled as she pulled herself up. "This is so not worth it!" She yelled again against the physical strain the climb was giving her. She finally made it to the railing and desperately threw herself over it. She landed with an ungraceful thud and she sighed with relief at reaching flat land.

"You can have this secret spot, Squall." She said as she stood and dusted herself off. She saw me looking at her unsympathetically, sitting there smoking away. "You weren't going to help me up here, were you?"

"No." I simply said. Well, I wasn't. Why beat around the bush?

"I'm just going to assume you didn't want to help because you knew I could do it all by myself." She said as she sank down next to me. She was wrong in her blind assumption. It would have been unfortunate if she couldn't have made it up here, not the end of the world. Not unfortunate enough to help her get here though.

"You know," she began as she turned her head to me. "There's this whole section in the SeeD handbook about helping others n'shit." She reminded me. "I know you've read it."

Yeah, I had... Oh my God. Was this going to be another 'play nice, Squall' lecture? If it was I was leaving. It worked the first time someone pulled that shit on me, but after the third time in less than two days, it was getting old and tiresome.

"They say you can't be a real SeeD until you learn to 'help your fellow comrade.'" She said.

"So I'm not going to be a SeeD because I didn't help you climb up here so you could have a cigarette?" I questioned, the anger edging into my words making them bite more than I had intended.

She took notice of the tone in my voice and looked at me confused and offended.

"Testy, testy." She commented. "What's up your ass?" She asked as she turned away from me to look ahead of her. She took in the view and I saw her eyes light up with the picture that was painted before her. "Woah..." She mumbled. "What a view!" She exclaimed as she stood and made her way to the railing. "I thought the training center's secret spot had a good view." She mumbled. "And this is only, what? Fourteen feet high? What an incredible change such a little difference in height made!"

A seagull cried and sailed by us, perching on a wire extending from the top of the Garden. Her eyes followed it up and to its current resting spot and she smiled. I looked up to it too and noticed the hordes of seagulls crying and flapping their wings impatiently among all the wires that hung above us. I had never noticed their incessant screaming before. Maybe because I had never noticed the seagulls? Had they always been there?

"We have a chorus." She commented, pointing up to where I was already looking. "I can't believe we're that close to the ocean, you know?" She said as she turned back to look at the view.

"What?" Had she never noticed the ocean or something? She made some fucking weird comments sometimes...

"I mean, I can't believe we're that close to the ocean to have seagulls use us as their home." She turned back to me. "Where I live we don't have much of an ocean scene."

"Where do you live?" I asked as I sucked the last of the tobacco from my cigarette. I smashed it into the wall, killing the fire within. I stood and kicked the butt over the edge. I walked to the railing on the opposite side of the balcony from her.

"Deling. I mean, it's close to the ocean and all, but we don't have a beach or anything. It's just a cliff that divides us from it. I could just sort of, well, look at it. I could never interact with it." She said as she continued to stare out into the sparkling ocean water.

"You're not missing much." I commented as I placed my forearms along the top of the railing.

"Easy for you to say. You're used to it. You've been dulled by its awesomeness."

"Really. It's not that cool." I insisted.

"Yeah. It is. Trust me." She shot back as she looked to me.

"There's nothing that great about the ocean. It's big, wet and deep." I said, summing it all up very concisely.

"You're so shallow!" She said with a certain amount of disgust. I wonder if she had intended the pun. "The ocean is teeming with life. So much life in fact, we haven't even begun to discover the stuff that's below a hundred miles of the surface. Can you even fathom that idea? One hundred miles! And there's more to that!" She cried, getting excited over the idea. "Who knows what else is beyond that hundred mile line... or how much deeper it goes. Isn't that just incredible?" She asked with a huge, exuberant smile.

In a way, it was. But there was nothing so fascinating that it would change my life, or hers for that matter.

"What if there's nothing below that line?" I asked. I sort of wanted to spur her on a little bit, see where she would take this conversation.

"Doubt it." She said simply.

"What makes you so sure?"

"I just know. There are somethings you just sort of know." She replied with a small shrug.

"You know, for a fact, there's more shit going on below one hundred miles?" I asked incredulously, glancing at her.

"Not for a fact..." She paused. "But, I know that there are more things that this world doesn't know than actually knows." She said as she turned back to me looking quite cocky, ready to see my next rebuttal.

"What if we know everything?" Now I was just playing devil's advocate for humor's sake.

"Well, we obviously don't because we don't know what's beyond that one hundred mile line, now do we?" She asked, leaning toward me a little bit. Touche. I never was good at playing the devil's advocate... "Look," She said as she moved further away from me, trailing a hand across the white railing. "I really don't want to get into some ridiculous philosophical argument about knowledge. Not my idea of an ideal hangover day." She said as she turned to me.

She was still hungover? Sucked to be her.

She looked back out to the ocean.

"How about we go to the beach." She suggested.

"No." I replied hastily. I really didn't want to do anything today. It was my day to celebrate and enjoy and she wasn't about to drag me away from that.

"C'mon. What else have you got to do?" She asked. "This?" She motioned to my surroundings. "You can sit and smoke on the beach and listen to more seagulls there. I promise."

"Why? If I can do that here, then why should I leave?" She made a good point, but I made the better one.

"Damn, you're a lazy son of a bitch." She scoffed. "You said yourself that you've never appreciated the ocean. I'm going to make you appreciate it. Plus, I've only been there twice the whole time I've been living here... and I can't go alone." She gave me pleading eyes. But I could see right through all of that lathered on faux-guilt she was trying to smother with. She just looked like a moron.

"Get me another pack of cigarettes and I'll join." I offered. She'd never agree.

"Deal." Fuck. "You're an expensive acquaintance, you know that?" She noted as she began to move towards the ledge where we had climbed up. "A full bottle of good wine, two packs of cigarettes..." She mumbled as she shook her head. She threw her legs over the railing and began to make her clumsy and ridiculous descent to the ground. I followed with much more grace.

"I'm not walking there." I said firmly. Walking a needless amount of miles just so I can do the same thing I was doing just moments before was not part of a good afternoon for me.

"You sound like a baby." Rinoa mumbled as we began to walk back towards the Garden. "'I don't wanna go to the ocean! I just wanna sit around and sulk!'" Her voice changed to a high pitched wining voice. She was making fun of me.

"I wasn't sulking."

"Then what we're you doing?" She asked, stopping and turning to me.

"Enjoying myself." I answered. She was expecting more. She rolled her head to the side and tapped her foot impatiently. "Celebrating, really." I answered honestly. The answer seemed to please her and we moved ahead.

"Celebrating what?" She asked cautiously, probably afraid of prying a little too much.

"A small victory." I answered. She was silent after that. She was very careful not to pry into my life, though more than willing to skim the surfaces of it.

I was not too sure how she planned to not walk, considering she didn't have any mode of transportation and the public transportation offered didn't run anywhere close to the beach. This should be amusing I thought as we turned into the garage.

She made her way to a booth with a teller and some interactions exchanged. She wrote something down on a paper and the man at the window handed her two helmets. ... What?

"Here." She said as she pushed one of the helmets into my stomach. I grabbed and pulled it from her grasp. She fastened hers to her head and I followed suit. She made her way over to a scooter.

"Is this your scooter?" I asked as she sat down upon it, turning to me.

"Yes. That's why I had to sign a release form authorizing my use of it." She gave me a dead pan stare. So, it wasn't hers? "Of course it's not. I'm renting it." She said.

"You can... do that?" You could?? Where have I been? Was I really that ill informed about the happenings at Garden?

"That's what you get for cooping yourself up in your own head all day. Ignorance." She said. She extended a closed fists to me. I looked at her curiously. Her fingers peeled away from her palm, revealing a set of keys.

"You're driving." She said with a smile.

"No." I stated simply.

"Yes." She repeated. She stood, took my hand and pressed the keys into my palm. "You can drive one of these, can't you?"

"Well, yes-" She cut me off. That was enough for her. I should have just said no. What was I thinking?

"Then away we go!" She said exuberantly as she clapped her hands together. She sat on the tail end, waiting for me to join.

God dammit. I sighed heavily, making my distaste in this whole endeavor very apparent. I took my seat and kicked the scooter to life. Okay, so I hadn't actually driven one of these before, but I had driven enough motorcycles to get at least a minimal grasp on the idea. But that was enough it seemed. Driving this was easier than any car or motorcycle I had ever tried.

We sped out of the garage and I kicked up the speed. Rinoa screamed in my ear as we suddenly accelerated and I felt the grip she had on my stomach tighten. Once we were on the open road it sort of felt like we were flying. There was nothing obstructing us from the view of the world that was zooming by us. I had never noticed it on a motorcycle before, maybe because it was a little too fast. This was just the right speed. Fast enough to get the adrenaline pumping, but slow enough to revel in the fact that we were enjoying ourselves.

"Turn here!" Rinoa screamed as she pointed to a small unpathed road. There was no way this thing could handle such a path. I pulled over and turned to her.

"There is no way this thing can handle that road." I said.

"Just do it. The beach isn't that far off from this road. It can take one for the team." She said as she patted the scooter like it was her dog. I rolled my eyes, knowing that this had trouble written all over it.

But the path wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. And the bumpy, uncomfortable ride lasted no more than a few minutes as we rounded a hill, revealing the sound of crashing waves, crying gulls and the ocean's gentle lapping at the beach.

She jumped off the bike before I could even turn it off. She dropped her helmet to the ground and ran toward the beach, all the while attempting to take her shoes and socks off. She stumbled and tripped a little and had to support herself against a nearby rock more than a few times.

I was slow to leave the bike though. I took time to unfasten my helmet and I placed it carefully onto a handle. I picked hers up and placed it on the opposite handle. I watched her run toward the beach, her shoes and socks in one hand.

I followed her down slowly. When I reached the sand I realized how much I hated the beach. Damn the sand. You couldn't walk in sand. It got in your shoes and you couldn't get that shit out for years. And even when you take off your shoes, your feet would burn like fuck because the sand would always be so hot.

I sighed as I sat down, taking my shoes off. Better to callous my feet than ruin perfectly good shoes. I stepped carefully onto the sand and was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't hot at all, despite the heat of the day. I looked up to see where Rinoa was and she was staring at me curiously.

"Are you afraid of sand?" She teased.

"I thought it would burn." I explained as I began to walk towards her.

"I see, I see." She said as she turned her back to me, now facing the ocean. She placed her shoes down on the sand and rolled up her jeans to her knees. She walked to the water and as the wave approached, she backpedaled rapidly to avoid it. With the ocean retreating back into itself she advanced after it, but it suddenly opted to strike at her once more and she jumped back and away from the advancement.

"The water's going to catch on to your plan of attack." I said with an eye roll.

"Too stupid." She said as she stopped her backwards and forwards dashes. The water lapped at her feet and she kicked it gently. "The ocean will never learn."

She looked back to me. "Come on." She encouraged, motioning me to her spot.

"Thanks anyway." I said as I laid my jacket onto the dry sand below me and sat on it.

"Your jacket's going to get all sandy." She commented as she brought her attention back to the water playing with her toes.

... Fuck. I quickly stood and whipped the jacket up from its current position, sending sand flying everywhere, my face being no exception. I coughed and sputtered in a desperate attempt to rid the sand from my mouth as I continued to violently whip my jacket around.

Rinoa laughed. I'm glad _someone_ found humor in it. I glared at her as I brought my coat under my arm.

"Oh fuck the jacket, Squall. Everything else is going to get just as sandy by just standing around." She noted. She had a point. But I held onto it for principal's sake now. She looked at me as if I were an idiot. She hastily removed her sweater and tossed it to the dry portion of the beach.

"See, I don't care." She said with a smug smile.

"Wow, you're just such a free spirit." I mocked stoically as I tossed mine on top of hers.

The water came up to her again, approaching her curiously. She made no attempt to let it play with her feet this time as she suddenly jumped, smashing the weak little wave into a million tiny droplets.

"That's my favorite part about the beach." She said with a laugh as she touched at her now soaked shins. She turned to me again. "C'mon, ocean hater! Start appreciating with me!" She said as she threw a gesturing arm up for me to come to her.

I rolled up my pants to my knees, following her design, and walked towards her. This was definitely not my ideal Saturday, let alone an ideal way to celebrate. But she had managed to drag me this far, I might as well go the distance.

"'Kay, ready? When the next wave comes towards us we're both going to jump on it, mm'kay?" She asked looking at me, her face glowing with excitement. She bent her knees, ready for battle as the wave came rolling towards us. She yelled an attack as she slammed down on the wave with all her might. I got a little damp but the jeans on her knees were completely soaked. I just stood there.

"You didn't jump!" She yelled accusingly. I just stared back. "Oh, I get it. You just wanted to see how the pros do it so you don't look like a total asshole. I gotcha." She said with a wink.

"Yeah, uh-huh." I mumbled as she readied herself for the next coming wave.

The wave rolled in and instead of jumping, she kicked it in my face. I was taken aback, needless to say. I peeled my shirt from my chest and whipped my damp hair from my vision to reveal Rinoa in hysterics.

"That's what you get when-" I didn't let her finish her victory chortle as I kicked a wave straight into her face. She gasped and removed wet tendrils of black hair from her face. She didn't waist time in striking back as she bent down, scooped up a large amount of water and tossed it in my general direction. But I dodged it for the most part as I stumbled backwards. I continued to jump backwards with every onslaught of water she delivered to me.

She stopped suddenly and I looked at her curiously.

"You're smiling." She noted slyly, pointing a finger to me. I quickly wiped my entirely unconscious smile from my face. "Goodness, I guess it wasn't just the booze talking when I commented on your adorable smile." She noted as she made a motion to pinch my cheeks. I swatted her hand away. I didn't appreciate where this was going. It wasn't nearly half as endearing when I wasn't fucked up. But she instantly recognized my discomfort on the subject.

"Sorry. It's just rare to see you happy." She noted as she pulled away from me.

"Just because I don't smile often, doesn't mean I'm not happy." I commented. It was true. I guess... When had I last been happy? Well, today definitely. But, before that? I couldn't really remember... I couldn't really remember much actually. I mean, I definitely wasn't sad. Does it follow that I must be happy then?

"I suppose you're right." She said, backing away further. "But the smile on your face is a refreshing change." She said. She smiled brightly. I didn't know what to say to that. I just continued to stare at her, waiting for her to say something. She was probably waiting for me to say something. She turned to the ocean and there was a moment of silence.

She suddenly yelled and kicked water into my face once more.

"Oh, bitch!" She screamed as she shoved me backwards. "I got you! I thought you were training to be a SeeD! Aren't they ready for anything?" Now I was soaked. That last kick proved powerful. I once again pulled my shirt from my torso and hunched over awkwardly, wanting to avoid that feeling again.

"You might as well go swimming now." She noted as she gazed upon my drenched self. It didn't sound like a bad idea to be perfectly frank. The water was warm and inviting, but my lack of any real swim clothes made me rethink that it was a 'good' idea. But then again... I couldn't get much wetter than this.

"Buy me a pack of cigarettes and I'll jump in." I bet her.

"Fuck that." She said with a scoff. "You're already getting a pack out of me for just getting your ass down here. How about this," she began. "I'll jump in if you buy me food in town." Hmm... Would it be worth seeing her getting drenched then walking around like a sad, wet puppy for a ten dollar meal? Yes, yes it was.

"Deal." I said. She wasted no time after my finalization and she ran straight into the incoming surf. She dived below a wave and emerged on the other side of it. She wiped the excess water from her face and laughed.

"Your turn!" She screamed against the rolling waves.

I shook my head no.

"Ah, c'mon!" She saw I wasn't budging. "Fine! I'll buy you a pack of cigarettes." She said conceding as she slapped her hands against the water.

That was enough for me. I ran after her and smashed into a wave of moderate size. The feeling of losing my footing from the sand beneath me was a little exhilarating. The wave was powerful enough to push me forwards and backwards within its depths. I sunk deeper under the water, loving the feeling of being surrounded by the force and power of the salt water. I got my footing again and tossed myself up, whipping my top half from the sea. My hair whipped around and I could feel the water clog itself in my ears and shoot up my nose.

I quickly began to snort out the water jammed up my nasal cavities and shake my head violently to get the water from my ears.

Rinoa chuckled at the site of me flailing around. "That exit would have been so graceful and whimsical if it weren't for all of that painful snorting."

The water finally drained from my head and I looked up at her. I realized how drenched she was... how drenched we were. Every part of me was soaked. Fuck. I hated being wet. It was an awful feeling. I was so stupid. Of course diving into the ocean means you're going to get wet, you fucking asshole!

I immediately began to feel uncomfortable.

"I need to dry off." I said as I began to wade out from the water.

"What!?" She cried bewildered. She ran up behind me. "You just jumped in!" She reminded me, pulling on my wet sleeve.

"And now I want to dry off." I said simply. She jumped in front of me.

"Fine." She said as she turned away from me and headed towards the beach. Once she was at the beach she walked to a rock and took her top off. Woah, what... is going on??

"I still want to enjoy myself." She explained as she whipped her top off from her body, leaving only her bra to cover her up. I looked at her half amazed and _extremely_ confused. She read my expression clearly. "I'm gonna let my clothes dry. I suggest you follow my example if you want yours to dry anytime soon" She said as she peeled her jeans from her legs. "You're lucky I'm wearing boy underwear today." She said with a laugh. It wasn't boy underwear, to be sure. But at least it wasn't a thong. That would have been a one way ticket to awkward city.

"Wait, so... What are you doing?" I asked, still not understanding just what the fuck was going on.

"I told you," she said as she placed her pants and top on the sunny side of a rock. "I'm letting my shit dry." She turned to me. "And I suggest you do the same, unless you want to be wandering around later with moldy clothes." She had a point. But it didn't feel right to go and strip in front of her.

"C'mon!" She said. "Look! Do you see anybody else? It's just you and me. Do you have bacne or something?" Bacne? The fuck was bacne?

"Bacne?" I asked.

"Acne on your back. But seriously. I just stripped in front of you. I'm obviously not one to judge." She said as she looked down at her practically naked self.

...

"Fine." I answered. What? Fine? Why is this fine? Getting naked in front of some girl I barely knew! Was it really okay for me to go and rip all my clothes off just because she had too? Did that make it okay?? Was I drunk or something?? Why was I doing this? This was ridiculous. I wasn't doing this.

She looked at me curiously as I just stood there.

"Well... Are you going to or not?" She asked, looking impatient.

"What do you care if I do or don't?"

"How strange it would look to have some half naked chick running around with a clothed man. Show some propriety, Squall." She was teasing me.

"Right, 'propriety.'" I mumbled as I motioned towards her.

"Look, I don't have any more excuses for you to take your clothes off. I don't know what you want me to tell you." She said as she puts her hands on her hips. "I'm going back in to have fun, okay? You can join if you like. Clothes on or off. Or... you can just drive away and leave me here. I don't want some negative nancy ruining this beautiful day." She said very decidedly as she walked back towards the ocean.

Was that what I was? Just a negative dip shit? Was I even having fun here? Or was I just being an awful smear on a perfectly good day? Fine. You know what? Fuck it. Just fuck it. I didn't care if she saw me butt fucking naked anymore. I just didn't. It came to that point where it was just so futile to argue with myself, let alone anyone else. I might as well roll with the punches and just do whatever the fuck I pleased, 'cause it really didn't matter anymore. Rinoa obviously didn't care and I sure as hell didn't any more.

I pulled my shirt and pants off and laid them next to Rinoa's to dry in the sun.

"Finally gave in, did you?" She asked as I ran up from behind her.

"Fuck it." I said as I ran head first into an oncoming wave. I emerged and looked at her and she smiled.

"That's what I've been saying for years." And she dove in.

--

a/n: Thanks for reading!! Sorry if anyone was offended by my bacne comment. It's a serious dilemna.


	7. Presumptuous Girl

Chapter Seven: Presumptuous Girl

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Oh the things drinking can do. It can, for example, make you make out with the boy you've had a crush on for years... and then probably have sex with him later that night on his parents' bed. It can also open people in the strangest of ways. Squall Leonhart was proof of that. Maybe I was just hallucinating through my boozy, delusional fog left over from last night but I could swear that Squall was waist deep in the ocean with me. Oh, and did I mention we were both half naked? Alcohol was truly an incredible thing.

I didn't want to blame all of this new found opening up business on booze alone though. But what choice did I have? It certainly wasn't my and Selphie's charm that won him over, however much I would have liked to believe that. He probably realized he found someone he can totally leech off of. I mean, we were feeding him packs of cigarettes left and right. Who would want to let go of us?

We continued to play around in the water. Diving under the soft roll of waves and splashing each other like before. He showed me the crabs that dipped themselves in the sand. I pulled one crab out, much to its confusion and let it crawl around in a daze upon my palm. I tried to give it to Squall but he swatted it away, causing it to careen into the soft lull of a wave. We didn't 'know where they had been' he said as he continued to shake his hand, still afraid the crab might still be present. I just laughed. They were crabs for god's sake, they can't give you herpes or anything.

The sun was setting and we decided to pull ourselves from the water after hours of playing. We needed to dry, and that wouldn't happen at night. We checked our clothes to see if they had dried, but they were still damp so we ended up just sitting on the beach, watching the sun set.

In the silence that accompanied us I gathered the courage I needed to ask something that had been bugging me for quite some time.

"I know that I'm prying, but..." I began, nervous that I might offend him. "Um, well, you said you were celebrating earlier. What were you celebrating?" I asked cautiously, avoiding eye contact with him.

There was a silence and I knew that my question was too soon asked. I completely understood his resistance though.

"Quistis." He replied, much to my astonishment. But... now what? Do I keep asking? I hadn't really planned this far ahead. I mean, I didn't even think that question would earn itself a response.

"What happened?" I asked, feeling myself crossing dangerous lines.

Another period of silence.

"I got the last laugh." He said with a slight nod. That sounded final to me, so I didn't press further. But God how I wanted to. It was all so cryptic. 'The last laugh.' He was a cryptic kind of man I suppose. His emotional wall blocked a great deal of information, leaving only odd hints and enigmatic notes. I figured if I was to understand him, I'd have to figure him out for myself. He wasn't going to help. I doubted he was going to tear any well fortified blockades down just for my curious mind.

Now with that question done... onto another.

"How long have you been at Garden?" I asked as I dug my toes into the sand. I probably seemed pushy to him, but I didn't really care. If he was going to answer one question, however vague his last answer might have been, I might as well keep on the ball and roll with it.

He thought for a moment.

"Five years." He answered. Five years? Are you kidding? That's practically a lifetime. That's nearly one third of my life right there.

"Five years?" I questioned in disbelief. "No way."

"I'm a gunblade user. I have to take more courses than others." He explained as he began making trails in the sand with his fingers.

"I don't know what my weapon should be." I sighed heavily. I hadn't even thought of it. I had just begun to get the hang of using a G.F. And I'd soon have to start using a weapon? Lame. "I could never swing a gunblade around." I mumbled. "What's the easiest weapon to get accustomed with?"

"Um, pinwheel?" He suggested with an indifferent shrug as he looked back across the rolling waves now turning orange against the backdrop of a sleepy sun.

"Then pinwheel it is!" I said smacking my hands against the sand. "But, I don't have to worry about that yet, at least not until next semester."

This caught him slightly off guard for some reason. He gave me a curious stare as he looked me up and down.

"What?" I asked, finding a little humor in his expressions.

"How..." He began cautiously. "How old are you?" He asked.

Why? Why did it matter?

"Sixteen." I answered in a low voice, afraid that my age would displease.

"Oh... Hm." He mumbled as he turned back to the slow setting sun.

"What? What does that mean?'" I asked, getting a little nervous. Sure, the guy was a little mysterious with his answers, I could accept that. But a weird grunt in response to my age can't be ignored.

"I just... thought you were older. Only first years haven't chosen their weapons. I thought you were joking about that weapon comment." He replied.

"How old did you think I was?"

"I don't know. Not sixteen though."

Was that a compliment? I couldn't tell what to take it as so I just dropped it.

"Well, how old are you Mr. I've got nothing better to do than go to Garden for five years?" I asked with mocking snottiness.

"Nineteen." He answered plainly. Nineteen? What!? No way! He was three years older than me? He didn't look it. No, he was lying.

"I don't believe you." I said, pressing him on.

"I'm coming up on my last year at Garden. My SeeD Field Exam is next year." He replied as he picked up a pebble and tossed it into the surf.

"Woah, I've been hanging out with an upper class man!" I said with a laugh at the sudden realization. It looked like he was made uncomfortable by the remark and my smile slipped from my face as I watched his discomfort. Did I make him feel old? Did I imply he looked immature and young? Or... was he uncomfortable with the idea of us 'hanging out.' Chalk it up to paranoia I guess, but I figured it was the latter.

Realizing this I quickly shut up and looked back across the ocean to watch the sun set. I began to feel uncomfortable around him all of the sudden. I didn't want to spend time with someone who didn't want to spend time with me. I guess that sounds kind of selfish, but I needed to be able to be on the same wavelength as him. And I thought we were. Maybe I was wrong... or maybe I was reading too much into this.

"Where were you born?" He asked out of the blue, breaking our estranged silence.

"Deling." I said plainly, making no effort to turn my attention back to him. "You?"

"I don't know." He responded honestly. Maybe a little too honestly. That was the first time I didn't want to pry into his cryptic notes. I really didn't know him that well at all, and to tell me about something personal like that made me slightly perturbed.

But thankfully he left it at that and said nothing more.

This was... weird, to say the least. The further we pulled ourselves from our brief interaction, the more plainly I could see it from an analytical perspective. Where had this kind of Squall come from? When had someone who was anti-social and generally unpleasant to be around become well, less, unbearable to socialize with? Just because we got drunk together didn't feel like a good enough reason, but I knew there couldn't be any other. So peculiar. It made me uncomfortable actually.

We checked our clothes again. They still weren't dry, but with the sun almost completely submerged beneath the horizon line, we decided to take them as they were. I hated wearing wet clothes. It was definitely one of the worst feelings to feel soggy and heavy. Gross. Just gross. Fortunately our clothes weren't too bad. I could move without hunching over and waddling which was always a plus.

We hopped back on the scooter and drove off along the dirt path. It was a little bumpier than I remembered and I held on tighter to Squall's waist. We hit something and we were flung up from our seats. We landed painfully and awkwardly causing Squall to lose control of his steering for a moment. An audible curse and gasp escaped him as he tried to gain his bearings. It veered a little right, then a little left until another crash of turbulence rocked us once more. But it proved to be a little too intense for the scooter to handle as I felt myself get ripped from my seat. My arms slipped from Squall's waist as I flew backwards.

The world went in slow motion for a few brief seconds. I was suspended in midair as I realized there wasn't a single part of my body gripping any portion of the bike or Squall. Oh fuck. I fell off. I spotted the seat that I had just been sitting in and time caught up with itself in a flash.

I smacked against the ground, my butt taking the brunt of the fall. I fell back onto my elbows causing them to skin painfully.

I sat up and saw Squall screech to an awkward, terrible hault. He hurriedly pulled his helmet off and shot me a worried look. He let the scooter drop to the ground as he came to me in a light jog.

"What happened?" He asked as he offered me a hand.

"I decided I wanted to walk." I said, my anger morphing into ill placed sarcasm. "I was thrown off." I said a little softer as I motioned towards the now capsized scooter.

"I think we blew a tire." He said as he moved back towards the machine. He knelt down beside it and examined it momentarily before looking up to me, confirming his earlier thoughts.

"Shit." I cursed. I looked in the direction of Garden. The building had lit up, providing a small source of illumination in the otherwise desolate island. It was becoming night faster than I was expecting. And with the scooter now out of commission we would be walking on a rarely used, unlit road in the dark of night.

"Fuck." I cursed again as I turned back to the sun now winking one last eye at us. It was mocking us. Reminding us of what we could have had if we had only left hours before. The sun vanished before my eyes and left only remnants of its celestial beauty behind in the form of an orange and pink sky.

"We're going to have to walk." Squall commented sourly as he kicked the tire. I sighed my recognition to the plan.

He picked the scooter up and hung his helmet from one of the handles and I placed mine on the opposite side. He began to push the machine, beginning our trek back to Garden. This was going to be a long, long walk.

As we moved along from the dirt path to the paved road I stole a glance at him. He looked pissed off. This wasn't an ideal situation in the slightest. I could only imagine him blaming me for it too. If he hadn't come with me to the beach, this wouldn't be happening. I knew that's what he was thinking.

"At least it was just the tire." I commented with a sad smile, trying to find some kind of hope in the bleakness. He looked at me irate and I gave a small shrug, dismissing my comment as ridiculous. I looked back ahead. I thought I was done, but he obviously felt differently.

"The tire was the worst possible option." He commented sternly as he pushed the scooter a little harder, speeding our pace up.

"What if something had happened to the engine? How is that better?" I asked with a teasing smile. But he was in no laughing mood.

"The engine is fixable." He said tersely through gritted teeth. "How are we supposed to fix a blown tire in the middle of fucking nowhere?"

"Well, following that logic, how were we supposed to fix a destroyed engine?" I asked curiously. I knew the question would only anger him even more. Stupid, stupid Rinoa. I hadn't meant it to be anything rude or obnoxious, but it could only be taken as such. He gave me a cold stare.

"I don't know. But I don't have the tools to patch up a tire." He said as he looked away, as if looking at me pained him even further.

"And you have the tools to fix the engine?" I asked incredulously. Shut the fuck up already Rinoa! I honestly didn't mean to be snotty but I couldn't help but ramble off whatever came to my mind. I was used to having open discussions with Selphie and Zell. Squall was a whole other world with a different set of conversational rules.

He shook his head, attempting to dismiss all of my retardation and, if for a moment, mellow out.

"Whatever." He finally mumbled after a moment. He was annoyed and he was attempting to ignore me.

His anger was ridiculous. It was a blown tire. Not the end of the world. Psh, what a baby.

"Chill out." I said instinctively. I hadn't meant for that to come out, as with most of my comments with him. After bantering with Selphie for so long, the words 'chill out' were reflexive. But I couldn't take them back now. I just continued to gaze forward, avoiding any eye contact he might have tossed my way.

Most of the walk was spent in a great heavy silence. I noticed we had slowed our pace considerably. And it was no wonder, Squall had been pushing that beast of a scooter for who knows how long.

"How about we switch?" I offered, moving next to him, ready to take the machine off his hands. He looked at me questionably, as if mentally deciding if I had enough physical strength to push it.

He looked unconvinced I could do it, but he pushed the handles he had previously been gripping over to me. I took them energetically, getting myself ready for the long haul back to Garden.

We had made a great amount of progress in such a short time. Well, I don't really know if it was a short time or not. It felt short anyways. But, in any case the Garden, which had seemed some distance away at the beach, now felt to be within our grasp.

I pushed forward ready to roll a mile a minute but I was going much slower than I had anticipated. This thing was exhaustingly heavy. I was already breaking a sweat and completely winded after only a few minutes.

"Does this thing have," I took a heavy breath and swallowed thickly, "bricks in it or something?" I asked as I arched my back, trying to find the proper leverage.

"Scooters are heavy." He said dryly. He looked back to me and noticed the trouble I was having. He turned away, willing to ignore my suffering for the sake of his own leisure. I couldn't blame him though. He had pushed this thing a majority of the way and it was now my turn. It was fair.

"Apparently." I mumbled as I pushed harder. But the harder I pushed the more balance I seemed to lose on the scooter. It wobbled back and forth dangerously. I gasped instinctively and tried to balance it but it was far too heavy to keep up right from just the handle bars. Squall reached out in a flash and grabbed the seat. He pulled it up right with a hand and looked at me curiously. I'm sure I looked flushed and exasperated.

"I'll push." He said. He brushed my hands away and took hold of the handles.

"No." I insisted, gripping the tips of the bars. "That's not fair. You pushed it here, and now it's my turn."

"Well, it's really not fair to either of us if we get home by midnight." He reminded me. The comment was cold and it hurt a little. But he had a point. I was the weaker one here. I was slowing us both down. We were only as fast as our slowest person and Squall had no qualms in reminding me that I was the weakest link in our two person chain. Even if I could see where he was coming from, I didn't care and I blurted out the first thing that knocked at my mouth's door

"Don't be an asshole." Word vomit. But I meant it.

"Do you want to be home next year?" His voice was reprimanding, like a father scolding a child. "Be my guest." He let go of the scooter, leaving me with it.

I remained silent for a time. I just stood there, keeping the bike up right. He had turned around and begun to walk away, leaving me.

"I'm just trying to help out." I commented as I began to push the bike. "This thing is heavy. You must be exhausted. I was just trying to give you a decent break." I mumbled as I caught up with him.

"I don't need a break. I need to get back to Garden." He said as he looked to me, frustration still locked in his eyes. If he was going to be a big baby about it then he could deal with it. Excuse me for offering my help. No good deed goes unpunished with Squall around.

"Fine." I mumbled, handing the reigns back to him. He pushed ahead, faster than before as if trying to prove to me he wasn't tired in the slightest. It wasn't working. It just made him look like a bratty teenager.

The silence that followed us was painful. Agonizing, really. Our silences before, however strange they might have been, were ones of understanding. I understood that he was off in his own little world, not even thinking about the situation around him so it never bothered me. But this silence was different. We were both entirely conscious of the silence. He wasn't in his own world, he was firmly planted on terra firma evaluating this awkward moment just as I was.

He didn't know how to weasel out of it like I did though. I decided to put a foot forward and break the pain.

"What is your ring of?" I asked with a surprising amount of confidence. He too seemed taken by surprise from the off hand question that broke our silence. I had been meaning to ask this question for a while now. I remembered on the day of his check up he had been fiddling with that very same ring and I hadn't seen him without it since. He hadn't even bothered taking it off to go into the water.

He examined the ring himself, as if trying to decipher exactly what it was.

"It's a lion." He answered, still gazing at the ring.

"A... lion?" I asked curiously. What was a lion? Sure, I hadn't taken a ton of monster concentration classes, but I knew enough about the beasts of this world. And I hadn't heard of a 'lion.'

"It's a mythical creature." He responded to my confusion. "It's supposed to be powerful and proud."

"It's very pretty." I commented gazing at it with him. The metal glinted delicately under the fine scrutiny of the moon that was beginning to settle into the night sky. I doubted that he wanted me to call one of his belongings 'pretty,' but it was.

"Where did you get it?" I asked.

"I can't remember anymore." He mumbled as he brought the ring up closer to his gaze, still pushing the scooter with one hand.

"May I, um," I didn't want to be pushy, especially when he had just been so angry at me a few minutes ago. But I had opened my mouth and I couldn't just stop. I mean, I had had no discretion previously, why should propriety halt me now? "May I see it?" I asked gently. He looked to me with an expressionless gaze, then pulled the ring straight off. He handed it to me between his thumb and index finger and I pulled it from him delicately. I examined it closely.

There was a gentle silence that momentarily flowed between us. It was a silent communication of understanding. Honesty felt appropriate now as all of our previous angry opinions had been lost in the polite conversation.

"I bet it's important." I said as I continued to examine it closely.

He was silent for a moment.

"What do you mean?" He asked calmly.

"It's important to you, right?" I asked looking back up to him.

More silence from him.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Do you want to be like Mr. Lion here?" I asked with a gentle smile. It came off jokingly, but I was mildly serious. "Proud, powerful and independent?"

He gave me a confused look.

"It's not independent." He said, as if snapping back to reality. He looked away from me and back to the task at hand. He pushed on the scooter harder. "Lions are pack animals."

He had never described it as independent. Where had independent come from? Well, I knew very well where that comment had come from. I was just... assuming a little too much and jumping to conclusions. I meant the word to be a silent thought, but like every other word out of my mouth, it was just unprocessed garble. When he had described the lion's qualities I thought he was trying to refer to himself in some sly way. Maybe I had taken him too seriously? He wasn't describing himself... just the lion. He wasn't that inventive.

I tried burying the unsettling feelings I had rumbling in my mind and I began to play with the ring. I slipped it onto my thumb, the only finger that it would even remotely fit on.

"You have big, manly fingers." I commented with a chuckle as I rolled the ring around my thumb.

"I guess." He said, looking to the lion.

Some comfortable, relaxing silence hung in the air for a brief moment. And then, a moment of honest clarity shot down from the heavens and touched me, if for only a moment. I wondered if he had felt the same sort of limpidity that I had just felt. Was it something in the air, or just me acting weird? I'm sure it was just me being peculiar, but I would have liked to think we both mentally concluded that now was a time for us to speak pellucidly.

"Want to know something?" I asked with a smile, excited for the comment I was about to spill. He made a brief grunt, ready to hear. "I thought you were so imposing and scary when I first met you." I said with a smirk as I gave the ring back to him. He slipped it back into its home and he looked at me with interest.

"Hm." He mumbled again, acting at least slightly curious about the remark.

"Yeah. You made me nervous. You were very intimidating." I said with a smile, happy to be over that (for the most part).

"I'm not anymore?" He asked.

"Does that disappoint you?" I laughed. "Maybe I just got used to you." I offered as I kicked a pebble out of my way.

"Got used to me?" He asked curiously.

"Well, yeah. I think we've been around each other enough for me to be comfortable around you." I explained.

"I've only talked with you, what, five times? Tops." He reminded, attempting to disprove me. He really wanted me to be wrong for some reason.

"It doesn't take hours of socializing to be comfortable around someone. It can be just a few minutes sometimes." I noted.

He nodded slowly as if he understood my logic.

I swallowed thickly, prepping for my next question.

"Do you, um," I mumbled. This was going to be awkward and I became a little nervous. "Feel comfortable with me?" I finished with a soft smile as I peered over to him.

Some silence.

"I guess." He answered with a shrug. He had brushed the seriousness of my question aside. I mean, sure it was a bit of a strange thing to ask but this kid didn't deserve 'normal' conversations. He was much too different and much too special to waste boring questions on.

"Oh good." I responded with a smile. "You know," I continued. "I think it was our drunken fun that made me start feeling okay around you."

"Yeah..." He mumbled.

"How about you?" I was prying again. But I understood that I had to push the limit of his comfort in order to see where it was in the first place. "When did you start feeling 'comfortable?'"

"I was never 'uncomfortable.'" He replied honestly. I don't know if he meant it the way I took it, but I felt guilty and ashamed just then. I'm sure that I sounded like I was attacking his very personality with talk of 'you made me feel awful!' Of course he was hurt by those kinds of comments. And here he was, telling me that he had never found anything wrong at all. I felt like an idiot.

"I just thought you were weird." He said flatly. I had to laugh at that. It masked my guilt for a moment, but I still felt awful. But I pushed the feeling into the back of my mind.

"Why did you think I was weird?" I asked, with mocking defensiveness. I didn't care if he thought I was weird. I called myself weird on a daily basis so I expected everyone else to feel the same.

He shrugged.

"Because I was nice?" I teased. "Or because I didn't run away from your big bad wolfyness?"

He remained silent and gave me another shrug.

"I'm sure you still think I'm weird." I said. He didn't respond to that either. Why wasn't he saying anything? Did I make him mad? Maybe I was being too comfortable with him? But, if that was the case then what would I say? What could I ask? I didn't know anymore. I was running out of ideas. Everything that came out of my mouth now just felt like garbage, garbage he would quickly toss away and give no response to. What did I have to say to get him to talk? And why did it feel so much harder now? It was all right at the beach, wasn't it? Maybe he was still pissed about the whole blown tire business. This was frustrating, and a little tiresome.

Silence filled the void where our 'conversation' once was. I felt like I was back at square one with Squall. It always felt like two steps forward, three back. He was such a mystery. Why? Why wasn't he talking? Did he have tonsillitis? Did he really loathe me _that _much to not even bother engaging me with simple chat? Or, maybe that's just how he was? Maybe he didn't like talking. Maybe he didn't like people. Well, I'd never know if any of my assumptions were correct anyway because he'd never tell.

Oh for God's sake... Why am I here? Why I am here with him?

This wasn't fun. This was the opposite of fun. Well, I guess the beach was kind of fun. But still, this was pretty agonizing. I was fluctuating through my moods faster than Selphie can click through channels on a TV. I may have been a moody person, but I wasn't usually this capricious. Was it Squall's lack of emotion that made me feel like I had to make up for it by going all crazy? Feeling honest, then angry, irritated, uncomfortable, comfortable, friendly. This was too much. But why? Why was this happening!? Agh! This was so frustrating!

I was freaking out and he was still just pushing the machine along as if nothing had ever happened.

Why am I beating myself up over this? Why am I still thinking? Stop thinking!

"Squall!" I said, a little louder than I should have. He looked startled by the sudden outburst. I didn't mean to yell, I just needed to shut my mind up.

Silence.

Um, what was I going to say? Or right, nothing. I just yelled his name for no reason. Quick! Say something!

"How's your scar healing?"

"Um, fine." He said as he touched it gently. He gave me a suspicious look then turned back in front of him.

More silence.

Oh my God. These silences needs to stop. Say something, Squall. Ask me something. Anything. Ask me how bad my menstrual cramps are! _Anything_! I'm begging you, dammit!

"You're not one for talking, are you?" I mumbled more to myself. He caught wind of the comment.

"I don't have anything important to say." He responded simply. I bit my lip nervously. I didn't want him to hear my last comment.

"You don't engage in just general chit-chat?" I asked, deciding to take a chance on this conversation. It wouldn't go very far, I knew, but at least I could try.

"Not really."

"Then it's too bad you're stuck with me." I laughed. "I don't talk about anything important. Ever."

"Apparently." He mumbled.

"Ouch. That one hurt." I mocked. Was that a joke? Yeah, he just made a joke! Was he opening up? Or what... what was this? This was the second step forward, my next comment would bring him to the third and then back to square one all over again. It was the same every time. I should just stop while I'm ahe-

"Why do you talk with me?" He asked suddenly. Woah, that's out of left field. Where the hell did that come from? What does that question even mean?

"What?" Was all I could mumble after the shock of such a question from a man of such simple words.

"Um," he hesitated. "Why are you talking to me? Why are we 'hanging out?'"

... good fucking question.

"Does it matter why?"

"I'm not a friendly person. I'm not like Zell or Selphie. I don't talk. Did you see how much shit I gave you for trying to drag me to the beach? Why are you bothering?" He asked. We had stopped our walk to give our undivided attention to this conversation.

"Do you... not want me to talk to you anymore?" I asked, afraid he would tell me to just get lost.

"I haven't been a 'friend' to you. Why are you treating me like one? I took your wine, got two free packs of cigarettes off of you. If I was you I would have told me to fuck off long ago."

And then it all made sense to me.

"What do you think a 'friend' is?" I asked, curious after a short pause.

He didn't respond, because he couldn't. How can you define what a friend is, especially a person who has none and wants none.

"C'mon, tell me. What makes a friend to you?" I pushed him on. I'm sure this was making him more than a little uncomfortable.

"I don't know," he said after a moment with a shake of his head.

"We're friends. This is what a friend is." I said with a smile as I pointed to my chest then to his. "I know it's hard to believe, but I think friendship is happening here." I smiled.

"I'm not your friend." He insisted.

"What? Why not? If you can tell me why we're not considered friends, then I'll concede to that idea."

"I told you! I'm leeching off of you and I won't engage you in conversation. Two qualities I can't possibly see being appealing in a 'friend.'"

"Okay, first of all you're not a leech. Why do you think that? So what if we gave you a bottle of wine and I gave you a pack of cigarettes that I _found_? It doesn't make you a leech. It makes you a willing receiver." I explained, my hands on my hips.

"And, okay, so maybe you're not the best conversationalist but you don't insult me. You don't punch me or abuse me. And you do have your moments, you know." I said. "Plus, we don't have to constantly be gabbing up a storm in order for me to enjoy hanging out with you."

Truer words had never been spoken. Once I said them, I realized it was I who needed that advice. So what if he wasn't talking to me. That's who he was! He didn't hate me. He was simply a man of few words. It was okay if our conversations were few and far between. Silence was fine. Talking is overrated anyways. But it was obvious why he was acting weirder now than on all of those other times spent together. It was because he couldn't understand the idea of me not hating him. He couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that I _wanted_ to be here with him.

"Look, I get that you're in your head a lot. I've been there before too, you know? You don't have to feel like you need to constantly engage me every time I open my big mouth. I generally don't even think before speaking anyway. I find you to be a refreshing change of pace actually." I smiled at that thought. I was right. He was a nice change from the usual Selphie and Zell banter. Squall was a minimalist. I liked that. I saw it all so plainly now. I guess just saying it aloud made all the difference.

"Like you said earlier, you only say something when something needs to be said. It's nice to talk to someone level headed. Though you could open up a little more." I smiled at him but he continued his confused gaze.

"We're not friends," he said with a great amount of finality as he turned away from me and pushed ahead. I usually let those final thoughts finish our brief conversations, but he wasn't getting off so easy this time.

"Fine. Whatever. We're not friends. But at least allow me the pleasure of being able to say hi from time to time in the hallways. And even though I know it's a bit of a stretch, maybe we can even do something like this again?" I offered.

"Do you really care that much? Does it matter that much to you?" He challenged. It wasn't rude or hotty. It was just a question.

I gave him a look as I placed my hands to my hips.

"Sure I care. But the real question, Squall, is why do _you_ care so much?" I shot back.

"I don't give two shits." He replied.

"Yeah you do. Otherwise you wouldn't have a) brought up this conversation and b) wouldn't be so adamant about denying our camaraderie towards each other."

"I'm not denying anything. I'm telling you how it is." His face was stoic and cold.

"_You_ are telling _me_ how it is?" I laughed. "Oh please. You are so backasswards. You, the aloof loner, is telling me, the social butterfly, 'how it is,' telling me what makes a real friend? I don't think so."

"The aloof loners knows a lot more about friendship because they are more selective."

"The word loner, a noun, is derived from the term alone. Alone, if you can recall what that means, means being without anyone else which would mean being without friends entirely. Thus, a real loner doesn't know what a friend is even if one came up and bit them in the ass."

"I know what a friend is."

"You have no idea. I bet you've never had a friend in your whole life," I said. He looked taken aback by that comment, but quickly recovered from it.

"You don't know anything about me."

"Good observation. Care to divulge?"

"No."

"Well then, since you won't tell me if I'm right or wrong about this whole never had a friend business... I'm going to assume I'm right in my previous assumption."

"Assume whatever you like. It doesn't make it right."

"Congratulations, Squall." I put a hand to his shoulder and stopped him. He turned to me perplexed and a little cross. "I'm your very first friend."

"Don't think so." He pushed on.

"Gosh, isn't being friends just so much fun?"

"And this is why I prefer to be alone."

"Because you hate people?" I offered.

"Sure," he mumbled, dismissing me and my comments entirely.

"You know, I'm going to keep assuming until you give me a straight answer."

"Assume away." He gave an uncaring wave of his hand.

"You don't have friends because... You do this every time someone tries to interact with you," I guessed.

"You're annoying."

"So are you."

"So I guess that doesn't make us friends now does it?"

I gave him a curious look.

"I thought friends liked one another. We obviously don't," he reminded.

"I never said that. You're just putting words in my mouth."

"You said I'm annoying. Do you hang out with annoying people?"

"Obviously. Have you seen the company I keep?"

He stopped for a moment, as if confused on where to take this miniature argument of ours.

"I don't believe you think I'm annoying," I said.

"Why?" He challenged

"Because you could have left anytime when we got drunk that night, and you could have left anytime at the beach, and you could have left me alone out there on the balcony all those times, and you could have taken that pack of cigarettes and just run away, and when I invited you to the beach you could have just said 'no.'" I stared into his eyes and I leaned towards him, in the most antagonizing way I could. "... But you didn't. I think you might actually enjoy my company, but you're just far too proud to admit it."

"Presumptuous."

"I have to be with you." He was silent. "That's the price of not opening up. I have to just presume I understand you."

He turned away from me and continued the trek back to Garden.

"You don't need to understand me."

"You mean you think we can continue to talk to each other, even when I don't know a goddamn thing about you?" I asked incredulously.

"Yep." He stated simply.

"You're deluded," I mumbled. "Fine, I won't say anything about myself until you tell me something about you."

"Like I care."

"Looks like I'm going to be talking a lot about the weather then." I laughed. I couldn't tell if I took him seriously or not. I didn't even know whether this conversation was serious or not.

"Even if we made that deal, there's no way you could go a day without divulging something to me."

"Is that a challenge?" I asked.

"No. It's a fact," he shot back. He was being so snappy. I was probably pissing him off a little with this conversation.

"You've been awfully rude lately. What crawled up your ass?" I asked, turning away from him.

"This dialogue we're sharing."

"Are you really that bothered by it?" I asked. I found myself sympathizing with him a little. He was probably incredible uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was heading. He didn't seem like the kind of person to just tell me to shut up, so he probably began to lash back at me instead.

"Yeah," he answered honestly. "I'm sorry I even brought up the subject in the first place."

I was silent for a while, respecting his feelings but I couldn't help myself.

"Since you asked me that question, I'm going to ask you," I began. "Why do you stick around me?"

"You already asked me."

"No. I just presumed an answer," I reminded. He sighed wearily. "So, tell me. It's only fair. I answered your question."

"I don't have to justify you with an answer," he said coldly.

"Why not? I answered yours!"

"I don't have to answer if I don't want to. You're not my superior, you can't tell me to do anything," he said.

"You sound like a two year old," I scoffed. I paused for a moment. "C'mon, just tell me," I urged. "I'm not going to go tell the whole school or anything. What we say here is private, you know?"

He remained silent.

"Why do you want to know so badly?"

"After telling me that I'm annoying and claiming we're not even close to resembling friends, I'm left wondering why you're still here at all," I answered.

He paused a moment and cocked his head awkwardly away from my vision.

"I think you're interesting," he answered forthrightly. Squall either gave you everything unadulterated or nothing at all, apparently.

"Interesting?" I pressed him on.

"Yeah," he answered, his voice a little quieter now. "I don't think I've interacted positively with another human since I was sixteen."

"That makes me interesting?"

"It's interesting that you, of all the people in all of Garden, I don't want to completely avoid," he said looking at me. Sure it was a backwards kind of compliment, but it was a compliment nonetheless and I couldn't help but blush. I felt special, like I had done something right. I had done what so few others had. I managed to get Squall's attention.

"Really?" I asked, smiling a little. He took notice of my smile and quickly pretended to wipe the conversation off the face of this world, as if suddenly embarrassed by it. He looked away from me, and a stern gaze glazed his face.

"I guess," he replied indifferently.

I decided to not press him further on the subject. Just that thought was enough to satiate me for days. Knowing that he didn't hate me put me at ease. I couldn't say why I cared so much though. He wasn't much of a talker, nor seemed to be a very interesting person in reality. But I was drawn to him like a bug to a light. I couldn't help but follow.

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a/n: ... I swear this story is going somewhere.


	8. Hawks in the Trees

Chapter 8

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Why did that encounter have to be so ridiculously painful? Why did she feel the need to make that as awful as possible? I mean, really. That was incredibly unnecessary. I could tell every conversation she threw at me was so forced. She obviously didn't realize that silence wasn't a sign of my hatred for her.

But I was a little irate on that walk, and it wasn't her fault. I had had an amazing time at the beach, but that fucking tire pissed me off. I mean, really, what a perfect time to pop, god dammit. I guess, maybe, in some weird way I blamed her for the wheel's destruction. She was the one who wanted to go to the beach in the first place... but it was pointless to try and argue who's fault it was. The tire had blown up all on its own. The point was mute.

The whole walk felt strangely pleasant, to me anyways. Rinoa, apparently, thought otherwise. But I felt comfortable around her. I couldn't explain it. Maybe because she was taking an interest in me, despite my intensely forthright rejections of her. She was interesting in that sense. And I had no qualms in telling her that. But there was something far more interesting about her, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. I think that's the part that bothered me though.

She was wrong when saying that I was 'too proud to admit' I enjoyed her company. I admit it. She was... 'fun.' And I haven't been around anyone 'fun' in a long time. But what really bothered me though was that I was having a blast and not just enjoying her companionship. I mean, call it stupid or childish, but I really didn't want to have fun with her... because that would mean letting her in. Letting her in on my personal life and my psyche. I was callous and rude for a reason, to keep these kinds of people out. People who dive in, mess shit up and leave. I've dealt with that far too much in my life to have it sprung on me again. So by this time in a relationship with anyone else I would have either just not engaged them in conversation whatsoever or ignored them at all costs. So why was Rinoa different? It bothered me.

The rest of the walk back to Garden was left in silence. I could feel Rinoa at ease as she strode along side me, no longer torturing herself with what to talk about next. She now understood that silence can be golden, at least with me.

When we returned to the garage we explained the tire damage to the rental employees and they were pissed, asking just what we were doing off road on a scooter anyway. Yeah, good question. Why did she choose a scooter when she knew we were going off road? We just shrugged and Rinoa gave some mumbled, ridiculous answer that confused them enough to make them believe it a real answer. And we were on our merry way.

We walked together until the dorm halls forked into the men's and women's sides. We turned to each other, prepared to depart for the night.

As usual, she was the first to speak.

"Thank you for coming with me. I don't know what I would have done if I was by myself and that tire had blown." She smiled.

"You would have been fine," I insisted.

She gave me a curious look. "Your optimism is rare, so I'm going to take it seriously."

She loved pointing out the rare acts I had been engaging in recently.

"Well, then. If I don't see you tomorrow, I'll see you at detention on monday. Don't be late!" She said as she walked off.

I waved a goodbye and instantly became bitter over the idea of detention.

When I got back to my dorm I decided to take a shower to wipe all the grime of the ocean off of me. I stripped and quickly noticed the odd colored lines that had developed on my waist, right where my underwear's waist band had been. I touched my stomach gently and it stung slightly. The imprint that my finger had left turned white, then quickly evaporated back into its original color. Oh my God. I was sun burnt. I was incredibly sun burnt. I looked at my face... and it was beet red.

Fuck me.

I was completely sun burnt, save for the tiniest portion on my waist and legs. And the second I noticed the burn my whole body began to hurt. The idea of a cold shower sounded incredibly inviting.

Sunday came and went without much fanfare. I tried to stay in doors, avoiding the sun at all costs and people in general. I really didn't want to parade my new skin color around campus for all to see. I got unwanted attention enough as it was, any more would just be wasted.

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I sucked in a deep breath in a sad attempt to remain calm before entering a five hour torture session. I opened the door with a swing and Rinoa sat in a desk near the back of the room, already looking terribly bored. She took notice of me and waved with the pencil she was holding. She gave me a pathetic smile and sighed. I took a seat at a desk adjacent to her.

"Shitty," she commented as she looked around the bleak room. Well, it wasn't that bleak. It looked like every other room, but the silence and lack of others gave the room a dreary feeling.

I nodded in agreement. She looked at me and studied my face for a moment.

"Lobster," she noted, referring to my sun burnt face.

"Shut up," I mumbled, turning away from her, hoping to hide my ridiculousness from her.

"Me too. Look at my stomach." She lifted up her uniforms jacket and shirt to reveal bright red skin, a shade of red that couldn't even be found in a crayon box.

"Shitty," I said.

"It's going to get all peely and crap. So gross." She grimaced as she turned back to her desk.

The door suddenly swung open with a bang, startling us. Rinoa visibly jumped a few inches in her seat and I whipped my head around to see who had made the noise. A flustered looking instructor came stomping in. He threw some folders and binders on to his desk and paused a moment. He leaned against the desk with his head hung. He looked up at the two of us slowly and sighed wearily as he closed his eyes for a moment.

"Don't talk. Don't say anything. You're being punished." He sounded indifferent and completely uncaring about the whole situation, as if it was he who was the one being tortured. "... Look, I have shit to do today, okay? So I'm going to leave." Rinoa gave me a hopeful look, hoping that this meant we were off the hook. I knew better. "But that doesn't mean you can you just prance on out of here, got it?" He said as he pointed a reprimanding finger to the two of us. "I'm in the middle of a messy divorce and Cid dumped this shit on me and I was like, 'the fuck is this!?' Man... I got papers to grade, legal bullshit to sign. I don't have time to keep watch over you little hooligans." He ran a hand through his hair, exaggerating his exasperation making sure we understood how little he wanted to be here. He paused a moment and looked to the two of us. "What are you in here for anyway?"

"Being drunk on campus," Rinoa answered without the slightest hint of embarrassment.

"You're kidding." He laughed and picked all his papers up. "This is such a waste of my time. I'm fucking out of here. You kids keep up with your alcoholism. It's good for you. It'll come in handy when you're getting divorces," he mumbled angrily.

"So can we go?" Rinoa pleaded.

"No! Didn't you hear me?" He shot her a glare and she quickly recoiled from it. "You can't leave until 8... or however the hell long you're supposed to be in here for. And if I hear that you two pulled some kind of fucking escape act, I'll make sure you're expelled... or something." He continued to stare at us in the most antagonizing way possible until it bordered on ridiculous. He finally stormed out the door leaving us in a weird silence.

"God... What the fuck was that?" Rinoa asked, turning to me.

I shook my head, not knowing either.

"Psh, I'm leaving. Fuck this," Rinoa mumbled as she picked up her bags, ready to make her way towards the door. She took notice of me still seated. "C'mon." I didn't budge, just continued to stare after her. "You don't actually _want_ to stay here for five hours."

"No. But I don't want or need to get in any more trouble," I responded.

"He's not actually going to suspend us or whatever he threatened. You know that's a lie."

"You can go, be my guest. I'm staying," I stated.

"You've got to be kidding." She dropped her bag to the floor and looked at me like I was being ridiculous.

"Go." I waved her off but she continued to stare at me, obviously not able to process what I was telling her.

"I can't go if you don't," she replied as she walked back to her seat with a huff as she dragged her feet.

"Why not? What does it matter?"

"I can't leave you in here alone for five hours! That's just cruel," she explained. I couldn't tell if she was patronizing me or not.

"I'm a big boy. I can handle it." I tossed her an aggravated look and switched on the computer screen in front of me, ready to begin five hours of zoning out.

"This is going to be so boring," she sighed as she switched her own monitor on.

"Then go," I repeated curtly.

She looked at me, a little piqued by the bluntness of the reply.

"No man left behind, soldier!" She exclaimed mockingly.

"I think I can handle this alone."

"Your courage is admirable, but unwise." She smiled at me and I continued my blank stare.

"For God sakes, just go!" I said, maybe a little louder than I had meant to. I gestured for the door.

"Woah there, eager-beaver." She put a hand to my face. I recoiled slightly from the childish motion and swatted her hand away from me. "I don't think you need to be getting mad at me. I was trying to offer you support here. I think 'thank you' is actually the term we might use in such a situation."

"Don't patronize me." I shook my head, irritated.

"What are you talking about? I'm not patronizing you," she defended. "I'm telling you that I'm going to spend five hours with you... by choice." She smiled at me. I didn't return the pleasantries. "Remember what I 'presumed' about you, yesterday?" I gave her a curious look. "You chose to hang out with me all those times, against what would seem like your better judgement so it's my turn now. So, against _my_ better judgement, I'm going to sit here, in an unsupervised detention, for five hours."

"You don't owe me anything," I reminded.

"I know."

"If you know that, then why are you still here?" I asked.

"I know that it's dangerous for you to think positively, but have you considered that maybe I _want_ to spend time with you?" She asked with a coy smile.

The thought had crossed my mind, but not seriously. I mean, I guess I never needed to think about it. I thought it was just sort of understood that she didn't want to. But in reality that makes zero sense. Why else would she have invited me to the beach? I felt stupid for not thinking that. But I began to feel even more stupid when I thought about how improbable the idea was that she actually wanted to be around me. Why did I think that was so far fetched? It... sort of upset me. Did I really think that low of myself? Kind of disgusting, really.

"Hello? Earth to Squall!" Rinoa called as she waved a hand in front of my face, breaking me from the day dream I didn't even realize I was experiencing.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I blinked away the thoughts.

"You do that a lot," she noted.

"Do what?"

"Crawl up in your head for extended periods."

I remained silent.

"I thought about that on the walk back from the beach the other night."

"How I crawl inside myself?" I asked with a roll of my eyes. I began to surf around on the computer listlessly, not really registering what was passing before my eyes.

"No, how you didn't even consider the idea that I wanted to be around you."

"How do you know that?" I challenged.

"I just do. I can read it all over your face." She encircled my face in the air with her index finger.

"What exactly tips you off? What on my face just screams 'I can't fathom the idea that someone wants to be around me,'" I asked, turning my attention to her.

"Okay, maybe it's not on your face... But it's in your aura." Aura? What the hell was she smoking?

"You do more than just drink, I assume," I joked stoically.

She replied with a dead stare and an equally lifeless laugh.

"Haha, you're so funny. But seriously, you never get that 'feeling?'" She asked.

"Well, I seriously have no idea what you're talking about. 'Aura,' 'feeling'... What the hell are you rambling about?"

"Intuition! It's intuition that tips me off," she said, as if that would clarify it all for me. It didn't.

"Your intuition is telling you that I didn't consider the idea of you wanting to be around me?" I asked incredulously.

"Pretty much," she responded. She continued to stare at me. "I'm right, aren't I?" She said it with such confidence that it caught me off guard. She was right. But I couldn't think of anything to fire back at her. My silence was the answer she wanted. "I am so right." This set me back into defensive mode.

"Afraid not."

"Just admit it."

"I won't admit it, because it's not true."

"Yes it is," she insisted.

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Ye-!" I cut her off.

"Why would it matter? What great impact would that information have on your life?" I yelled. It came off a little too defensive. It was completely obvious that I was trying to hide it. This was more embarrassing than just admitting it.

"I'd just get to know you a little more," she responded simply. "Which is something I've been trying to do for a while now. So..." She leaned towards me. "Do you want to meet me half way?"

"No," was my curt response.

"Not even a foot closer?" She prodded.

"Not even a centimeter."

"You're a challenge. And I always appreciate a good challenge." She smiled. She was acting like this was some sort of big joke to her. My persona and my life were not humorous in anyway. What did she see me as? Her doll? A doll she could pull apart just for shits and giggles? Rip off an arm and a leg just to see what it looks like, then toss it away. Fuck that. I'm not a doll and my life isn't some toy to be played with.

"Is that all I am?" I questioned, voicing my thoughts.

"... What is all you are?" She sounded generally confused, as if she had forgotten what she had just rambled on about.

"Some challenge to you? Some fun puzzle you can piece together?"

"No," she answered honestly. She looked bewildered, as if that thought was the furthest from her mind. I immediately felt guilty, but I couldn't help but still hold some grudge. "Why would you think that?"

Because I don't know want you to know me. But I couldn't say that... and yet I couldn't think of an answer that wouldn't allow her a peek inside my life. A life I had kept hidden from her, everyone, for a reason. I knew there was an excuse I could have made, but I just couldn't think of one. Just say something, Leonhart! Make up some excuse! It's easy enough. So... Why can't I?

"Squall, I'm trying to be your friend," she said with the most honesty I've ever seen from her. "Why would I want to get to know you if I didn't want to be friends with you." I was silent as I continued to just blankly stare at her. "Why are you being so difficult?" She asked, confused. "Didn't you just say yesterday you thought I was interesting? Are you tired of me already?"

I bit my bottom lip tenderly. I legitimately felt bad. While I wanted her to stay out of my personal business... I didn't want her to feel unwelcome. But why did it matter? If she's 'welcome' then that's just a doormat into my life. She should be unwelcome, she needed to be unwelcome. So then why didn't I want that? This was frustrating and confusing.

"I'm not... I'm not tired of you," I replied. She was giving me pathetic, puppy eyes.

"Well then what is it? The further I reach out, the more you run. Why?" She asked. I could tell she had thought extensively about this.

"I still think you're... 'interesting.' It's just that I'm a closed off kind of person." She looked like she understood.

"Oh," she began. "I'm sorry." She smiled for a moment and giggled. "I can't believe that didn't even register. I even figured that out the other night, too!" She laughed at that. Her smile widened as the facts began to settle in. "I guess I've never been friends with someone who was sealed up tight. The kind of people I think I attract are open socialites." She smiled at me. "So isn't it wonderful that we met?" She laughed as she put her hand on my shoulder and shook me roughly. I pulled my shoulder away from her grip.

"Maybe in time you'll open up?" She asked carefully.

"Doubt it," I answered quickly as I turned back to my computer.

"I don't."

"Why? Is my aura speaking to you again?" I mocked.

"It's intuition, actually," she said completely serious. I rolled my eyes.

There was a bit of comfortable silence that followed the conversation. We had both turned to the computers before us and had begun to waste time.

"You know," she began, her attention still on the computer before her. I gave a grunt, signaling my attention. "You may not want to tell me about yourself, which I completely respect, but would you want to know about me?" She asked with a half smile as she turned towards me.

"Wouldn't make a difference really," I responded, my eyes still locked on my computer as I continued to play a game of solitaire that was kicking my ass.

"What is it with you and having to justify everything that we talk about? Must everything lead to a greater good? Can we not just talk?"

"Fine," I said, clicking the game closed. I turned my full attention to her. "Let's talk."

"Oh goody," she said with a smile, pulling her full attention towards me so that our bodies were now facing each other. "What about?" She asked excitedly.

"Like you said, I don't do talk that's not purposeful. I have no idea where to begin." I said it only half jokingly.

"You're like some caveman brought here through a time machine. 'Dur, Crog no understand shiny rock!'" She began to mash the computer's keyboard. "'How make pictures move on stone? Crog confused! Crog angry! Crog smash!'"

"Okay, I get it. I'm a backasswards, social retard."

"And that's okay," she smiled playfully and I glared back.

"Can we please get onto this whole conversation business instead of insulting me?"

"Fine, fine," she said as she leaned back in her chair. "Where to start..." she began, mostly to herself. "How about... You ask where I'm from."

"You're from Deling. I already know that."

"You remembered! That was a quiz. You passed." I rolled my eyes. Would the joking never end?

"Okay, here's a good one," she said excitedly as she leaned back towards me. "How about you ask me why I came to Garden."

"Why did you come to Garden?" I asked without the slightest hint of interest and just simply regurgitating her example question. This felt stupid and childish. There was no way I could take this seriously.

"C'mon, at least pretend you care."

"Gee wilakers, Rinoa! Why did you ever come to Garden in the first place?" I asked with enough faux-gumption to make a clown vomit.

She laughed out loud, but took it seriously anyway.

"Well," she began, "My parents sent me here."

A moment of silence.

"Is this the part where I ask 'why?'" I asked.

"Sure, if you want," she said, knowing I would.

"Why did your parents send you here?" I asked.

"They thought I needed a change of pace."

"Was your life too hectic, or something?" I asked.

"Very good," she said complementing my questioning with a coy smile. I rolled my eyes. "My life wasn't hectic I just started..." she paused momentarily and she contemplated her next words carefully. "I just started getting bored," she finished.

"What do you mean, 'bored?'" I questioned.

"Life got tedious, people became dull... Things just got stale," she answered as she began to play with the end of her skirt.

"How so?" I asked. I could tell I was being drawn in to her. I could feel myself being pulled in like a good book or a great movie can do. She really was interesting. More interesting than she was yesterday or even a few minutes ago. Maybe it was the way she said things, or what she had to say... I couldn't really put my finger on it. But I denied it. I denied it all. This questioning was just to humor her. I didn't care.

"I can't really explain it. I just got so tired of life. I could hardly fathom being there any longer... I became despondent and indifferent about everything and everyone." She paused and there was a silence that hung between us. I wanted to push her on the subject, but... she didn't seem like she wanted to be pushed. I could respect that.

But my assumption was wrong and she continued on.

"My parents could tell I was getting tired. My grades were slipping and, since I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, it was more than a little obvious I was getting depressed." Why was she telling me all of this? Why was she revealing so much. She had no shame in telling me everything. Anything I wanted to know she would say without reservation. I was... impressed.

"So they made you move here?" I asked.

"Pretty much," she said with a nod. "But I'm glad they did. I don't even want to think about what I would have become if I had remained in Deling."

"So it all changed when you got here?" I asked.

"Yep." She smiled. "I mean, I came in with a good attitude, and I think that was a huge part of why it all changed... but this place has been great so far."

"Do you ever..." I paused momentarily, afraid I was about to cross a line that shouldn't be toyed with. "... miss Deling?"

"Of course. How could I not? It was my home for 16 years of my life," she replied unabashedly. "And it's not like I had always hated it. I enjoyed it for a good portion of my life."

There was a pause and she looked up to me, smiling playfully.

"Wasn't that easy?" She asked. She was referring to my trial run in 'polite conversation.'

I just rolled my eyes, not wanting to play into the role of student to her 'teachings.'

"I'm not done," I said.

"Then fire away." She straightened her back, ready for the next question.

"When do you think you'll get bored here?" I asked. She looked slightly offended by the question, as if I had asked it with a nastier purpose.

"Well, I hope I don't get bored here." She smiled awkwardly, wanting to disregard the question. "I don't know where I'd go next if I got bored here," she said. "Do you ever get bored here? You've been here longer than me, you must know more about it than I do."

"I thought this questioning session was about you," I reminded.

"I can only talk about myself for so long, Squall," she said as she stood and moved towards the windows behind us. "My attention span is very limited," she explained.

"Well, I'm still not done asking questions."

"Fine, fine. But," she exclaimed, raising a finger to me. "I get to ask you just as many questions when it's all over, okay?"

"No deal."

"Then just four," she offered.

"One."

"Two."

"Fine," I conceded.

"Sweet." She smiled and turned her attention outside. "Okay, continue the interrogation."

"It's not an interrogation. Didn't you call this a conversation?"

"Trust me, this is not a conversation. More like a survey," she said. "Conversations generally involve two or more people interacting, bouncing ideas off each other and what not. Which means you have to do more than just ask questions."

"Do you really want to be a SeeD?" I asked, ignoring her conversation comment entirely. She smiled, seeing right through my diversion tactic, but she didn't press it any further.

"No. But, once I'm done with the core curriculum here I'm pretty much guaranteed into any university I want."

"You want to go to college?" I asked, a little perplexed. I had never heard of a Garden student _not_ wanting to become a SeeD.

"Well, yeah. I'm not a big fan of violence, you see," she replied.

"Then why are you here?" I asked. There was an irritated edge to my voice.

"Did I not just tell you? My parents sent me here," she repeated.

"Why here? There are tons of boarding schools that don't involve killing and maiming as part of their daily curriculum."

"Look, I don't know, okay?" She responded with a dismissive wave of her hand. She turned her back to me to peer out the window. "Ask my parents."

I paused a moment, realizing that this whole Garden questioning was getting nowhere and only making her irritated.

"What was your childhood like?" I asked, a little softer in my approach.

She turned to me curiously, surprised by the change in conversation.

"It was um," she thought for a moment as she tapped a finger to her chin. "It was good. I was in my head a lot of the time. I found my imagination and my dolls to be much cooler than the real world," she recalled. "I, um, used to be so boy obsessed." She chuckled a little, embarrassed slightly. "Well, not really 'boy' necessarily."

"What does that mean?" Was she interested in transvestites or something?

"Well, it's actually really stupid and totally childish, but I used to be obsessed with the idea of Knights and Princesses n'stuff. You know how some girls talk about their dream husbands or whatever, well, I talked about my dream Knight." She looked at me, wanting to judge my reaction. But I had none because I had no idea what she was talking about.

"What do you mean 'knight?'" I asked.

"You know, a knight saves the princess from a tower or whatever. Shit like that," she said.

"Doesn't the prince usually do that?" I questioned, wondering if she had gotten her nouns mixed up.

"No," she replied hastily, almost as if she were reprimanding me. "I _hated_ the prince. Absolutely loathed him. I couldn't watch any movie or read any book that had the prince marrying the maiden."

"What's wrong with the prince, exactly?"

"Royalty is conceded, spoiled. There's nothing sexy about that. Knights have earned their hotness, you know?" I had no idea. "They were tough and battle hardened, in need of a girl's touch to soothe their wounds, n' such," she explained. She looked to me and noticed my confused expression. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" She asked with a bemused smile.

"I never read fairy tales," I responded.

"Plus you're not gay," she added. Then she turned to me quizzically. "You're not are you? Or is my gay-dar totally out of whack?"

"I'm not gay," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"And all of the gay men in the world just died a little inside," she said with a smile as she crossed her arms.

"What does that mean?"

"It means you're a total babe, duh!" She exclaimed, teasing me.

"Whatever," was all I could mumble.

"But um," she began, pulling us back to a more pertinent dialogue. "I was obsessed with that knight shit for so long. Sort of sad really. I compared every man I ever met to this idealized vision." She shook her head a little sadly, remembering all the wasted time.

"So you never had a boyfriend, did you?" I asked.

"Oh no, I did," she said. "I had a few. And it's not that any of them lived up to this idea. I just kind of settled instead."

"You don't have that standard now, do you?" I asked, finding such an idea absolutely ridiculous.

"No. Oh God no. I gave that up a long time ago. I haven't thought about it in years actually," she noted. She stopped and then turned to me and smiled.

"What?" I asked, confused on why she was just staring at me.

"You've asked some good questions, Squall. You'd be a good reporter," she said. "But it's my turn now."

"I'm not done yet."

"Well, I am. And not a lot is going to happen if the interviewee isn't going to give you answers to your questions, now is it?" She asked as she took her seat again.

"So, my first question," she began, holding an imaginary microphone under her mouth. "Why did you join Garden?" She moved her hand clasping the invisible microphone to me.

"I had no other choice," I responded simply.

"What do you mean, 'no other choice?'" She asked, bringing the microphone back to her.

"Are you sure that you want that to be your second question?" I asked.

"You little cheating bastard," she mumbled as she squinted her eyes angrily.

"I'm just being fair."

"Fine, fine." She thought for a moment, then looked to me with a very serious expression. Her hand that was pretending to hold the microphone undid itself and she placed it against her lap. She leaned into me gently.

"Be honest, okay?" She said. I paused a moment, then nodded, worried what she might ask next.

"I didn't see you for three months. Why?" She was dead serious. And she wanted answers. Her intensity actually caught me off guard. I thought she was going to ask who I had a crush on or something like that. I wasn't expecting something this severe.

"I..." I began, unsure on how to tell her. There was no easy way to tell her that I hadn't wanted to see her. She wouldn't understand and she'd get offended. I had to lie. "I just got busy and stopped going to the secret area," I responded.

"You're lying," she quickly snapped. "Tell me why. I was honest with you. And now it's your turn. You owe me that much."

I continued to just stare at her, contemplating an answer that seemed more plausible and believable. Anything but the truth.

"Just tell me why. Be honest."

"I..." I began once more. I paused again and she sighed in frustration.

"Whatever you say isn't going to make me jump off a bridge, okay? So just tell me." I just needed to say it. Just blurt it out. Stop trying to find a way out of a window and just use the front door. Just take the obvious road, for once.

"I was avoiding you," I answered. I immediately regretted the truth once it had escaped my lips. I wanted to take it back when I saw the expression on her face. She looked hurt and a little upset.

"I'm not surprised, actually," she said with a nod as the unhappy look began to fade almost instantly. "That's who you are." She smiled at me. It wasn't a smile to mask something else, it was just a smile. Just a pleasant, friendly smile. Maybe she did understand. Maybe she did get where I was coming from.

"But look where we are now!" She exclaimed with an even wider smile. "Hanging out, talking, bordering dangerously on the line of 'friends.' And to think, it all changed in just a few days."

It really had changed. It had changed a lot in such a short time. What was it about Rinoa that made me not want to run away? What was so special about her that made me stay?

"Are you happy that it's changed?" She asked, excited for my answer.

"That's a third question... I only gave you two," I reminded.

"You mother fucker," she cursed with a shake of her head.

"Are you happy that things have changed?" I asked.

"Bitch, please. If you won't answer, what makes you think I will?" She asked, leaning back into her chair as she crossed her arms defensively.

"Fine. I guess we'll never know then," I said, secretly challenging her.

"Guess so," she replied.

Silence filled the void where our dialogue once was. It wasn't an awkward or uncomfortable silence. It was just pleasant. We had turned back to our computers and I continued my solitaire game for what felt like hours.

After a great while Rinoa started getting visibly antsy. She huffed, sighed and yawned every thirty seconds and her foot tapping became irritating. She clicked some things off on her monitor and sighed, placing her chin into her hand. She turned to me, hoping that I was just as antsy as her. I paused for a moment then finally gave her my attention and glanced at her out of the corner of my eye.

"What?" I asked, ready for another conversation.

"I have a deal for you," Rinoa began.

"Hm?" I mumbled, still focused entirely on the game before me.

"You ask me something, then I ask you something. We'll take turns until one of us wants to stop. And, you don't have to answer the question if you don't want to. This is a completely optional Q and A session, okay?" She said, turning her head towards me.

"More questions?"

"Yes. So... Is it a deal?" She asked.

I paused for a moment, then turned to her.

"No," I said as forthrightly as possible.

"What?" She seemed genuinely taken aback by my response. "C'mon, please?"

"No. No more questions."

"But I'm bored," she whined with a huff as she sat back into her chair.

"Why do you need to always ask me questions?" I asked.

"'Cause you won't talk to me unless I either confuse you, insult you or make you play a game," she replied.

"What do you mean, 'confuse me?'" I asked, baffled by her choice in words.

"Whenever I make you do something you don't wanna do, you get all confused up in the head then you start bitching... which leads to talking," she said with a thoughtful nod.

"We've only 'hung out' a handful of times. You're being presumptuous again," I reminded.

"You're right, you're right. I don't want a repeat of Saturday night's conversation," she said. "But I'm right, and you know it." She said it under her breath so I pretended to just ignore it. I didn't want to get in another long winded conversation about it.

"So," she began after a momentary pause. There could never be a moment of silence with her, could there? "I'm going to test out some weapons today and see which one I feel comfortable with." She looked at me expectantly, as if I was already scripted to reply.

"... And?" I offered, curious as to why she looked so anticipative.

"And," she began with an intense amount of emphasis. "I was wondering which weapon you think I should try today."

"I don't know, um, pinwheel?" I suggested nonchalantly, not really investing myself in her issue.

"Really?" She asked, seeing right through my flippancy.

"Sure," I shrugged. "It's easy to use."

"Oh, that's right... you mentioned that the other day," she noted. "How quickly we forget."

"Apparently," I mumbled as I turned back to my computer.

-

--

--

--

--

I felt like I was pushing him further away from me. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Hopefully. But I couldn't shake the feeling like the closer I tried to step in, the further he pulled away. It was a little disheartening. But not enough to make me give up. Squall was a project now. A project I had to see to the end. Well, okay, he was more than project. He wasn't some lab rat. He was my friend, or what I thought of as a friend. Who knows what he thought about our situation. Whatever. Who cares? Oh, that was a Squall thought, wasn't it? Just blowing something off as unimportant. But... maybe that isn't like Squall at all. I barely knew him! What if he was actually this super open and friendly guy? No, he wasn't. ... Right? Of course he's not! Oh my God... this was making my head hurt.

I think I had been hanging around Squall a little too much. I began to invert in on myself and begin to pick every thought, every word apart until it was unrecognizable. I could only imagine that this is what Squall's brain was like. A trash heap of puzzle pieces that no longer even resembled their original picture.

The rest of the detention passed along in a comfortable silence as we both got sucked into our respective computer worlds.

We said our goodbyes... Well, I said goodbye and he just sort of nodded and waved. In any case, I began to critically analyze everything that had just transpired. I took every word into account and tried to make sense of it all. Does he enjoy my company? Yes, he must. But wait, no... I don't know. Who cares? I care! But I shouldn't. Too bad I do. Why do I care? This is stupid. It's not worth caring about.

My brain was on overdrive and I began to feel burnt out. I needed to have a normal conversation with somebody. Selphie!

I arrived at her dorm revealing her in her pajamas, eating cereal with the TV blaring in the background.

"How was prison?" She asked as she leaned against the doorframe.

"Meh... Well, I don't know. I don't want to think about it. I just need to say things right now." I tried to explain what needed to be done, but she had no idea what I had just said.

"Huh? Did you drop the soap a few too many times? Are you still trying to heal from this new experience?"

"Shut up," I said with a shake of my head. She moved aside and let me into her room. "I just need to talk with someone normal. Someone who actually likes interacting with other human beings."

"Squall too much to handle?" She asked.

"He gives me a headache every fucking time I'm around him!" I complained as I threw myself on her bed.

"I thought you said you were looking forward to detention," she reminded.

"Well, I _was,_" I said looking up to her. "But he's just as stubborn and ridiculous as ever." I thought for a moment. "Well, he did kind of open up a little," I conceded, more to myself than to Selphie.

"What did you think was going to happen?" She asked curiously, setting her cereal down. She took a seat on the floor across from me.

I thought for a moment. Good question. What were my expectations exactly?

"Um, I don't know. Something, I guess. Anything."

"This is, what, the fifth time you've been around him?" She asked. I nodded. "I hope you weren't expecting him to spill his heart and soul out to you. Because, as far as my understanding of Squall goes... he's not going to do that. At least not any time soon."

"I know, I just..." I began, but my words mumbled off into oblivion.

"I think you have unrealistic expectations for Squall." Selphie had summed it all up nicely and delivered it to me in pretty packaging. I was hoping for too much. Squall wasn't going to be my friend and I don't think he wanted to be. I had to accept that. The sooner I could accept that, the sooner I could properly communicate. He'd never be normal, I knew, but I couldn't get around that fact. I thought he just had to become like Selphie or Zell in order for us to communicate. No. Not the case.

I had to stop running after him with some kind of goal in mind. I needed to go with the flow. And that was that. Sure, I'd chase after him, but I wouldn't force a door that did't want to open. Maybe that's what needed to happen. It was a just a hypotheses, but it might work.

As much as this new shape on things made me want to run after Squall and try it out, I refrained. I had to occupy myself somewhere else and do something productive for a change. I decided to test out weapons. I checked out a pinwheel from the training center kiosk and decided to take my practice onto the plains. Sure, it was dark but I wanted to avoid the training center, afraid I might see Squall heading for the secret area which would make me get strangely obsessive all over again.

It was much darker on the plains than I had anticipated. I had to leave the lights of the main road in order to encounter any meager bugs that might be prowling around about this time. I wandered aimlessly away from the lights, the darkness becoming more prevalent with every step I took. Darkness was always on the top of my fears list and the fact that I had a weapon in my hand didn't give me the sense of protection I was hoping for. My fear began to creep up my body the further I moved away from civilization. I was getting goosebumps, but I couldn't tell if it was actually cold or just my fear seizing me.

I took a deep breath, trying to settle my nerves. That didn't work. Another inhale and one more exhale. That wasn't calming at all. I just decided to hide this nervous and scared feeling beneath my focus and deal with trying to get a grasp on this weapon.

I aimed my pinwheel at a nearby rock.

"Pull this cord..." I mumbled to myself, repeating the instructions the vendor told me when I had rented the weapon.

I ripped the cord hard and the pinwheel shot at the rock with more speed than I was prepared for. It hit the top of the rock and sparks shot briefly in the darkness. The pinwheel came flying back and I instinctively ducked my head, my arm still held out, waiting for its return. I gritted my teeth, afraid it might smack my head but it landed right back in its place. I stumbled back a bit from the sudden landing the pinwheel had taken. I looked down to my arm and saw it resting right where it had originally launched. I smiled at my success.

I continued to shoot it all around me, practicing the aiming and return techniques. This was definitely the weapon for me. It was easy to use and easy to master. Easy was good, I liked easy.

I moved further out into the plains, looking for bite bugs that had been strangely absent from my previous locations. I made my way closer to the woods to the west of Garden, knowing that there would be creatures there for sure. I came upon the forest but it was just as silent as the plains had been. I decided not to venture into the wood though. The darkness within it was foreboding and more than a little creepy. I had completely forgotten that it was night when I was practicing. I was just so entrenched in working with the weapon, I had forgotten my fear. But the sight of the forest struck that same chord of fear once again. But these woods looked so much scarier than just plain old darkness. It was like the evil woods you imagined in fairy tales, where horrific faces decorated trees that had claws for branches. A shiver suddenly caught me as I continued to look into the black hole that was the forest. I shook my fear off and aimed my pinwheel at a nearby tree, continuing to practice my aim.

I shot and an incredibly loud smack resounded through the forest, causing birds that were once settled to suddenly disperse in fright. My pinwheel had not sliced around the edge of the tree like I had intended but instead just jammed itself into the tree completely. It definitely wasn't going to return this time. I had to go and rip it out myself.

"Fuck," I cursed under my breath. The tree was a good distance away and just inside the blackness of the woods. I hesitated. Do I go and rip it back from the tree or should I just accept the loss of a weapon that's not mine. But I'd have to pay a hefty fee if it was lost. I wrestled with my fear and practicality for a while until I finally resolved to just tear it from the tree. I took a deep, calming breath and approached the wood hesitantly. The closer I moved to it, the slower my pace became and the more paranoid I grew as double takes behind me became triple takes behind me. I reached the pinwheel and took one last look around me as I grabbed for the wheel. I tried to pull it from the tree but it wasn't budging. It was really stuck.

"Fuuuck," I whined quietly as I began to yank harder and harder. It wasn't budging. "You son of a bitch, come the fuck out," I snarled. The more I pulled the looser I could feel it becoming and a light of hope lit up within me. I began to tug even harder than I was before, expending all my energy into getting the little bastard out. I could feel myself begin to smile as I saw it begin to wiggle from its new found home.

And then,

a snarl.

I immediately froze and my face drained of color. I stopped breathing momentarily and began to tremble uncontrollably. Oh my God. Where did that come from? Was that a monster? Was it just me breathing hard?

I heard another rustle of leaves and a crunch of dirt from the forest and I began to hyperventilate. I felt like crying, screaming, anything. I was scared shitless. I wanted to run away but I knew that if it was a truly dangerous creature it would chase after me. I needed my weapon. I began to yank and tug on the pinwheel with all my energy.

"C'mon, c'mon," I begged the weapon. It finally ripped from the tree and I was sent onto my back. I scrambled to my feet and locked the pinwheel in place, ready to take aim and kick the shit out of whatever wanted to destroy me. I looked into the forest to find red eyes peering out at me. I gasped, coming to the realization that this was definitely a monster and not just some caterchippilar or bitebug.

Another snarl. Oh my God. This thing wanted to tear me up and eat my intestines. I aimed carelessly, my terror causing my arm to sway and tremble. I began to back away slowly, hoping that it would just let me go. No such luck. The further I retreated, the more it pursued me. I saw its body exit the blackness of the forest and enter the pale moonlight, lurching slowly after me.

There was no way I was going to be able to fight this monster off. I had no GF junctioned which meant no magic either. All I had was this weapon I had used, what, ten times in the passed hour? Fuck. I was fucked.

I continued to manuever backwards and away from the creature, hoping to someday encounter the lights of the main road, effectively scaring the creature away. I had no idea how far away that was though. It could have been miles for all I knew, or maybe I wasn't even walking in the right direction. I couldn't think of anything better to do though than to just panic, aim, and slowly stumble backwards.

But the creature wasn't having any of this slow moving ridiculousness any longer. It lunged at me with a terrible roar. I instinctively screamed and fired the pinwheel. It grazed his head slightly. It wasn't even enough of a hit to draw any sort of blood even. Instead of being angered the monster seemed to look confused as to what had just happened. Had a small bird accidently nudged him? Or possibly a leaf had fallen on him. It shook its head then refocused itself upon me. The pinwheel returned and I fired again, hoping this time it would be a more direct shot. It slashed his ear, this time drawing blood. But instead of actually injuring it, my attack just pissed it off. It began to charge me once again.

"Oh fuck!" I screamed. I tried to turn around but my feet became tangled in the confusion and I fell face first into the dirt. I whipped my head around to find the monster closing in. My life flashed before my eyes. My mom, dad, house, Garden, friends and enemies all blew through my mind in a brief instance. This was the end. What a shitty way to die.

A twang of metal crashed above me and then a rumble of a gun resounded. I saw a flash of silver light dance before my eyes and a vision of white rush to the monster. Screams of a monster echoed in my now empty and drained mind. My vision was blurry and the world was spinning. I tried to sit up to see what was going on but the further I raised my body, the more I desperately needed to lie down. So I did, I fell back onto my back and I passed out.

--

--

"... umb of her!" A high voice cried. My head rang with the echo of the sound. I opened my eyes, revealing a blurry kaleidoscope of curtains and ceiling. Images shuffled about, trying to place themselves properly. I sat up, propping an arm beneath me, trying to get a glimpse of surroundings that might be stable. My movement proved premature though. The world became twice the dizzier and I began to feel faint.

Blurry figures rushed to my side and propped me back into a lying position.

"Don't get up you idiot," that same high voice cried to me. It was Selphie. She was leaning over me, I could tell that much. Another face appeared above me. It looked so familiar.

"When you fainted, you hit your head pretty hard," the strong voice cooed to me. Who's voice was that? It was so familiar.

"I... did?" I mumbled incoherently.

"Just rest," Selphie suggested tenderly as she rested a hand upon my forehead. I mumbled my agreement with the idea and rolled my head to the side.

"Seifer, thank you so much," Selphie said above me. Seifer! That's who it was! Wait... Seifer? THE Seifer? To be honest, he was the last person I wanted to save me, but I really couldn't complain.

"I'm just lucky I got there on time." Oh my God... I was almost killed. The revelation struck me like lightning. And... and he saved me. He _saved_ me. I was going to die but he saved me! How dare I complain! He fucking SAVED me from certain death!

"I can't believe," I began, almost speechless as I was still reeling from that sudden realization. "I can't believe you came to my rescue."

"Well, I just saw you out there trying to get your weapon out of the tree. I was about to come and help when that monster came out of nowhere." He bent down closer to me. "You're really lucky, you know," he said smoothly and calmly. I blushed and I didn't even know why. His eyes were beautifully piercing, like the hook on a fishing lure dangling before me, taunting me. I stared into them for what felt like only a brief second but what for must have actually been several minutes. Selphie coughed quietly, startling me from my concentration.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," I snapped quickly as I turned away from him. He smirked at my obviously awkward ways.

"Don't even mention it."

I heard the swish of the door and in stepped Kadowaki, looking terribly concerned.

"Oh good." She heaved a sigh of relief. "You're up. You're very lucky Seifer came and saved you. You would have been supper for that creature I hope you know," she said, acting like a worried grandmother.

"I know. You wouldn't have an assistant anymore," I noted.

"Yes. You're the only help I've ever gotten in the past three years. Although I'm sure it would be easy enough to find another assistant..."

"See? Look how disposable you are, Rinny!" Selphie joked as she shook my knee playfully.

"Shut up," I mumbled as I swatted her hand away lazily. Seifer chuckled.

I took notice of the tired look in all of their eyes and couldn't help but feel guilty.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"5 A.M.," Selphie replied.

"Oh shit," I mumbled. "I must have been out for a while."

"Yeah. I was worried you had a concussion," Seifer replied.

"Seifer stayed with you the whole night," Kadowaki said as an aside as she dug through some nearby cabinets.

The whole night? Seriously? I couldn't help but smile and I'm sure my cheeks flared red a little.

"Really?" I asked, not knowing what else to say. He nodded and smiled a dashing smile that made me melt like some pre-teen seeing her favorite boy band in concert.

I felt a secret nudge from Selphie against my shoulder, hinting at what I was already thinking.

"Well," Selphie began looking between me and Seifer, "I'm exhausted. Bed time for me." That was abrupt and completely insincere. It was more than a little obvious she just wanted to grant me and Seifer some 'alone time.'

I waved Selphie goodbye and she did the same. When Seifer was turned away from her she began making frantic gestures pointing to Seifer then to me with fingers locking with other fingers in some kind of completely retarded form of sign language. I could only stare back bewildered. Seifer caught sight of my staring and followed my eye line to see Selphie acting like an idiot. She quickly halted her bastardized finger spellings and moved out of the infirmary as if nothing had happened.

"Sorry," I said with a small smile, "Selphie's pretty weird sometimes... a lot... all the time. She's just weird all the time." That statement meant to come out very casually and smoothly but it got jumbled in my embarrassment from the situation.

"I think she's funny, actually," he replied looking towards the direction she had just exited from.

"Yeah..."

A brief but poignant silence hung between us.

"Do you want me to take you back to your dorm?" He offered.

"Oh, it's all right, thank you. You've been more than helpful and have gone far beyond the call of duty. I think I can handle it from here," I said as I slowly lifted myself up.

He saw my unsteadiness and placed his palm beneath my back, helping me up. I blushed and tensed at the contact. His hand was so large and powerful. It felt like it was almost half the size of my back.

I pushed my legs over the side of the bed and stood. I took a breath, realizing how much better I felt just standing up.

"You sure you don't need help back to your room?" He asked again.

"Oh no, really. I'm fine," I responded.

"Walk her to her dorm, Seifer," Kadowaki commanded from the next room over. "What if she faints in the halls? No one will be there to notice you, dear," she reminded me thoughtfully. Was she trying to match us up, too? Kadowaki would never say a thing like that. She would make any patient in a case like mine stay here until at least a decent hour.

"See? Even she agrees. Two against one," Seifer said with a coy smile.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, making sure he would take notice.

"Fine," I conceded. "But don't try and do anything shady or I'll kill you," I threatened.

"Just like that tree out there? Yeah man, that thing was just charging you. Thank god you shot your pinwheel straight into its trunk. That just stopped it dead in its tracks."

"That wound, Seifer, is still very fresh and that comment stung," I said.

"Sorry, sorry. But it really was a great offensive move against that nefarious tree."

"I almost died and all you can do is joke?" I questioned, placing my hands to my hips.

"You're not the only life that was threatened out there," he reminded. "Don't forget that I was the one who actually fought that monster."

"Yes, and thank you for doing so. Because I'm just a little girl and I'm just oh so weak and fragile and I need a big strong man to take care of me, right?" I teased as I swooned melodramatically.

"Apparently. You couldn't even pull this out of a tree," he mocked as he picked up my pinwheel from the night stand near the bed. He extended it out to me and I snatched it from him.

"Can we just go," I said as I turned away from him with a huff. He chuckled.

"Yeah," he said and we left.


	9. Super Nova

Chapter 9: Super Nova

Seifer was adorable. He was everything I originally saw in him in the Infirmary that one day. I had completely forgotten about the issues that had bothered me about him. I realized I had blown that whole fight-thing with Squall way out of proportion. I realized I didn't know the circumstances surrounding it so I couldn't exactly point fingers as to who had the most blame, so I just dropped my animosity all together. I mean, it takes two start a fight now doesn't it? Right? Sure.

I mean, it was really no wonder why Seifer and him didn't get along. Seifer's personality was very strong after all, maybe even a little overbearing. He had such a presence that he could command whole rooms of people by just stepping through the door. And Squall... well, Squall was Squall. Uncaring and indifferent in that stubborn Squall way. He would never let Seifer's personality win him over and I bet Seifer took that as an affront to him. I wondered how long they had been friends... or were they enemies? Frienemies. They were probably frienemies. Girls have those sick sort of relationships all the time. I'm sure it must have translated over into the world of testosterone.

Even though I pondered quite a bit about Squall and Seifer, I never brought it up with Seifer. It was killing me on the inside though. I knew that on one drunken night it was just going to come up. And it was going to be sooner rather than later because Seifer and I had been hanging out a lot lately. Ever since he had walked me home we had almost been inseparable. Everyday we would meet up for lunch or go into town or just chat. Selphie got along great with him, probably because she thought I was trying to score with him, which was kinda true. Zell, on the other hand, abhorred the idea. Once he discovered our friendship he refused to talk to me until I stopped hanging out with Seifer, but he got bored and gave up after two days. But he still went to great pains to make sure that I knew he hated the idea of me being around Seifer.

"Why?" I finally asked him.

"He's an awful person," he exclaimed as if that was all the clarification that was needed.

"I'm a rational kind of person, Zell. I need precedence. Give me some evidence to support your claim," I said as we stopped in front of a hot dog vendor in town.

"I didn't think friends needed 'evidence.' I'm telling you he's bad news. Leave him alone," he instructed simply.

"I'm not gonna stop hanging out with him until you tell me why," I reminded. I was getting a little bit irritated. I was beginning to think he didn't even no why he hated Seifer.

He payed for his hot dog and gave a loud, irate sigh. He paused for a moment and thought it over.

"Never mind," he conceded and turned away from me.

"What? 'Never mind?'" I laughed. He couldn't be serious. "This is your chance to prove to me he's a giant piece of shit and you're throwing it away? Just tell me."

He paused, took a bite from his newly acquired hot dog and looked up at me. "Forget it."

I sighed and conceded. Whatever it was he had on his mind he wasn't going to tell me, no matter how hard I pushed.

But the conversation made me consider what could possibly be bad about Seifer. I mean, really, why didn't Zell like him? Zell was a good, upstanding person who liked pretty much everyone he met. Something had to be wrong with Seifer. Or maybe something was wrong with Zell? Maybe there were more Seifer haters like Zell around Garden. I had to do some investigation.

I poked and prodded the people in my classes for information about Seifer, but nobody seemed to know much. They knew he 'kicked Squall's ass' months ago and that he and Squall hated one another, but that was about it. I asked Kadowaki who seemed to know everyone and everything, but she too wasn't the least bit helpful.

"Why do you ask?" She gave me a sly look. I blushed a little which made her chuckle a little.

"I'm just curious. No one seems to know anything about him."

"Why do you need to ask others when you can ask him directly?" She obviously didn't understand what I was trying to learn about Seifer. I was trying to dig up dirt, not figure out where he was born.

"Um," I began and paused momentarily, searching for the right words to explain the situation. She caught on to my darker motives though.

"You're not looking for any basic kind of information, are you?"

"... No," I conceded, a little ashamed.

"I wouldn't go around digging if I were you," she warned. This piqued my interest. I leaned closer to her, expecting something like he had murdered someone or something juicy like that. "You can always find someone who has something bad to say if you look long and hard enough. But it doesn't matter what they think of him," she reminded.

Thanks for the lecture, mom. But it was unnecessary. I already knew that.

This quest for evidence of a bad reputation was looking like a wild goose chase. Everyone was practically worthless. The only people who seemed to even know Seifer even the tiniest bit were Zell and.... I didn't dare think his name. Even casually passing over the name seemed almost blashpemous concerning this topic. But I knew that he would be the only one with any real knowledge on Seifer. But I knew confronting him about this subject would burn the delicate bridge that had just recently been laid between us. I wouldn't fuck that up for the world.... but my curiosity about Seifer seemed almost worth it. I needed to ask Squall.

I waited for him at his new secret spot that he had showed me previously. I felt bad for taking advantage of his secret he had shared with me so that I could corner him, but I knew that was the only way I was going to catch him. I waited there from six to nine until I was about to give up and go home. But no sooner had I accepted the loss of three perfectly good hours when I heard the delicate sounds of crunching earth below me. I peered over the railing to find Squall making his way up the side of the building. I stood back and waited for him to reach the balcony. He gracefully made it up the wall and over the rail and dusted himself off.

"Hey," I said casually. He yelled in surprise and threw his lighter at me in a pathetic attempt at self defense. It hit my chest and bounced off.

"What was that about?" I asked as I bent down and picked up the lighter.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked, still shaken up by the sudden shock I had given him.

"I came to ask you a question."

"Jesus," he wheezed. He took a breath then snatched the lighter away from me. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Apparently... you pussy," I mumbled under my breath.

He heard the comment. "What do you want?"

"I have a question to ask you," I stated again.

"What?" He asked as he pulled out a cigarette. He lit it and inhaled.

I decided to cut all of the usual bullshit out of the way and get right to the point.

"What's the deal with you and Seifer?" This caught him off guard. So much so in fact that he began to choke on the smoke he was inhaling at that moment. He spasmed into a violent coughing fit.

"Touchy subject?" I mocked. He glared at me through his coughs. He recovered soon enough.

"Why do you want to know?" He coughed out the last remnants of his mild seizure.

"Curious."

"Bullshit."

"What?"

"Bullshit," he repeated. He took a drag from his cigarette.

"What's bullshit about it?" I was becoming defensive, afraid that he had already seen right through me.

"I know that you two have been all chummy-chummy lately," he said sternly. He wasn't looking at me any longer. Fuck. He had seen us. I remained silent waiting for his next statement, but none came.

"So?" It was all I could manage to say without feeling like I had practically cheated on him. I knew it was nothing I should be ashamed about, but I couldn't help it. It kind of felt like I disappointed him and, to a certain extent, myself.

"So? So what? Do whatever the fuck you want but don't come around asking me for information on Seifer. I'm not going to give it to you."

"Why not?"

He shook his head, disgusted by this entire scene.

"I'm not your fucking encyclopedia on your boyfriend." He was angry.

"He's not my boyfriend. I just want to know if he's the kind of person I should be hanging around," I stated as simply as possibly. That was sort of true, I guess?

"Rinoa, what the fuck do you think?" He sounded exasperated at my stupidity which only irritated me.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you're a fucking idiot," he yelled. He had completely forgotten about his cigarette as the flame in it died.

"Don't be a brat, Squall. I seriously have no idea what you're talking about."

"You knew he was a fucking piece of shit before you even met him," he continued and I yelled back.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"This!" He brushed his bangs out of the way, revealing his scar. All my heated anger dropped as the sign appeared right before my eyes.

He was right. I was so stupid. The signs were there from the beginning. They were even there before the beginning. Seifer wasn't a good person to be around. I had the answer the whole time, I even knew it so many months ago. I had chosen to ignore it. Wanting to mortally wound a comrade, maybe even kill, was not a good thing to see in a friend.

"But why?" I asked. I wanted to know more about the situation. Because following that same logic I had used to denounce Seifer, I would need to cast Squall out too. What was so horrid about Seifer in particular. What made him different than Squall? Because I know that Squall had wanted to hurt him just as bad that day.

He wouldn't answer me. He just turned away.

"You know, you act like you're the victim in some crime or something. Using that scar to pass judgement on him." I was defending Seifer, something that Squall didn't like in the slightest. He gave me an icy stare and looked ready to leave.

"He fucking sliced my face open, Rinoa. If I hadn't backed up just that tiny little bit that last second my _brains_ would have been all over his gunblade, not just my blood."

"Oh, and you wouldn't have done the same to him?" I challenged. This silenced him. "Parading that scar around in front of me isn't going to inspire sympathy for much longer, and it certainly isn't going to give me reason enough to think Seifer a bad person."

"I'm not looking for your fucking sympathy. This," he pointed to his scar once more, "is the reason why you shouldn't hang out with him." I was done with this conversation. It was going nowhere. We were too stubborn about this subject. "And, you know..." he began, "I _wouldn't_ have hurt him."

"Oh, really?" I asked sardonically.

"Yeah. That little fight of ours was supposed to be training. We were training partners."

This piqued my interest and I paused.

"Seriously?"

He didn't respond.

"It's not my job to be telling you who's been naughty or nice," he said as he relit his cigarette. He peered out into the horizon where the last bit of light sucked beneath the horizon. "Do what you want with Seifer. He can't be all shit head. He does have friends." He glanced at his half smoked cigarette and dropped it to the floor. He stomped the fire out and smeared the remains of the tobacco around with his heel. With that, he left. Neither of us gave a goodbye and I felt more confused about Seifer than before. But I also felt like I had damaged Squall by asking him about it. It was too soon to start stabbing holes into our friendship. Those scars wouldn't heal anytime soon. But I think in his own, weird way, he gave me the green light to go ahead and try with Seifer.... whatever that was worth.

But the funny thing was I didn't want to anymore. Talking with Squall put a bad taste in my mouth about Seifer, again.

The next day Selphie and I were eating lunch together as we usually did and she was ecstatic about some new boy that had just rolled into Garden.

"Oh my God, Rin, seriously. You should see the face on this mother fucker." She emphasized 'fucker' so intensely that it made me choke on my soda. "He's so _fucking_ hot. I thought I was going to faint, seriously. I mean, shit, Rin, I seriously gasped out loud. When he walked through that door and into my classroom it just sucked my breath right out of my lungs. It was like an orgasm," she yelled with delight.

"Woah there Selph," I calmed, becoming increasingly aware of her heightening volume and the amount of heads that began to turn toward us. "Can we save orgasm talk for when we're, yah know, not around people."

"Sorry, but dude, for real..." She just couldn't get over it. I rolled my eyes as she gabbed on about it more but she suddenly stopped and peered behind me.

"What?" I asked. She just giggled.

"Hey!" a voice screamed into my right ear. I jumped about a mile off of my chair and nearly fell off, but a pair of large hands grabbed my shoulders and steadied me.

"Woah, sorry," came the voice again, now calm and delicate. I turned to find Seifer an inch away from my face. My heart beat sky rocketed as I felt his hot breath on my face. I can't even imagine how red my face looked but it must have been somewhere in the shade of a fire truck. I always thought he was attractive, but this close he was just... hot. So damn hot. So sexy. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to so bad. I could feel my lips naturally attracting to his like some kind of magnets were at work. I locked my eyes with his and he smiled so perfectly I swear he had just popped out of some fairy tale like a prince riding on a white stallion or a knight, his swo-

"Awkward," Selphie mumbled, breaking my day dream. I snapped back into reality at a speed that gave me whiplash.

"I, um," I mumbled like the village idiot, still not really taking in my surroundings.

"Sorry, Selph." He smiled at her and she waved a hand thinking nothing of it.

"That was just so, so..." Words escaped me.

"Surprising?" Selphie offered.

"Shocking?" Seifer added.

"A nice melange of the two," I answered bashfully.

"If I hadn't caught you you would have flown right through the roof," Seifer commented, his hands pressing even harder into my shoulders, reminding me of their presence.

"Hmm, yep," I mumbled like an asshole. I wanted to smack myself across the face for acting like such a retard. I saw Selphie roll her eyes.

"Say, what are you doing tonight?" he asked as he released my shoulders.

"Nothing!" I practically yelled, all too eager. "Nothing at all," I said bringing my volume down a few notches, trying to keep my cool.

"Would you want to do something with me later?"

"Fuck yeah," I exclaimed, an exuberant smile on my face. Selphie hid her face behind her hand, attempting to hide herself from the embarrassment that I was so unabashedly throwing out.

He laughed at the response. "Cool, I'll stop by your dorm at around seven. Is that okay?"

"Ha," I snorted. "Cha!" I said with a laugh.

He chuckled. "I'll see you at seven then." He smiled a brilliant smile and looked me in the eyes. I melted as I felt the warmth in his eyes heat me until I couldn't even think about being a solid mass any longer.

"Sounds good," I said with more composure than those last few dumb ass lines I had given him. He nodded, signaling my stareathon was over. He waved a goodbye to Selphie and she twiddled her fingers back at him.

Once he was gone my senses returned and I awoke from my phase of stupidity.

"God Rin, drool much?" Selphie mumbled.

"Oh my God," I said, reeling from that entire scene. "What did I just agree to?" There was something about tonight and Seifer? Maybe?

"You just bagged yourself a sexy hunk of man, that's what you agreed to!" Selphie squealed with delight.

"Am I really going on a date with him? I didn't hallucinate that?" I asked.

"No, no you did not."

"Seven," I recalled. "Shit, what time is it?"

Selphie glanced at her watch. "Four."

"That's just enough time to become hot."

"Do you need help? Oh please tell me you need help," Selphie practically begged. I nodded, we giggled stupidly and left.

-

-

-

-

The room was spinning. I had drunk too much. The loud noises in the bar that had sounded like nothing at all earlier were now piercing my skull like needles into a pin cushion. Lights blurred and faces blended into fuzzy ovals. People I had casually met just hours ago were no longer there former selves but silhouettes created by the multitude of shots I had inhaled.

The bar tender said something to me, something along the lines of 'had enough.' I nodded slovenly and slid off the stool unceremoniously. I stumbled a bit until I had found my balance which didn't end up lasting long. Some people patted me on the shoulder and I nodded back, confused. 'What's with the touching' I wanted to ask, but words eluded me.

Ugh, so much noise, so many lights. I felt sick. I was gonna throw up. I ran outside and found a nearby bush. I could taste all the alcohol I had consumed just hours before all over again. I felt like a dog, heaving out my insides into some unsuspecting shrubbery. I'd hate myself later for acting like a fifteen year old at a high school party, but at that moment I couldn't care less. I felt so much better with all that nausea out of my system, I felt like more drinks.

"Nope," I slurred out loud, denying myself any more alcoholic beverages.

I needed to get back to Garden. I wandered to the main drag of Balamb aimlessly, searching for a taxi. But my attempts were pathetic. I waved with a fling of my arm and stumbled. I managed to hail a taxi, though I have no idea how. I fell in and he mumbled something. I hoped it was something along the lines of 'where to' instead of 'get the fuck out.'

"Gawde...n," I instructed through a grotesque tasting burp. He understood me and drove off.

I don't remember the drive at all. I probably fell asleep. When I arrived I paid the man, probably over paid him, and stumbled out of the vehicle. I slowly made my way into Garden, holding onto the guard rails as I pulled my drunk ass along.

I somehow ended up in the Instructor's wing of the apartments. It must have been simply reflex that brought me back here. I knocked on the familiar door of 306. No answer. I knocked harder, pounding now. She was probably asleep but I wanted her. I wanted her so badly.

I heard her calls from within, telling me she was on her way but I continued to bang anyway.

"Christ, what's the em-" She stopped midway though her tirade when she looked up at my face. "Well, well, look what the cat dragged in," she taunted as she leaned against the door. She enjoyed seeing me beg, seeing me low enough for her to kick.

"I don't have time for this bullshit," I slurred as I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her in to her apartment. I pinned her against the wall and started kissing and sucking on her neck like it was my last day alive. Her skin was even smoother and milkier than I remembered. I savored every taste I could manage to squeeze out of this moment.

"I've missed this," I mumbled, taking a break from my wet kisses all over her nape, luxuriating in the sensuality I had missed out on for so many months.

"Me too," she said breathlessly as she lifted my shirt up and off. I could hardly feel the caress of her hands on my body, the alcohol prohibiting the full enjoyment of this moment. She tossed the shirt off and I quickly unfastened her bra like it was second nature.

The rest followed like a hideous blur. Like a roller coaster that lost its breaks at the top of the first drop. I was careening, falling and falling and falling. But that thrill of the plummet that echoes in your stomach, that feeling that holds your scream in your throat, was vibrating in the pit of my abdomen and I didn't want it to leave. I had forgotten how much fun there was to be had by letting go of the bars and throwing your hands up. And here I was, arms raised and hurdling towards the end of the ride. I'd regret it, this slip in judgement. But I couldn't help myself tonight.

-

-

-

-

Oh God, what was this? The sixth? Eighth? Tenth maybe? I couldn't even count how many glasses of wine Seifer had poured me over the course of our date. But counting was superfluous when you were this trashed anyway. Fuck! Heels were such a bad choice for tonight.

"... It's really not that bad though," Seifer finished. What were we talking about? Oh my God, why was I this fucking wasted? This was awful. I couldn't even talk or engage him in any sort of conversation.

"Hm," I mumbled. It was really all I could say.

He paused. "Are you okay?" he asked, sounding concerned. Um, how about I'm obliterated because you force fed me an uncountable amount of glasses of wine.

"Hmm," I nodded.

"You sure? You look a little green," he commented.

"I'm just..." I paused and turned to him and smiled. "I'm just super wasted."

"Oh no!" he laughed and I smiled at his humor. At least he was having a good time.

"I'm shorry but," I paused, catching my breath and trying desperately not to burp. "I have _got_ to take off my heelsh," I slurred. "They hurt like a bitch."

"Oh totally." He held me as I slipped my shoes off. I stumbled a little but he caught me in his arms and I smiled an even wider smile at him. "You're adorable when you're drunk," he commented quietly.

"You're adorable all the time," I slurred right back at him. That was such a bad line. Fuck you alcohol! You ruin my game.

He laughed at the comment.

"Are you not drunk at _all_?" I asked.

"Um, I'm a little tipsy," he confessed. Oh great. He was under control and I was looking like that drunk girl at the party that everyone hates.

"Fuck... I got too drunk," I pouted.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have given you all that whine. I didn't even realize how much I had given you until the bottle was gone."

"No no no no no no. It's not your fault. I'm the one who was stupid enough to drink it," I laughed. He smiled and my heart melted. I stared at him for the briefest of moments and the alcohol made me bold. I leaned in and kissed him. I just barely grazed his lips in the shortest, weakest of pecks but my point was clear enough. I pulled away slowly and his lips followed mine. He bent in and returned my kiss, but his was much stronger. He knew what he wanted. He bent his lips to fit mine and I matched his movements. His tongue grazed my lips and I felt my knees buckle beneath me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he grabbed my waist in a tight squeeze. I couldn't move, but I didn't want to. We stood there making out for who knows how long.

After our very public display of affection we returned to Garden. He walked me back to my dorm like the dignified man he was. I think we talked about something. Were we holding hands? I don't know. I was too wasted to notice much of anything at all. But the next thing I knew we were in my room and I was pressed against the wall. His tongue was in my mouth and his hand on my hip. In sobriety this wouldn't have happened. It would have been a pleasant peck on the cheek and that would have ended the night. But alcohol opened the flood gates, letting any and all of my inhibitions fly out the window.

I could hardly understand what was going on. I could barely feel his body against mine, let alone comprehend what his hands were doing to me. We were on the bed in a flash, tossing the remainders of our clothes off. I couldn't enjoy the sensuality or relish in the excitement of what was going on. All I could think was 'stop, I'm too drunk to be doing this.' But words never came. Nor did the pleasure. I was stuck in this horrific limbo of being unable to deny or accept the situation. I felt confused and sick. But I didn't want him to stop, and I didn't want him to keep going. I just wanted to go to sleep and for this all to be over.

-

-

The next morning I woke up earlier than I had hoped. I looked to the watch I was stilling wearing from my date last night. It was eight. I rolled over to find Seifer long gone. His clothes were missing and the imprint of his head on the pillow next to me remained. I gently traced the outline of the grooves and smacked the pillow back into shape. I sat up and my hangover caught up with me like a back handed slap. I drooped my head into my palm and closed my eyes, attempting to settle the pain that had been awoken. And then I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I started crying. I didn't even know why. But what started out as sniffles and single tears turned into choking sobs. I couldn't stop, though it wasn't like I wanted to anyway. All I could do was curl my knees into my chest and cry into my sheets. I felt crippled. I felt sick. I felt stupid. I laid in my bed for the rest of the day, unable to function.

No goodbye and no call. Just drunk sex. But it felt like that wasn't what I was even crying about, yet there was no other reason. I was trying to deny the cheapness that I felt. I wondered how he felt about it. What did he think of me? What did he think of last night? Was there any point in thinking about it? There wasn't, but I couldn't stop.

I ignored the calls from Selphie and pretended I wasn't home when she came knocking. I couldn't bring myself to admit what had happened; what I let happen. I felt ashamed enough just thinking about it so saying it out loud would just be the icing on the cake that I could honestly deal without. I wanted to jump off a cliff. I needed a cigarette.

I slipped out of my room late that night. I'm sure I looked like a disgusting mess. I had been crying for who knows how long so I wasn't planning on looking like a super model, and didn't feel like caking a ton of make up on to make me look like one.

I made my way to the secret area in the training center and prayed no one would be there. But my prayers weren't answered. As I approached the entrance, a loud bang sounded from the balcony. It startled me and I gasped as I jumped back a foot. I paused momentarily, waiting for another sound to come, but nothing. I put a foot forward and pushed some of the foliage out of the pathway and peered out. Squall was there. Surprise, surprise. He was sitting in a corner, his knees bracing his elbows as he held his forehead in his palms while a cigarette dangled from betwixt his fingers.

I crept out and stared at him for a moment, wondering if he would notice my presence. He didn't.

"Um," I began meekly as to not scare him. It didn't, in fact he didn't even flinch at my words. "Squall?" I asked again. This caught his attention.

He looked up and he ran his hands through his hair and gave an irritated sigh. He took a drag from his cigarette, exhaled and laid his legs and arms flat against the ground.

"It was only a matter of time before you would show up," he mumbled.

"Hm?" I wondered through a meek mumble.

"I've been out here for hours, I was wondering when you'd show up."

"Hm," I replied, uninterested. I moved to the ledge, on the opposite side of the balcony and lit the cigarette I had carefully stashed in my pocket. I took a drag, but the satisfaction didn't follow. Just smoke. Just smoke filtered into my body and exhaled out. That's all this cigarette was. I looked at the fragile wrap of paper in my hands. I sighed at the realization of how feeble this piece of nothingness was. I sighed again and I felt tears welling up all over again. Oh christ, I was such a mess. Crying over the insignificance of a cigarette. I sniffled, feeling the tears reaching into my nostrils. I tried taking another drag, but it didn't taste the same. It tasted like choking emotions and pent up tears.

I didn't understand. We had sex. That was all. I had had sex before, so it wasn't some issue of deflowering... I just felt so, so.... cheap. Maybe because he wasn't there the next morning. That was half the fun of sleeping with someone anyway. Waking up to them and lying around in bed for a while. Even the shittiest of guys I had known back in Deling stayed until I woke up, or at least woke me up. But Seifer, who masqueraded as such perfection couldn't even be bothered to notify me it was all over.

Something gross and salty touched my lips and I was shaken from my lonesome pity party. I touched my face and realized I had been crying. I quickly wiped my face but it was too late. The tears were streaming down my face now. I leaned against the railing and pushed my palms into my eye balls, begging my tear ducts to cease and desist.

I heard shuffling come from my side and foot steps approached me. They stopped and I felt Squall's presence next to me. I looked up to find him smoking a foot or so away from me, peering out into the darkness.

I looked away from him, praying he wouldn't notice my red, swollen eyes but it was hard to miss.

"Rough day?" he offered quietly.

I sniffled. "Sure."

"Care to share?"

I remained quiet. I couldn't talk without bursting into sobs.

"Guess not," he mumbled. I couldn't be here. I was about to explode into a mess of tears any second, and that was the last thing I wanted Squall to see. Just let me be alone and sulk. I quickly stomped my cigarette to the ground and turned in a hurry, Squall watching me with a curious stare all the while. I walked for the exit, getting ready to burst into tears once I passed that foliage and out of Squall's sight.

"Rinoa," he called to me as I was about to push through. His voice caught my feet where they stood. His tone held a kind of emotion I hadn't heard from him before and I couldn't place it. I turned to him, my vision completely blurred by the wall of tears that had accumulated.

"Hm?" I managed in a quaking voice.

"... Are you okay?" he asked with so much concern I felt my heart melt.

My face crumpled in a desperate attempt to keep from crying. I opened my mouth in an attempt to respond with a pleasant 'yes' but nothing came.

"Uh," I managed. Through the thickness of my fog of tears I saw worry in the deep recesses of his eyes. He'd never admit to it, but I saw it there. I couldn't keep this up anymore. "No," I mumbled as I let out a sob. The wall of tears that I had fortified so well came crumbling down upon my cheeks. I began to sob and choke and I covered my mouth with my hand in a pathetic attempt to stop.

He stepped forward me awkwardly, not knowing how to approach the situation. He took another step and he reached out and put a hand upon my shoulder. I cried harder and he moved a little closer. I began to choke on my sobs and I grabbed onto his waist almost instinctively. He tensed up and was probably made terribly uncomfortable by the situation but I didn't care. It just feels nice to have someone to cling onto when you're feeling like that, to make you realize that support exists if you can just reach out and grab on to it. He patted my back curiously and slowly moved his arms around me. I cried for another moment, but cooled down as I felt the warmth of his chest against my cheeks and the heat of his hands upon my back. It was the calmest and most collected I had been all day. My breathing returned to normal and my senses regained their recognition of the outside world.

"Are... you okay?" he asked quietly.

"Uh-huh," I mumbled. I released my grip on his waist and he removed his hands from my back. "Thank you," I said, embarrassed.

"Sure," he responded.

"I need to sit down," I said, feeling a little light headed and I wiped the remains of the tears away. I sat down right where I was, but that proved uncomfortable so I laid on the cold, hard ground. Squall was curiously staring down at me but I looked right past him and up into the night. There were so many stars out tonight. I'm sure I must have looked totally bizarre. Bursting into tears, hugging and then falling on the floor. I must have seemed psychotic.

"Wow," I mumbled. Squall followed my lead and looked up. "This is so calming," I noted as I traced patterns I saw in the stars with my fingers. I looked to him and he peered back at me. I patted the ground next to me. "You've got to be looking from this vantage point. Lie down with me." The reluctance was easy to read in his eyes, but against his better judgement, he lied down next to me.

There was a moment of silence as we star gazed.

"It makes me feel so tiny," he commented. "It makes you ask yourself 'why even bother feeling the way you do?' Because in the big picture, it doesn't matter. We're just a rain drop in this universe's massive ocean."

"I guess," I noted. I dropped my hand that had been tracing imaginary lines and let it rest on my stomach.

"Sorry, that probably didn't make you feel any better," he commented. I chuckled.

"It doesn't matter. You're not here to keep my morale boosted."

There was a bit of silence.

"What were you doing out here so late?" I asked.

"Same as you. Moping," he answered.

"About what?"

"Mistakes."

"We have that in common," I commented. I rolled my head to face him. "What did you do?"

"You first." I sighed. This was going to be hard, nigh impossible. I didn't want to talk about my goings on with Seifer with him, but he would be the best one to commiserate with. I tried to think of a way to phrase this properly, but there wasn't one. I rolled my head back up to look at the sky.

"We, um, Seifer and I that is," oh god this was hard. I felt like crying again. "Well, uh, I got really drunk, too drunk and one thing lead to another and we, yah know... _did it_, and then he left, just decided to leave in the middle of the night, and I haven't heard from him since." That was awful. That was like experiencing it all over again.

"I'm sorry," Squall consoled as genuinely as he could.

"Me too. I'm sorry I didn't take your advice from the other day."

"You didn't know. I didn't know. Nobody knew."

"I guess," I mumbled. I rolled my head over to him again. "Why are you here?"

"Sadly enough, almost the same thing," he scoffed.

"You had sex with Seifer?" I asked, hoping to lighten the mood. He didn't smile, but I could feel the tension ease, if only for a moment.

"I fucked an old... flame," he explained, carefully selecting the appropriate words.

Now, this surprised me. I couldn't even imagine Squall as a sexual person, let alone him actually dating anyone.

I propped myself up, deeply interested in this new information.

"And, that's bad?" I asked, trying to get all the facts straight.

"Yes."

"Why?" I asked.

He didn't answer and I wasn't surprised. He would tell me in time, if he wanted to at all.

We were silent for a while, just star gazing until Squall sighed and rolled over on his side, facing away from me. The movement was so sudden it was a little startling. I eyed him curiously, but remained quiet. He stayed motionless for a moment then as quickly as he changed positions he stood up and walked to the railing.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly as he picked myself up.

"I've been trying to get rid of her for years. Years. _Years_." He couldn't seem to get over that fact. A moment of quiet passed through us, but it was quickly broken by a loud growl from Squall. His fist balled up, raised it above his head as if to strike someone before him, but with no one present he smashed his hand into the metal railing. A sickening crack sounded and he cursed his pain as he doubled over.

"Holy shit!" I yelled as I ran to his hunched over body. "What the fuck was that?" I asked, flabbergasted that he would do such a thing. I gently put a hand to his shoulder but he jerked it off. But I was more adamant about seeing his hand than him shirking my kindness. I grabbed his shoulder once more and pulled him towards my direction. This time he didn't try and shake me off. I gently held his damaged hand in mine. It was trembling.

"God dammit," he mumbled through clenched teeth.

I examined it closely. "Well," I began, "I don't think it's broken. I'm pretty sure you just kicked the shit out of it. But, then again, I'm... not a professional. You'll have to see Kadowaki in the morning."

He pulled his hand away from me and tried to clench, which ripped another growl of pain out of him.

"Stop. Just let it rest." I put a hand over his and he seemed to get the hint.

We paused for a moment as I continued to examine his hand.

"You know," he began, with more calm than I was expecting.

"Hm?" I asked as he pulled his still trembling hand away from me.

"You're lucky that this is the first and last time with Seifer." I looked up at him curiously.

"What do you mean?"

"I've been doing this kind of shit with her for years. I can't stop."

"Having sex?"

"Yeah," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry. I know how it feels to be stuck in a rut like that." He didn't make eye contact with me. I continued. "I know it seems like the way out is too steep to climb, but it's possible."

"Wow. Thanks." Sarcasm dripped from his words.

"Trying to help." I backed away from him a bit. "I know it's the last thing you want to do, but I'm always around if you want to talk."

"You're right. That's the last thing I really want to do." His face twisted in pain as he attempted to move his hand once more. "But thanks," he said, talking through the distraction of his injury. I smiled a small, hopeful smile, hoping that he would someday take up my offer.

"You know, I had been feeling awful all day. But being around you, I feel like I can breathe again."

"Same," he replied as he continued to gently flex his hand. My smile widened.

A brilliant idea clicked into my head.

"Okay, so this may be a bit pushy, but," I began, already reading the hesitation in his eyes. "We could hang out all night. We could pull an all-nighter! I have a ton of movies we could watch and I have tubs of ice cream in my mini-fridge for just such an occasion."

"You're kidding," he replied sternly.

"I'm serious. It could be just the thing we need. We obviously need each other to go on surviving, and there is no better way to cope with shitty days than a fucking _tub_ of ice cream and a crappy movie."

"Last time you said the best way to get rid of a hangover was to eat food that gave you diarrhea. I'm not a big fan of your coping methods."

"You just have a weak stomach. C'mon," I pleaded.

"I'm not one of your girlfriends," he reminded me callously.

"Could have fooled me," I mumbled. The words had totally slipped and I bit my lip as I eyed Squall's reaction. He glared back at me for a moment, then looked off another way, his eyes still holding a grudge against me.

"Okay, okay... so maybe that is something I would do with Selphie, but I can offer you an ice pack." To this he reacted more positively. "Yeah, sounds appealing now, huh?"

"Fine," he conceded and I gave myself a silent congratulations on winning him over.

"Perfect, because that ice pack has just been dying to be used. It's so cold, it's all like, 'Oh man, it's so cold in this mini-fridge. I wish someone could injure themselves so I could get a little warmer'" I said as I moved towards the exit.

"Stop talking." I didn't.


	10. Maybe I'm a Lion

"Wow," I mumbled to a sleeping Rinoa. "Way to pull an all nighter with me." The movie had ended hours ago and I had been quietly watching TV. It was getting to be light outside already. I debated sleep, but I had passed the point of no return. If I slept now, I wouldn't wake up 'till at least noon or one which would equate to a complete waste of a day, but the day was already a lost cause anyway. I decided to try and stay up, mainly for masochistic purposes. Sleep was surrender.

My hand still hurt like a bitch, but the ice pack kept the swelling down, at least. I looked down to my self-inflicted retardation and shook my head sadly, hating my own stupidity. Dumb ass. I flexed it tenderly and the pain crept back into me, but at least it didn't hurt as bad as it had earlier. I sighed.

I grabbed the remote and switched the crappy television show I had been watching off. Silence and darkness blanketed the room. But in the absence of the TV, the soft sounds of a sleeping girl and the tiny chirps of birds crying out for the inevitable sunrise filtered through the room. Soft, pale blue light from a threatening sunrise partially lit the room as warm morning air wafted through the open window. It was... calming.

Sitting in that precious silence made me realize how rare it is for me to be calm. Calm... kind of a strange word to me, actually. God, I sound like a caveman. Gur, what be calm? No. I just sound like a student at Garden. I couldn't figure out what was sadder. The fact that it had to be this way: always on the edge of your seat, never able to take a load off... or the fact that I didn't care. It didn't matter though. It was pointless to over analyze it. So I just sat there instead and debated on whether or not I should leave her. Should I leave? No, no. That's fucked up. But... I didn't want to stay in her bed.

I stood up and the subtle movement caused the bed to shake and made Rinoa stir. She rolled further to the other side of the bed. It looked almost like a sign for me to stay.

... Should I? I felt bad for her. Really bad. I could relate with her on so many levels. The nights spent with Quistis were ones of horrific train wrecks and the mornings that followed were always filled with the anguish of searching through the rubble of the crash site. Especially last night. I become a whole other person when I get that drunk. I become 16 all over again. 16, a year where every night was filled with Quistis and our ridiculousness. A year when I actually engaged people and interacted positively with the world outside. How quickly everything can change in 3 years.

I slumped back into bed with Rinoa and slid under the covers. I stared at the back of her head for longer than I cared to. I couldn't help but feel a need to protect her from what an age like 16 can bring. But it wasn't my place to stand in her way to make the mistakes that she needed to make. After all, you'll never know not to play with fire until you've been burnt.

I dreamt that night about Quistis, who was no stranger to my sleeping world. But what about I can't remember. Yet the circumstances are unimportant anyways. Just the fact that I was dreaming of her was enough to make me wake up a few hours later, if even for the briefest of moments, and reflect. I couldn't help it. Whenever I'd dream of her, I'd wake up and think, 'Can she stop coming back now?' Because I knew that every time I saw her I wasn't over what had transpired between us. I felt ridiculous and immature. She was hateful now, nothing like the Quistis I had known. I figured that the woman I knew 3 years ago was different than the woman who tortured me now. Old Quistis had moved to a different city and New Quistis had moved in and taken her place.

These thoughts never bothered me during the day time though. Only at night. Only in privacy. So waking up to Rinoa's face after seeing Quistis so vividly was a shock. Rinoa's head was closer than before and she was facing me now. She must have moved during the night.

I suddenly felt naked and exposed. I had dreamed and thought of these horrid secrets so close to her. I felt like she knew what I was thinking and was judging me for it. It was as if she lied there, faking sleep silently laughing at me and my foolishness behind her closed eyes. I rolled over and faced the wall, hating the thought. My eyes found the wall far less judgmental to my plight but I could still feel Rinoa's presence so close to my body. It took me hours to find sleep again, thoughts of worry over her body lying so close to me constantly hounding me. Only with exhaustion did my eyes finally decide to listen to reason.

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I woke up at nine, much to my delight. I stretched the sleepiness away and lied still for another moment. I sat up and took notice of the sleeping mass next to me.

"Squall?" I asked, amazed that he had stayed. I wasn't expecting a response, obviously, but my sheer amazement shocked my vocal chords into verbalizing my astonishment. I smiled at his kind gesture. He didn't want to be another Seifer.

I repositioned myself and made sure to not stir him too much. I slipped my legs back under the covers and I bent closer to his sleeping form. But... something seemed wrong. He looked so much more natural and more tranquil. I bent down closer to him and examined his face. Oh my God. No wonder he looked so relaxed. He was smiling. It was just so rare. It wasn't any kind of teeth bearing grin that Zell had or some room illuminating smile that Selphie always had on. It was an understated, little smile. Just a modest reminder to me that his lip muscles still had the capacity to perform such a function.

"Oh," I began in the tiniest of whispers, "what ever could you be dreaming about?"

I stared for a moment longer... and then another moment, and then I couldn't look away. My hand suddenly stirred to life beside me and discreetly moved to his face. It hesitated before him, as if to expect a great snap from the animal's maw. But finding courage, it descended slowly upon his cheek. It touched down tenderly on his skin and I swallowed lightly as I continued to stare at the smile that adorned his tranquil face. My finger tips gently applied more pressure to his cheek and I felt his soft skin. He shifted gently, but leaned into my touch so that my hand tenderly cupped his peaceful face. His small crease of a smile widened and mine expanded with it. My fingers moved their way across his fair skin until it was my palm that rested against him. It rested there for a brief moment and the heat from his skin began to heat my palm. And with the heat came an odd burning. The burning of reality. I ripped my hand from his cheek, suddenly embarrassed and slightly ashamed of what I had just been doing. I turned over, my back now facing him and shut my eyes, hoping to just let sleep whisk me off again.

-

-

I was running down a hallway. I was so out of breath. Zell was screaming about the hot dogs and I screamed something back at him. It was night... No, wait. It was day. Yeah, definitely day time. A ringing from my pocket halted my running and I skidded to a stop and pulled out the culprit of this obnoxious ringing. I produced my cell phone and flicked the screen open.

"Hello?" I cried hurriedly. Zell was waiting for me and I just had to get to those hot dogs. No reply came. "Hello? Is anyone there?" I continued to yell. "We're in trouble! I need help!" I began to scream, desperately.

My eyes suddenly shot open and reality came crashing down like a brick cracking my skull open. My dorm phone was ringing a shrill ring from my desk, I had just woken up from a ridiculous dream by my own screaming and I was holding Squall's cigarette pack against my ear. I threw the pack down and shook my head violently, hoping to toss the deliriousness off me. I reached for the phone, but in the process ended up jabbing an elbow into Squall's abdomen. He wheezed abruptly as he was hurled from his world of sleep back into waking life.

"What the fuck?" he mumbled irritated as he pushed my elbow off him. I ignored him and reached over him for the phone. I ripped it from its base, determined to answer it.

"Hello?" I screamed before I could even get the phone near my face.

"Rin? Rin!?" It was Selphie. She sounded surprised.

"Duuuuude," was all I could mumble, still reeling from that dream about hot dogs. "Kinda early, don't ya think?" I groggily noted.

"Huh? Oh my God, you've been doing drugs. She's been doing drugs!" she announced to someone away from the phone.

"What? Selphie? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Jeez, Rin. It's three!" she said, aghast.

"No way." I looked at the clock on my nightstand and the time was, sure enough, 3:27 PM. I quickly took notice of the warm breeze filtering through the room from my open windows and the sunlight pouring onto the ground. Holy crap. How long did we sleep for? 'We?' ... Squall! I remembered the body I had just assaulted with an elbow and pulled myself up to look at his face. It seemed like he was trying to find the path back to sleep but that was not going to happen now.

"Squall!" I yelled. "Get up! It's 3:30!"

"Whatever," he mumbled and turned his head into my pillow.

"What!?" Selphie shrieked from the phone. "Squall's there too!? What the fuck have you been up to?"

"Long story," I mumbled under my breath. "Here, just come by in 20 minutes and I'll tell you."

"Zell's coming, too," Selphie demanded.

"Yeah, whatever." I tossed the phone back into its base and flopped down onto the bed.

"Get off me," Squall demanded. I was on his stomach.

"Sorry," and I scrambled off him, back onto my side.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, wondering what to do now.

"So," I began to Squall. I didn't care if he was trying to sleep anymore. He had slept too much by now anyway. "Selphie and Zell are coming over in 20. If you don't want to deal with them I suggest you leave now." He didn't budge. He was either asleep or didn't care if he was seen. Probably the former though. I sighed again and jumped off the bed.

Selphie and Zell came a few minutes later, ignoring my request for a brief respite before their arrival.

"You're earlier than I thought you'd be," I noted.

"Psh, this is too juicy to wait," Selphie reminded. I rolled my eyes but let them in anyway.

"So? You fucked Squall, didn't you?" Zell asked, followed by a deep laugh.

"Why don't you say that a little louder," I began and I pointed to Squall, his head beneath a pillow. "I don't think he heard you."

"Oh..." Zell mumbled, in complete shock that he might have actually been correct.

"Did you?" Selphie asked practically drooling at thought of the juicy gossip she would no doubt be swimming in.

"No, no no." I shook my head.

"Boring," Selphie mumbled and took a seat at my desk.

"Well, what happened to Seifer?" Zell asked.

"Hmmm," I mumbled, not looking forward to this story. I was surprisingly not as torn up about it as I thought I would have been though. I was almost sure that when I would inevitably tell them about the night, I would burst into a mess of tears just like I had done with Squall.

I turned back towards Squall, sleeping soundly beneath a mess of sheets and pillows. I looked at the two and made a nod towards the door, gesturing our leave.

"Let's let him sleep," I said, hushed as I grabbed sandals from my closet and slipped them on.

"Oh yeah, I bet he was so busy last night," Selphie commented with a nudge and a wink.

"Seriously, nothing happened. Trust me, you'd be the first to know if something did actually happen." I opened the door for them and they exited with Selphie taking one last look at the sleeping boy.

"I can't believe you didn't bang him," she said, a little louder than I think she might have intended.

"Selphie!" I said through gritted teeth, trying to shut her up about the subject, at least until we were in a more private area. She giggled at my bashfulness.

We made our way to the Quad, and in the relative privacy of a bench on the far side of the courtyard, I told them what had happened. Everything from Seifer to this morning.

"Asshole!" That was Zell's fifth defamation of Seifer in the short fifteen minute retelling.

"Seriously, what a shit head," Selphie commented sympathetically as she tenderly rubbed my back in support.

"Yeah, I know right. But, I'm not as torn up about it as I thought I would be. I mean, yesterday was shit-tastic and I thought today would follow much in the same way, but..." I trailed off.

I wanted to explain to them why I didn't care anymore, but I couldn't. Was it that I was just getting older and wiser and coping with this kind of bullshit became easier? Or was it... Squall? I'd like to have thought the former, just so I could at least give myself a pat on the back, but something told me it was the latter. Squall was there to sit me back up when I had fallen off, and not only had he placed me back on he had strapped me in tighter than before, or at least that's what it had felt like. I smiled thinking of his spending the night. It was a nice gesture, a gesture I really needed.

A loud thunder of a snap in my ear returned me to reality. Selphie snapped her fingers at me again.

"Hello? Come in Rinoa, this is Selphie. We lost you for a second," she mocked as she waved a hand before my eyes. I swatted her hand away.

"Sorry, zoned out for a sec. I'm still pretty groggy." I rubbed my eyes with my finger tips.

Once the two were done bitching about Seifer and making crude comments about Squall being in my bed, Zell moved onto the next best discussion topic: food.

"I'm hungry," Zell whined for the third time.

"Yeah, we know. Stop talking," Selphie said, irritated.

"Okay, we can stop blabbing about this crap, I'm done talking about it anyways. Lunch?" I offered.

"Thank God," Zell mumbled as he stood, ready to walk off.

"You sure you okay?" Selphie asked, cocerned as she moved a little closer to me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'd feel even worse if I was grieving about it two days after the fact. I'm old enough to not have to shed too many tears on this kind of crap."

"Well... All right," she seemed unconvinced, but went a long with it anyway.

Much of our lunch was spent with Zell and Selphie feuding over a television show... or something. I didn't know. I was barely even there anyway. I kept losing focus on whatever they were gabbing about. My concentration was entirely on Squall. I wondered if he was still in my bed, still just sleeping the hours away, or maybe he had left? Knowing Squall, he probably just left when he realized I was the one who had ditched first, as if that was the "all clear" sign for him to jet. Or what if he was still there, waiting for me? Now that's just unrealistic. I mean, if I woke up in his bed and found him absent even I wouldn't stay around for long. Or, what if.....

I began to fidget anxiously. I wanted to get back to my room and see what Squall had done. Had he run or had he stayed? I wasn't even hungry anyway. I looked at the food in front of me and wished someone would just ask to finish it off for me. Zell, why aren't you being your normal self today? Ask to eat the whole fucking thing like you always do!

"Rin," Selphie started, shaking me from my thoughts. "Are you not hungry?"

"No," I said with a sheepish smile. She was still concerned and I hoped my smile would put her at ease, but I could tell she could see through the falsity of my pleasantries.

"Can I have the rest?" Zell asked, nearly instantly after I had replied to Selphie.

And just as fast as he had asked, I answered at break neck speed. "Yes!" I practically yelled, thrilled he had finally asked.

"Fuck yeah," Zell mumbled as he took the tray from me, as if he hadn't eaten in days.

"Zell, don't be such a pig," Selphie scolded but Zell took no notice. "Rin, are you su-" I cut her off.

"I'm fine, Selph. Look, I'm gonna get back now. I need to..." I didn't want to admit to my mild fixation over Squall, mainly for embarrassment purposes. "... Shower," I finished cooly. And with that I stood up from the table and made my way out.

"Call me!" Selphie cried after me. I turned, nodded, threw a hand up and waved my goodbyes to them.

-

-

I turned the lock, nervous for the exchange I was about to make with Squall. What would he say? What would we talk about? I should thank him, but would he- But all the queries I had for myself were cleared in an instant.

An empty, made bed with not even the foggiest resemblance of a body outline lay in the corner of the room. I looked about my dorm, searching for evidence that would prove to me he remained. In the bathroom? No. Had he stepped out momentarily? I doubted it. He had gone. But it wasn't crushing or heart breaking or really all that surprising. It was just... disappointing.

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Walking into this class on any given day was hard enough as it is, but today had special circumstances surrounding it. Not only had I fucked the teacher the night prior, but I was also ten minutes late.

"Shit," I mumbled as I looked back from my watch. I sped my walk up. I reached the door to the class and swung it open. The whole class fell silent for a brief moment, curious to see who had entered, then went back to the usual mumble and lecture that filled classrooms. As I made my way back to my seat, I couldn't help but notice students were turned away from the instructor's desk and instead their interest rested on their friends at neighboring desks. I took my seat and looked up to Quistis' desk, expecting scornful, yet knowingly playful eyes, watching my every movement. But there were none. She wasn't there.

I looked at my watch again. Ten after. I looked to the classroom's clock, checking if I had had the wrong time all along. No. Still ten after. She was late? She was never late. Maybe she had to drop something off with the administration? She over slept? Maybe she had informed the other students at the start of class she was going to be late? I looked among the rest of my classmates, curious to see if they showed any sign of alertness, as if they knew she would walk in any minute. But there was nothing. No one cared and appeared to prefer the absence. I leaned across the aisle and asked after Quistis to the two girls chatting away.

"Is she late?" I asked. Their conversation came to a crashing halt, as if their voices had just hit a tree going ninety. They looked at me with a mix of shock and confusion. I stared back, equally confused and they took the hint. They wiped the dumb looks off their faces.

"Er, well, um, I-" one girl fumbled. She was at a complete loss for words. What was her deal?

The other friend continued her thought. "She hasn't, um, shown up... yet?" Why did she make that a question? Were they nervous? Wow, they were. They were incredibly nervous, almost to the point of petrification.

"Okay. Thanks," I said quickly, not wanting this terrible exchange to continue any further. I saw them turn and look to one another as if they had just seen me eat a live animal with my bare hands.

What the fuck was their deal?

But then it hit me... I had never spoken to them before. In fact, I had never spoken to anyone in this entire room. I peered around the room and the gravity of that statement hit me. I had no idea who these people were, even their names alluded me. And I had been going to school with these people for more than one-third of my whole life! Those girls... they were acting so weird because they were nervous. Nervous of me. Was I really that... intimidating?

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"Okay," I began as I rummaged through my shoe racks. "How many will you buy me again?" I smiled towards Selphie and she gleamed back at me, happy that I was finally getting excited for this night out.

"Two," she said definitively. I gave her an incredulous look and she hastily revised the offer. "Three!" she stated, afraid to lose me to indifference.

"All right then! We've got a good night on our hands," I said with a smile and a nod.

"Hell yeah we do!" Selphie squealed. I pulled some heels out and Selphie gave an irate sigh. "I want to go dancing! Don't wear those heels," she said as she came over to my closet to find a good flat for me.

"You know, before I came to Garden, before this dress code bullshit, I wore heels practically everyday. I can run a fucking mile in these," I reminded her with a smile.

"Wow, no dress code," she mumbled, fascinated by the concept. "I came from a private school where we had to wear shitty uniforms, then I moved here for more freedom and found just more of the same shit. It's horrible," she mused. I slipped my four-inch heels on feeling sexier than I had in a long time, grabbed my clutch from the bed, and moved towards the door.

"Let's do this," I stated as I swung the door open for Selphie. She pranced out, thrilled about getting the night started.

Zell was kind enough to be our designated sober driver that night so we didn't have to all pitch in money for a cab. I questioned whether he would actually hold up the "sober" portion of his job title, but I didn't argue too heavily. I figured I'd just keep an eye on him. I had tried getting in touch with Squall to invite him out with us (I snuck into the infirmary's filing systems and found Squall's dorm phone number). But he was nowhere to be found. I had even come by his dorm (which I had also found in that same filing system) but he was absent. Either that or he was avoiding me. I decided not to dwell on it, as much as I wanted to, and resolved to just simply have fun for the night.

On the drive over, while Selphie took sips from her flask filled with rum and Zell continued to pump terrible, bass raping club music, my thoughts slipped back into the past few days' events. But more particularly, my encounter with Squall out in the secret area. I was so overcome by own, ridiculous and, in retrospect, childish grief that I hadn't even begun to ponder why he had been out there at the same time. And come to think of it, he wasn't looking that good. He looked like shit. I was just too blind to notice it at the time. What could have been wrong? I thought of everything from death of a family pet to failing an exam, but nothing seemed plausible enough for Squall. It felt like Squall needed something really special to be upset over. He wouldn't mope over some bullshit failed exam (as if he ever would fail anything in his entire life) or a dead animal. It'd would have to be something greater.

But I couldn't think a moment further as Selphie so rudely interrupted my thoughts.

"We're here!" she screamed as she tossed the flask up for a cheers, followed by a leg. She was already drunk and I could smell the rum on her.

"Oh god, no more for you," Zell mumbled as he stepped out of the car.

"You're not my dad, scrotum face!" she hissed back as she fumbled for the handle to the door. "This thing is a death trap," she mumbled as she continued to hunt madly for her method of escape.

Zell came around to her door and with a great, exasperated sigh opened the door for her. She promptly stumbled out and onto Zell who caught her with little effort.

"Come on, Stumbles. Let's go," Zell said as he steadied her with a hand placed squarely on the small of her back. I flanked Selphie so as to make sure she wouldn't fall flat on her face.

"I'm..." Selphie began. She looked at me with those signature drunk eyes. Those eyes that are completely glazed over and have just mysteriously become lazy, veering off in every direction. "I'm gonna find you... SUCH a hot man," she promised as she stabbed my ribs with a finger. I brushed her off playfully and smiled at her good humor.

"I'm not here for a man, I'm here to have fun," I reminded sternly. But I realized I wasn't reminding either of them, I was really reminding myself.

"Because those two things can never go hand in hand?" Zell questioned.

"As proven by the last few days, no," I said plainly and Zell conceded with a nod.

"Men are sooo fun! What are you talking about Rinny?" Selphie exclaimed. She was so trashed. She rarely called me Rinny when she was sober. "What would I do without penis in my life?" she asked.

Zell and I shared a look of surprise. We had never heard Selphie so publicly discuss sex, and so loudly at that. We received some looks from those nearby and I smiled politely.

"Let's talk about dick when we're in a bit of a more private area, shall we?" I encouraged as I guided her to the club entrance.

"Dick dick dick dick," she chanted, uncaring. We came to the bouncer and we paid our cover charge, but not before Selphie could yell Penis in his face and run off giggling into the club. He look pissed but Zell and I just shrugged, smiled and ignored the inevitable confrontation by slipping into the darkness after her.

Before I knew it I was shit faced. Selphie had bought all of my cocktails. All five of them. Fortunately for me, their strength lied in their tastes rather than their alcoholic content so I was saved from a night of black out drunk, thank god. Zell hadn't followed at our speed though, and _was_ blacked out. He slurred, stumbled, chatted languidly with uninterested strangers and was just a general mess. Like I suspected, he didn't hold up the "sober" part of being the sober driver. What an idiot.

"Oh, shit," he cursed with a chuckle as he lamely wiped at the spilled martini on the crotch of his pants. "It... looks like I pished myself." He smiled stupidly with glazed eyes. He leaned precariously from the stool he was on, looking as if he was about to fall right off. I steadied him as best I could.

Oh Jesus, I really didn't want to deal with his drunk ass tonight. I wanted to keep having a good time and get a few more drinks into my system before we dropped the curtain on this night. But it was too late, for me anyway. Selphie had left us for the company of a boy she had met earlier and escorted him to a table in the corner of the bar, where they were no doubt tongue wrestling. So it was just me and Zell, and Zell was completely incapacitated, which left me to take care of him. Joy of joys. But he had taken care of me when I was in his position, so, by drunk ethical code, I was indebted to him. I would have to take on this burden.

"Zell, " I began, trying to look into his eyes as he swayed back and forth. "Would you like to go home?" I tried to ask as plainly and directly as possible in an effort to pierce his barrier of liquor that barred him from real conversation.

He shook his head and after a moment slurred, "no."

"I think we should go. You don't look so well," I said simply. I gently took his face in my hands to keep it in place. It was making me sea sick just watching him.

"I'm... fine," he insisted. "Appletini!" he screamed to the bartender. The man sighed, irritated at the sudden command but complied nonetheless.

"An appletini?" I questioned. "At what point in the night did you switch genders?" I joked.

"You're such a... bitch," he said with a huge smile as he leaned towards me. But the lean turned into a clumsy fall into my lap. "I love you, you know? You're my best friend," he said as he snuggled into my dress.

"I love you too, but I think you need to go home and go to bed," I said as I picked him up. He gave me a huge frown but conceded with a nod. "Thank you."

The bartender dropped the Appletini off in front of Zell which he fortunately didn't notice. Afraid he would spot the drink and knock it back, I immediately snatched it and gulped it down. I gagged and made a twisted face but powered through it. I had never drunk something that strong so fast before. If I wasn't already totally belligerent, I was sure to be in the next ten minutes. I paid the bartender, hooked Zell around my shoulders and we made our way out.

I could already feel the affects of that appletini and immediately cursed myself for swallowing it in a single gulp. I needed to get in a cab within the next ten minutes or we would both end up passed out in the streets. I tried to hail a cab, but they ignored me.

"Shit," I mumbled, stumbling more and more as the seconds ticked away.

"I'm gonna throw up," Zell said, very sternly.

"What? Are you serious?" I cried. He nodded, his face now green. This threw a huge wrench in the plan. Crap. We'd never get a cab if they saw him puking his guts out all over the street. "Let's get to an alley." Ah, the alley, the drunk person's litter box.

We made our way to one next to the club and the second we were out of public view, Zell projectile vomited all over the side of the building. It was actually pretty impressive, if it wasn't so disgusting. I breathed a sigh of relief, thanking the gods for that puke not being on me. I stood next to his hunched body, rubbing his back in comfort as he continued to heave.

I heard talking and laughing approaching and hoped they wouldn't come down the alley. Two figures appeared in the dimly lit street lighting and they paused momentarily in front of the alley entrance. Out of the corner of my eye I could tell that it was definitely a man and a woman and they appeared to be close. The two were probably on a date.

Zell puked again and I grimaced. The two strangers remained at the entrance, chatting amiably and laughing to one another. Couldn't you find another, more romantic alley to be in? This one is already claimed by a puking wasted kid. But apparently the couple enjoyed the disgusting mess because they began to walk into the alley. As they neared us I couldn't help but look up and see just who these people were. I mean, this couple has got to be masochi-

My thoughts came to a screeching halt and I felt that Appletini sweep me off my feet as soon as I saw who it was. That smug yet handsome smile and that blonde hair shined like beacons through my drunken fog. I didn't need to see much else of his body or face to figure out who it was. It was Seifer.

I made a very audible gasp and stumbled into Zell's hunched form. The nudge caused him to heave violently and he continued to vomit. The sound caught their attention and they turned towards us, but I was faster than them. I swiftly turned my head back towards Zell and raised the collar of my jacket in a pathetic attempt to hide any distinguishing features that would mark me as identifiable.

"Don't drink if you can't hold your alcohol," mumbled the woman on his arm with a snide giggle. Bitch. I would have snapped at that remark, the alcohol making me brave, but I refrained and just shook the comment off.

"Fuck them," mumbled Seifer and silence followed, save for the occasional shuffle of fabric. I turned cautiously, curious to see what was happening between Seifer and this mystery woman. Not surprisingly, they were feverishly making out against the opposite wall. Really? Right here? God was punishing me, apparently. Seifer picked her right leg up in his arms and began to feel every inch of her thigh, slowly working his way into her skirt. Well, that's awfully classy of them. Zell puked again, but this time they were much to wrapped up in themselves to give two shits about some drunk kids.

I turned back to Zell briefly, making sure he wasn't dead yet, but then quickly changed focus back to the two across the alley. I needed to know who was Seifer's date/screw for the night. Well, I didn't _need_ to know, I was just curious. Curious in a sick, demented sort of way.

He bent his head from hers, breaking their kiss and moved his lips to the nape of her neck. From behind Seifer's head, beautiful blonde hair was revealed along with hauntingly melancholy blue eyes. Her hair was done up in the-Oh my God....

It was Quistis.

There was no mistaking it. My jaw dropped and my eyes bulged. This was not happening. I looked off, and then returned my gaze to the scene unfolding before me, thinking I might have hallucinated the sight. Oh no, this was real. This was totally and completely real.

I heard another heave from Zell and then the sound of more vomit. God dammit, how much did you drink to puke up that much?

"Done yet?" I practically begged to Zell.

"Almost," he said, gasping for breath. I moaned, aggravated at this entire situation.

I did not want to be stuck in the middle of this situation. Here I was, standing right in the center of a bunch of emotional bullshit. Seifer with Quistis who was with Squall, but now tortured him- It was all ridiculous. I didn't want to be caught in the center. Selphie would have adored seeing this sight. She would have reveled in the gossip and the sweet irony of it all.

I was still watching the train wreck in front of me. They were becoming more and more heated as each minute passed, completely oblivious to the idea of public decency.

"Okay, I think," Zell began with a heaved sigh. "I think I'm done." I whipped around and grabbed his arm.

"Good," I whispered, "let's get the fuck out of here!" I growled as I dragged him behind me. Walking was hard. That appletini had caught up with me and my heels were not pleased. I could barely walk without stumbling but I moved as fast as I could to get the fuck out of there.

Zell had taken notice of Seifer and Quistis going to town on one another and yelled, "get a room you two! And use some protection or else she's gonna get all fat!" He laughed as he continued to holler at them. Thankfully he hadn't realized just who they were though. I pulled on him harder, trying to rip him from the scene before he could make out just who it was that needed a room and protection. But it was too late.

"Oh my God!" he screamed as loud as he possibly could. "It's Seifer and-" but I didn't let him finish. I yanked on his arm so hard he ended up falling over and onto his ass.

"Shut up!" I said sternly, still hiding my face from their view.

"What the fuck was that for!? I just threw up everywhere and you pull me-" I didn't have time for this. He was obviously still shit faced because he didn't understand the repercussions of being seen by those two.

"We have to leave, _now_," I glowered at him with vicious eyes. He knew I was serious.

"Hey asshole," a voice screamed from the alley. Oh fuck me with a chainsaw. Seifer had seen us. I continued to hide my face behind my jacket. "Don't talk to me or my girl that way and just keep on-" but now it was Seifer's turn to stop mid-sentence. "Zell!?" he cried, astonished.

Then Zell finally got it through his thick skull. He shouldn't have seen what he had just seen and Seifer shouldn't have known that he had seen it.

"No!" Zell yelled back as he stood up in a hurry, using me as a ladder on which to climb back onto his feet. "I'm... I'm Richard," he boomed in a deep and obviously fraudulent voice. I grimaced and planted a palm to my forehead, hating Zell at that moment. We were far enough away and in a poorly lit area so we could have passed off as other people, but Zell was obviously a terrible actor and couldn't be anyone but his stupid self.

Seifer began to approach us with a strut that oozed menacing. It seemed like he was coming to kill Zell.

I tugged on Zell and began to lean in the direction of our escape route. Zell took the hint, thank god.

"Sorry, good sir but I really must be going!" he yelled back in that same stupid voice. We began to speed walk, but as we heard Seifer's foot steps picking up speed and volume we broke out into an all out sprint. I felt like I was running for my life, which I sort of was. I kept up with Zell, despite being on shoes that resembled stilts. We dodged in and out of groups of people and turned down streets left and right until we couldn't feel our legs anymore. We finally ducked into another alley to rest.

"Oh crap," Zell wheezed as he slid down a wall and onto the ground. I collapsed to the cement of the alley and gasped for air like a fish out of water. I ripped my heels from my feet and tossed them far away from me, hating the site of them.

"Zell, let's just get a taxi and get back to Garden," I pleaded as I lied back on my elbows, looking at him.

"Yeah yeah, but man," he sighed, still out of breath. He stood back up. "I can't believe that those two-"

"Let's just drop it," I snapped. Zell looked at me, aghast.

"You _seriously_ don't want to talk about that?" he asked, stunned.

"Not particularly. And don't tell _anyone!_" He rolled his eyes. "Zell, I'm serious. Seifer could get expelled and Quistis could have her teaching license revoked." I wanted that to sound like a deterrent, so then why did it sound so appealing?

"Right, right," Zell admonished. "We're lucky Selphie didn't see that. She'd gab to everyone." I nodded my agreement.

We sat in silence for a moment.

"Shit, I'm so wasted right now," Zell mumbled.

"Yeah, me too," I said, standing. We walked to a main street and caught a cab back to Garden.

--

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--

--

I swiped my ID through the gates at the entrance of Garden and the familiar beep sounded my acceptance. The tiny doors opened and I passed through. This had to be the most uncomfortable walk of my entire life. I had tried on several occasions to remove all the sand from my shoes but it seemed like a physical impossibility. Note to self: never wear anything but sandals to the beach. But no matter how much or how little sand there was in my shoe, it wouldn't have changed the fact that this had been a terrible night.

Ever since I had left Rinoa's earlier that day, I couldn't stop thinking about my train wreck with Quistis the night prior. I just couldn't stop. No matter how many cigarettes I had smoked or what book I had tried to read, she'd always pop into my mind. And every time she appeared I felt like I was taking a bullet. The pain never let up and I never adjusted. I had never been in a situation that I couldn't handle emotionally, but this might have been it. I had almost cried about it that night on the balcony. _Cried._ I hadn't cried since I was three. I was just so fucking sick of revisiting her and what we had. _Had._ The past tense was comforting, but made my current situation all the more unbearable. We had been over for so long and our story had finished so why did this insist on hurting still? Was this the epilogue from hell? Epilogues are supposed to wrap the story up perfectly, leaving all participants satisfied. So then why did this all still feel like shit? This was no epilogue, this was just hell.

Maybe it was me? Maybe I was the one dragging myself along. No, no "maybe." It _was_ me. I was a masochist for this story of ours. Quistis may have been the one to walk away first, but I was the one who tied myself to her heels and allowed to be dragged along and kicked. True, she was a nasty bitch now, but I was the one letting her do the damage. Even after I had told her off in the elevator after being lectured in Cid's office, I couldn't help but get right back behind her and allow myself to be punished. As much as I wanted to believe that this could end with me getting the upper hand over Quistis, I understood that it could never happen. It would never end unless I was the one who untied myself. I couldn't kick her as she kicked me, because she didn't care the way I did. My attacks at her, however below the belt I thought they were, never hit her in the place I wanted them to. She was beyond what had transpired between us and didn't have the same emotional attachment to me that she once did. She could never be emotionally hurt the way I could. Maybe, she could be offended, but never truly damaged.

I had been thinking about it all day and in an effort to calm my mind, I took a hint from Rinoa and retreated to the beach earlier that day.

I returned to Garden that night a little more relaxed, but still swimming with thoughts of Quistis. I wanted to talk to her, as crazy as that sounds. I wanted to tell her that she'd be seeing no more of my late night visits and would be receiving no banter from me next time we crossed paths. I wanted to tell her we were through and that it was all done. I was going to do it.

I looked at my watch. 12:16AM. She'd be up. I rode the elevator up to the teacher's wing and knocked on the familiar door of 306 and waited anxiously for her to open. But no one came. Just silence. I suddenly felt stupid. I wanted to talk to Quistis about us being done... She'd find it ironic and sad. She'd say there is no "us" and whatever had happened between us had been "done" for quite some time.

I closed my eyes. As much as I wanted this all to be done it wasn't going to stop anytime soon. I couldn't help but tie myself back up to Quistis. I couldn't just drop out of these feelings just because I wanted to. I had to slowly work my way out of her snare, out of the emotional coma she had put me in.

I walked away from the room, feeling even dumber and worse than before. I didn't want to be alone at that moment; a first for me. I had been alone all day and I just couldn't do it anymore. I needed to go see Rinoa.

I found my way to Rinoa's dorm and I prayed she was home. I was about to knock but stopped myself. Was I really this desperate? Did Quistis really make me feel this desperate that I had to run to another person to comfort me? I had been dealing with this by myself for so long, so why now? Why Rinoa? Rinoa...

But before I could back out on the idea, the door creaked open cautiously and she appeared from the crack in the door.

She looked puzzled.

"Squall?" she asked, in a bit of a strained voice.

"Um." I didn't know what to say. I wasn't planning on even knocking, let alone saying something. "Hi."

"What's going on?" she asked as she opened the door wider. She stumbled a bit.

"Um, well," I began but I couldn't help but notice that she was swaying. "Are you all right?" I asked. She nodded strangely. Was she....

"Are you drunk?" I asked plainly.

She laughed and smacked my chest playfully.

"You caught me!" she smiled. I couldn't help but smile, too. Her playfulness fell from her face and she smiled up at me. "That's four."

"What?" How drunk was she?

"This is the fourth time I've seen you smile," she said, her own smile glowing. I twisted my lips and took the smile from my face, embarrassed.

"Gah, I really have to stop telling you you're smiling. You always get rid of it," she sighed.

"So," she started. "What did you come by for?" she asked, curious. She stepped aside, allowing me entrance but I remained outside.

I didn't know what to say to her. Why did I come by... Because I need human interaction for once in my life and you're the only person I even remotely enjoy being around.

I remained silent for a while, mulling over what to say. She cocked her head curiously, wondering just what I was doing.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, concerned.

"No, I..." I made up an excuse. "Thought I left something of mine here, but I don't think I did," I rambled. She looked at me confused, not buying my lie at all.

"Oh, um, all right then," she said curiously, obviously not wanting to push me further.

We stood in silence for another moment. "Okay, good night," I said and began to walk away.

God, that was terrible. I'm so fucking dumb. I wanted to be with her, but I couldn't find the appropriate excuse to stay there. And I needed an excuse because the truth would never do. I mentally kicked myself for being stupid enough to think she would just magically let me in, no questions asked and fix all my problems.

But before I could get too far down the hall I felt a tug on my arm. I looked down to find Rinoa grabbing onto me.

"Look, I don't know why you've come here and it's very apparent you're not going to tell me, but if you want to come back later just knock. I'll be up for a while. I won't even ask why you're here. Promise." There was compassion in her voice.

Why did she know exactly what to say? I wanted to run right back into her room, but all I could do was nod. I pulled my arm away from her grasp and waved a miniscule goodbye. She gave a sad, crooked smile and I felt her watch me walk down the hall.

What was I doing? I was making nothing but bad decisions all day. I wanted to pull away from Quistis so I could end the torment... but why was I pulling away from Rinoa? I didn't know and the fact that I didn't pissed me off. I was done thinking. I was sick of thinking. And I couldn't stop. I felt fucking crazy. All I wanted to do was just relax with Rinoa. So why the fuck wasn't I?

I paused for a moment in my walk down the hall. I had to stop thinking. It had gotten me nothing, except frustration. I had to just do and not over analyze, at least for right now.

I turned around and found Rinoa standing there, as if she had been waiting for me to come back this whole time. I made my way back to her and stood before her.

"Would you like to come in?" she asked with a smile as she gestured towards her door.

I nodded.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

She nodded.


	11. Bloody, All in Pieces

(Long) Author note: Forgive the small eternity between chapters. A lot of things have gotten between this story and me. One being writer's block. As much as I love this story, I felt trapped by the situation I was unwittingly writing myself into. But now I can see a light at the end of the tunnel that will take me away from the darkness and into the beautiful light of creativity (or some such nonsense). Reason two being my English skills have noticeably deteriorated. I have been living in Japan for the past three years so I have had absolutely no desire whatsoever to use English (let alone much of a chance), but when English does indeed rear its ugly head I seem to be not quite as dexterous as I once was with the written word. But rest assured, this story is very dear to me and I am constantly working on it in small doses; revising certain portions of the over all story, changing certain scenes, etc. I will finish this story, dammit. I swear.

But for the moment, here is an extra long chapter for all your patience. I had meant to divide this into two, but realized you've all been waiting long enough. You deserve a strong follow up to the lull and mundane humdrum that I feel like I've been placating you all with. I've put a LOT of work into this chapter making sure every sentence, every word, every action means something important and is, to all you readers, worth your time to actually read.

I hope you can forgive my rather long hiatus. But please rest assured that this is not the end, and I have so much more to write about these two.

Chapter 11

I pushed my door open and let him in first. I slipped inside and shut the door. He had stopped walking and just stood motionless in the doorway, his back to me. I waited for him to say something, but nothing. His shoulders fidgeted slightly, but then stiffened again. I cocked my head, ready for some sort of extrapolation, but once again my expectations were met with silence. With a swipe of his hand he rubbed his face vigorously. Which was, of course, followed by more silence. I decided to facilitate whatever the hell was going to happen.

"…. Yes?" I questioned, the alcohol most assuredly slurring my words.

He turned around on his heel and looked at me with such intensity it could have blown me through walls if I wasn't prepared for it. I took a step back, instinctively repelled by the gravity of his stare.

"I fucked Quistis," he suddenly shot out.

"What?" I instinctively blurted out, stumbling even further back.

"Not fucked. I fuck. I fuck Quistis. The teacher. I have sex with her." His words were fast, hurried. He was panicked.

"I, uh." I couldn't find proper words. Of course, I sort of figured what was going on between them, but this was a lot of information to be screamed in my face at two in the morning, still slightly buzzed.

"Fuck!" He yelled as he smacked his palms to his forehead. He dragged his fingers through his hair and gave an exasperated growl, teeth clenched. He dropped his hands and let his head hang back, staring vacantly at my ceiling.

I was silent, unsure of what to do or say. I literally had no idea.

He didn't appreciate the silence.

"I should never have told you, sorry," he said, rushed, as he pushed past me, trying to make his way out. He grabbed the doorknob, ready to run screaming off into the night. I grabbed his wrist and clenched.

"Chill out buddy," I instructed sternly. He stared back at me with eyes that were confused, flustered and lost. His hold on the doorknob relaxed and so did my vice grip on his wrist. "Okay, now…. What's going on exactly?" I asked in a calm, even voice, trying to get him to be a little more self-possessed.

He sighed and turned his eyes away from mine. He leaned against the wall and placed a hand on his head. Another sigh. His gaze returned to me and I could tell the panic and confusion was gone for the moment and he was left looking a little calmer.

"Do you really want to hear?" he asked, far more sedated than before.

"Yeah," I answered frankly.

He stood silent for a moment, his posture and fixed gaze never changing.

"Thanks… Thank you." I gave him a curious look.

"Are you okay?" I asked, still completely bewildered on what the hell was going on.

"No I'm not okay! I come barging into your dorm at what," he looked at his watch, "fucking two in the morning screaming about how I fuck some teacher! Is that a good sign, Rinoa?" he started freaking out again.

"Chill the fuck out!" I screamed back in his face. He looked shocked that I had matched his tone, but it did manage to calm him, even if only slightly.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he mumbled, turning away from me. He dragged his feet over to the other side of my room. He stood with his back to me again, looking out the window.

Some more silence. I continued to watch his sullen figure gazing at the world outside.

"You have a nice view," he commented, giving me his profile.

"Um, thanks," I mumbled. I moved towards him and he turned his attention back to the window.

"I am so stupid," he mumbled more to himself than to me.

"No," I said, stepping behind him. To this he remained silent.

"I thought that…" he trailed off. I stepped next to him and looked out the window with him. My view really wasn't anything special. Nothing but the plains with the occasional outcroppings of trees that broke the monotony of the grassland spread out before us. The moon was full that night so the world felt a little clearer, a little crisper than it usually did. The moonlight spilled atop us and leaked further into my room. You could practically read a book with the amount of light the moon was emanating that night.

"I thought that," he started again, but paused just like before. He turned to me, a hand propped up against my windowsill. I looked up toward him. He had such worry in his eyes. This felt honest. I was meeting a different Squall tonight. I would let this new Squall speak his mind, and I wouldn't let him run away.

"I thought that maybe, by having sex I could bring something back, revive something," he said cryptically. I gently raised an eyebrow towards the comment. He sighed and took his gaze to the floor. "Sorry. This must all be so fucking weird to hear," he said with a bitter laugh.

"Well, maybe a little bit," I conceded. "But I don't mind."

He was silent for a moment again.

"Quistis and I, we," he sighed again, searching for the words. "We were together for a long time, a very long time." He admitted. "I met her when I was 14 and we were practically married to each other the second we met," he said with another bitter laugh as he ran a hand through his hair. He kicked the ground before him, probably too embarrassed to attempt to look at me, though he had no reason to be.

"I followed her around like a puppy. At the time, I thought that we were a team. I thought we did things together and for the benefit of each other. So when we came here I thought it was cause I wanted to, because we wanted to. Looking back now with even the smallest ounce of sense, she was dragging me around and I was just happy to be pulled. I had nothing else to do except follow her around. I just convinced myself that we were a team. I couldn't argue with my situation cause I had nothing else to do, I knew no one, and I had nowhere to go. Garden was all her idea and she just convinced me it was my plan, too, though it's not like I needed much convincing anyway." He paused and he bit his cheek.

"Can I smoke in here?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"Um, yeah, sure," I said. I pushed the windows open and he lit up. He moved closer to the open windows and continued.

"We spent the next 2 years or so just being… happy." He seemed to relish in that last word. "I loved her. I really did. I thought we would spend our lives together and I had no qualms with that." He paused for a brief moment. "God," he exclaimed with a wry laugh. "That sounds so fucking lame I can barely stomach it," he said with a shake of his head. He took another drag and blew the smoke out into the night air.

"But I was stupid, so fucking stupid and Quistis knew it. She knew how dumb I was. For a while, she was just content knowing I was stupid enough to chase her heels but then of course Seifer shows up and everything got all fucked up." Another drag, this time with a little more force.

"Seifer?" I asked quietly. He nodded. Seifer…

"The second she met Seifer, she started doing things behind my back. They want on dates, fucked…. She barely made any excuses for it, let alone tried to hide any of it."

Images of Quistis and Seifer from the night at the club bobbed to the surface of my mind. So Squall knew this whole time…

"Seifer was so fucking smug about it. I don't know if he just hated me, or just enjoyed the concept of making others feel awful. I suppose he and Quistis could have that in common." A wry smile played on his lips as he took one more drag.

"So, this ridiculous rivalry birthed itself from the chaos that was Quistis." He looked up to the moon. "Kind of pathetic. Really pathetic, actually, that a woman like Quistis could cause me to murderously hate someone I couldn't have cared less for." A moment of silence.

"Now look where we are," he commented twitching the cigarette about delicately between his fingers. "Caught in a giant shit storm. Well, I'm caught in the shit storm. They are rested snuggly on the sidelines watching me struggle and laughing at me the whole FUCKING time." His rage spiked with his closing words and he flung the cigarette through the window with enough force to break the sound barrier. He bit his lip and stared rigidly out into the night.

"What the fuck…." He mumbled. "I feel like my whole life has gone to shit. Quistis used to be everything, the only reason I was around. And now she's the reason I don't even care to…" he paused and I could see him looking through the dictionary of his mind, grasping for an appropriate word to use. He came upon nothing, as he remained silent.

"Is that what you and Seifer were fighting about? It wasn't just training?" I asked.

He touched his scar and shook his head, embarrassed. "No, I lied to you that day on the balcony," he mumbled. "We were fighting over her…. God, I can't even believe I can admit that to myself."

I moved close to him and he looked me in the eyes. The tips of his fingers hung at the tip of his scar, as if they were ready to confirm its existence all over again. I took his hand and moved it to his side. I raised my hand before his face, and laid my middle finger at the top of his scar. It was rough and course, just like I had imagined it would be. I dragged the tip of the finger down slowly, tracing the scar. I felt every bump, every rocky out cropping and every deep ravine within the geography of his defining mark. He closed his eyes as my path down continued. The scar ended and I lifted the finger away as his eyes remained closed. I placed a hand to his cheek, cupping it warmly. He placed a hand upon mine and he clutched, gently wrapping his fingers into mine. He closed his eyes. He looked calm and at peace with the world at that moment.

"You're warm," he commented in a soft mumble, his eyes still shut embracing the moment.

I pulled my hand from his and to this he opened his eyes. I moved back a step and gave him a sad, gentle sort of smile. He continued his calm stare, his hand still in the position I had left it.

I moved closer again and slowly, gently began to wrap my arms around his waist afraid he would run away. Like a hand to a battered animal, my arms gently came into contact with his torso, testing to see how close we could really become, afraid he would jerk away from the touch. He made no movement save for his still steady breathing. I closed my arms around him and leaned into him. I placed my head into his collar and I closed my eyes. His arms remained in place at his sides, still and motionless, as if confused on what to do.

Slowly but surely I felt them move and position themselves lightly around me. His arms clung to me weakly as if they were only loosely taped to my body.

"Why?" He asked in a whisper. I felt his arms regain their strength around me and felt his embrace on me become more secure.

"I remember how comforting it was to hug you that night on the balcony. I thought I could return the favor," I whispered simply. He made no further rhetoric. He tightened his grip around me, pushing me deeper into him and I too found myself returning the hold.

We needed no further conversation. This single moment spoke volumes more than words ever could. Maybe Squall had a good point in his "no talk" policy. The world isn't about the things we ramble about, it's the actions that keep the world spinning. It's action that keeps Squall Leonhart moving ahead, and moving on. Words were superfluous to him, and in this moment, even for me.

We stayed that way for what felt like hours.

After a while, he placed a hand to the top of my head and combed his hand through my hair, as if I were the one who needed the comfort. I gently relinquished my hold around him and he followed my lead. I moved back and before I could move any further he reached his hand out and gripped my fingertips tenderly.

"Are you tired?" He asked.

"No, not really," I replied. It was a bit of a lie though. My drunkenness had faded away into fatigue.

"Do you want to go to the beach?" He asked, sounding uncharacteristically hopeful.

"Seriously?" I asked, making a head nod toward the window, reminding him of the insane hour it happened to be.

"Yeah," he replied simply, making no note of my anything but subtle gesture.

Again I chuckled a bit. "I mean, it's…" I started as I moved my gaze from the dark outside to his face. Looking at his face ceased any protests I was forming. He generally wanted to go and it looked like he needed to.

"Um, okay. Well how would we get there?" I asked, conceding.

"Walk," he said simply.

"Walk? Isn't it like forty something minutes?" I asked, really not looking forward to this little adventure at all anymore.

"Fifteen if we walk fast."

"But when we were pushing that bike back it took, at least, several years," I reminded, pulling my hand from his grasp.

"There's a place much closer I found," he said simply, already making his way toward the door.

"You found? How often have you been to the beach, exactly?" I asked. This kid really was mysterious. What had he been up to?

To this he paused momentarily, as if ashamed to answer.

"I've been going a lot recently," he answered rather bashfully. He turned back to what he was doing and opened the door, anxious to get going. He must have really wanted to go.

"Seriously? When?" I asked. My mind was practically blown. How utterly uncharacteristic of Squall.

"Just… at night, and stuff," he mumbled. I gave him a raised eyebrow and a wry sort of smile, simply impressed by this new habit of his.

"Interesting," I noted as I dug for some shoes.

"I actually," he began and stuttered for a moment. "I actually just got back from the beach."

I gave him a surprised look mid way through slipping my shoes on.

"Wow," I said plainly. I moved past him and outside and he closed the door behind him.

We made our way outside and into the cool night air. It was surprisingly warm for three in the morning. The moonlight kept the path we were walking on relatively lit, but kept the mood somber and quiet and most of the walk was spent in a comfortable silence. That is until I, as usual, decided to break it.

"So, why did you decide to tell me all that stuff? About Quistis, I mean," I asked.

He was silent for a moment and gave a great sigh.

"For the first time in what seems like a very long time, I didn't want to be alone."

In a gesture even I thought was rather bold, I entwined my fingers into his and held his hand. He looked down to me but I kept my gaze forward facing.

"You're not alone," I said simply as I continued to look to the path ahead.

"I know." And after another moment, removed his hand from mine.

We continued our walk and before long the sounds of the waves against sand came fluttering into earshot. The salty, stinging smell filled me and I felt rejuvenated. I no longer felt weary or tired.

The path suddenly stopped and we were met by a small outcropping of rocks that divided the plains from the beach. Before I could even have time to berate and tease Squall for finding a pathetic excuse of a "path," he jumped down onto the first rock with the kind of grace and agility one often sees in a SeeD. He turned back and extended a hand to me

I drank in that moment very carefully. It was as if I were in a movie. In the light of the moon, a handsome Knight extends his arm to me to help me through the challenge that lies before us. He was scarred by battle and hurt by life but his chivalry and pride are impregnable and his kindly gesture to me, the maiden, is proof of that. To take his hand in this beautiful moon lit night would probably be the most romantic moment in my entire life. It stopped my breath.

"What?" He asked after a moment, obviously confused on why I was just blankly staring at him.

"Huh?" I responded breathlessly.

"Take my hand," he commanded, waving his hand about a bit. I took it and my fairytale came back to me.

His armor, now dulled by battle and adventure, sparkled in the light. It was heavy upon him, but he would wait until I was safe before he would even dare remove it. Who knows what could be around any corner. But when he knew we were alone, he would shed his protective trappings and I would be able to hold him and it would be my turn to protect him.

"Stop zoning out," he snapped and I was hurled back into reality at almost break neck speed. I had just been staring at him for god knows how long. "You're too drunk for this. Dumb idea." He was irritated and was about to make his way back up the rock when I stopped him.

"No. I want to go," I said simply. "I want to go to the beach with you." He stopped and we looked at one another. I'm sure my romantic lust was making me look a little nauseous, but his expression read surprise and a certain amount of genuine delight. He stepped back down to his former position and took my hand in his.

"Come on," he instructed gently. I jumped down to his position and he stood there holding my hand for a moment.

"Are you sure you're all right?" He asked, trying to examine me closely in the dim light.

"Yeah, totally fine," I answered. He seemed rather unconvinced, but turned away and made his way further down to the next rock.

"Be careful," he said as he found his footing on the rock below. "It gets kind of slippery here," and he extended another hand to me. I took it gently, but he gripped hard, making sure our grips on each other were secure. With my free hand, I balanced myself against a rock next to me and awkwardly slid down toward him. He took my other hand and brought me up to standing. He looked back behind him then to me.

"One more," he said as he pinched my palms gently with his thumbs. The man clad of shining silver stood before me again. He was patient and concerned for my safety, for my wellbeing. It was his responsibility.

He released me and nimbly leapt to the next one. He found his balance and turned back up to me with hand extended.

I was still in a dreamy state; too enchanted by the faux-fairytale land I had conjured. Again, there stood this proud Knight, patiently awaiting my hand. He would take me far, far away and we would ride off into the sunset on a horse of white. The scars left upon his body from battle would be coarse and rough, but I would be there to heal them. He was not afraid of any fight that stood before him because he had seen war and been scarred by it. But… Squall was battle scarred by Quistis. By Quistis…. By Quistis. The words rang in my head like a high pitch screech that refused to cease and desist. And with the piercing noise of truth, my magical little fairytale crumbled away and revealed the not so beautiful and not so proud truth of Squall Leonhart.

He was a bloody, wounded warrior this time. He became a pathetic man in need of comfort from the weary road of life. No longer the gallant knight I had seen before but now a former shell of it. He had traded armor for something he thought so much more valuable, but in the process lost it all. Maybe he could never be a knight again. Maybe he had been robbed of the opportunity and the privilege to fill out the duty he had once been assigned. Was this who Squall really was? The sad husk of a great warrior?

His talks of Quistis earlier finally sank in. He wasn't some war torn knight. He was a war torn man. His scars didn't make him stronger, they were reminders on why he should remain down and out. Squall had been completely destroyed by Quistis. Romance had done in Squall Leonhart.

The romantic mood of the moment was trashed and in its place a sickening reality.

"Squall," I started, but I couldn't continue because I didn't even know what I wanted to say.

"What? Come on," he urged with a light shake of his hand.

"I saw Seifer and Quistis together tonight," I blurted out. It all came back to me like a back handed slap and from the sheer shock of it, my mouth voiced my private thought.

He just stared back at me; the small light that had been burning previously completely vanished from his eyes. A sad look glossed his eyes over. He dropped his hand, rescinding his help.

"I'm sorry," I began. What I was even sorry for, I wasn't too sure. "I saw it earlier this evening and I couldn't," but I stopped. He had already turned from me and had jumped to the beach below us. He was already moving away from me in a speed that meant I was not supposed to catch up with him.

I leapt to the last rock clumsily and practically fell onto the beach. I gathered my balance and came jogging after his stomping form.

"Squall," I called, almost catching up with him.

To this he stopped abruptly and placed a hand to his face. I approached his back and touched his shoulder lightly.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to," but a sudden turn of his body shook my hand from his shoulder and my thoughts from my mind.

"You didn't mean to?" He asked incredulously. "Didn't mean to what? Bring it up?"

"I, I don't know. I'm just sorry I even said anything! I shouldn't have!" I explained frantically. How quickly it began to feel like things were getting out of control.

"Don't be fucking sorry," he said with a wry snort of a laugh. "I don't even know what I'm fucking upset about anymore," he mumbled with a shake of his head. He turned away from me and walked off. I followed.

"I know what you're upset about!" I yelled after him, unable to properly keep up with him.

He stopped and turned back to me.

"What?" he asked simply.

"You still love Quistis," I said simply. He continued to stare back at me, then turned and walked off once more. I picked up right after him.

"Don't pretend to be my shrink or some shit," he said, turning his attention back towards me.

"Well," I was losing breath at this point. He was just walking far too fast for me to keep up. "Ugh, just stop walking, dammit!" I yelled and jumped for his sleeve, which I successfully caught between my fingers. He pulled to a stop and turned back to me.

"Thank you," I said, catching my breath. "Love is complicated and it-" he caught me off.

"Don't preach to me about love. Have you ever even been in love?" he questioned with a certain amount of spite sprinkled throughout his words.

The tone was offensive but I brushed it off. "I, well, I'm not too sure actually." To this he rolled his eyes but I just kept up with my point. "But like all other fucking relationships in this world, it ended in a nasty shit storm," I confessed but I felt my voice falter midway through, my confidence in this example losing ground. I knew that my point wasn't solid enough for Squall to buy.

To this he snickered.

"Excuse me?" I questioned. That snarky little laugh couldn't be ignored like his previous tone.

"You're sixteen. No offense, but what the fuck do you know?"

"Oh fuck off, Squall! You have no reason to get all shitty with me," I reminded, my irritation making itself more than apparent.

"You wouldn't understand," he stated simply. He thought that his pissy one liner could finish this, but I wasn't backing down without a fight. I grabbed his hand in mine and kept him in place.

"Oh my God, do not even pretend like you are some fucking guru, some fucking expert on love cause you're still in love with some stupid bitch," I spat in his face.

"And don't come at me like you know what the fucking you're talking about!" He yelled right back. He released my hand and continued to walk off, away from me.

"Yeah, okay!" I yelled after him. "Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about but you don't exactly know what the hell you're going on about! You come to my room in the goddamn middle of the night and start spouting about some shit head you occasionally fuck and you think YOU have more answers than I do! Get real buddy!" I yelled after his slowly disappearing figure. Asshole.

He stopped once more though, turned back to me and came stampeding over. I was ready for another verbal brawl and was mentally prepping myself for the comebacks I was going to have to throw out.

He approached me and looked like he had something really important and insightful to say. But nothing came out, and just a rather irate, silent Squall stood before me.

"You think you have all these answers? You think someone has answers?" I asked with a small chortle, chiding his stupidity. "Nobody knows shit about any of this kind of stuff. And if they think they know anything, they're stupid and just fooling themselves. Love is a big fucking joke meant to make us look like jackasses. It's not pretty. It's dirty and ugly underneath all those cute trappings and warm feelings. You'll never know more than me, and I'll never know more than you because there is nothing to know. Don't kid yourself." I extrapolated in one long breath. I don't even know where half of that shit came from. Just verbal vomit really.

But Squall looked oddly satiated with my bitch fit. He continued to stare at me, the temper within him visibly cooling down as he took rather long breaths. To this I relaxed as well. How quickly that all had flared up. I felt like we did this a lot to each other. Was it because of the exhaustion, or was it just us?

"Sorry I yelled at you," he sheepishly apologized after a moment.

I shrugged. "It's okay," I, too, mumbled sheepishly. I could tell we were both embarrassed about the scenario that had just unfolded.

"You're right. There are no answers to anything I'm wondering. I'm sorry I chastised you like that," he apologized with an honest and clear voice. I was touched by the amount of sincerity he had placed in his words.

"It's okay," I shrugged off again. "I'm sorry, too."

"It's just been gnawing on my life for more than years than I'm willing to believe. I just want a resolution… but it's hard to admit that there isn't one."

I nodded my agreement. He turned to look out to the sea, but my focus was turned up to him.

He may have been a wounded, pathetic man in this world but maybe he wasn't so damaged he couldn't be brought back up. I wanted to see him as a Knight, not just in my imagination but also in real life. I wanted to see him stand atop hilltops and swing his Gunblade, ready for another destiny to call out to him. I wanted to see that Squall. And I knew somewhere deep beneath the hurt rested the armor. All he needed to do was find it.

"It's beautiful with the full moon," he commented, still looking at the ocean. I saw his eyes sparkle with a rare sort of magic. He was really at peace here.

The full moon and the warm night brought up a memory from my life in Deling that I had forgotten. I giggled aloud, recounting the event in my head.

He looked at me curiously.

"What?" he asked.

"Oh, no it's nothing. Just some stupid thing me and my friends used to do back in Deling," I said, attempting to brush it off. I really didn't want to tell him what I had just been thinking about.

"Tell me," he insisted.

"It's embarrassing," I said.

"Nothing can be as embarrassing as all that I shit that I had spewed out to you earlier," he commented.

"Now, that's not embarrassing. That's just honest," I reminded. "What I've got to say is just straight up embarrassing and dumb."

"Just say it," he said, getting a little agitated at the fact that it was taking this much teeth pulling. I could sense his frustration and decided to not exacerbate anything and just spew it.

"My friends and I at the local pool, we would sneak in on full moon nights and go skinny dipping," I chuckled. "We never got caught," I remarked with a certain amount of pride. "See? It was a pointless little thought that wasn't even the slightest bit important," I said reprimanding him slightly for the needless amount of curiosity he had had.

He laughed through his nose and turned his attention back to the ocean.

"Do you still do that?" he asked quietly, ignoring my side remark.

"I guess yeah. Up until last year anyway, at least when it was warm in the summer."

"It's always warm here," he noted.

"Yep. If I had lived here I could have gone skinny dipping every damn day if I had wanted to," I laughed. He didn't.

He stepped toward the water and pulled his shirt off. He tossed it back behind him and it landed near my feet.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I picked up his shirt.

"Skinny dipping," he answered simply.

"You're joking," I laughed.

"Not in the slightest." What happened to Squall? Where was the cold, antisocial man I had known? Tonight he was so much different….

"Are you drunk or something?" I asked, approaching him. He began to take his boots off and one by one threw them behind him haphazardly.

"No," he said coolly. I heard the metal clinking of his belt being unfastened.

"Squall," I began in a low, near reprimanding tone. "Just leave your underwear on and go swimming. It's fine that way. We did it before and it was just fine, remember? You don't have to get freaking naked."

"You mean, 'We' don't have to get freaking naked," he chided as he turned back to me. He dropped his pants and tossed them at me and I caught them. He stood before me with nothing but underwear and a silver ring.

"Fuck you. I'm not skinny dipping with you," I stated clearly.

"Come on," he insisted.

"This is starting to look like a porno," I laughed awkwardly.

"No," he commented. He bent over and ripped off his boxers. "Now it is."

My mouth dropped and the pants I was holding slipped from my grasp. I saw a flash of something pale and I covered my eyes in a hurry. I felt my face turn hot and red and I'm sure I was creating a new star from the intense heat radiating off my face.

"Put fucking pants on," I demanded in a muffled voice from behind the cover of my hands.

"Fine," he mumbled and I heard the soft sound of clothes against flesh. I peeped an eye out from behind my temporary shield and caught sight of more Squall than I had ever even imagined seeing. He hadn't completely finished putting on the boxers when I had looked and to be honest, I can't say I minded the show. There was really no denying his attractiveness.

"Okay, you can stop faking modesty," he said. I uncovered my face and he was clad in his underwear once more. I was slightly disappointed. Oh God, I sound like a horny teenage girl. But then again that is exactly what I happened to be.

I hadn't noticed during our previous half naked adventure but Squall was quite the sight. Garden had done his body well. I examined it for longer than I had cared to but Squall didn't seem to notice, or mind.

"Why do you want to go skinny dipping so bad? So bad you had to whip your dick out in front of me?" I asked, the last portion of my question echoing with a deep laugh as I pointed towards his package. I moved towards him a little.

He shrugged. "It sounded like fun," he stated. "And when something you say sounds fun, it always is."

I smiled bashfully at the comment.

"I'm tired, mentally and physically and I'm not in the mood to give a shit. So I don't fucking care if you see me naked or the whole damn world. I'm tired of thinking in circles about shit with no answers and I'm sick of looking for them," he mumbled as he turned away from me. Maybe he hadn't meant to voice that thought, but I heard it loud and clear.

"Yeah, fuck it," I agreed. I moved to his side and leaned out towards the ocean. "You hear that!" I screamed out to no one in particular. The gentle waves answered my shrill cry. "We don't give a fuck about shit!" I yelled again rather crudely.

"Yeah!" Squall screamed next to me. "I'm gonna get naked and I don't give a shit! Fuck you Quistis! You can win for all I care! It's just a losing game anyway!" He screamed. I didn't completely understand the meaning of it all, but I got the gist.

There was silence that followed our moonlit cries, as if we were waiting for responses that would never come. I turned to him.

"Feel better?" I asked.

"To be honest, a little bit," he admitted.

"Good." Then I knelt down and pulled his boxers down with a swift slip of my hands.

He gasped audibly, bordering nearly on a shriek. I backed up, afraid of his retaliation, laughing all the while. He pulled his boxers up straight away and began to chase me.

I continued to run, trying to avoid him but I could barely breathe from the laughing fit that was consuming me. I fell on to the sand and collapsed into hysterical, gut wrenching laughter.

He grabbed my arm and lifted me up with a single pull. In an instant I was standing and I began to feel a tugging on my pants. He was trying to pull mine off, too.

"No, no, no!" I protested through fits of laughter, smacking his hands away from me,

"Don't let me be the only naked one," he commented as he continued to try and get a grip on my pants.

I laughed aloud at the comment and with my momentary distraction, he had slipped my pants from my waist and to my ankles, leaving me with my underwear.

"Half way there!" Squall said with a chuckle. I pushed him over into the sand and he landed with a thud. I stepped out of my pants and whipped off my top with a quick fling of a hand.

I reached a hand behind my back, ready to snap off my bra. But I looked at him hard in the eyes.

"Don't just fucking stare," I commanded with a laugh.

"Are you seriously going to do this with me?" he asked, completely dumbfounded.

I bent down to his level on the ground. "I'm not going to leave a friend alone and naked." I put a hand on his head. "Now turn around."

"Why?" he asked incredulously, possibly afraid I would run off with his clothes or something.

"I'm not as free spirited as you, apparently. I'd rather have you not staring at me while I strip for you," I teased. He rolled his eyes but turned away from me nonetheless.

I snapped off my bra and kicked away the panties in a hurry. He hadn't noticed I had removed anything yet, so I made a break for the ocean.

xx

We just played in the water for hours. Well, it was most assuredly hours because she was the first to spot the sky's color change.

"Morning already?" she asked. We had escaped the water a while ago. It was far too cold to continue to play any longer. The first few moments we had spent diving into the water were ones full of shrill cries and awkward body convulsions. It was colder than we had anticipated. A LOT colder. The warm night tricked us into believing that the water could remain warm, too. But we decided to persevere and we quickly adjusted to the temperature. The temperature soon caught up with us though and our bodies couldn't heat us any further than the water would allow. We had to get out.

After we got out from the water, we found a rock near us and we decided to get changed behind it. Despite having spent the last few hours together stark naked, we apparently still, rather paradoxically, had enough shame to put on clothes in separate locations. But surprisingly throughout our few hours of frolic, I can honestly say I didn't stare at Rinoa's body and barely caught sight of anything at all. I don't know if the same could be said for her as well, but I didn't feel any awkward stares or strange side glances coming my way so I can only assume we had been on the same page.

I slipped my boxers onto my still soaked body and grimaced. Putting dry clothes on a still soaked body wasn't exactly a pleasant experience (though far better than putting on wet clothes). I was about to slip my pants on as well but hesitated. If putting the dry pants on was anything like the underwear, I would pass.

I looked over the rock to see Rinoa's wet hair and head. She was looking down fidgeting with something.

"There we go," she mumbled. She looked up from her completed task and out into the rising sun and continued to gaze.

I looked, too and found a brilliant sunrise striking the sky.

"Wow," she said. She climbed onto the rock a bit and nestled into a spot, or as much as the hard stone would allow her.

"It's beautiful," I said, agreeing with her amazement.

I strayed my eyes away from the sunrise and they found their way back to Rinoa's gazing figure. She had put on her jeans and her bra and looked as if she was going to make no further effort to put on any more articles of clothing. She was completely captivated in the beauty of the new day. I could see it in her eyes how the sun began to slowly rise from its slumber. Her skin tone began to lighten as the day brightened with each passing second. I couldn't help but stare at her. I had never really noticed before, but she was a beautiful girl.

"I feel like every time I see you you're different," Rinoa suddenly noted in a hushed voice. It shocked me out of my daydream and I felt embarrassed. Had she noticed me staring this whole time?

"How?" I finally asked, recovering from my momentary stun.

"Well," she looked at me and gave me a once over. "We just played naked in the ocean for the past few hours. I would have to classify that as non-Squall behavior." She looked back out to the skyline.

"True," I conceded. I, too, turned my attention back to the sky.

As much as I didn't want to admit it and as hard as it was to confess… I'm different because of her. Every time I am with her, it's something new and different. A new feeling, a new activity, a new adventure. It was always something. She made me feel like…

"What are you thinking about?" she asked as I felt a nudge against my shoulder. I looked over to find that she had splayed herself across the rock in an effort to reach me. Her body was fully extended across the rock, an outstretched hand placed on my shoulder. She gave me a small smile.

I considered a lie. I considered covering it up. But I decided against it. Glossing over the facts and the truth and making excuses to bury things I wanted her to know wasn't gaining anyone anything.

"You make me feel the way Quistis use to. You have a magical power on me I think," I confessed. Strangely enough, being this honest with her at that moment wasn't embarrassing. It was liberating. I wanted her to know how I felt.

She pulled herself up and back into her original position.

"This is the kind of stuff that happens when you let people in, Squall," she said.

"You're different," I said.

"Am I?" she questioned, staring out at the great expanse before us. I couldn't tell what she had intended to mean, so I just kept staring after her, expecting more extrapolation but it appeared like no more was to come.

She looked back to me. "Come up here," she said as she motioned towards an area next to her.

I climbed up and attempted to find a comfortable position, though the attempt was largely futile. The only thing between my ass and a jagged rocky surface was a thin piece of cotton. I got as comfortable as I was going to get and nestled in next to her.

"I feel like we are in this situation a lot," she noted.

"Hm?" Her content was too ambiguous for me to grasp.

"Us, and this," she said making a small motion out towards our scenery.

"I guess," I mumbled.

She placed her wet head against my shoulder.

"I'm sorry I mentioned the Quistis and Seifer thing," she reiterated.

And I was sorry she brought it up again, but to be honest I wasn't even too sure why it upset me so much in the first place.

"It's fine. I overreacted," I said. "It's not like it's anything new or anything even important."

"It wasn't my place to say anything."

"It's not anybody's place to say anything about who is doing what to who." To this she lifted her head and looked to me. "Same goes for me," I commented. "I shouldn't care anymore. And, in a sense, I don't really."

"Really?" she asked, doubting the honesty of my words.

I nodded.

"I'm not even too sure what bothers me about her or him or them," I admitted. And it was true. "I've just been caught up in it so long I think the struggle to get out is the most frustrating part of it all. I mean, Jesus, there is no way I'm in love anymore… but at this point it almost feels like it. She just ends up occupying so much of my time in one way or another that it ends up feeling like it. It could be hate for all I know…"

To this she remained silent, just looking at my profile. I turned to her, expecting something from her.

"What?" I finally asked. Was she going to criticize me and lampoon me again?

"Nothing," she shook her head and jumped off the rock. "Let's go."

"Was my comment too weird for you, or something?"

"I just don't have an opinion or an answer or even a comment," she said, putting it all too simply.

I sighed and I felt a twinge of disappointment. To some extent, I had expected some sort of beautiful flourish from her, fixing my problems and chasing all the monsters away. But she only spoke the reality of the situation.

"I wish you could say something about it," I mumbled as I skidded off the rock, towards her.

"I don't I think have much authority in the love department," she noted with a bitter chuckle as she moved to collect her clothes. Was she referencing our fight earlier?

"I didn't mean to be hurtful with those comments earlier," I said, half-assing my apology.

"Maybe not, but it doesn't mean they weren't any less true. I guess I am rather clueless about a lot in life." She didn't look at me once.

"Aren't we all? You even said that," I reminded. "Love is a fleeting thing that makes us assholes and fucks with our lives. We all think we have answers, when in reality we have nothing. We grasp on to lies and purposefully mistake them for truths because what else do we have to cling on to? Life is the same way."

She turned to me. "Well, I didn't say it quite like that."

"Well, that's what it sounded like to me," I replied. She stayed quiet, reflecting on my words. She just looked back at me with a hint of a smile playing upon her features. She turned away and picked up the remains of her clothes.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess," she said with a refreshing amount of indifference. She put her shirt back on and I saw the water soak into the fabric.

"Your shirt's soaked," I commented.

"So are my jeans," she grumbled, pinching them between two fingers. She looked back to me and gave me a once over. "You're just going to go half-naked? I admire your bravery."

"Sorry to burst your image of me, but I'm not that brave," I mumbled as I began to, begrudgingly, place the clothes over my still wet body.

xx

I opened the door to my room with a great swing, anxious to take off the soaked clothes. I could swear they were growing mold around me.

"Wow, Squall's room," Rinoa said with an unnecessary amount of wonderment.

"I'm using the bathroom first," I mumbled, gliding over her comment. I ran and grabbed some dry nightclothes and rushed to the bathroom to change.

Feeling refreshed with the new set of dry fabric, I came back into the room and found Rinoa's wet clothes in a heap near the door. I lifted an eyebrow in curiosity and wondered if the clothes were present, then Rinoa was…

I turned immediately towards my bed and found Rinoa in one of my shirts and my boxers, sitting on my bed.

"… why are you wearing my clothes?" I questioned simply.

"Want me to sleep in your bed with wet clothes?" she asked through a barely muffled yawn.

She was sleeping here?

"Why can't I sleep here?" she asked, sounding offended. How did she do that?

"What? I didn't say anything," I defended stupidly.

"But it was written all over your face." I gave her a disgruntled look.

"Well, why don't you want to go back to your room?" I asked, moving towards the window.

"You always spend the night in my room, so why can't I stay here?" she asked. She had a point. I did do that a lot.

I shut the blinds.

"But my bed is half the size of yours," I reminded. She looked behind her and observed the pathetic size of my twin bed.

She looked back to me, then rolled onto the bed and dug her way into warmth of the sheets.

"Deal with it," she mumbled from my pillow. She had pushed herself against the wall in an effort to make room for me but no amount of configuration could make it comfortable with two people crammed into it.

I stared after the pathetic excuse for a vacant spot she had left me and contemplated on whether or not to find a different sleeping location. The floor? No. Pass out on my desk? No. This was my room and I would sleep wherever the fuck I wanted, and I wanted to sleep in my bed.

I pulled the covers out and slid beneath them, attempting to carefully avoid any contact with Rinoa. I finally settled in and felt Rinoa turn her body to face me. I did the same.

"See?" she whispered, as if the bed space was a holy land where loud voices were considered inappropriate. "It's not so bad with two."

"Not so bad for you. I run the risk of falling out at any given moment," I commented.

"Yeah, because you're trying to put a mile of space between us," she laughed, noting the distance I was making between our bodies. "Here, I'll turn away from you, how about that?" With that she rolled over to face the wall.

I swallowed thickly for reasons unexplained. I felt embarrassed at that moment. I felt like a teenage boy, afraid of opposite sex contact. It was like memories of puberty all over again, where the only thing I wanted to do was kiss girls, but the only thing my body could do was keep away. That bizarre push and pull. And the fear of an unknown body landscape that lay before me, tempting me to touch and explore it.

But I wasn't some terrified boy anymore and I moved closer, but the teenage boy within me kicked my heart into high speed. The heat from her body began to burn me and the smell of her hair on my pillow wafted to me and wrapped themselves around my senses.

"See? I don't bite," she chuckled through her tired voice. She shifted again, pushing away from the wall and into me.

At this point I didn't know where to place my hands. It was either placing them on top of her, or resting them awkwardly against my side. But instead of figuring out the answer, my body just turned itself around and I found myself facing the interior of my room, our backs now touching.

"It feels weird to have someone sharing my bed again," I commented quietly.

"I love sharing my bed. Makes me feel a little less lonely," she replied through a deep yawn.

"I hated it. This bed is so obviously designed for one," I noted, shifting uncomfortably again.

"Jeez, just relax," she said as I felt her arm lay across mine. It froze me for a second. Despite all the surprising amount of physical contact we had had that night, it just felt so much more sacred here. I wanted to turn into her and relax into the embrace. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and just lull myself to sleep. It was all so nostalgic. These feelings and limbs tangled together were like a shadow that cast itself upon this bed.

But despite the nostalgia and any desire I may have had, I remained turned away from her, defiantly refusing my mind and my heart. I was a stubborn baby that needed to grow up. She had already grown up and matured so effortlessly it seemed, and at such a younger age.

"This doesn't bother you?" I asked quietly, half hoping she wouldn't be able to make out what I just uttered.

"Hm?" She mumbled through a sleepy haze.

I remained quiet for a moment; afraid she would ask after my comment. Silence met my ears.

"Nothing," I finally said. No response.

I wanted to remove myself from this situation. The feelings that were bubbling up were almost too much. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and fuck her. I wanted to do everything to her. But I didn't want her. I just wanted the touch, the sensation. I wanted to feel the things I had felt so long ago with Quistis.

Desire soon over took logic and I turned into her body. I pushed my body close to hers which caused the weak wrap her arm had around my body to fit a little more snuggly. A fingertip gently alighted upon a portion of my lower back and I shuddered. I put an arm slowly around her back and pulled her closer to me until we were deeply pressed against each other.

I wanted nothing more than to just take her, kiss her hair, her neck, her lips and feel her body, rip off her clothes and just fuck. My heart picked up its pace with each and every passing second I spent in this position. But then, with my arm still clutching her to me like she was in need of desperate protection, I just froze. What was I doing?

I am so fucking stupid. This wasn't Quistis. Rinoa was anything but Quistis. But I just couldn't release my arms from her. I just remained there, breathing in the sweet smells of her now salty hair and feeling her soft breath upon my neck. There was an odd kind of peace, if I could just sift through all the bullshit my mind was whirling with.

She stirred suddenly and let out a tiny moan as I felt her shift her body against mine. She snuggled deeper in to me and she tightened her grip around my body. She nuzzled her way under my chin and she let out another pleased sigh.

Maybe she was just like me. Maybe she just needed someone to hold onto. I could oblige that. I tightened my embrace around her and pushed my head into her hair, so that I could feel the delicate warmth of her skin upon my face.

My earlier thoughts of lust had given way to what felt like a strange kind of compassion. I felt like we were just gripping to each other as if we were lifeboats lost at sea. We were the only things we had in order to not drown in tumultuous waters. But I knew what I was gripping her for, I knew what I wanted to be saved from, but why was she clinging to me?

xx

I woke up uncomfortably hot. It felt like a blanket of fire was smothering me. I tried to stir and kick off whatever was making me so uncomfortable but found that something was gently pinning me into place. I opened my eyes and found myself staring into pale flesh. I stared after it for a moment and watched it gently quiver with the steady rhythm of inhale and exhale. The soft sounds of breathing filtered through my ears as I felt hot breath upon the top of my head.

"Squall?" I mumbled into his neck quietly. My breath hit a sensitive area and he stirred gently, as if tickled by it. With the sudden movement I became aware of the arms around my body that held me in place. I smiled. This felt… good. Even though I was overheating, I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to stay like this. I wasn't tired anymore. But I didn't want to get out of bed. It wasn't even night any longer; the light seeping into the room was proof enough of that. But I just didn't want to face any other world except the one that was right here.

I knew I couldn't go back to sleep, but I pulled myself in closer to his body anyway. I buried my head under his chin and into his neck, letting my nose tuck itself between him and the pillow beneath us. His smell filled my world and as I continued to breath in his musky scent, drowsiness came creeping back into my senses. It felt like some kind of medicine.

He must have begun to feel uncomfortable by my new position because he pulled his neck away from me. He instead lowered his head into mine so that the bridge of his nose rested snugly into my forehead. I smiled at the odd positioning.

His lips became the only thing worth viewing in my line of sight at that moment and I stared after them for a while. They were rather average lips I thought decisively after gazing upon them for what felt like a small eternity. Not too big, not too small but just right; like some kind of new age version of Little Red Riding Hood.

I faded in and out of sleep for what felt like an hour or two until I finally came to the conclusion that it was time to become a productive member of society. The light streaming in from the world outside continued to brighten and crawl across the floor and move its way up to the walls.

"Squall," I whispered, too afraid to strengthen my voice. "Squall." He stirred slightly.

"Time to get up," I whispered again. To this he pulled his hands from me and turned away, his back now facing me. "Get up," I said, my voice gaining some power. He mumbled his disagreement to my words.

I stared after his back for a moment or two. I wasn't getting him up any time soon. I soon realized this so I just gave up. I fumbled over his sleeping form in an attempt to leave the comfort of his bed but my attempts planted hands and elbows into his chest and abdomen. He let out great hoofs and heaves, though remained soundly asleep. I fell from the bed rather ungracefully not unlike a baby giraffe.

I became conscious again of the clothes I had picked from his wardrobe last night. They were much too big on me and I definitely couldn't go out in these. I picked up my clothes I had so carelessly tossed into the corner near the door, but the moment my hand gripped them I flung them away from me. They were still wet and now surely they were in the beginning stages of molding.

"Oh sick," I mumbled to myself as I poked a toe into the glob of wet.

I looked around for a bag to dump them in, but there were none to be found. Within the few cabinets the dorms provided, there was nothing but silent emptiness. Not only were there no trash bags, but there didn't seem to be much of, well, anything in this place. I took a look around his room with sleep rested eyes and took it all in, or what little there was to take in. It was barren. There was nothing on the walls. Nothing on the desk, save for a few well kept file folders. The floor was clean from any kind of trash or laundry. I peered into the bathroom and found more of the same clean tidiness. But it was so much more than clean. This was… sad. The room reeked of indifference and boredom. It was oppressive. The white, barren walls felt like they were closing in on the environment, crushing the inhabitants with their emptiness. Even the little joy the hefty amount of sunlight provided was quickly squashed by the sad, sterile air the room was awash with.

But, this was Squall. I just wished this room could have been so much more than it was at that moment.

"God, Squall… what the fuck," I mumbled under my breath. I looked down to my still wet clothes and sighed. "Sorry, dude. Going to have borrow this for a little while longer," I muttered once more.

I took one last look at his sleeping form, to see if he might have woken up during my spelunking of every nook and cranny of his room, but he remained fast asleep. I opened the door and took my leave.

xx

A shower felt mentally cleansing. I just stood there for what felt like hours, letting the water crash into the back of my head and make its way down the whole of my body. Sand and dirt washed from my feet and hair, making the draining water murky and rather unsightly.

I thought about Squall. I couldn't help it. It was really all I could think about. The way he took my hand at the beach, leading me so delicately into the sands below from the slippery rocks. The image of him as a knight that I had thought upon before danced behind my closed eyelids. I had thought him a gallant, wounded warrior but I knew he wasn't. He was just a poor, crushed man hiding behind the mask of knight hood. I thought that wearing scars was a sign of manhood; a sign of life experiences and credit to his heroism. But he was no hero and he was no knight. He was just a man, crushed by the heel of love's cruelty.

My thoughts shifted to Quistis… Him and Quistis. He was so deeply scarred by all of it. Love had murdered the man and now Quistis stood victorious. I pitied him and felt for him. All he wanted to do was stand up again. Lord knows he was trying. But something was pinning him down and holding him in place.

I didn't understand. I couldn't understand. And how could I? At that time I thought I had known all there was in life and love. I thought I was some super genius, well-lived 16-year-old girl. After all, I was the one helping him, an older man. It made me feel like I was brimming with experience and I took great pleasure in showing it all off. It may have even fooled him into thinking me mature. But the truth was… I had never been in love, nothing even remotely close to it. I was speaking without the experience backing me. What Squall had said at the beach that day was right; I was only 16. Those outbursts of mine that I thought seemed so eloquent were just pretty flourishes I jumbled together awkwardly in a fit of excitement. "Love is a big fucking joke meant to make us look like jackasses"? What garbage, though it sounded nice in the heat of the moment. When it came to love, who was I to talk? I had no right to be chastising him over something I wasn't even related to nor had I the wisdom to correct any of the issues at hand. Of course, these thoughts are all hindsight with 20x20 vision. At the time I thought I knew it all so well. I thought I could help him. I thought I could change it all for him. But I wasn't able to do anything. I was so stupid. I was a typical 16-year-old idiot.

But, my 16-year-old self held fast to the naïve notion that I could do something for him. I felt more determined now than ever before. Determined to do what exactly, I wasn't too sure; Just something, anything. If I could go back in time, I'd smack myself.

Thoughts of Squall bounced around my mind as I made my way to the dining hall. I hadn't eaten in hours and my stomach was voicing its irritation through embarrassingly loud growls and gurgles.

My head was mostly aimed down as I tracked my feet as they continued down the corridors, memory guiding my body.

Maybe I should go and get Squall so we can eat together? I pondered the thought for a moment and suddenly an image of a stark naked Squall shot across my mind. I couldn't stifle the giggle that escaped. Squall…

But before I could think much further on the subject I slammed into somebody.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't even lo-" but I stopped my apology as I looked up.

Seifer.

Fuuuuuuck, was the only word that my mind could piece together. I was about to get a whole lot of shit from this kid. He had totally seen me and Zell last night.

"Hey Rinoa," he began, seeming awkward himself.

"Hey…" Three words in and this was already getting uncomfortable.

"I was, um," he stammered a bit. "I was actually just coming to see you."

Not too surprising. Play it cool.

"Really!" I practically yelled, overplaying my cool. "Well, that's funny because I was just going to get food!" I laughed. Why was that funny? He was made visibly awkward by whatever the hell was gurgling from that hole in my face.

"Hmm," he tried his best to gloss over whatever I just said. "I actually had kind of a weird question for you."

Here it comes. "I love weird questions! Lay 'em on me." I laughed again. Rinoa, stop. Just stop.

"Uh-huh. We're you out in Balamb last night near that bar on 6th street?" There it was.

"What? No! No no no… no. I wouldn't be caught dead there. 6th street… psh. I don't even… there's a 6th street?" I rambled like a moron. Lying under pressure was never a strong suit of mine.

"Really? I'm almost sure I saw you there."

"Nope. In all night. The whoooole night. I had… cramps." Yikes. That was the best I could come up with?

His face read disgusted.

"Okay. Well, never mind then. Just thought I saw you there," he mumbled and moved to make his leave. "Bye then."

"Bye!" I said with a little too much relief. I waved a goodbye, smiled a toothy grin and scuttled away.

God dammit. He had seen us. It would only be a matter of time before he questioned Zell and I don't think Zell would have the balls or the quick wit to get out of that inquisition like I did. He would probably blab and blab. I had to get to Zell before Seifer could. I rerouted and made a quick dash to his dorm.

I pounded on the door furiously, looking every which way to make sure Seifer was no where in sight. No answer. I pounded harder. Wake your fucking hungover ass up now, Zell!

Through a third or fourth ear splitting knocking session, the door finally opened revealing a disheveled, awful looking Zell.

"If this isn't an emergency I'm literally going to hurt you," he mumbled.

"Well I'm in luck then I guess because this IS an emergency." I pushed my way past him. I waited 'till he closed the door to continue. "Seifer saw us last night."

"Oh shit." His look quickly changed from hungover to alert in the fraction of a second. "How do you know?"

"I just had a reeeaaally uncomfortable run in with him in the hallway. I managed to weird him out enough to believe I wasn't there last night," I said as if that was part of my plan all along. "But I can almost guarantee he'll come after you, if he saw you that is… I don't know, though."

"Oh man! Dude, I'm too hungover for this shit," he whined as he sat himself down on his bed.

"Look, if you run into him or whatever, you didn't go last night. You were helping me with my… cramps." He looked grossed out as well and threw me a curious look. "It was the only lie I could think of…"

"Right. Got it. Your cramps…" he said, trying to digest the lie. "Should we warn Selphie?" He asked.

I pondered for a moment. "I don't want to drag her into this, too. And plus she's a blabbermouth. Love the girl, but she talks. The less she knows the better. I'd feel safer knowing that it's just us who know about this."

He nodded his agreement.

After a moment of deep silence as I reflected on the situation Zell interjected.

"I'm gonna throw up."

"I'm gonna go," I stated and left in a hurry.

Shortly after, I decided to take a well deserved break; well, a break from Garden anyway. I quickly changed out of my uniform and made my way into town via public transport.

Being in civilian clothes with a purse was more refreshing than I had expected. I felt like I could relax in my skirt and top, as opposed to the frigid, itchy uniforms I put on my body everyday. And a day outside of Garden with not even one Garden connection? Like a dream.

I took complete advantage of this rare moment of peace from the school and decided to just wander around town. I grabbed a coffee, sat in the park for a bit, sat at the pier for a while and watched the waves. Wandered here and there around town at a pace most snails would probably consider slow.

I took a turn down a shopping alley to do some window-shopping, window only though. Money handling was… not one of my strong points.

The alleyway was rather lively for an odd week day afternoon and a surprising number of street vendors had set up their stalls. As I slowly meandered past each one, they would call to me and compliment my fair skin and how their jewelry or whatever would look fabulous on me. The compliments were appreciated, but my smile would have to be enough thanks because my wallet wasn't going to yield anything.

I continued my perusal of wears, only mildly interested in the things that lay before me.

A vendor called out to me.

"Oh miss," a man called. I glanced over to the sound and a middle-aged man stood behind a table of glistening silver jewelry. "I think you would look even more stunningly beautiful today with some well placed accessories," he cried, making motions towards the items before him.

The cry did not vary greatly from his neighboring competitors' hollers and yelps, but it intrigued me nonetheless.

"I don't know," I commented. "I'm not a jewelry kind of girl I think," I said as I moved towards his table. "It's really just this chain," I said, pulling on the simple chain around my neck. "Maybe the occasional ring or bracelet or something, though."

"Well, maybe this will be your lucky day. Maybe at this very table you will find the one item you can no longer take off your body once you put it on," he said.

"Well, that's kinda creepy," I said frankly, avoiding eye contact with the man. I looked down to the items before me and the first thing that caught my eye literally took my breath away. I let out an audible gasp and nearly dropped the coffee cup in my hand.

"I told you," the man said, a wide smile on his lips.

I couldn't help but smile at the amazing fortune of it all.

"Holy fucking shit," I mumbled beneath my breath as I took the silver chain into my hands. It was Squall's ring. It was the lion. "Holy shit," I said once more, this time much louder. The vendor appeared uncomfortable at my sudden excitement.

"That's awfully manly for a beautiful young thing like you," he noted. I largely ignored the comment. I continued to gaze into the engraved beast that rested in my palm. I moved my hand gently, allowing the lion to play with the sunlight and my own reflection. It was the exact same design that decorated the ring Squall seemed to cherish so dearly. I don't know how long I was mesmerized by the sheer coincidence and fate of it all, but it must have been a while as a soft cough from the vendor brought me back to reality.

"For you ma'am, I'll give you a special deal on this one," he said with a small smile. "You appear to be very enchanted with this piece so I'll mark it down to half price."

"Oh no, I'm not going to buy it. This is just the same creature that's on my friend's ring. I was just shocked, really," I said with a laugh, still admiring the sheer coincidence of it all.

"25 gil," he said rather definitively. 25 gil! He'd be practically giving it away for that much money.

"Are you serious!" I practically screamed. "Do you make a profit off of that?"

He shrugged. "It's been sitting here for months, rather unloved. Maybe you could give it to your friend?" he offered.

"25 gil? Really?" I asked, once more just to confirm that fate was really spinning a web so convenient. He nodded and I instantly whipped out 25 gil. I may have been broke, but a deal that good does not come along too often, if at all.

He thanked me and tried to offer me more necklaces, taking advantage of my patronage but I quickly turned on my heels and made my way out, afraid I would make another ill-advised purchase.

I gave the necklace another once over and I smiled. What kind of coincidence is this? Squall would have a heart attack when I gave this to him. Well, maybe not a heart attack, but I would hope that he would at least appreciate the gesture.

xx

The whole next day I couldn't help but smile. It felt so great to have Rinoa around. I didn't know why that fact was so hard to admit to myself, but the smile that forced its way onto my lips made me at least acknowledge the fact. To be honest I hadn't felt this way since I had met Quistis so long ago. But Rinoa was, obviously, a far cry different than her. Sweet, undemanding but stubbornly unyielding at times.

I was disappointed when I woke up that day and found my tiny bed with one less body. I wanted to keep holding her. I wanted to be with her, more than I could actually admit to myself. So, my 19-year-old self repressed it. But I knew, the smile on my face was proof enough of that.

I stretched and gave a yawn and my body craved sweet, sweet nicotine. I hadn't a smoke in 24 hours. A cigarette was needed.

I didn't want to make the long trek to the area outside of Garden, so I opted for the much closer training ground's spot.

I pushed my way through the rather thick foliage and into the light of day. The moment I exited I popped the cigarette into my eagerly awaiting mouth and lit it. Sweet, sweet nicotine. I raised my head to the sun's warmth and exhaled, feeling calm.

"Still smoking?" a rather deep voice called to me. I choked on the smoke that still lingered in my lungs. My eyes shot open to reveal Seifer, leaning against the railing with a knowing smile. I coughed for a solid minute and he continued to wait patiently.

"Jesus fuck," I managed to wheeze out. I finally caught my breath and shot him a glare.

"Scare yah?" he asked, still smiling. I didn't respond. I sighed, making sure I could breath once more. I brought the cigarette up to my mouth once more and proceeded to smoke.

"I thought you'd come out here eventually," Seifer said after a brief silence. I didn't want to deal with this right now. I kept silent, holding his gaze the whole time.

"Fine, you won't talk?" he asked, the smile fading. "Then I'll just say it."

"You know, I'd really rather you didn't," I shot. As requested, he remained silent and we just stared at one another. I was irritated, but I couldn't tell what he was feeling at that moment. His expression held a mix of emotions I couldn't quite place.

"Quistis got fired," he said plainly.

"Fired?" To this news I was actually surprised and… concerned.

"Fired," he repeated.

"What for?" I asked, forgetting about the tobacco resting between my fingers.

"Don't be stupid. You know what for."

"Who told?" Concern filled me and my body began to feel stiff and heavy. I was going to be kicked out of Garden.

"Not too sure," he said, sounding equally concerned. "Our names apparently didn't come up though." Relief flooded my body and I felt like I had a new lease on life. I let out a very audible sigh but quickly smothered it with the soothing taste of cigarette smoke.

"But I have an idea who might have said something…" Seifer began, rather ominously. The relief I had relished in moments ago vanished and the smoke that lingered in my body lost its soothing powers.

I looked to him, waiting for more.

"Rinoa knows more than she needs to know." My mouth dropped and my eyes widened in terror. How did he know Rinoa knew?

"That stupid look on your face tells me you know this already," he said with a spiteful laugh. "Well, do you?" He asked, turning towards me in a sudden spike of anger.

"Yeah… of course."

"You should have shut her up," he mumbled in disgust as he turned away from me to lean over the railing.

"There's no proof she said anything. And she would never do that," I said, tossing my cigarette to the ground. That sweet, sweet tobacco was now a lost cause with this nasty conversation brewing.

"She's the only one who knows…. And some other dumb little shit I couldn't see." Seifer said between gritted teeth. He kicked the railing in one quick snap of his foot.

"Well what if it was that "other dumb little shit". And why so quick to throw Rinoa under the bus?"

"Because she actually has a motive to do it," Seifer replied. Motive?

"What are you babbling about? This isn't some conspiracy shit, Seifer. Rinoa wouldn't say anything that would fire a staff member. She's not that kind of person." I was getting angry now. What were these acquisitions? Completely unfounded.

"She and that other little fuck saw me and Quistis together the other night, you idiot," he said, as if I should have already known.

"So she says," I mumbled, irritated to be hearing this from the source. To this Seifer's interest seemed piqued. "But that doesn't mean she would have any reason to say anything at all. She's not that kind of person." I was getting angry.

He skipped over my remark. "So she told you?" He paused for a moment and thought. "How much does our little black haired beauty know?" His tone was sickening as he tried to reason out this situation we had all dragged ourselves into. He narrowed his eyes towards me.…. My secret was out.

"You told Rinoa about you and Quistis?" Seifer asked in such disbelief and anger it even took me back.

"So what if I did? I trust her not to say anything. She's not the kind of person to go on rambling off to whom ever," I defended.

"God fucking dammit, Squall. Of course she is the one who told! She's the only one in the whole of all god damn Garden who knows!"

"She would never fucking tell!" I yelled. Before I knew it we were in arms reach of one another.

"Then who? Who? Do you think Quistis would willing turn herself in and then LIE about getting fired!"

"Well, I really wouldn't put it past her. She's just enough of a bitch to do it." The instant the words left my mouth Seifer shoved his hands into my chest, pushing me back a good distance. Anger began to smolder within me. He was leading this into a fight.

"Don't fucking touch me Seifer," I said through clenched teeth.

"Fuck you," he said simply with a small shake of his head.

I took a breath and found the calm I needed in order to continue this without painting our bodies red.

"I'm sure Quistis didn't rat herself out. She wouldn't do that. She's not a complete idiot," I conceded. "But I can't believe it's Rinoa who said anything."

"Don't be such a fucking moron," he spat. "She or that other cunt are the only ones who could have blabbed. And I'd bet good money it was Rinoa."

"Why are you so hell bent on hunting down Rinoa? She has done NOTHING wrong!" I was getting angry. He needed to leave Rinoa out of this.

"I scare the SHIT out of everyone in Garden! Who would really say anything? And Quistis is the most popular teacher in Garden. She has her own fan club for fuck's sake! No one would rat her out unless they had a reason to."

"Reason? What reason would Rinoa have to say anything? What has Quistis done to Rinoa?" I shot back.

"I was with her! Rinoa saw _me_ hooking up with _Quistis_. She's fucking jealous of Quistis!" he explained like it was all so obvious. I wanted to laugh in his face.

"… are you fucking serious?" I asked.

"Oh, don't mess with me, asshole," Seifer mumbled, fists clenched. The anger within me flared.

"Rinoa doesn't give a flying FUCK about you or Quistis," I yelled. "You're just another piece of fucking trash to her and Quistis is dirty, rotting road kill on the side of the road!"

The words left my mouth but a fist came flying towards it. I dodged, but only narrowly.

"You little fuck. I will fucking kill you and that dumb cunt," Seifer screamed.

"Don't you fucking dare touch Rinoa," I seethed.

"Oh ho ho, playing Mr. Knight, are we?" Seifer mocked as he stepped towards me, eyes glistening with rage.

"I swear to God, Seifer. One step closer and I will rip you apart," I warned.

He stopped momentarily, as if trying to fish out the nastiest thing he could bring against me.

"Thinking about it, Quistis is the much better fuck," Seifer mocked. That was it. Before he could fully display that nasty smirk of his on his lips, my fist connected into his head.

Here it was all over again.

xx

I sat at my desk running my fore fingers along the edges of the roaring lion for what felt like hours, marveling at the sheer coincidence of it all. The shine that reflected off of the beautifully crafted object seemed to sparkle with the magic of fate. Maybe this wasn't coincidence. Maybe it was some sort of bizarre cosmic sign. I had never seen a creature like Squall's ring before, and to find it here in necklace form was truly astounding.

Sure, the chain was a little gaudy, but it was the pendant that counted. The chain was easily interchangeable with something far more tasteful.

I slipped the heavy item over my head and let it hang from my neck where it wrested uncomfortably in my cleavage. The edges were a little on the sharp side. I made a mental note to not hug Squall when he was wearing it.

Despite the awkward placement, I let the necklace hang around my neck. I fondled it absentmindedly as my mind drifted from thought to thought, deftly avoiding the homework that lay before me.

A shrill shriek from my dorm phone shocked me from my minor daydreams. My fingers released the pendant instantly and my hand instinctively reached for the phone at light speed so as to immediately silence the banshee scream that was currently resounding throughout the room.

"Hel-" I couldn't even deliver a greeting before a hysterical voice cut me off.

"Rinoa!" The voice was filled with an eerie sense of distraught. It was frightening and my senses immediately tensed, bracing for unfortunate news.

"Yes?" I answered, concern growing.

"Rinoa! It's Selphie," she said through sniffles and choked words.

"Oh my God, Selphie. What's wrong? Are you hurt?" I questioned instinctively, my heart beginning to beat at a thousand miles per hour.

"Ugh, I'm fine!" She sounded irritated at my questioning. I gave a great sigh, relieved to hear that.

"Oh, goo-" but before my relief could reach her ears, her cries continued.

"Rin, I fucked up. I SERIOUSLY fucked up," she said through choked tears. I remained quiet, afraid of what she was about to say though I truthfully hadn't the foggiest of clues.

"… What? What happened?" I asked cautiously.

"Seifer knows we were out last night. He knows you and Zell saw him and Quistis!" She blurted it all out in an effort to avoid choking on her sobs.

"Seriously?" was the only word my shocked senses could produce at that moment.

"I'm so sorry," Selphie said betwixt her tears and sniffles.

"Selph, it's all right. It's nothing to cry about," I said with a tiny laugh. It was a serious issue, to be sure but it was nothing to be this hysterical over.

"No," she said with a great sense of finality. "You don't understand."

"… Understand what?" I asked, panic beginning to boil up through my body once more.

Her tears seemed to clear instantly in order to get these words across. "Squall and Seifer are fighting in the woods again." My throat sealed and my breath stifled for a moment as my mind's panic sent my body into a convulsive shock. I stood in a flash, knocking my chair back and to the ground. Fighting didn't just meaning hurting each other… it meant killing each other.

"What?" I said through short breaths.

"They're off fighting," she said through a whimper.

I remained standing, not knowing what to do next. A thousand thoughts and ideas came flooding at a thousand miles per hour. I couldn't grasp anything even remotely resembling coherency. It was all gibberish garbage swirling in my brain. There was something about stopping them, something about calling an instructor, something about getting Selphie and Zell. I had no idea; it was all just a bunch of vague, ambiguous clumps of words and concepts that continued to relentlessly bash every sense I had until it all felt numb.

"Rinoa?" Selphie asked, worried. My silence must have been quite long.

"I, Um," I swallowed stupidly, panic blocking the vocalization of any real words.

I thought about the consequences and why they were even fighting. It was about Quistis, it must have been. There would be no other reason. Did she really mean that much? She meant that much where hurting and maiming each other was justifiable? Who was Quistis? Why did she bring Squall to this point every time? Why did she bring him to bloody fights, irreversible scars, and a heart so broken and bruised it could barely handle the company of another? She brought two men to the tips of sharpened blades, and they accepted the fight that had been offered. They would kill each other, and I couldn't understand why.

Squall would lose this fight. But this time he probably wouldn't end up with just a scar. He would be far unluckier.

My legs sprang to action. I hurled the phone towards the general direction of the receiver, caring little if it had made the desired target or not. I dashed off from my room as I heard traces of Selphie's voice echoing through the phone asking for me, and then calling for me. I didn't have time to explain, though I knew she would probably assume where I was heading anyway.

I reached the plains and had only a vague idea of where I was going, but that was enough. I couldn't stop running. I prayed the fight hadn't advanced too far and that I could make it in time. In time to do what, I had no idea. I didn't know if I could stop them or not; I wasn't strong enough to pull them apart and interfering would end up with either him or me hurt. I didn't want this fight to end like the last one. I didn't want to be the one who picked up the remains of Squall. I wanted to be the one who pulled him away in one piece, rather than several.

I arrived at the same woods as last time. I entered and slowed my pace to a crawl in order to catch my breath. The noises of soft jeering mixed with the occasional fearsome clang of metal seemed to be resonating from all angles and directions. The sound wasn't guiding me to them; it was making me more lost. I cursed as I tossed my head every which way, hoping for a glimpse of some kind of sign.

"Rinoa!" a voice cried. I shot my glance to the direction of the voice and found a panicked and rushed Zell. He took a quick look at me and understood. He came, snatched my hand and began to drag me to where I needed to be.

I could barely breathe but I needed to know. "What's happened?" I managed to get out. But I was met with silence, which struck more fear within me than knowing the truth.

We came upon the grouping of people, this time much smaller than the last. But the air of excitement and wonder from the first fight was gone. In its place was a tense, grim and oppressive tone that was mirrored in all of the onlookers' faces. They appeared uncomfortable; they didn't want to be there.

Through the gaps of the students I could see flashes of black, beaming silver light and grey. My panic couldn't contain itself anymore and I ripped my hand from Zell. I made a mad dash to the grouping and punched my way between two people.

Before I could even glimpse the scene unfolding before me, I yelled. "Squall!" But nothing had changed and neither had stopped. Students seemed relieved someone had tried to say something, as if now they couldn't feel guilty about not trying before.

I took in the moment now. Squall was bleeding profusely from his head and upper arm. He was weak and tired from fighting that much was obvious. Seifer seemed to be in no better state. An incredible gash betwixt his eyes ceaselessly oozed red as he desperately continued to ring out his strength in order to win. Both looked beaten. Both had already lost. It was just a matter of time before one bled to death.

The site froze me and I was at a loss for what to do. I could only tremble and look like a fragile idiot. Zell immediately appeared next to me. He appeared far less shocked than me and dawned a rather ill-at-ease expression like the other students around us.

I wanted to scream for them to stop but "Zell," was the only thing I could mumble. The word shook Zell from his state. He knew what he had to do and pounced on the nearby Squall, in order to cease him from moving. The weakened man couldn't protest too heavily. His wounds were too much and his exhaustion weighed too heavy. He collapsed to the ground like a rag doll and landed on his knees.

Seifer, noting the pause, let his pointed blade drop carelessly into the dirt. He stumbled, attempting to keep balance with a hand placed on the blade's hilt. His head wavered back and forth, as if confused on where he was and what he was doing. He dabbed almost absent-mindedly at the blood that still continued to leak out of his face. His shirt and pants were now stained with that very same red. How long had they been at this?

Squall remained on his knees with head slumped down. Blood slowly dripped from the tips of his hair and onto his shoulders and ground. He, too was stained in blood.

Zell attempted to lift Squall. "Come on buddy," Zell said in a calm, quiet voice. "It's over."

He managed to lift Squall up. But the moment Squall gained an even remote sense of balance, he hurled Zell from him. Zell smashed into the ground with a shocking amount of force. Squall didn't have the energy to stand, but he had the energy to continue this fight. I couldn't find the logic and it terrified me.

But the energy quickly faded from him. He lifted his blade up, pointing it to Seifer but the weight of the blade was too much. Squall was pulled forward and he stumbled. He dropped the blade into the dirt and leaned against it. The two fighters remained motionless now. It was no great calm before the storm, nor was it the eye of it. We had reached the end of the great tempest and were left with its damages.

The world seemed to pause for a moment, allowing the two to rest from what had just occurred, and granted them time to understand what had just unfolded. It was the moment where life allowed them to realize that they had both lost. It wasn't a tie. They had both suffered defeat. The onlookers knew this as well. This wasn't some exciting conclusion; it was just a disaster. The fighters weren't warriors; they were just pitiable men. The looks from the audience were ones of compassion and condolence. They understood that this wasn't some brilliant clash of skills but two battered and bruised people nigh dead for no reason. It was like a train wreck. We were left only with wounded innocents.

I slowly approached Squall. "Squall," I said in a hushed voice. To this he managed to lift his head slightly and shifted his eyes toward me. Through the blood soaked clumps of hair I saw him pierce my gaze. His eyes still blazed with the fire of fight, but his face and body gave other signals. He continued to look upon with me those same fearsome eyes and all I could do was look back. Before I knew it my eyes began to water.

"Squall," I said again, desperately keeping my tears at bay. His eyes began to change and exhaustion seeped into them. He gave a slow blink and he looked down, away from me. "Let's go home." I knelt by him and placed a hand atop the hand that gripped the handle of the gunblade.

He mumbled something unintelligible as blood dribbled from his open mouth. I didn't ask after it. "Let's go home," I said again, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I attempted to stand but he was too weak to even do that.

"I'm…" he trailed off as more blood leaked from his mouth. He coughed weakly and sputtered, lacking the energy to even produce a full cough.

"Zell, help me," I said, trying to remain calm. Zell immediately came to my aid and wrapped Squall's other arm around his shoulders. Together we lifted but before we could get very far Squall let out an agonized cry. We immediately set him back down, afraid of doing anymore harm. Zell quickly realized the problem.

"His arm here is too badly banged up. There is no way he is going to be able to do this," Zell explained, sounding desperate. I could tell he was panicking and I was, too.

"Carry him on your back," I instructed. Zell seemed hesitant, but he knew it was the only way.

"… Right," he consented.

As Zell knelt before Squall, ready to delicately lift him, Squall's eyes shifted towards me. He stared at me blankly through half opened eyes. I could only look back, showing him my concern for his well-being.

He moved his mouth to speak, and I moved closer to him.

"I…" was all he could manage as once again blood drooled from his mouth.

"Shh," I said quietly. "We'll get you back to Garden soon. Don't try and talk."

"I'm…" he attempted once more, more blood spilling.

"Squall, stop," I begged.

"I'm sorry," he finally managed to sputter out. "I'm so…" but he couldn't get the rest out.

"It's okay. It's okay," I consoled in a hushed voice.

We loaded Squall onto Zell's back finally. Squall gave another look to me and softly shook his head as much as his pain would allow.

"I'm so… sorry," he said again in a raspy, exhausted voice. I just looked back at him, concerned. I felt like he wasn't going to make it back to Garden alive. Like those would be his dying words to me - "Sorry."

"Zell, let's hurry," I said. I turned back around to the crowd, still watching Seifer lean sloppily against his blade like some sort of mindless zombie.

"Bring him," I instructed simply. This seemed to shake the crowd from their gaze and brought them back to reality. A few of them immediately moved to him and let him lean against them as they helped him walk. Another picked up the blade and dragged it behind him, finding it too heavy for him to properly carry.

xx

"Who are you?" Dr. Kadowaki asked in a calm, quieted voice.

"Squall," Squall replied. His stare remained focused on the ceiling above the infirmary bed.

"I need you to look at me, Squall," she said. He made no effort to move or make any kind of motion. "Squall," she repeated. He slowly tracked his eyes over to her.

He seemed more lifeless now than before at the fight. He may have been cleaned of gruesome red but the life had yet to return to him. Bandages had been wrapped around his head, arm, wrists and fingers. He was practically white with medical tape from the waist up.

"What is your full name? You're going to need to say more than your first," Dr. Kadowaki continued.

No reply. Just blank staring.

"Squall?" she asked after an odd moment of silence.

"Squall Leonhart," he finally said.

"Thank you."

His eyes moved to mine. He held the same gaze as before; a tired indifference that bordered on rude. I could only look back at him.

"Where are you?" Dr. Kadowaki proceeded with her routine.

His eyes returned to the ceiling. "Hell" was his reply in a low voice.

I could sense Kadowaki's frustration. She was only trying to help him. I stepped in, hoping to act as a mediator.

"Squall, please," I begged. He looked to me for a moment. My eyes pleaded for him to cooperate, my concern obviously coming through my features. His face softened and looked back to me apologetically, ashamed. He surrendered to the questioning.

"Balamb Garden."

After a few more routine questions she prepped him for a CT scan. His head wound looked to be far too serious to be just any normal concussion.

I helped Squall from his position in order to move him to the adjacent room.

"Come on," I said softly as I lent a hand to him but he didn't take it. He sat up in a flash. This proved an ill-advised move though as he suddenly froze. He began to sway from side to side, unable to find balance even just sitting.

"Squall," I said, pausing him. "You have a concussion. I am going to help you walk to the next room. You cannot do it yourself. You can barely sit up," I explained with a firm tone. He nodded.

I took his upper arm and slowly guided him to stand. He teetered on his feet for a moment but finally found his footing. He suddenly sunk his head into the palm of his hand and ceased moving.

"Squall?" I asked.

After a moment he removed his hand. "I'm gonna throw up." I immediately scrambled to find a trash can and handed it to him. He snatched it from my hands and proceeded to puke up anything and everything he had consumed that day.

He finally finished and spit out the remnants that remained on his taste buds.

"Gross," he mumbled. I grabbed a paper towel and he wiped his mouth with it.

I helped him into the room where Kadowaki was waiting for us.

"Everything okay?" she asked, looking more towards me than him.

"Yeah, he just needed to throw up," I explained as I helped him lie onto the bed that she had prepared.

On the other side of the one-way mirror, Kadowaki turned to me. I knew this questioning session was inevitable but I didn't want to get into it.

"What happened?" She asked, her arms crossed across her chest.

I turned to her.

"I don't know. I heard they were fighting and I just ran to try and put an end to it." I turned back to Squall. He was slowly receding into the machine on the bed of white. "But when I got there, it was already too late."

"No. You were just in time. Any later and they might not be alive right now."

I remained silent. I don't know what she meant by "just in time". I doubt Squall felt the same way. If he had to describe the situation, he would most certainly not think of my arrival as "just in time", especially not when his scar count had doubled and his head was so bashed it gave him brain damage.

I sighed.

"Rinoa," Kadowaki began. "What's going on between you and Squall?" Well, that was certainly from out of left field.

"I'm sorry, what?" was all I could mutter.

"The whole of Garden knows you two have been close recently," she explained. What?

"What do you mean?"

"Squall is a notoriously solitary man. He doesn't interact with anyone these days and when he does it's never a positive experience for the other party." She looked to me. "People take notice when someone like him begins interacting with others, especially someone like you."

"What is that supposed to mean? "someone like me?"' I asked. I couldn't hide how offended I was at the comment, even from the Doctor. Was I some sort of loser slut or some idiot burn-out?

"You're a pretty girl," she explained with a smile. My face fell with the confusion of her explanation. Was I supposed to be… happy to hear that? Or, what?

"Rinoa, you can tell me what's going on. Are you two…" She hesitated on the next words she was about to utter. She wasn't seeking for the correct words because she already knew them. But something bit the woman's tongue back, and hoped for me to jump in. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. I just stared back, waiting for the word.

"… dating?" she finally finished. There it was.

"No," I said with a shake of my head. I rolled my eyes, not finding this conversation amusing at all. Squall was getting a fucking CT scan because Seifer had smashed in his skull. This wasn't the time or the place to be talking about something so trivial.

Despite my own secret defamation of the woman's conduct, I had to ask. "Do people really talk about us?" The second it left my mouth I felt like a fool for continuing this ridiculous conversation.

"I exaggerate, of course. But the topic does occasionally get thrown around. Especially by the Head Master." That was terrifying.

"Why him?"

"He has a soft spot for Squall. I think he watches over him pretty closely, making sure he is doing all right. He must have noticed you, too."

"And… he thinks we're dating?" Could the head master really be such a chatty teeny-bopper? "Sorry to burst his bubble, but it's not like that." A moment of silence hung between us. Kadowaki seemed satisfied.

"But I wasn't just asking for the sheer fun of gossiping," the doctor's tone dropped. I turned to her, this time my attention more alert.

"You will be questioned about the event," she warned.

"What? Why? I was barely even there," I reminded. Why would I even be involved in their fight? And why would anyone even suspect something?

"According to reports from the students who witnessed the fight, your name was getting thrown around a lot between the two men. Garden will suspect you know something or had something to do with it."

"What do you mean "something to do with it"? I would never willingly fling two people into a savage fight with one another!" I defended, though I was pleading my case to the wrong audience. Kadowaki only shrugged.

"I know you would never willingly spur anything on and I'm sure when you're questioned the board will see that, too." She smiled and it felt like an apology for startling me with such news. Her smile dipped slightly and her eyes drifted to my chest.

"… but don't try and deny that there isn't something there," she mentioned softly, her gaze fixated. I followed her eye line and found the Lion pendant still resting against me. I had completely forgotten its presence.

I slowly took it into my palm and wrapped the cool metal in my warm fingers. I felt embarrassed at that moment. Here I was pretending to be so innocent, stupid of all my time with Squall. I thought myself so mature, demonizing Kadowaki and the staff for romanticizing my time with him. But they were right. This did appear to be more than what I thought it was… But all of their wrong impressions didn't bother me.

I unwrapped my fingers and let the proud lion sleep in my palm. I looked back to Squall who had just receded from the machine he had been previously placed in. I stayed quiet, rather embarrassed.

I gazed at the ornament still resting cool in my palm. My foolishness and naïveté allowed me to believe it was only a present. But it meant something more than just a gift. I hadn't realized it when I bought it or even eyed it.

"Take him back to his room. Make sure he is doing okay," Kadowaki instructed. Her tone was kind but held a stinging seriousness. I knew that she wasn't playing some sort of couple's match-up game with me anymore. He was a patient with a concussion. I nodded solemnly, still embarrassed at my foolishness.

I pushed the door open for him and he slowly walked in ahead of me. I followed behind by only a few paces. Our walk back together was silent as I was still sucked up into my own mind, trying to deal with my own thoughts.

Kadowaki had been right about what people had perceived between us. It was undeniable. But the unquestioning actuality of that fact made me look at another. My name had come up during their fight. What if… I was the one they were fighting about? What if it wasn't Quistis at all? The thought was farfetched but I couldn't help but be bothered by it in a big way. And the more I thought about it, the more upset I became. They were broken, battered, bruised and bloody as all hell. If that was because of me….

Squall sat down onto his bed rather ungracefully and teetered there for a minute as I watched after him. He stared ahead, vacant of emotion.

His shirt was still bloody and torn from the fight. Just seeing the amount of blood and tears on the shirt made me want to start sobbing. God… If it was my fault…

"I'll get you some fresh clothes," I said quietly as I went to his closet to dig some new, clean clothes out. He said nothing. I pulled out what appeared to be some attire suitable for bed and showed it to him, wanting his opinion. No response, just an empty stare. I noticed the blood again. There was still some in his hair that had long since dried. Oh God, if this was my doing…

"Do you need help changing?" I asked meakly.

"No," he responded quickly in the tiniest of voices. I extended the clothes to him and he snatched them away.

In an attempt to remove the shirt, he lifted his arm but that proved a bad idea. He suddenly howled in pain and instantly returned the arm to a wresting position. I wanted to cry… God, do not let this be my fault…

"Fuck," he cursed softly.

"Squall, that shirt is already done for. Let me just cut it off you," I offered.

He remained silent for a moment then finally nodded in agreement. "Okay."

I grabbed a pair of scissors and knelt before him. The smell of blood was overpowering. I swallowed thickly, trying to block the awful scent, or at least muster up enough courage to deal with it for the time being. But every time the stench wafted into my nostrils flashes of a bloody faced Squall assaulted me. That look on his face, the pathetic apology he could barely muster from his bloody mouth. It made me want to gag. But I charged forth with scissors in hand. I cut down from the collar, slowly revealing his chest that was covered in white bandages. I stopped and just stared. And stared. And stared. This was my fault.

"Rinoa?" he asked as he looked down to me. "Why are you crying?"

"Huh?" He was right. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. "Oh, I'm…" I wanted to apologize… but what was I apologizing for? Was I apologizing for my meaningless tears? Was I apologizing for having to cut his shirt apart? Was I apologizing for their fight? … Did I really have something to do with their fight? What if I was the cause of it all? What if, because of me, Squall had a concussion? Because of me he had gained more scars than he could count. Because of me…

I began to choke as the sobs began to wreck my body.

Squall gently took my hand that held the scissors into his own.

"It's okay," he said quietly. I nodded stupidly as I continued my pathetic cries. Through my tears I focused my attention back onto the task at hand and cut the rest of the way down his shirt.

I had found my breath again and the tears no longer clouded my eyes, save for the few strays that lingered.

I swallowed thickly and pushed open the shirt to his shoulders. I helped him slide as gently as possible out from the sleeves. He cursed a bit and gave a sharp inhale as I passed by every bandage.

I rose from my knelt position and stood in front of him, the task now completed. I didn't know what to say anymore. Should I just leave?

"How are you doing?" I asked in a quiet voice. What kind of moronic question was that? Of course he felt like shit.

"Shitty," he responded solemnly.

He looked up to me and for the first time in what felt like forever our eyes met. Granted it had only been probably thirty minutes if that, but this felt different. His eyes slowly removed themselves from my gaze and he transfixed himself to my chest. The necklace.

I grabbed for the silver chain and held it in my palm tightly. I knelt down on the floor, in order to gain better eye contact with him.

"It's a… um, a present," I said, sifting through my clouded thoughts. "I found it at the market place and…" Tears again. I looked down and away from Squall and his bandaged body. He made no effort to console me and made not even the slightest movement. I knew he blamed me and that he wanted me out.

"I'm sorry," I said, still avoiding his gaze. "I'm just gonna go," I mumbled stupidly and stood up in a flash, already turning towards the door.

But I was ripped to a halt. He had grabbed my hand.

"Stay," he said softly. "Don't go."

I could only look back.

"… Are you sure?" I hesitated.

He was wordless with his desire. He continued to hold my hand as we locked eyes with one another. He gave another light tug.

I took a seat on the bed next to him, our gaze never breaking. My hand still rested within his. He was so warm. I turned my hand into his and laced my fingers in with his. I don't know why I did it, but I wanted to.

"I'm sorry," he said in a hushed voice.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked, my voice quiet like his.

"I've gotten you dragged in to all of this. I've gotten you swept up in my stupidity and my past lives. I've made you worry so much about me when it hasn't been worth the time."

I couldn't offer a response to his words.

"Let's just, um," I hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words. "… let's just not worry about it. It takes too much energy," I said with a sad smile. I wanted for rest to come, not for continued word banter and self-damnation. We were already bruised up enough as it was.

"I'd like that," he mumbled in response to my suggestion. Our eyes remained locked and I felt a soft squeeze from his hand.

His eyes sparkled in the quiet light of his room. They seemed so clean, so crystalline and clear as if I could see inside him; see all the thoughts swimming around. If I could just lean close enough I could be able to read one, touch one, catch one and make it mine. Maybe I was more privileged than I thought when it came to him. I felt like I was swimming in this sacred pool he shared only with a few. He was letting me in. And I felt my heart tugging endlessly towards these opened areas. I wanted to go.

And before I knew it, he had taken me there; he had led me there, my hand in his.

His fingers brushed the hair away from my face, and I felt his course hands against my hot cheeks. His lips were so soft, so delicate and his kiss so fine and ethereal it all felt like a daydream from my childhood.

He pulled away ever so slightly, as if to let me know that my world was in fact still spinning. He gently placed his forehead against mine and his lips hovered before mine. His breath was so hot and intoxicating but slow and rhythmically steady. It was soothing.

"Why?" I asked in the tiniest of whispers, secretly wishing those small lip movements would cause another kiss.

"I wanted to," he said in an equally quiet voice.

I hadn't known it until that very moment, but I wanted to, too. His smell, bloody has it may have been, was now so much sweeter to me. His figure now seemed so much more defined than it was before. The memory of him naked at the beach now sent my head spinning when it had only previous put a smile and blush on my face. Kadowaki had been right. There was more here than what I had imagined and it seemed like everyone could see it but me. I was so stupid for not being able to view further.

I moved my lips into his again, so tender, so delicately. I just wanted to let him know he wasn't alone in his desires. I was right there with him.

I pulled away from his head and touched his hair, still slightly matted from the traces of blood. My hand ran down to his cheeks and he turned into my touch and pressed his lips against my palm. He took my hand in his own and held it against his cheek. He closed his eyes.

"You feel… so calming," he said in a small, tired voice.

Despite the blood, the puffy stinging of my tired, blood shot eyes, the torn and bloody shirt on the floor, the white bandages, the dirt beneath his finger nails, the sterile oppressiveness his room offered, I felt secure and comfortable with him.

There was no anxiousness within me. I didn't care what he was thinking about. All I wanted was to be with him at that very moment. Just to be sitting here with him, silent or not. Bloody or clean. Torn or in perfect condition. I wanted to be with Squall.

He looked up at me with eyes I had never seen before. It made my heart jump a little and my breathing drag slightly. His eyes, those pools of thought… I wanted to go diving again.

Our lips met again, at first so soft and then harder with the passion of knowing what we both wanted.

At least for this brief moment in time, we just wanted each other.


End file.
